Tigers Sniff the Rose - Chapter 137

Chapter 137

In the middle of the eighth month, Princess Danyang and Yan Shang returned to Chang'an.

The two of them each entered the palace to pay their respects and report back to the Emperor.

By this time, the preparations for the Princess’s wedding were nearly complete, making it the most discussed topic among the people of Chang'an. It was not only because the royal family had not held a wedding for a princess in a long time, but also because this particular princess had led an extraordinary life—having returned from a marriage alliance and now successfully remarrying, which left people in awe.

As Yan Shang walked through the streets and alleys, nobody in all of Chang'an mentioned the previous consort, Pei Qing, anymore. The people of Chang'an had poor memories; a consort who led to no result was not a true consort. Being a low-key person, Yan Shang felt a surge of joy upon hearing his own name and deeds frequently on the lips of the common folk, yet he desperately suppressed it, warning himself to avoid arrogance.

He dismounted at the entrance of his alley, where a servant came to take the reins. Yan Shang looked up at the residence he had not visited in three years, feeling a complex mix of emotions churning within him. When he left Chang'an back then, he had been filled with dejection; how could he have ever imagined there would be a day he would return?

His residence, located directly across from the Princess’s mansion, had still not been sold—Mu Wanyao refused to have anyone else as a neighbor.

Yan Shang pondered: After he and Yaoyao were married, he would naturally move into the Princess’s mansion with her. So, would it be better to sell this house? Why force himself to keep it and incur additional expenses?

While he stood dazed at the gate, he heard chaotic footsteps from within. With the old imperial physician’s superb medical skills and experience, his vision had recovered by eighty percent. As he looked into the courtyard upon hearing the noise, the sight of the several people rushing to meet him made his eyes widen. A thousand flavors of emotion welled up in his heart.

Striding toward him was a middle-aged man with striking features and a refined, scholarly air, leading two young men, followed by two women he had never met, wearing the hairstyles of young married women. Children followed closely, pattering along behind the adults, clutching at their parents' robes, their black eyes looking at Yan Shang with curiosity.

Yan Xiaozhou walked the slowest. Upon seeing her second brother standing dazed beneath the steps, she couldn't help but reveal a joyful smile. She called out: "Second Brother!"

With light footsteps, Yan Xiaozhou bypassed her father, brothers, and sisters-in-law. Her eyes misty, she flew toward her second brother. Among her siblings, she was closest to her second brother because when she was little, their mother was ill and their father was occupied with her care; of the two older brothers, only the second brother was attentive enough to spend all his time doting on her and playing with her.

When her second brother left home, she was only thirteen; now that he was getting married, she was eighteen.

Five years of time!

Yan Shang stretched out his arms and hugged his little sister, who had thrown herself into them. She had grown up, her brows delicate and her manner gentle and ladylike, yet the sight of her rushing into his arms with such impatience still brought him right back to their childhood.

Yan Xiaozhou’s voice choked up: "Second Brother, you’ve become so thin. Why have you become so thin?"

—Having been an official for several years, it must have been incredibly difficult for him, right?

Yan Shang gently urged her not to cry, his soft-spoken manner just as it had always been, which made Yan Xiaozhou burst into laughter through her tears and pull back from his embrace. Only then did Yan Shang step forward to look at his father, whose eyes shimmered with tears, and his elder brother and younger brother.

He hitched up his robes, about to kneel, but was grabbed by the arm by his father.

Yan’s father was middle-aged, yet far from old; he remained scholarly and refined, having been quite popular with the ladies even back in Lingnan. At this moment, however, tears welled in his eyes, bearing no resemblance to his usual self: "Er-lang, get up quickly."

Yan Shang choked up: "It is this son’s lack of filial piety that caused Father to undergo such a long journey..."

Yan’s father was even more teary-eyed than him, tears streaming down both his cheeks: "What does that matter? It is only because of your wedding that we could finally meet. I am very happy to be able to attend your wedding..."

Yan Shang suppressed his own turbulent emotions, urging his father not to cry. His father was soft-natured by birth, perhaps even a bit cowardly, and often more emotionally expressive than him. Just as he started to feel a hint of tears, his father was already crying uncontrollably. This comical scene brought Yan Shang right back to his youth, when he not only had to worry about his brothers' affairs but also had to care for and look after his father...

