When I Meet the Moon - Chapter 75

Chapter 75

Fu Shize's memory entered a brief blank. It was a very distant name, and after a moment, he slowly responded with a "hm."

The atmosphere inside the car abruptly changed.

Yun Li glanced at Fu Shize out of the corner of her eye. His expression did not change much as he said flatly, "He's a great person; you should like this job."

It seemed as though a certain switch had been triggered; his emotions dropped significantly, though it wasn't outwardly visible on his face. Yun Li looked toward both sides, finding a dead end in the campus woods and pulling the car in.

The car stopped at the very end.

Lush evergreen trees stood on both sides, the wind rustling the leaves, casting heavy shades of green that blocked out the sunlight.

Yun Li stared into his eyes, which were as still as stagnant water, unbuckled her safety belt, leaned forward, and pulled him into a tight embrace.

She wanted to transmit all her strength to him.

Yun Li regretted bringing this matter up just now.

Originally, she had assumed that since she worked at this company, Fu Shize would find out sooner or later that her team leader was Zhou Tiao.

Rather than keeping it a secret all along, it was better to disclose it from the beginning.

If he harbored any lingering resentment or discomfort about it, she would simply find another job.

Yun Li asked directly, "How about I switch jobs? There are still some offers I haven't turned down yet."

"There's no need." Fu Shize lowered his gaze to look at her. "Zhou Tiao was a friend of mine from a long time ago. He's a good person; working with him will make you happy."

Zhou Tiao was one of Fu Shize's closest friends back then. After Jiang Yuan's accident, Zhou Tiao had tried to contact him many times.

He hadn't replied to any of them.

Everyone else could understand.

He and Jiang Yuan had attended the same schools and classes from junior high, high school, all the way to university. The two of them went everywhere together, consistently at the top of their classes, with a bond as close as brothers.

They had all assumed he simply couldn't take the blow of Jiang Yuan's passing.

Actually, it had been a long time.

He reacted with belated realization that Jiang Yuan had already been gone for more than three years.

"I should have told you sooner. You have a right to know." Fu Shize's complexion was somewhat pale. Yun Li pressed her lips together and shook her head. "You don't need to tell me what happened in the past. Whether I know or not doesn't matter at all."

Yun Li tightened her grip around his fingers.

She hoped that he would never again remember anything that brought him unhappiness.

This time, however, Fu Shize did not remain silent as he usually did.

Perhaps it was because his own heart had been in agony for so long.

Perhaps it was because he, too, wanted to grasp a shred of hope and walk out of the darkness.

"My insomnia has been getting worse," Fu Shize said softly.

Because recently, he kept dreaming of Jiang Yuan.

Chen Jinping's birthday was approaching, which meant that Jiang Yuan's birthday was coming soon as well.

Even after more than three years, Fu Shize still felt that person should be alive.

Coming to Western Science and Technology University with Jiang Yuan, Fu Shize had originally thought this was the beginning of youthful dream-chasing, and everything had indeed unfolded as expected.

In the second semester of their freshman year, Jiang Yuan proposed entering a drone competition, and they formed a team with their roommates.

The group of them were full of youthful vigor and stood out from the crowd.

When choosing a team name, they all unanimously thought of the word Unique.

That time, after eating barbecue on the back street, Fu Shize looked up at the half-moon in the sky and finalized their team badge.

Without asking a professor for guidance, the few of them stubbornly pulled all-nighters for an entire month, often leaving the office in pitch darkness.

Yet at that time, they never felt it was hard.

They were just youths who had newly reached adulthood, and together with the fifteen-year-old Fu Shize, they were determined to win first place nationwide.

Watching that drone slowly come together piece by piece, the algorithms becoming increasingly refined, and after countless test flights, it finally wobbled into the air—the few of them cheered inside the office.

They shoved each other out onto the grass.

Fu Shize stood steady, operating the drone as it zipped through the air, gradually shrinking into a tiny dot. He lifted his head and ran after the drone, the others cheering as they followed close behind.

They won the first-prize award.

When the results were announced, Fu Shize originally wanted to keep a calm composure, but caught up in the enthusiasm of the others, he couldn't help smiling uncontrollably.

