Tigers Sniff the Rose - Chapter 63

Chapter 63

Mu Yaoyao met Liu Wenji in the residential hall.

Liu Wenji still wore that same soul-bereft expression. Even though Mu Yaoyao had kept him waiting for so long, he did not seem to mind at all. In the past, given his pride, he inevitably would have shown some signs of annoyance.

He was simply too arrogant, unlike Yan Shang who was warm, gentle, and tactful, which was why Mu Yaoyao had never liked him.

Yet, seeing him now—devoid of that pride, sitting blankly beside the candles in the hall—Mu Yaoyao felt a pang of discomfort.

After all, he was a young genius who had been showered with praise since childhood. Unlike her, who had experienced too much, or Yan Shang, who had traveled to many places with his parents in his youth and witnessed the vast variety of the human world… for a young genius to arrive in Chang’an only to realize he was merely mediocre among the masses was already hard enough to bear. Now, he had even lost the lover who had constantly encouraged and supported him.

How painful that must be.

The maids filed in, and someone announced their presence. Only then did Liu Wenji lift his head, seeing Princess Danyang walk in. His eyes habitually darted behind Mu Yaoyao, then he froze, his gaze dimming as he withdrew his focus. Both he and Mu Yaoyao knew full well who he could not help but hope to see.

After Mu Yaoyao entered and allowed Liu Wenji to sit following his greeting, she felt a sense of relief. Yan Shang had already helped soothe him earlier; Liu Wenji’s emotions were much more stable now. Mu Yaoyao did not say anything superfluous, only relaying Chunhua’s wishes: "...She hopes for me to take care of you, so that you may achieve your ideals, become an official, marry a beautiful wife, and live a smooth and peaceful life."

Liu Wenji did not speak.

Mu Yaoyao stared into the void, appearing utterly indifferent: "So, what kind of official do you wish to be? Will you continue to prepare for the imperial examination, or should I arrange an official position for you now? I can arrange it, but it certainly won't be a position with real power. Still, it would be better than competing with so many others for the limited slots of the imperial examination."

Unexpectedly, after Yan Shang had rejected her time and time again, Liu Wenji refused her as well: "...My thanks, Your Highness. But this was exchanged for with Chunhua's lifelong happiness; I do not wish to use it. I suppose I will continue to take the exams… I truly do not know."

He remained dazed for a while, then added: "Perhaps I do not wish to stay in Chang'an anymore. I want to return to Lingnan."

He said dryly: "Because of the imperial examinations, I haven't seen my family for nearly two years. Staying in Chang'an… my heart is shattered, and my grief is beyond words. Perhaps I cannot stay here any longer."

Mu Yaoyao thought to herself: His resilience is too weak.

It is truly difficult to offer a position these days. Yan Shang disdains it, and Liu Wenji disdains it, too. None of my power as a princess seems to have any utility; official titles are truly worthless.

Mu Yaoyao did not like being immersed in pain; she would distract herself with all sorts of things to avoid overthinking. Looking at Liu Wenji’s state again, she said: "Chunhua also asked me to give you some money."

Liu Wenji: "I don't need it for now."

Mu Yaoyao advised: "Don't think too much. What in life doesn't eventually pass? Just forget about it. Try to make your memory a bit worse."

Liu Wenji stared blankly at the Princess.

The Princess was beautiful, with clear eyes and fair skin, radiating charm. It seemed that Chunhua’s departure had not affected her in the slightest. Liu Wenji felt a sense of injustice for that, yet… he was no longer the person he used to be.

He lowered his eyes, lost in thought: "It won't pass. And I cannot forget."

Mu Yaoyao insisted: "It will pass. You will forget."

Liu Wenji: "At least for now, I do not want to forget her. It cannot pass, and I cannot forget. I hope to keep it in my memory."

Mu Yaoyao was stunned for a moment.

Then, feeling embarrassed, she turned her face away, no longer looking at him.

She said coldly: "Suit yourself, then."

Afterward, she stood up and left the hall, ignoring Liu Wenji. However, before leaving, after much thought, she sent two servants to look after him, fearing that he might do something foolish in the coming days—

The latest of Mu Yaoyao’s annoyances came from Yan Shang.

Ever since Yan Shang had subtly confessed to her, his attitude had changed drastically, becoming very proactive in getting close to her. And after their meeting in the prison, it seemed as if Yan Shang had let go of some restraint… Now, his behavior was such that he frequently lingered at her residence, trying to find opportunities to be alone with her.

For instance, he wanted to study in her quarters at night.

After all, they lived in the same alley, separated by only a few doors. Mu Yaoyao couldn't even find an excuse like "don't stay too late, it's inconvenient to go back."