Yan Shang comforted his father and helped him into the mansion. He smiled at his elder brother and paid respects to his sister-in-law. The same went for the third brother. Finally, seeing the young children, he felt a twinge of regret that he had returned in such a rush and hadn't prepared any gifts.

Yan Shang helped his father back to his room first, while the two sisters-in-law stayed behind, whispering about the Yan family’s second son: "Eldest Sister-in-law, Second Brother’s temper seems very good, not at all like those other officials."

"Second Brother’s official rank seems quite high, doesn't it?"

"The residence next door must be the Princess’s mansion, right? I haven't dared to go out for the past two days for fear of running into the Princess. Being from the countryside, we might embarrass Second Brother... Sigh, Chang'an is so prosperous, and the people here are exceptionally beautiful, and their clothes are made of fabrics and styles I’ve never seen before. It’s nothing like Lingnan at all."

After receiving the imperial decree granting the marriage between their second son and the Princess of the Heavenly House, the Yan family traveled thousands of miles from Lingnan to Chang'an. Even before Yan Shang had arrived in the capital, his father and the others had already departed from Lingnan. They had been staying in Yan Shang’s residence for half a month, gazing at the Princess’s mansion next door every day with apprehension and a sense of unreality.

Yan’s father had only learned from letters at the beginning of the year that his second son had become betrothed. He had just prepared the betrothal gifts expected from the groom's side, intending to ship them to Nanyang, when he received the imperial decree stating that the woman his son was to marry was not a girl from an ordinary family, but a Princess of the Heavenly House. Thus, Yan’s father and the others changed their route halfway, abandoning the trip to Nanyang to come directly to Chang'an.

After exchanging pleasantries for a long time, Yan Shang gave his father and the others a rough explanation of his marriage. With his third brother and Yan Xiaozhou, who had arrived in Chang'an earlier, adding details, the group finally acknowledged the truth: their second son was indeed about to become a consort.

The two sisters-in-law looked at each other, feeling dazed. When they married the eldest and third brothers, they only knew that their father-in-law was a successful scholar and that the second son was an official in Chang'an. They never imagined he was this capable... actually being able to marry a Princess.

Not to mention their excitement and cowardice, Yan’s father was filled with anxiety regarding this marriage.

Yan’s father murmured: "A Princess of the Heavenly House is not easy to marry... they say one has married into the family, but is there any difference from becoming a royal son-in-law?"

Unless they were plotting treason, the Princesses of Great Wei held immense power. Traditional Confucian scholars got a headache just hearing about marrying a princess. After all, Yan’s father had spent time in Chang'an before and knew the temperaments of those princesses. Moreover, as for the Princess Yan Shang spoke of, they had met her while in Lingnan—recalling the way Mu Wanyao had looked at them all back then, as if they were beneath her notice, Yan’s father felt even more intimidated.

Yan Shang reassured them: "Father, do not worry. The Princess and I... are of one heart. I am not being forced."

Yan’s father sighed, staring at his second son’s refined, slightly reddened face. He watched for a moment and knew that his son was still very pleased with this marriage. In that case... they would have to muster their courage to show their support for him.

Yan’s father instructed Yan Shang: "In that case, once you are at the Princess’s mansion, you must be very considerate of her and serve her well. You must put in your best effort so you don't get kicked out..."

Yan Shang: "..."

He had to emphasize: "I am taking a wife, not joining a royal house as a servant."

Yan’s father waved his hand dismissively, thinking to himself that while you may dare to say you are taking a wife, I certainly wouldn't dare to let a princess bow to me or show filial piety before me.

From that moment on, Yan’s father felt a sense of helplessness, as if he had sold his second son to the imperial family... but there really was no other way—

Hearing that his father and the others had arrived in Chang'an, Yan Shang went to receive them. Meanwhile, Mu Wanyao was in the palace listening to the Emperor, but her mind was elsewhere.

This marriage was different from her previous one; she had no experience in getting along with the elders or brothers of a man’s family. Thinking back to her short stay in Lingnan, where she had been haughty and had tormented the Yan family, she feared that Yan’s father and the others must have a poor impression of her...

Mu Wanyao thought to herself: What does it matter? Surely they wouldn't dare refuse me entry into their family, would they?

"Yaoyao," the Emperor sighed with a smile, "Yaoyao, why are you distracted again?"