They won more than just one first-prize award.

They progressed all the way from the most ordinary competitions to international stages.

Participating in competitions every year became an unspoken tacit agreement among the few of them.

Until Jiang Yuan committed suicide.

Ever since they were young, Jiang Yuan's personality had always been very gentle, often playing the role of the listener in a crowd.

Jiang Yuan never said what he wanted.

Yet they had clearly promised each other that they would talk about everything, no matter what happened.

Days felt identical to Fu Shize; from childhood onward, he went to school and cram schools by the book, spending his free time hanging out or getting into trouble with Jiang Yuan.

Even when pursuing his doctorate, his daily life hadn't changed dramatically.

The two of them spent their days in their respective laboratories, and when tired, they would call out to each other, hanging over the hallway railing to chat, inviting each other to meals, and waking up early and returning late together.

Fu Shize didn't even remember when they began to drift out of sync.

Shi Xiangzhe focused heavily on mentoring him, making him busier and busier. When Jiang Yuan called out to him, he often didn't have the bandwidth to respond.

He only retained a vague impression: right after finishing editing a paper and submitting it, he breathed a sigh of relief, called Jiang Yuan over, and sat down with him at the downstairs café.

Fu Shize had pulled several consecutive all-nighters, exhausted to the bone, and forced a smile. "It's finally submitted."

"..."

Jiang Yuan looked at him without showing his usual gentle smile. His expression was one of helplessness as he said in a daze, "I went to the hospital, and the doctor said I have severe depression and anxiety."

Fu Shize didn't have much of a concept for these two terms. He glanced at Jiang Yuan and hesitated, "Should I look them up first?"

Jiang Yuan nodded.

The more Fu Shize searched online, the more wrong things felt.

Someone like Jiang Yuan, who always wore a smile when he was with him and often coached and comforted him—how could he possibly have depression and anxiety?

Fu Shize asked rationally, "Did the doctor prescribe medicine?"

"Several different kinds." Jiang Yuan took the medicine box out of his bag. Feeling a knot in his stomach, Fu Shize packed all the pills back into the box. "It's going to be fine. Just listen to the doctor."

Jiang Yuan replied with a hum.

"Did something happen recently?"

"Nothing happened. It's probably just because of the upcoming submission; the pressure is really high," Jiang Yuan explained.

Fu Shize frowned, confirming with him, "Is that the truth?"

Jiang Yuan nodded.

"Do you feel uncomfortable?" Fu Shize didn't doubt his words and continued asking.

Jiang Yuan finally managed a smile. "It doesn't feel like much of anything." He snapped back to his senses and pushed the slice of cake on the table toward Fu Shize.

"You should hurry up and eat something. Didn't you just submit a paper? Let's celebrate."

Fu Shize hadn't sensed anything abnormal. After Jiang Yuan's diagnosis, he consciously made sure to eat meals with him every day, and Jiang Yuan still spent the whole day chatting and laughing with him.

Until the day Jiang Yuan's mother called him to say that Jiang Yuan had slit his wrists in the dorm.

At that moment, Fu Shize's mind went completely blank. He sprinted downstairs, rode Little Turtle down to the dormitory building, where police cars and ambulances were waiting, surrounded by numerous students.

Outside Jiang Yuan's room, there were many people: the counselor, the dormitory manager, security guards, and doctors.

He froze in place, his legs feeling as though they no longer belonged to him as he dragged himself to the doorway of the room.

Jiang Yuan was sitting on the bed, his complexion stark white, while a doctor bandaged his wrist.

Seeing him, Jiang Yuan coldly lowered his gaze, seeming completely unwilling to make contact. Fu Shize walked over to his side, his voice filled with deep sorrow: "Brother..."

Hearing that form of address, Jiang Yuan was slightly touched, and he said with bitter self-reproach, "I'm sorry."

Because the medication made him drowsy, and it happened to coincide with Jiang Yuan's paper submission period, he had stopped taking his medicine on his own accord.

This time, the cut on his wrist wasn't deep—just a shallow scratch—so he wasn't sent to the hospital.

Fearing another incident, the school demanded that Jiang Yuan take a leave of absence for a period of time.

