Tigers Sniff the Rose - Chapter 123

Chapter 123

Yan Shang's room was very empty, very austere. The candlelight, dim and ghostly in the night, cast a quiet glow upon the young man standing behind his desk.

His eyes were covered with a white silk bandage; his figure was solitary and thin. Yan Shang’s pale, white shadow appeared like a mist. Moonlight shone in from outside the window, accompanied by the chirping of insects and a biting chill.

Mu Wanyao had been full of fury, but seeing him standing there so lonely and slightly flustered—he was likely "looking" toward her direction—the low "Yaoyao" that had brushed past her ears made her conflicted and unsettled in an instant.

She said: "What do you mean by that?"

Her words were still cold and emotionless, but the accusatory tone of her questioning had faded.

Yan Shang stood silent for a long time; he had, of course, understood her question.

He reined in the turbulent emotions he had felt moments before and gave a calm answer: "...We have been separated for a very long time. Each of us has our own path to follow. Didn't you also have no intention of acknowledging me, Your Highness? My reasons are the same as yours."

The fire that had already subsided in Mu Wanyao was easily reignited by him.

She smiled mockingly: "Listening to you, it seems you think we aren't of the same path, and that I’ve been holding back your future. Naturally, you are now Yan Erlang, the famed minister of the realm, Yan Suchen. Who doesn't know of your great reputation? It must feel wonderful, right?"

Yan Shang said nothing.

He lowered his face, and with his eyes hidden, Mu Wanyao could not tell what he was thinking.

She only grew angrier—"What about your fiancée? Your eyes are in this state, yet you don't even let anyone take care of you? Even I, who have a past with you, would ask about your eyes, but your fiancée has failed to appear from start to finish. What is the meaning of this?"

Yan Shang finally tilted his head, looking in her direction.

It was true that as soon as she spoke, he could discern what she was truly concerned about. Yan Shang said softly: "What are you doubting, Your Highness? I am indeed going to be married. It is just that Miaoniang is a young lady from an ordinary family, unlike you, Your Highness. Men and women must keep their distance; before we are married, I will not see Miaoniang often."

Mu Wanyao: "Men and women must keep their distance? When you were with me, back when you were so eager to get me into bed, I don't recall you having this kind of realization."

Yan Shang’s face turned pale.

After a long silence, he said arduously: "...Therefore, it was a mistake back then."

Mu Wanyao walked toward him, pressing him as if stung by his words: "Being with me was a mistake, but being with someone else is right? Am I just a wrong past for you? So eager to be rid of me? You..."

Yan Shang retreated, but there was nowhere to go. He collapsed into a seat, and Mu Wanyao leaned over the desk, glaring down at him. He looked up; even without sight, he could feel her presence and detect her near-hysterical state of mind.

Yan Shang felt even more tormented.

He couldn't help but ask: "What exactly do you want?"

Mu Wanyao paused.

Yan Shang: "Your Highness is so angry; could it be that you want to rekindle our old flame?"

Mu Wanyao instantly withdrew her emotions and said flatly: "How could that be."

Yan Shang froze for a moment; the fingers hidden in his sleeves, resting on the desk, trembled a few times before he spoke softly, as if persuading himself as much as counseling her: "That is right; you and I are ill-suited. You are doing very well now, Your Highness; you have a man you favor, and you will marry him. You will only get better and better.

"Although I am... unworthy of your forgiveness, I still sincerely hope that you can live well and marry the man you truly love. I will bless you."

Mu Wanyao gazed at his jade-white face. Looking at him, she wanted to act as magnanimous as he was, to speak kind words and bless him and his fiancée in their union. But the words reached her lips and she could not say them; not a single word would come out—

Mu Wanyao’s expression shifted abruptly. In this moment, she felt humiliated, realizing her own selfish ambitions.

Her selfish ambitions made it impossible for her to bless him—

Mu Wanyao thought that perhaps in the deepest part of her heart, she had never truly let go.

She simply seemed unwilling to accept it.

She felt as if Yan Shang should only love her, love her deeply.