Mu Wanyao collected herself, putting on the demeanor of a young daughter, and gave her father an embarrassed smile. The Emperor sighed: "I was asking about the matter of the southern troops entering Chang'an through the influence of the aristocratic families. Have you and your uncle's family come to an agreement?"

Mu Wanyao responded: "Yes, Father, rest assured. The Li family is currently dependent on me, so this matter will not go wrong."

The Emperor nodded. As he was about to say more, seeing his daughter’s eyes drifting toward the window in distraction, he couldn't help but laugh. The Emperor said: "Fine, it seems your heart is not here today. Yan Suchen’s family has arrived in Chang'an, hasn't it? If you want to see them, then go."

Mu Wanyao played the part of the well-behaved daughter before the Emperor. She said bashfully: "You make me feel embarrassed, Father."

Seeing her happy, the Emperor felt his own mood lighten. Originally, everything was part of his political maneuvering, and even his children’s marriages were calculated by him. However, seeing how much Mu Wanyao loved this marriage, he felt as though he had truly done a good deed.

He smiled: "It is well that you like Yan Shang. Just remember that you are the sovereign and he is the subject. If there is anything untoward, come directly to me, and I will make the decision for you."

Mu Wanyao knew the Emperor’s warning was to ensure she and Yan Shang kept each other in check, but the fact that she could rely on her father for everything still moved her. Her father was the sovereign of all under heaven, his heart not focused on their small family; he was not a doting father attached to his children, making his occasional displays of genuine affection all the more precious.

Mu Wanyao rested on the Emperor’s knees, whispering: "Rest assured, Father, this marriage will surely be very good."

The Emperor felt a dull ache in his heart and stroked her thick, dark hair. Then he whispered: "A-Nuan, did I do the right thing this time?"

Mu Wanyao was startled and suddenly looked up, seeing her father turning his face away to look at the empty air beside them. He was talking to himself as if to someone in a dream, his eyes filled with tender yearning, his words a rambling murmur. Mu Wanyao stared blankly at his haggard, aged face. She saw him cough from time to time, but the gaze he directed at the void held infinite tenderness amidst his pain...

Mu Wanyao’s tears fell silently, and she bowed her head, hugging her father’s knees.

One part of her thought this was all divine retribution, while another part of her felt heartbroken that he had finally gone so far into his delusions—

Leaving the palace, Mu Wanyao did not go straight home, but went to the imperial ancestral temple to offer incense to her late mother.

She gazed at her mother’s spirit tablet, telling her mother of her marriage. It was hard to say what she felt toward her parents now; she understood the difficulty of them sending her away for a marriage alliance, and she did not hate them, but she also did not forgive them.

She said coldly: "...I am going to marry Yan Shang. This marriage is one I chose for myself. A person like him is different from the both of you. Once we are married, he will never betray me. That is why I will hold onto him and force him to marry me, even if it kills me."

The temple caretaker stood with his head bowed, thinking that everyone in Chang'an said the Princess and the consort were a match made in heaven, so why did the Princess have to speak of her own marriage so coldly?

After finishing, Mu Wanyao turned and walked out of the temple, only to run into someone entering.

When Princess Luling saw her, Mu Wanyao nodded slightly and started to walk away. Princess Luling said with stinging irony: "Yaoyao, you certainly have a big ego these days. You just nod upon seeing your aunt; do you have no manners at all?"

Mu Wanyao, supported by her maid Qiusi, had already reached the temple door and was about to head down the stairs. Hearing this, she looked back, taking her time to reveal a faint smile to her aunt: "I thought Aunt didn't want to bother with me."

Princess Luling glared at her with hatred. She gritted her teeth: "You are riding high now and don't take me into account. I am powerless and have nothing to say. But let me offer a word of advice: a princess who has married should be like your fourth sister, sitting obediently at home raising children, instead of going out and showing her face all day like you do, causing people to say that the princesses of our royal family have no breeding!"

Qiusi felt angry listening from the side.

But Mu Wanyao laughed indifferently: "Since when do I have no breeding? I am of one heart with my future husband. I have no intention of keeping male concubines, nor am I scouring the city for handsome youths to take to my bed. I haven't done a single thing that lacks breeding. If others say the princesses of our house have poor upbringing, they surely aren't talking about me."