Jiang Yuan was unwilling and even threatened to cut his wrists again.

His parents begged desperately, and Fu Shize also asked Fu Dongsheng and Chen Jinping for help, allowing him to stay in school.

Jiang Yuan's parents begged Fu Shize to keep an eye on him every day to ensure he took his medication.

Jiang Yuan became extremely pessimistic, rarely smiling anymore.

He would often enter states of deep trance, requiring Fu Shize to call his name several times before he snapped back.

After taking the medication for a while, Jiang Yuan would return to normal, and his interactions with Fu Shize would be just like before.

Fu Shize asked him about the reasons for his depression several times, but Jiang Yuan only ever claimed the pressure of graduation was too great.

Spending two months pulling all-nighters, Fu Shize rushed out a research paper. During a meal, he proactively brought it up to Jiang Yuan: "I have a paper that's finished and has been sent out for peer review. It should be accepted by a Tier 1 journal. Since you came up with the core algorithm, I plan to list you as the first author and put your advisor as the corresponding author. Professor Shi agreed to it as well."

Jiang Yuan knew that Fu Shize was willing to give his own work away to him.

And he had phrased it so tactfully.

He found it deeply ironic, and his eating movements slowly came to a halt.

Until the two of them fell into silence, he raised his eyes to look at Fu Shize: "Aze, there's no need."

"I can do it myself," Jiang Yuan smiled. "Don't worry about me. You should cut down on the all-nighters."

At that time, Fu Shize hadn't noticed anything abnormal in his tone, still thinking it was his usual care and concern.

Jiang Yuan's parents only had one child.

During his time in Nanwu, Fu Shize visited Jiang Yuan's home many times, and the elderly couple treated him like their own biological son.

Fu Shize called them every day to update them on Jiang Yuan's condition.

He didn't do these things because of any demand from his parents.

Since childhood, Fu Shize had always written in his compositions and diaries that he had an older brother.

Even without a blood relation, Jiang Yuan was already genuine family to him.

He didn't want anything bad to happen to his brother.

And he was terrified of anything happening to his brother.

Every day at the appointed time, Fu Shize would walk over to Jiang Yuan's laboratory and knock on the door.

He always saw the same scene: Unique's jacket hanging on a chair, and a drone from their first competition sitting on the desk.

Sometimes Fu Shize would go inside, and other times he would just stand at the doorway and call out, "Brother."

When Jiang Yuan was in a good mood, he would give him a helpless smile, toss the medicine bottle over, catch the water bottle, and after drinking, show him his empty palms while teasing, "I've already taken it~"

When he was in a bad mood, he would silently swallow the pills.

Fu Shize truly kept watch over him.

He didn't miss a single time.

Jiang Yuan slowly returned to normal, though he would frequently utter pessimistic remarks to him.

The dynamic of their relationship had shifted: when they were little, Jiang Yuan coached him, but as they grew up, it became him coaching Jiang Yuan.

On Fu Shize's birthday that year, following his usual habit, Jiang Yuan ran over to Beishan Maple Forest.

At that time, his grandmother was still alive, and Fu Shize pushed her outside in a wheelchair.

Jiang Yuan lit sparkcrackers in the courtyard and handed them to the old woman.

The old woman's hands couldn't hold the sparkcracker steadily, but she was still very happy, breaking into a wide smile and speaking in fragmented sentences: "Yuan yuan is more obedient than Ze ze."

Fu Shize hadn't paid attention to those words.

Whether he or Jiang Yuan was more obedient or better didn't matter. He had grown up alongside Jiang Yuan and never had a competitive mindset toward him; what he loved more was the two of them participating in competitions together and winning awards together.

He felt Jiang Yuan thought the same way.

The very last day.

Jiang Yuan knocked on the door of his laboratory.

He was in the middle of an experiment at the time, briskly pulling the door open as the other person asked with a smile, "Got time?"

"I'm running an experiment. Want to come in?" Fu Shize stepped sideways to make room.

Jiang Yuan murmured an assent and followed him inside.

"I brought you a cup of milk tea." Jiang Yuan set the milk tea down on the desk.