Why would she think this way?—

Mu Wanyao was somewhat lost in thought and stopped speaking.

Yan Shang tentatively, groping, reached out and gently supported her wrist through her sleeve.

He said softly: "Your Highness, even if you and I... have become strangers, if you have any difficulties, I can still offer my help."

Mu Wanyao tilted her head to look at him: "What, you still want to be friends with me?"

Yan Shang stiffened slightly.

After a long while, he smiled bitterly, withdrew his hand from her wrist, shook his head, and said softly: "I... I cannot be friends with you, Your Highness... I am sorry, but I truly cannot do it."

Mu Wanyao looked down at him, this time not forcing him to help her. A flash of insight struck her, and she deeply understood Yan Shang's intentions—he was such an earnest person.

For a person so earnest, once he had focused and loved a woman with his whole heart, even Yan Shang could not bring himself to be friends with that woman afterward without harboring any resentment.

Mu Wanyao was stunned: "So, you just want to... forget me, like rivers and lakes forgetting each other."

Mist welled up in her eyes; she felt breathless at this realization, feeling a sense of despair. She had never realized so clearly that Yan Shang was truly leaving her life, becoming a part of the past... Her past memories held nothing beautiful, only him.

Yet he was trying so hard to leave.

...Just because she loved power, and he loved the common people, did it have to be this way?

What was wrong with loving power? Power first, him second... he would still be second!

What was so bad about that?

What was so bad about that!—

Mu Wanyao left, and after she was gone, Yan Shang sat alone in his room, leaning against the wall.

He sat there blankly for a long time, struggling several times not to go after her. But he forced himself not to.

The events of three years ago made Yan Shang realize that a person like him was perhaps truly unsuited to love anyone, or to receive anyone's love.

Long ago, when Mu Wanyao joked with him, he had said he didn't value romance or marriage. But he was young then; he didn't understand that when he valued them so little, he shouldn't have accepted the Princess's love. His love would only hurt people, cause them to miss out, and cause them to be forsaken...

He was only suited to be alone; he was not suited to have any woman love him.

His love would bear no fruit.

When he had vowed in his youth to speak for the common people, he had perhaps already lost the possibility of loving a woman... He just didn't understand it then. When Mu Wanyao smiled at him, he still thought he liked her. At that time, he still dared to love Mu Wanyao, to open his heart to her, to let his heart be stirred by her.

Perhaps for the rest of his life, he would have to struggle to balance his private emotions with the greater love in his heart... and the premise of it all was that he must not delay Mu Wanyao any further.

Marriage, for him, still could not be with a woman he loved; it still held only the value of continuing the family line.

It didn't matter. He was no longer the Yan Shang of his teenage years; he understood now. Therefore, the fiancée he chose would have no expectations and no inherent value. He would no longer pour his feelings into anything and hurt anyone... it would just be duty.

As Yan Shang thought these things, he felt even worse. He kept trying to persuade himself, but each time he realized these rationalizations, he felt pain. Yan Shang bowed his head on the desk and lay there quietly for a long time, his shoulders tense.

He sat like this for the better part of the night. After going to bed in the small hours, lying flat, he did not sleep until dawn—

However, as clear as Yan Shang was in his heart, and as well as he had arranged his life, when he heard from a chance remark by Qiusi that Mu Wanyao had not eaten in two days, he still froze.

Now that Mu Wanyao’s identity was revealed and no longer hidden, old servants like Yun Shu naturally confessed to Yan Shang. Yan Shang, feeling listless and weary, had no intention of punishing them.

When Qiusi said this, she was asking Yun Shu through the window if Nanyang had any novel or delicious porridges. Because the Princess had not eaten in two days, everyone was worried and trying to think of ways to get her to consume something.

Yan Shang had some business to write down, which he was currently dictating for Yun Shu to transcribe because of his eyes. Yun Shu heard this while grinding ink and thought to himself that it was a disaster. He quickly dismissed Qiusi: "How would we know? My Young Master has official business to attend to and is busy. You should ask the other servants for such minor matters."

After he dismissed Qiusi, he heard no further dictation from his master and quietly turned his head.