She looked at Princess Luling’s rigid face and said with perfect calm: "Besides, Aunt, you know that Yan Shang and I have known each other for years, and we understand each other extremely well. He is not the type of pedantic man who hopes for me to sit at home raising children every day. Have you not dealt with him, Aunt? Do you not understand?"

Princess Luling suppressed her rage: "You are accustomed to putting on an act in front of others; I know you better. Someone like Yan Er-lang..."

Mu Wanyao leaned closer, a smile in her eyes: "You must have always regretted not being able to have him, Aunt, right?"

Princess Luling: "I was deceived by you devils back then, letting Yan Er-lang go, and have been harmed to my current state myself; I do indeed regret it..."

She was referring to the fact that she no longer dared to keep male concubines recklessly, and even people close to her like Feng Xianyu had been driven away. Though she was a Princess of the First Rank, she had no one she could trust, could not find pleasure in life, and had to worry about her own future...

Mu Wanyao’s eyes still held a playful glint, but her gaze was cold: "Regret it or not, that is your business, Aunt. But if you dare to covet him as you did before, I will never let you go."

Princess Luling retreated a step, terrified by the cold ruthlessness in her eyes. The stubbornness and hidden ferocity in Mu Wanyao’s expression made her wary. After taking two steps back, she felt how ridiculous it was for a Princess of the First Rank to be intimidated by a younger generation—"How dare you speak to me like that?! Let’s go to your father the Emperor and see who is in the right!"

Mu Wanyao smiled at her, and ignoring the hysterical chatter of the Princess behind her, she took Qiusi’s hand and simply walked away.

As Qiusi helped the Princess into the carriage, she grumbled in defense of her mistress: "The Princess is truly looking for trouble. We weren't bothering her, yet she crashed into us herself..."

Mu Wanyao said calmly: "She is a pitiable person. Seeing me like this, she is simply jealous. Besides, she was also reminding me; it was well-intended, even if her words were unpleasant. I won't lower myself to her level."

Qiusi did not understand: "She is a Princess of the First Rank; why would she be jealous of Your Highness? And how did she remind you? This servant doesn't see it."

Mu Wanyao stepped on the stool to board the carriage, gazing at the sunset in the distance, whispering an explanation for Qiusi: "You don't know, this aunt of mine has had a very difficult life. When she married, she was greatly pampered and had a spectacular life, and after marriage, she and her husband were in harmony. However, the conflict between the royal family and the aristocratic families stood between her and her husband. She repeatedly reported information to my father, which made her husband quite dissatisfied with her.

"Although her husband didn't dare take concubines, he had other women outside. My aunt, then pregnant, ordered that woman to be beaten to death upon hearing the news. Her husband, being a man of intense spirit, came to confront her. I don't know how they argued, but in the end, the husband committed suicide, and my aunt gave birth to a stillborn child.

"Since then, my aunt has intended to become a Taoist nun, refusing to marry again. She began to indulge in sensual pleasures, surrounding herself with beauty and collecting all kinds of handsome youths. She has always liked men who are gentle and clever, and I suspect it is because they resemble her husband.

"When I was a child and saw that uncle of mine, he was also a man of good temperament. Who would have thought his spirit was so intense that he would eventually commit suicide?

"My aunt came to warn me—she feels I have a flamboyant temperament and behave recklessly, much like she did back then. She is afraid I won't be considerate of my husband, that I won't know how to be a good wife, and that I will break the balance between the royal house and other forces, eventually harming the one I love."

Qiusi let out a soft "Ah," her lip curling down, and said pitifully: "In that case, Princess Luling has had a very hard life, too."

Mu Wanyao nodded.

She said: "Princesses of our house all have it hard because, from birth, our marriages are just business. I am only lucky to have waited for Yan Shang."

The clouds at the edge of the sky were draped in sunset glow. She gazed at them for a long time, whispering a vow to herself: "I will be very happy with Yan Shang."

In the ninth month, the leaves fell, and maple red blanketed the palace.

Princess Danyang was married at this time.

The Emperor was in poor health, but on this day, he braced himself to see his daughter, dressed in magnificent and exquisite makeup, before the green tent. When the auspicious time arrived, Yan Shang, dressed in his wedding attire and accompanied by his matchmakers, knelt to receive the imperial decree granting the marriage.

