Tigers Sniff the Rose - Chapter 39

Chapter 39

Inside the courtyard, children were playing and frolicking, but the young man and woman sitting under the shed were both silent.

"So you really haven't kissed anyone?"

With that single sentence, Yan Shang left Mu Wanyao speechless.

The relationship between the two of them was the strangest one imaginable.

They were not friends, but they were not lovers. They were a bit more than friends, yet a bit less than lovers. When they were together, it was always long stretches of silence, long stretches of awkwardness, and long stretches of averted gazes...

Mu Wanyao curled her fingers, tapping the wood of the table, regretting her lack of composure in front of the children just moments ago. She couldn't help but recall the few times she had kissed him:

Once, moved by his sentiments, she couldn't restrain herself;

Once, moved by his consideration, she couldn't restrain herself;

And there was a last time not long ago, moved by his empathy, she still couldn't restrain herself.

It seemed she was always unable to restrain herself.

Mu Wanyao tilted her head back, blankly watching the space above the shed. Dust danced in the air. After staring for a long while, she said in a strange tone, "...How can those even count as kissing?"

To kiss someone, how could it be like that?

Yan Shang sat beside her, his long, dark eyelashes trembling slightly as he pursed his lips. He did not speak.

Mu Wanyao's sparkling, beautiful eyes darted toward the man who refused to speak again, staring at his stiff, straight back for a long time.

Mu Wanyao: "Hey, Yan... something."

Yan Shang spoke in a low voice: "Hmm?"

Mu Wanyao: "Say something."

After a moment of silence, Yan Shang said, "If those don't count as kissing, do they count as... coercion?"

Mu Wanyao had no words.

And so, the two continued their silence.

After the prolonged awkwardness, the temperature inside the shed began to rise, making the atmosphere uncomfortable.

Mu Wanyao felt both irritable and stifled. She could barely endure this strange, lingering mood, and just as she was about to lash out, a servant stood outside the shed and spoke, saving them both: "Second Young Master, should all your books be moved onto the carriage?"

Mu Wanyao and Yan Shang both let out a sigh of relief.

Then, they looked at each other again.

Yan Shang wore a polite, courteous smile: "Shall I go check on my books?"

Mu Wanyao stood up calmly and said absentmindedly, "I'll go take a look, too."

Yan Shang: "..."

He gave her an indescribable look, and Mu Wanyao realized instantly what she had just said. She felt extremely embarrassed and hated herself for spacing out at such a moment.

Clearly, Yan Shang was looking for an excuse to separate from her, but because of her thoughtless comment, she had tagged along again... making it seem as if she were doing it on purpose.

Yet, how could the Princess of Danyang take back words once spoken?

Mu Wanyao looked at him: "What, is that not allowed? I'm just looking at your books; perhaps one of them could be donated to the children at the infirmary."

Yan Shang sighed: "Your Highness is truly benevolent."

Mu Wanyao didn't appreciate the comment: "Giving away your books and calling it my benevolence—what is there to be benevolent about?"

Yan Shang went silent.

After walking out of the shed, although the two still walked one after another, there was a sense of distance, and at least it wasn't as tense as it had been inside.

Outside, the Princess's maids were waiting. Mu Wanyao walked to the front to be with them, widening the gap between her and Yan Shang.

When they arrived at Yan Shang's humble dwelling, Mu Wanyao saw that the house was indeed nearly emptied. She was distracted now, wanting to find any excuse to brush this off and leave as quickly as possible.

She walked right past Yan Shang, putting on a show of kindly helping him pack the books on the shelves.

Yan Shang: "Your Highness, there is no need for this..."

Mu Wanyao: "Stop nagging."

She organized the books with her back to him. Yan Shang watched her back for a moment, then said nothing more and went into the inner room with a servant to pack other items.

Mu Wanyao flipped through the books randomly while Chunhua helped her tidy up nearby. After book after book was taken away, Mu Wanyao saw a small wooden box at the very back of the shelf of antiques. She grabbed it casually, intending to hand the box to Chunhua. However, Chunhua had her back turned to organize other books and didn't catch the box the Princess handed out.

Thud.

The box fell to the floor, and the contents spilled out, giving Mu Wanyao a start.

Feeling guilty, she glanced at the curtain to the inner room. Seeing that Yan Shang hadn't come out, perhaps he hadn't heard the commotion. She sighed with relief and quickly squatted down to clean up the wooden box.