Seeing Yan Shang’s slightly tensed chin, Yun Shu couldn't help but sigh, thinking that his master still could not let go.

Sure enough, Yan Shang opened his mouth: "Qiusi... was it? Wait a moment. Why has the Princess not eaten in two days?" —

It was not exactly rare for Mu Wanyao to refuse food. For the past few years, whenever she was in a bad mood, she had no appetite. When Pei Qing heard the Princess was again refusing to eat or drink, he racked his brain to find some appetizing food for her. But Mu Wanyao had no interest.

This time, Mu Wanyao was not eating because of jealousy.

She was feeling very uncomfortable, and the more she thought about her marriage, the more restless she became. She pondered over Yan Shang’s fiancée, and the more she pondered, the more jealous and resentful she became.

She wondered: Why?

Why should she have to marry someone she didn't like, just to further that person's official position, while Yan Shang could be shared by another woman?

Mu Wanyao was ultimately unwilling to give up. After their unpleasant parting that day, she had someone investigate Yan Shang’s fiancée. She was holding onto a glimmer of hope that he was just lying to her, that he couldn't possibly be marrying someone else.

But the information Fang Tong brought back told her that Yan Shang was truly planning to marry.

The woman was the youngest daughter of the Nanyang county assistant, and this assistant saw Yan Shang every single day; Yan Shang was his superior. Thus, this marriage was Yan Shang betrothing himself to the daughter of his own subordinate.

Perhaps it would help Yan Shang consolidate his power among the local gentry in Nanyang, making his tenure as magistrate easier.

But would Yan Shang really remain the magistrate of Nanyang forever?

Mu Wanyao even went with Fang Tong to secretly look at Yan Shang’s fiancée, whose name was Miaoniang. She sat in a tavern, taking one look at the young woman who came to buy wine. No matter how she looked, and even if she tried to exaggerate this young lady’s beauty, she felt Miaoniang was nothing more than a common, simple girl.

She couldn't see any artistic talent in Miaoniang... according to Fang Tong, it was highly likely she couldn't even read.

She couldn't see how beautiful Miaoniang was... she wasn't even as pretty as the maids in her own estate.

She was gentle, honest, and kind... yet these were qualities Mu Wanyao had to struggle for a long time to find in her.

Mu Wanyao felt inexplicably strange: "I am truly devastated."

Fang Tong was speechless.

Mu Wanyao said: "He was with a woman like me, yet in the end, he wants to marry a simple village girl. He makes me feel... as if I am on the same level as the simple girl he chose, because only if we are at the same level can he easily transition from a Princess to a village girl."

Fang Tong struggled to put in a word for Yan Erlang: "You can't say it like that... perhaps Erlang just wants to change his taste."

Mu Wanyao was even more uncomprehending: "Change to what taste? He has seen someone like me, he has slept with someone like me, yet he thinks someone else is better? The one he chose... I really don't know what to say."

Fang Tong could not explain any more of Yan Erlang’s taste, so Mu Wanyao remained in this dejected state—

By evening, Mu Wanyao was lying on the bed, chewing on her fingers in a daze.

Outside the door, a maid offered a greeting. She heard Yan Shang’s gentle voice, but Mu Wanyao only twitched her eyelids and still had no interest in getting up.

A while later, Yan Shang entered the room. Through the curtain, he was presumably coming to check on her. He spoke with a smile to her maid: "...I’ve brewed some clear porridge; perhaps the Princess would like to try it."

The maids said: "Is Yan Erlang here specifically to bring porridge and see our Princess? You are very thoughtful, Erlang."

Yan Shang said: "There is some official business I wish to discuss with the Princess..."

The maids understood: "Then Erlang, please sit for a while; we will step outside and wait."

Yan Shang’s cheeks burned hot, and he said thank you in a slightly unnatural tone. The maids had replied so matter-of-factly, and though he couldn't see, he felt that everyone had guessed his intentions and was just pretending not to know... Yan Shang’s heartbeat was erratic, and his fingers on his knees were stiff.

It had taken him a long time to struggle and summon the courage to come see her and urge her to eat while Pei Qing was away.