After receiving the decree and bowing three times, Yan Shang looked at his new bride, who held a silk fan.

By the candlelight, she did not look at him, but kept her eyes lowered, her gaze fixed on the fan in her hand, listening intently to the directions of the master of ceremonies. Mu Wanyao valued this marriage highly; only when she heard the master of ceremonies tell the consort to pay his respects did she turn to face Yan Shang.

Yan Shang cupped his hands and bowed deeply to her, after which he welcomed the Princess to start the procession. The entire group set out from the palace in grand style, boarded the carriage, and headed to the Princess’s mansion. The Emperor dispatched Liu Wenji to preside over their wedding feast, so the palace gates were thrown open, and the consort drove the carriage for the Princess with a whip, followed by a procession of palace servants; the lanterns stretched for ten miles.

One night in Chang'an, the lights were as numerous as stars, a shimmering sea of stars. The people crowded the streets, watching the Princess’s grand wedding. The Princess’s maids and the palace eunuchs scattered gold leaves along the sides of the road, and the common people scrambled for them from behind the guards, a scene of immense liveliness.

They were led by others to shout auspicious words, and the noise was deafening.

The protagonists of the wedding feast traveled around the city, then boarded the great carriage to enter the Princess’s mansion. The consort walked in front on foot, followed by the Princess in her palanquin.

The Princess’s mansion was open to everyone tonight; the low-ranking officials at court who usually had no chance to gaze upon the Princess were all able to see her on this night. The officials also stood like the common people outside, watching the grand wedding. They had long heard many rumors about the Princess and the consort, and seeing the two truly married now, they felt a surge of emotion in their hearts.

The Crown Prince, the Prince of Qin, and the Prince of Jin, despite any strained relations they might have had with Mu Wanyao in the past, all had to put on the appearance of good older brothers tonight to show support for their sister. The one who was most sincere and most hoped for Mu Wanyao’s happiness after marriage was likely the Fourth Princess, Princess Yuyang. Seeing her sister marry, Princess Yuyang was moved to tears, which made her own husband laugh at her from the side.

The officials were noisy and chaotic, watching Yan Shang hold Mu Wanyao’s hand as they walked across the rug. When the Princess and the consort passed by the officials belonging to the Court of Diplomatic Reception, one official among them let out an "Eh—"

"The Princess... looks so familiar."

His voice was extremely soft, but it happened that the master of ceremonies was not speaking at the moment, and no one else around was talking either. The exclamation of this minor official was heard by the newly married couple.

Yan Shang looked over and recognized him as a former colleague. He nodded with a smile in acknowledgment. Beside him, Mu Wanyao also looked over; her hair was full of gold and jade, her forehead covered in intricate ornaments, and the gold leaf at the corners of her eyes made her look charming and magnificent. She cast a flowing glance in his direction, a brilliant radiance that made one’s heart skip a beat.

She did not remember this official. Yan Shang tilted his head and whispered a few words in her ear, and Mu Wanyao displayed a look of sudden realization, offering the official a teasing smile and even giving a wink.

In an instant, as if struck by lightning, the official immediately remembered—

Back when Yan Er-lang was helping at the Court of Diplomatic Reception, there was a maidservant who insisted she was Yan Er-lang’s attendant. She was audacious, lecturing them in the middle of the Court of Diplomatic Reception, haughty and arrogant, and swearing at him until he was soaked in misery.

He had even asked Yan Er-lang for that maidservant at the time, but Yan Er-lang had refused.

Looking at it now... looking at it now... she was no maidservant!

So long ago, Yan Er-lang had already hidden the Princess behind him, blocking him from seeing her.

So long ago, the Princess and Yan Er-lang had already been flirting with each other!

The official stood dumbfounded, watching the newlyweds walk toward the brightly lit wedding quarters, the couple stopping to toast the consort’s father... The official suddenly smiled, feeling both melancholy, enlightened, and a touch of loss.

He shook his head and muttered: "Interesting."

After that, the couple offered sacrifices, drank from the nuptial cups, and shared the feast. Thus, the marriage was finalized!—

Yan Shang was called away to the front to entertain guests with wine, and Mu Wanyao sat alone in the room.

In the front courtyard, the Yan family helped the Princess and the consort receive guests. While busy, Yan Xiaozhou collided with someone. She turned her head, and the person supported her by the shoulders. Just as she was about to lower her head to thank him, the man rubbed her shoulder gently—a gesture that was quite abrupt.