Fu Shize had been pulling all-nighters for this project for a while and just wearily replied with a hum.

Jiang Yuan leaned against the workbench, silently watching Fu Shize from the side.

Building robots, debugging code, operating equipment—the entire process was methodical, as if he naturally belonged in this space.

Fu Shize stared intently at a small component on the robot and said, "Once I finish tuning this, you can come and try it out."

"..."

Jiang Yuan didn't answer him.

Fu Shize looked up and found that Jiang Yuan had brought over the drone from his desk and was toying with it in his hands.

Jiang Yuan stroked the letter U on the drone and smiled. "When we first joined this kind of competition, I never thought we could win first place."

"I can still remember when we went on stage to accept our awards, and there were camera flashes everywhere. The first time we won an award was truly the happiest moment of my life." Jiang Yuan raised his head. "It was so easy to be easily satisfied back then. Do you remember the day that piece-of-junk drone actually managed to fly? Zhou Tiao almost jumped into a tree, and because he ran too fast, a branch tore a huge hole in his pants."

"You should ask Zhou Tiao what he was thinking." Fu Shize remembered those things too and couldn't help laughing softly.

"Zhou Tiao is graduating soon, isn't he? I heard he got an offer from a drone giant, and they offered him a very high salary," Jiang Yuan murmured.

"Mhm." Fu Shize had just clicked the final component into place and straightened his posture. "Now Unique only has you and me left."

The rest of them had already graduated with their master's degrees.

Jiang Yuan's expression darkened. "Are we still entering the competition this year?"

"Why don't you lead the team this year?" Fu Shize had an overwhelming amount on his plate; he didn't have the sufficient energy and time to act as the team captain.

"I can't do it," Jiang Yuan refused. "Without your help during this period, I've realized that just based on my own abilities, there's a huge gap between me and others."

He smiled bitterly. "I feel the pressure is so heavy. Aze, I feel like this high pressure is almost crushing me to pieces."

"..."

"What's wrong?" Fu Shize frowned and asked him. "Didn't you say it was okay last time?"

At that time, Jiang Yuan's expression had been calm, carrying only a trace of extreme fatigue at the corners of his eyes. After a moment, he slowly hummed in response.

"It's fine, but I want to be a bit better." Jiang Yuan's tone had nothing amiss, just like always: "Sometimes I wonder, if I had never met you, would my life be a little better now?"

"..."

Fu Shize hadn't taken such hurtful words to heart, remaining silent.

"Sometimes I'm quite jealous of you; you have everything," Jiang Yuan smiled, though there was no discomfort-inducing undertone in his voice.

Fu Shize manipulated the joystick, causing the robot to twitch slightly, and handed the controller over to Jiang Yuan, wanting to break this oppressive atmosphere.

Jiang Yuan shook his head. "No thanks. These things aren't meant for me to touch."

His smile carried a bitter edge: "If I had never flown to the high places, I could have accepted being mediocre for the rest of my life."

Jiang Yuan was his best brother, and Fu Shize had never harbored any complaints or negative feelings due to this outpouring of heavy, negative energy. He said calmly, "Don't think like that. Most of the awards I won were earned together with you."

Fu Shize pointed at the trophies inside the cabinet. "Our whole team wins the awards, not just Fu Shize standing alone inside it, nor just Jiang Yuan standing alone inside it."

Jiang Yuan stared at the drone in his hand. After dozens of seconds passed, he let out a low hum.

"Make sure you put the drone away properly; there's only that one left." Fu Shize eased their heavy atmosphere and looked toward Jiang Yuan. "Going to play ball tomorrow?"

Jiang Yuan smiled. "Forget it, I'm a bit tired."

Fu Shize: "Alright, tell me whenever you feel like playing."

"I'm heading out then." Jiang Yuan bade him farewell, lowering his head to play with the drone as he walked out.

Fu Shize watched that tall, thin silhouette immerse itself into the unlit hallway and called out, "Jiang Yuan."

The other person turned his head to look at him.

"My experiment is going to run rather late tonight. What time are you heading back?" Fu Shize paused for a few seconds before continuing, "Let's go back together."