He felt guilty, always wondering if he was doing something wrong... but since she wasn't eating, he suspected it was because he had made her unhappy.

After the maids withdrew, Yan Shang gave a gentle cough. He called out "Your Highness," but no one answered. Yan Shang braced himself and continued: "It is like this: due to the bandit suppression in Nanyang, things have not gone very smoothly. Recently, word has spread that you have arrived in Nanyang... so I thought I might use the news of your presence to lure those mountain bandits out, at least to destroy a few of their strongholds..."

Mu Wanyao finally spoke: "Are you planning to use me as bait? Do you need me to walk around outside, or do you want me to be kidnapped by bandits on the mountain?"

Yan Shang quickly explained: "No, no! That is not what I meant. How could I treat you that way, Your Highness? I only meant to borrow your name; naturally, another lady would play the role of the Princess... I only feared you would be displeased if you found out afterward, so I came to ask your permission to see if you would allow me to do this."

Mu Wanyao said nonchalantly: "Oh, so your meaning is that I don't even need to appear in person?"

Yan Shang said: "Correct."

He assured her: "You are the safest staying right here, Your Highness. I will absolutely not let any bandits enter this place and disturb you."

Mu Wanyao: "A plan that doesn't even require me to show my face, yet you come running over to discuss it with me?"

Yan Shang’s cheeks grew hotter.

He knew her direct style—that she disliked beating around the bush—and he knew that finding any more excuses would only be a cover-up. So, after a long period of embarrassment, he squeezed out a sentence in an extremely soft voice: "...I heard that you weren't eating, so I came to urge you."

Mu Wanyao was curious: "And how do you plan to urge me?"

Yan Shang said softly: "I... I brewed this porridge. It is a local Nanyang recipe, and I thought you might not have tasted it before. The flavor is very light, perhaps you might be willing to taste it... Even if you are angry with me, Your Highness, you cannot torture yourself."

Mu Wanyao skipped over his last, superfluous remark and was only interested in the beginning: "You brewed it yourself? Aren't your eyes blind? How could you brew porridge?"

Yan Shang was even more awkward.

Mu Wanyao hated it when he was like this, and said unhappily: "Speak!"

Yan Shang said softly: "...I spent the whole afternoon in the kitchen."

Mu Wanyao was instantly speechless.

Yan Shang, with his impaired vision, had spent a whole afternoon in the kitchen just so she could drink a bowl of porridge? He couldn't even see, yet he stayed in such a cramped, stuffy place... Mu Wanyao’s voice went hoarse: "Come sit over here."

Yan Shang hesitated for a moment. He stood up and felt his way, only to be grasped by a hand reaching out from the bed curtains. His fingertips trembled slightly, but she pulled his hand without letting go. Yan Shang paused, then let her guide his hand and lead him to sit at the edge of the bed.

The curtains were hooked up. Yan Shang sat carefully at the edge of the bed, and Mu Wanyao straightened her loose, long hair and looked at him.

He naturally couldn't see the scenery before him; he didn't know how disheveled Mu Wanyao’s clothing was, or how much snow-white, crystalline skin was exposed at her shoulders and neck. He just sat here, smelling the woman's fragrance in the tent, feeling very ill at ease. Mu Wanyao watched as he sat with his back straight, a layer of red flushing across his face.

Mu Wanyao’s eyes turned; seeing him so restrained, she felt a sudden interest.

She said: "Where is your porridge?"

He was pleasantly surprised and turned his face toward her: "Would you like to drink some?"

Mu Wanyao: "No."

Yan Shang: "..."

Mu Wanyao let out a soft laugh and teased: "But if you feed me, I will drink it."

Yan Shang was stunned.

With several strands of hair brushing against his face, highlighting his slightly dazed expression, Mu Wanyao felt a sense of fondness in her heart. How is it that he is still like this? He hasn't changed at all.

So many years have passed; how can he still have that expression after being teased by a casual word of hers?

This made Mu Wanyao both nostalgic and sad.

It took a long while for Yan Shang to regain his composure: "I... that is not according to etiquette."