Moreover, whenever their eyes met during the day, he would smile at her.

Sometimes, even when Mu Yaoyao deliberately avoided looking at him, she could still feel Yan Shang quietly watching her from behind.

It was as if… he had completely entered a mode where their relationship was no longer ordinary. This new mode made him feel that he didn't need to be so bound by propriety and could allow himself a little indulgence.

Mu Yaoyao’s trouble was that Yan Shang had entered this mode, but she had not.

Yet, she did not want to point it out.

Perhaps if she did, he would realize she had no intention of a long-term commitment with him, and he would stop bothering with her.

Mu Yaoyao reflected on herself, feeling that she wanted to enjoy Yan Shang’s meticulous care, yet was too afraid of the future to take a step further… and so, their interaction had become rather awkward.

It had turned into Yan Shang proactively trying to stand closer or reach for her hand; while Mu Yaoyao, who was naturally more open-minded than him, had become exceptionally demure and serious, not daring to let her gaze linger anywhere, lest he misunderstand her.

This night, Yan Shang asked to stay at Mu Yaoyao’s place to study again.

Mu Yaoyao was speechless, unable to find an excuse to refuse. After all, he was just seriously studying… he only occasionally spoke to her or tried to take her hand; she couldn't very well accuse him of being inappropriate and drive him away just because of that.

Under Mu Yaoyao’s tacit consent, they were in her sleeping quarters at night. She leaned against a fainting couch, flipping through a musical score, while Yan Shang sat straight at the desk, reading his books.

From time to time, when he encountered something he didn't understand, he would ask her for advice. Mu Yaoyao would answer what she knew, and for what she didn't know, she told him to go ask his teacher.

For a time, the two of them lived in relative peace.

After a while, Mu Yaoyao closed the score and leaned against the couch, closing her eyes to doze. She silently recited the score in her mind, automatically arranging each note on the instrument, listening to what the music should sound like… As someone who had been exceptionally gifted in music since childhood, memorizing scores was no difficult task for her.

Then, while she was reciting with her eyes closed, Mu Yaoyao suddenly felt the couch sink slightly; someone had sat down next to her.

The scent of the pure and mellow jiangzhen incense on that person wafted down, and he covered her with a blanket… Mu Yaoyao immediately knew it was Yan Shang.

Mu Yaoyao, eyes still closed: "..."

So troubling.

He was provoking her again.

Mu Yaoyao felt Yan Shang’s gaze upon her, so she calmly continued to pretend to be asleep. In a daze, she heard Yan Shang seemingly murmuring to himself: "I keep feeling like you’ve been avoiding me lately."

Mu Yaoyao: "..."

She was terrified and went completely rigid, steadying her mind and not daring to let a single eyelash tremble. Yan Shang’s perceptiveness frightened her.

She listened as Yan Shang continued to mutter: "But I’m probably just overthinking it. I don't know much about the feelings between men and women… maybe you’re just shy, not avoiding me."

Mu Yaoyao agreed in her heart, thinking, Yes, just keep thinking that, it's perfect.

Immediately after, she heard Yan Shang’s seemingly bashful whisper: "But you always keep your distance from me… Yaoyao, I want to be close to you."

Mu Yaoyao: ...Who gave you permission to secretly call me "Yaoyao" behind my back? Not allowed.

What’s the point of being closer? Don't we spend all day studying together? How much closer can we get? This man is almost at the exam date; can he please not keep her on his mind all the time!

Just as Mu Yaoyao’s thoughts were flying wild and she was cursing Yan Shang in her heart, she suddenly felt a tickle on her knuckle. The next moment, her hand was held by someone. His fingers lightly rested on hers, and, as if very curious, he hooked his finger around the pad of her little finger.

Mu Yaoyao felt her heartbeat becoming uncharacteristically erratic under his teasing.

In her struggle, she then thought with a sense of righteous resolve: Fine, fine, why bother avoiding him? If Yan Shang wants to, let him be.

If he wants to do something improper to me, I’ll just go along with it… things will take their natural course, and I won't need to struggle anymore—

However, Yan Shang was not that kind of person.

Although Mu Yaoyao had convinced herself to submit, in reality, Yan Shang sat by the couch, merely holding her hand, doing nothing more.

As Mu Yaoyao waited in silence, Yan Shang lowered his head, holding one of her hands and examining it over and over. He leaned down, earnestly touching her finger by finger. Not to mention the goosebumps that rose on her skin from that gentle, lingering touch, Yan Shang himself did not seem to think he was doing anything excessive.

He simply played with her hand, holding it, and revealed a hint of a smile.