In the flickering candlelight, the two met unexpectedly when it was not a time for a secret meeting. Yan Xiaozhou looked up and saw it was Yang Si.

Yang Si said: "Why are you here?"

Yan Xiaozhou smiled with curved eyes; she had long known they would meet. Just as she was about to answer, her third brother’s loud voice shouted from behind: "Xiaozhou, Second Brother is looking for you..."

Yan Xiaozhou responded. Yang Si was startled, then his eyes showed surprise and joy, saying: "So you are Yan Er's sister? Yaoyao lied to me and said Yan Er had no sister; there isn't a single word of truth in her mouth..."

Yan Xiaozhou flushed and smiled. She bowed to him and turned to leave. Yang Si stared at her back, watching intently, while the Crown Prince followed behind, his expression dark.

The Crown Prince frowned: The dream goddess of Yang Si’s heart was Yan Shang’s sister? How could this be—

The Prince of Jin’s family was also at the wedding feast. Chunhua followed the Prince and Princess of Jin, acting as an invisible person throughout the day, striving not to provoke those two.

During the feast, while the Prince and Princess of Jin were interacting with officials from all sides, the children running around below disappeared. Chunhua heard that her own son had led the Prince of Jin’s son away somewhere to play amidst the chaos, and she felt anxious. Fearing that the Princess of Jin would blame her later, she didn't alert the maids but quietly left the banquet to find the two children.

Chunhua was extremely familiar with the Princess’s mansion and didn't need anyone to show her the way. Although it was different from before due to the wedding preparations, the familiar shadows everywhere still gave her a sense of disorientation. She walked along the lake in the backyard, softly calling her son’s name and the name of the Prince of Jin’s son, worrying that the two little rascals would cause trouble.

In the darkness, some distance from the seating area, she saw a white-haired woman standing confusedly beside the reeds of the lake, so she kindly went up to ask.

Seeing her kind and gentle face, the woman hurriedly grabbed her hand and begged: "This young lady, this old body came out to use the latrine, but now I cannot find the way back. Could you help me..."

Chunhua gave a gentle smile, thinking that the two children couldn't get out of the Princess’s mansion anyway, and decided to send the old lady back to the feast first. Her kindness made the old woman endlessly grateful.

Chunhua was surprised that the banquet tonight was full of dignitaries, yet this old woman did not look like one... Could she be a relative of Yan Er-lang? But Yan Er-lang’s mother had passed away long ago. Who was this old lady?

Chunhua was puzzled but did not ask more. She could tell the old lady was a bit intimidated and very nervous along the way, so she tried to talk about lighthearted topics to help her relax. Before they reached the seating area, they encountered a middle-aged man with a solemn face walking toward them, clearly searching for someone.

Chunhua thought the old woman was the man’s mother, only to hear the middle-aged man scold in a low voice: "You mustn't run around! Yan Zimei was kind enough to sneak us into the Princess’s mansion to catch a glimpse of Wenji, and if you are discovered, how can the Yan family explain it to people?"

The old woman let go of Chunhua’s hand and apologized repeatedly to the man. The middle-aged man looked at Chunhua and hesitantly bowed: "This is my wife. Thank you for your help, young lady. I beg you not to tell anyone that you saw us."

Chunhua turned pale, staring at the couple.

The man’s temples were tinged with frost, but his wife’s hair was completely white. At first glance, she had thought they were mother and son, but they were husband and wife... they had spoken of "Wenji."

Liu Wenji.

They were Liu Wenji’s parents.

Amidst the radiance, the fragrance of wine, and the noisy crowds, Chunhua stared blankly at this middle-aged couple supporting each other. She vaguely searched for traces of Liu Wenji in their brows, but she could no longer see clearly. As the couple walked away, Chunhua covered her face and crouched on the ground.

She was filled with sorrow and shame. The years gone by could not be retrieved. Her tears fell unexpectedly, and she thought of so many memories and so much laughter—

That couple had already become silver-haired people!

"This Princess, is there some difficulty, why are you crouching here?"

Chunhua heard the voice of a eunuch. She looked up, her eyes blurred with tears, and saw, standing behind the eunuch, the cold and distant Liu Wenji. He watched her with indifference, as if looking at a total stranger.