Mu Wanyao hummed, making no response.

As if trying to please her, he said softly: "Your Highness, please don't make things difficult for me. I cannot see; how can I feed you porridge?"

Mu Wanyao: "I think you have no sincerity at all. Forget it, let me just starve to death."

She threw herself back as if giving up on herself, only to be caught by the arm by Yan Shang following the sound. He said, "I will try," in a troubled voice, and then told Mu Wanyao to sit quietly and wait to see how he would feed her.

She was just this wicked. At any time, she loved watching him make a fool of himself—

Yan Shang was indeed clumsy. Just taking the bowl of porridge from the food box and holding it took a significant amount of time. After scooping up a spoonful, he frowned in a daze, wondering how to feed her. He couldn't even discern where her mouth was...

He tremblingly held out the spoonful, aiming forward based on his impression...

Mu Wanyao let out a sharp cry.

Yan Shang panicked: "What is wrong?"

Mu Wanyao: "Nothing... your hand shook just now, and I thought your rice porridge was about to drip onto my hand. You scared me."

Yan Shang pursed his lips.

He said: "Your Highness, I cannot feed you this porridge."

Mu Wanyao raised an eyebrow: "Then are you planning to let me starve?"

Yan Shang retorted: "Then are you planning to drive me to my death?"

Mu Wanyao was stunned: ...Time is truly remarkable; Yan Shang was actually retorting to her now.

Seeing that he had withdrawn the trembling spoonful, he set the jade spoon into the bowl and hung his head, looking somewhat displeased.

Mu Wanyao observed him, feeling a bit anxious that she might have truly annoyed him. Seeing that he had had enough, Mu Wanyao grabbed his hand and coaxed him: "Don't be like that. Why don't you feel around; don't you know where my face is? Look, I wasn't teasing you on purpose."

With that, before he could react, she pulled his hand and placed his jade-white fingers against her cheek. Yan Shang was so startled he tried to pull back, but upon touching her snowy, soft skin, his fingers seemed to have a consciousness of their own; they trembled, but did not move away.

Mu Wanyao blushed, her lovely eyes brimming with emotion as she looked at him softly.

Naturally, he could not see.

Mu Wanyao pulled his fingers, guiding him to stroke her eyebrows and eyes, and tempted him: "Look, isn't it clear this way? You haven't seen me in a long time; have you forgotten what I look like? You must feel it carefully—where the eyebrows are, where the eyes are... when you feed the porridge, don't feed the soup into my nose; I will be angry if you do..."

His fingers moved across her face.

He hesitated for a long time and said: "I... I need to feel more clearly, may I?"

Mu Wanyao’s face turned even redder, but she was perfectly serious: "You may."

With that, Yan Shang set down the porridge bowl and tentatively leaned in to sit closer. One hand cradled her face, while the fingers of the other hand landed on her cheek. In his heart, he despised his own transparent intentions, yet he still leaned in this way.

His fingers brushed across her long eyebrows, her beautiful eyes... leaning on his sense of touch, he sought the girl of his memory.

His fingers gently hooked her eyes, feeling itchy and light, making Mu Wanyao feel completely restless. She watched him, seeing him inches away, his brow slightly furrowed, his lips moist. He was so close to her, and as he lowered his face, strands of hair brushed against her skin.

Because he was blind, he had no idea how intimate they were at this moment.

He did not know the power of the temptation he held over her.

Mu Wanyao stared at him, watching his eyebrows furrow and then relax. His fingers rested on her face, wreaking havoc on her heart. Her mind was in a mess from his touch; her eyelashes flickered, her gaze fixed directly on his slightly parted lips... He didn't know that if he just lowered his head, he could kiss her.

Just as Yan Shang was feeling around, his chin was suddenly hooked. His lips were captured, and in his surprise, he was pushed down by Mu Wanyao—

The intimacy of teeth and lips, the lingering, passionate love.

Entwined hair, agitated hearts.

Yan Shang was pressed into the soft mattress by Mu Wanyao, his chin hooked as he was kissed. At first, he was bewildered and unaccustomed, then addicted, and immediately following that, panicked, feeling it was inappropriate.