He realized he had never truly looked at her hands before.

How beautiful Mu Yaoyao’s hands were—each finger slender and fair, the joints delicate and uniform. Beneath the porcelain-white skin lay faint blue veins, and occasionally, when she raised a finger, the fine bones on the back of her hand emerged… the skin was so delicate and soft. Yan Shang held her hand, comparing it to his own, and the more he looked, the more he liked it.

He suddenly raised his gaze to look at the beauty sleeping there.

His gaze lingered on her face for a long time, then he slowly leaned down.

Mu Yaoyao sensed his breath drawing near and thought he was going to steal a kiss. She was both shy and alarmed, yet also felt a joy of "it is as I thought" and "I’ve caught you." However, Yan Shang leaned down only to gently brush a strand of hair from her cheek and tuck it behind her ear before contentedly sitting back.

Mu Yaoyao: "..."

He contentedly held her hand again. Mu Yaoyao wondered what was so interesting about a single hand. She was lying here motionless, she had even convinced herself to follow his lead… why didn't he just go for it?

Mu Yaoyao couldn't take it anymore.

To tease without taking action is a sin. Her heart was being tossed about by him repeatedly; he didn't seem in a rush, but she simply couldn't bear this kind of unfinished, hovering provocation any longer.

Yan Shang was still happily playing with Mu Yaoyao’s hand. He didn't dare do this when she was awake because she was too enchanting and too "bad"; he would often be confusedly steered in other directions by her, leaving him no chance to even look at her hands properly.

According to Yan Shang’s meager understanding of love, he believed that lovers should understand each other.

He just wanted to take a good look at her hands first…

Yet, this pair of jade hands from a princess, nurtured so well since childhood—the more Yan Shang looked, the more he liked them. He couldn't help but lean down, his lips touching the back of her hand, and gave it a light kiss. Just after kissing her like that, Yan Shang felt a bit uneasy, thinking he had gone too far and should not be so brazen.

Just as he was reflectively feeling guilty and raised his eyes to see if Mu Yaoyao was still asleep… this look caused him to freeze.

Because Mu Yaoyao had her dark, clear eyes open, watching him hold her hand—playing with it, pinching it, and even unable to resist kissing her hand.

Mu Yaoyao looked at him with an amused smile.

She watched as Yan Shang’s jade-white face flushed deep red; he released her hand and turned his face away, appearing perfectly indifferent. Yan Shang paused for a moment before turning back to see Mu Yaoyao sitting up, leaning against her pillows, still looking at him with a playful smile.

Mu Yaoyao teased: "What were you doing just now?"

Yan Shang paused, then said slowly: "I wasn't doing anything."

Mu Yaoyao raised an eyebrow.

Yan Shang: "Between lovers, isn't this… normal?"

Mu Yaoyao stiffened. Now it was her turn to be uncomfortable with his use of the word "lovers." Fortunately, Yan Shang felt that he had been too abrupt and that it wasn't quite right, so he didn't notice Mu Yaoyao’s momentary look of struggle.

Yan Shang composed his mood, perhaps with the intention of pleasing her. He looked at her and smiled slightly: "I couldn't help myself… because since you returned from the summer villa, it’s been nearly a month since we met. I am very happy."

Mu Yaoyao was stared at by him, his eyes never blinking. The handsome, graceful young gentleman sat by her couch, his sleeves overlapping with hers, having just stolen a kiss from her hand. His eyes were like deep lakes, gentle and inclusive, filled with affection.

Suddenly, her own cheeks burned, and she felt the room was getting a bit hot.

Being willful and unreasonable, she lifted her chin and retorted: "You are not allowed to be happy!"

Yan Shang’s lips curled, and with his good temper, he replied: "Very well."

He spoke softly: "…However, this is not something I can control myself. I will not hide it from you, Your Highness; I never imagined I would be like this. I always felt that you were very far from me and did not want to be close to me. But I want to be close to you. I enjoy learning about you bit by bit, knowing your preferences, knowing your temperament. I want to merge with you."

Mu Yaoyao: "…Merge with me?"

Yan Shang startled, then blushed and hurriedly explained: "That is not what I meant, I mean…"

Before he could finish explaining, Mu Yaoyao sighed and said: "I understand."

Yan Shang looked at her and saw Mu Yaoyao kneel up on the couch, stretch out her arms, wrap them around his neck, and lean her delicate body into his embrace. He was both stiff and joyful, not daring to move, when he heard Mu Yaoyao sigh against his face.

Mu Yaoyao stared at him with beautiful eyes: "In this regard, you are truly too simple, too silly. It makes me feel embarrassed to take advantage of you."