Inside this box were some scattered notes and phrases written in haste. They looked like correspondence, but they seemed to be merely rough drafts that Yan Shang had discarded. As Mu Wanyao picked up the drafts, she glanced at them randomly and found herself captivated.

She picked up the drafts and began to flip through them, reading at a glance.

These were clearly letters written by Yan Shang. There were some typos and crossed-out sections, likely deleted by him, making them inconvenient to mail out.

Mu Wanyao flipped through them and saw he had written a great many letters. To this friend and that friend; to his father at the Yan estate, and to his younger sister at the Yan estate. One day he would be concerned about whether a friend's previously mentioned illness had improved; the next, he would mail money to another friend to help sustain a companion so poor he could barely afford a meal.

He wrote to his younger sister, Yan Xiaozhou, with earnest concern for her daily life. At the beginning of the letter, he wrote about mailing two bolts of fabric to his sister, but a moment later, he crossed out the word "two" and changed it to mailing four bolts... He wrote with shame that he didn't understand the heart of a young girl and didn't know what his little sister liked, so he decided to let her choose for herself.

In the letters, he urged his elder brother and sister-in-law to look after the family and cautioned them not to let his father drink too much alcohol;

He advised his third brother to put aside frivolous thoughts and focus on his studies—even if he didn't want to become an official, earning the title of jinshi would suffice;

He told one friend that he had already eaten the item sent over last time, found it quite good, and thanked the other party for their letter;

He asked another friend if the date set for his wedding had changed, and if not, he would be there to attend the banquet on time...

In short, all kinds of things—they were all records of Yan Shang's daily correspondence.

They were all trivial matters, but Mu Wanyao thought that anyone who received a letter from Yan Shang would surely find this man considerate. He remembered every word of his friends, and he worried over every one of their pains... Mu Wanyao flipped through these letter sheets, somewhat lost in thought.

She was a little envious of Yan Shang's friends.

"Your Highness?" Yan Shang's call brought Mu Wanyao back from that somewhat melancholic mood.

She was still squatting on the ground, cradling his discarded drafts in her arms. She looked up and saw Yan Shang coming out from the inner room, watching her with concern.

Yan Shang saw her uplifted face and her somewhat dejected eyes.

Yan Shang extended his hand toward her, his voice gentle: "Did you drop the wooden box? It’s fine, I can tidy it up. Your Highness, please don't worry."

Mu Wanyao looked at the long, jade-white fingers he extended.

She wondered how many people he had reached out to in his life.

She bypassed his hand, stood up on her own, threw the letters she held onto the table, and said in a dismissive tone: "Not a single one was lost; you can check for yourself."

Before Yan Shang could thank her, she turned and left the room. Chunhua apologized to Second Young Master Yan with a dazed expression before heading out to chase after the Princess.

Yan Shang knitted his brows, lost in thought—

Mu Wanyao left Yan Shang's house and went directly to find the Princess of Jin, who was still praying to Buddha. Mu Wanyao coldly stated that she was feeling unwell and was returning to her manor first. The bewildered Princess of Jin, fearing she would be left behind, had no choice but to board the carriage with the Princess.

That same day, when Mu Wanyao returned to the Princess's manor and stepped out of the carriage, she saw construction still happening across from her front gate... She didn't spare it a single glance.

However, after dinner that night, Mu Wanyao sat on the third-story pavilion of her inner residence, fanning herself in the breeze. The maid Chunhua brought the Princess snacks, only to see that lights had been lit in the residence across from their Princess's manor, and it had become quite busy.

A maid came to report: "Your Highness, Second Young Master Yan has just returned to his residence. He says he wants to thank Your Highness for your help at the temple today, and he has come to pay his respects."

Mu Wanyao leaned on the armrest, appearing indifferent: "There is no need for respects. I didn't help anyway. Tell him to go back."

The maid said: "Second Young Master Yan sent over some tea..."

Mu Wanyao said lazily: "Send it away. My Princess's manor is not short of tea leaves."

The maid withdrew.

Chunhua remained standing behind Mu Wanyao, observing the Princess's complexion for a long moment before hesitating: "Your Highness, I would like to ask you for a leave of absence."

Mu Wanyao looked over: "What is it?"

Chunhua said: "My brother and sister-in-law have come to Chang'an to settle down, and my elderly mother has come as well. I would like to go help them."

Mu Wanyao nodded: "I understand."