"I don't know," Jiang Yuan shook his head.

This kind of conversation hadn't only happened once between the two of them.

Fu Shize had also assumed it was just a very ordinary conversation.

Fu Shize lost track of time in the lab. When he heard the sound of rain, he looked out the window; dark clouds had blocked out the moon, and the night was noisy.

He tweaked the robot's algorithm, operated it with the joystick again, and watched the robot move smoothly and fluidly.

Suddenly, there was an extremely heavy "bang."

Fu Shize glanced toward the door, paid it no mind, and continued operating the robot, pondering how he and Jiang Yuan could use two units to test combat effectiveness tomorrow—after all, it was a research concept the two of them had brainstormed long ago.

The soundproofing in the laboratory building wasn't very good.

He heard screaming.

He heard panicked footsteps in the hallway.

He heard someone calling the police and asking for an ambulance.

Finally, he heard someone shouting Jiang Yuan's name.

Fu Shize's hand froze on the control panel. He ran outside unsteadily, the imagery of the entire world spinning around him, while rain slanted diagonally into the hallway, soaking the floor.

He recalled that time long ago when Jiang Yuan slit his wrists, remembering how relieved he had felt back then.

He had believed Jiang Yuan didn't want to leave this world.

His family was in this world.

He wouldn't leave.

Arriving on the ground floor, Fu Shize stepped out into the curtain of rain, approaching that shadow on the ground. Up until that exact moment, he kept telling himself it couldn't be Jiang Yuan.

He only needed to take one look at the person's face to know it wasn't Jiang Yuan.

He couldn't accept it.

This became Fu Shize's most agonizing memory.

On that night which seemed no different from any other, amid thunderstorms and howling winds, leaves rustling and rain washing over the earth. He felt the rain pelting against his body, recalling the rain they had endured together in the past, the scoldings they had taken together.

That person who was his brother, his close friend.

Just like that, right before him.

"Brother."

The rain swallowed Fu Shize's voice.

"Jiang Yuan."

The icy rain fell upon him, and upon Jiang Yuan as well.

Even the blood was washed away.

Like a walking corpse, Fu Shize took off his own thin jacket and draped it over Jiang Yuan.

His body still retained a slight tremor.

His body still had warmth.

Fu Shize spoke to him over and over again.

"Jiang Yuan."

"Stay awake."

"Don't close your eyes."

All around stood umbrellas of various colors, resembling flowers blooming in the rain, silently accepting the downpour.

He was doing the same.

Jiang Yuan lay on the concrete ground, his eyes no longer carrying that familiar smiling look.

Instead, they were cold, entirely devoid of emotion.

...

Fu Dongsheng and Chen Jinping rushed to the hospital the moment they received the news.

In the hospital corridor, Fu Shize sat on a chair.

He was drenched from head to toe, surrounded by puddles of water, the cold-toned lights casting reflections on his extremely pale face.

Fu Dongsheng hurriedly took off his own jacket, stripped Fu Shize's wet clothes right there on the spot, and helped him change.

He was like a wooden puppet, letting others handle him.

The light above the operating room turned off, and the doctor emerged, shaking his head regretfully.

Fu Shize acted as though he hadn't understood, grabbing Fu Dongsheng's arm and speaking completely devoid of reason: "Can you save him?"

His voice was trembling: "Don't you know a lot of professors from medical schools?"

"Dad, Mom, can you save him?"

Even if he became a vegetative state, even if his limbs were paralyzed.

No matter the outcome, just don't let him die.

He's my only brother.

Don't let him die.

He knew full well this was impossible.

He had received a sound scientific education; he knew all his questions right now were merely helpless struggles.

Yet he still repeatedly asked them.

...

The police found the spat-out pills stored inside a jar in Jiang Yuan's workstation drawer.

It turned out Jiang Yuan himself hadn't swallowed the medication.

Pressing down on the drone on the desk was a slip of paper bearing Jiang Yuan's handwriting.

[Personal action, unrelated to anyone else.]

Jiang Yuan's parents didn't get to see him one last time.

When the two of them stepped off the plane and rushed to the hospital, Jiang Yuan had already been wheeled down to the morgue.