Yan Shang: "..."

He looked down and said: "So there are times when Your Highness feels embarrassed."

Mu Yaoyao: "..."

What a thing to say.

In his eyes, just how promiscuous does he think I am?

Mu Yaoyao said: "Anyway, I have more experience than you. Why don't you call me 'Elder Sister' to hear how it sounds? Big Sister knows what you are thinking and can help you."

Yan Shang’s eyelashes veiled his eyes; he did not look up at her. As she knelt on the couch in his arms, the scent of her fragrance wafted over, and though he did not dare to touch her inappropriately, he was not foolish enough to follow her suggestion completely.

Yan Shang said in a low voice: "You are only half a year older than me, why should I call you 'Elder Sister'? You are teasing me again."

Mu Yaoyao acted coquettishly: "But I call you 'Yan Er-gege'! What’s wrong with you calling me that?"

Yan Shang sighed helplessly: "Our seniority is so messy… Mmph."

His lips were blocked.

She was kissing him.

The playful, teasing look in her raised eyes met his eyes, which were cast down like clear lakes. One gaze after another, the ripples were tender and lingering.

Yan Shang held her back, and just as he wanted to respond, she turned her face away, refusing to kiss anymore. Yan Shang pursed his lips, slightly displeased that she was always so self-centered and never cared about him… but Mu Yaoyao was quite happy in her heart: "I kissed you, aren't you very happy?"

Yan Shang thought, What is there to be happy about? She always stops halfway, I didn't even…

But Yan Shang smiled slightly without saying he wasn't happy.

Mu Yaoyao was smug, believing that she had made him lose his soul and that he must love this kiss dearly. Although Yan Shang did not understand romance, he was exceptionally adept at perceiving people’s moods. He saw through what Mu Yaoyao was thinking at a glance, and after a moment of silence, he found her extremely adorable and could not bear to say anything.

Mu Yaoyao’s fingers gently rubbed his neck, and she whispered against it: "Yan Er-gege, I know you like me, but you shouldn't keep coming to find me."

Yan Shang stiffened, his heart turning slightly cold.

After a while, he said: "You don't like it?"

Mu Yaoyao couldn't bear to see him hurt and quickly explained: "I mean, if you keep coming to find me and teasing me like this, it’s easy for me to lose control."

Yan Shang blushed: "…Nonsense. I am not teasing you."

Mu Yaoyao smiled radiantly: "But just by standing before me, you are teasing me. When I see you, I want to lean against you like this, have you hold me, kiss me, and I want to… um, do even more excessive things."

Yan Shang glared at her slightly, but said nothing.

Mu Yaoyao was afraid of this submissive attitude of his; the more he submitted, the more it showed his tolerance for her mischief. And if she were to keep being mischievous, it would never end… Mu Yaoyao hurriedly spoke her true meaning: "I understand your feelings. But you are busy preparing for the exams now; having your focus constantly scattered like this is not good, do you know that?"

Mu Yaoyao sounded very serious: "If you keep thinking about me, you won't be able to concentrate on your studies. I feel that since I returned, you’ve become much less focused, unlike before. Yan Shang, coming from Lingnan to Chang’an, every step you’ve taken has been too difficult. Personal feelings should never restrict you, control you, or prevent you from rising higher.

"So don't come find me all the time. Steady your heart and study hard. After the exams are over… isn't there plenty of time for the future?"

Yan Shang looked at her, his eyes flickering as if judging the truth of her words.

He said slowly: "Is there really plenty of time?"

Mu Yaoyao made herself appear exceptionally sincere: "Naturally. Yan Er-gege, surely you aren't going to rely on me? Shouldn't you go become an official, pay me back my money, and truly buy that neighboring residence to make it your own private property? Do you want me to support you? Hurry up and become an official to make money so you can repay me!"

Yan Shang laughed.

He nodded, accepting her suggestion.

He said: "Alright, then I won't come to find you for the next two months."

Mu Yaoyao breathed a sigh of relief, thinking that if he didn't come to find her, he wouldn't constantly leave her in such an unresolved state.

Yan Shang looked down and said after a while: "So, I… will leave now?"

Mu Yaoyao startled. Hearing him say this, she felt a sense of reluctance, realizing that for the next two months, given Yan Shang’s terrifyingly strong self-discipline, she might truly not be able to see him at all.

Mu Yaoyao said lingeringly: "Forget about tonight, stay a little longer. Starting tomorrow, you can stop coming to find me."

Only then did Yan Shang reveal a smile; he raised his eyes to look at her, the light in his eyes flowing like stars.

He said: "Alright."

Finally, he reached out to hold her back, relying on her for a moment.