He was pressed underneath, his hands against her shoulders, and in his breathlessness, he tried to push her away. He gasped for air, yet little did he know, the more he did so, the less Mu Wanyao was willing to let go.

He said with some difficulty: "Your... Your Highness... Yaoyao... don't do this... don't do this!"

A young woman's strength could never compare to a man's; if Yan Shang truly wanted to pull her away, even if she was stubborn, he would be able to. But her sudden outburst also shocked him. He pressed her into his embrace, propped himself up from the mattress, his face blushing, his hair disheveled, unable to speak.

Yan Shang lowered his head, cupped her face in his hands, and after a long while, choked out: "...You cannot do this."

Mu Wanyao looked up at him: "Are you going to scold me?"

Yan Shang’s heart was in turmoil: "You... you don't even know what you are doing. You are still like a child, not mature at all..."

Mu Wanyao’s eyes misted over: "I am not a child; I am mature. I am just like this toward you... if you want to blame someone, blame yourself. Blame yourself for coming to see me. Couldn't you have just left me alone?"

Yan Shang was a bit angry: "If you refuse to eat, how am I supposed to leave you alone? You... you are just being intentional... you cannot always be like this."

Mu Wanyao said nothing else and reached out to brush her hand below his waist. He arched his back to dodge, but her fingers had already touched him. She whispered: "You are clearly moved; why do you reject me?"

Yan Shang’s heart was even more chaotic. He truly couldn't figure out what on earth was going on...

The two of them were at a stalemate when, precisely at that moment, the arrival of Pei Qing—who was always late—was announced by the maids outside. Yan Shang was startled and quickly said to Mu Wanyao: "We will discuss our matters later. Do not be naughty now, do not let the Prince Consort find out... you are a woman who is about to be married; do not make this mistake again."

Mu Wanyao looked up: "Give me a kiss, and I will listen to you. Otherwise, I will tell Pei Qing that you and I couldn't help ourselves and slept together."

Yan Shang: "...!"

He was left shocked and bewildered by her. He felt that after three years of separation, her skin was becoming thicker and thicker. But as Pei Qing’s footsteps approached, Yan Shang, in the midst of his turmoil, felt that at the very least, they couldn't be discovered now. He lowered his head and gave a perfunctory kiss on her lips.

Mu Wanyao laughed, ultimately satisfied—

After Pei Qing entered, he saw Yan Shang sitting outside the bed curtains, acting as if he were visiting the sick. But when the curtains were pulled back, the bedding on the bed appeared somewhat disheveled.

However, the disarray of the bedding was likely caused by Mu Wanyao herself.

Because the Princess was leaning lazily against the pillows, her eyes misty, her lips rosy and moist, looking like she had just woken up... Pei Qing was displeased that Yan Shang had come right as the Princess had woken up.

But because the Princess had begun to eat after Yan Shang's arrival, finishing a full bowl of porridge, Pei Qing watched and felt relieved.

Pei Qing said a courteous remark: "It seems Yan Erlang should dine with us every day."

Mu Wanyao said: "Good, let us dine together starting tomorrow."

Yan Shang: "..."

He said in an odd mood: "No need. My eyes are inconvenient, so I won't disturb you 'husband and wife'."

He deliberately emphasized the words "husband and wife," turning his face toward Mu Wanyao as if to remind her of something.

Mu Wanyao explained: "We are only an engaged couple; it is not certain if it will happen. Before marriage, isn't it just for everyone to get to know each other? Yan Erlang, don't be formal, come and dine with us. Pei Qing, what do you say?"

Yan Shang kept his head down, unhurried: "Prince Consort Pei should be more willing to share an intimate meal with the Princess. Three people together is far too crowded. Young Master Pei, don't you think?"

Mu Wanyao said slowly: "If you don't like three, you can call your fiancée to come along. Four people, I think that would be just fine."

Yan Shang warned: "Do not involve innocent people."

Pei Qing: "..."

He felt that the two of them were speaking in codes, and he had become an outsider.