Chunhua thanked the Princess. Seeing that Mu Wanyao was still sitting in the same spot, staring blankly at the brightly lit residence across the street, Chunhua hesitated for a long time before attempting to show concern: "What is wrong, Your Highness?"

Mu Wanyao looked surprised: "What do you mean 'what is wrong'?"

Chunhua: "Ever since you returned this afternoon, you haven't been yourself. Usually, when Second Young Master Yan comes to pay his respects, you see him when you have time. Today, you didn't. Not seeing him is one thing, but you are also sitting here staring at the residence across the street... I truly do not understand."

Mu Wanyao did not speak.

In the evening breeze, her side profile was like jade, breathtakingly beautiful. However, beneath that stunning exterior lay a frozen heart.

Chunhua knelt beside Mu Wanyao, feeling a sense of pity for the Princess.

She still remembered when she first arrived to serve the Princess of Danyang. She was a bit afraid, having heard that the powerful and noble didn't treat servants like humans. However, Chunhua soon set her mind at ease, because her master, Mu Wanyao, was truly a gentle young Princess.

She would not beat or scold her servants; she would chat with them like a friend. Even when she went off to be married into an alliance, she dismissed most of her servants, not having the heart to let them suffer in Wuman...

But that was all in the past.

Now, everyone thought the Princess of Danyang had a volatile temper and was unpredictable day by day. Who in Chang'an knew the cruelty of that night when Mu Wanyao led them out of Wuman in a bloodbath? Who knew of the fire that Mu Wanyao herself set in Wuman?

The Princess of Danyang was not a brilliant Princess who could scheme to her heart's content, but her regard for those around her was the most genuine Chunhua had ever seen. The Princess’s heart was so gentle, yet none of them knew it.

Kneeling by the hem of Mu Wanyao's skirt, Chunhua said softly: "Your Highness, I have followed you for so many years. If you have anything on your mind, you can tell me. Even if I cannot help you, it would be good for you to vent your emotions."

Mu Wanyao lowered her eyes to look at Chunhua.

She was a little surprised, then amused: "Why, do you think I am sad?"

Chunhua looked at her quietly.

Mu Wanyao suppressed the trace of a smile at the corner of her lips, narrowed her eyes, and her face went blank.

Just when Chunhua thought Mu Wanyao wouldn't say anything, Mu Wanyao’s low, hoarse voice drifted slowly into the night breeze: "Actually, it's no big deal. I’m just a little envious of the people around Yan Shang."

Chunhua only half-understood.

Mu Wanyao added with self-mockery: "And then I suddenly realized that to him, I am not special, and I am not the only one."

Chunhua: "What does Your Highness mean by that?"

Mu Wanyao said: "He never writes to me, nor does he remind me to care for my wounds. He doesn't care if I sleep well at night, nor does he ask what I have been busy with lately. He is like a piece of wood—I poke him, he moves. If I don't poke him, he is as good as dead.

"Back in Lingnan, he could barely manage to care for me, occasionally sending a little something, occasionally teasing me to make me laugh.

"Now that we are in Chang'an—since he arrived in February, it is almost May. In these three months, I have barely seen him a few times. I blamed him for not coming to pay respects, so he came; I blamed him for not speaking, so he spoke. I thought he was just like this, but this afternoon I discovered that he is simply cold toward me, while toward others, he is exceptionally kind."

Chunhua remained silent for a long moment, then whispered: "Does Your Highness not know the difficulty of Second Young Master Yan's position?"

Mu Wanyao's lips curled upward in self-mockery.

She said: "I know. He is trying to avoid suspicion. He is afraid that if he cares too much about me, I will lose my heart to him; he is afraid that if he treats me too well, our relationship will become inextricably tangled; he is afraid that if he comes to the Princess's manor too often, he will be mistaken for wanting to marry a Princess. He is indeed in a difficult position—he must not offend me, but he must also ensure I do not misunderstand.

"He tells me he cares about me, while also telling me it is merely the concern between friends and between a subject and a sovereign, nothing more. He is so masterful at navigating these waters, maintaining such a precarious situation—even I cannot help but sympathize with him, and praise his fine methods."

Chunhua remained silent once more.

Then, she whispered: "Is that not a good thing?"

Mu Wanyao said: "Actually, it is quite good. I have no intentions toward him, and I hope he does not have other thoughts either. It’s just that, I am only..."

She gazed into the quiet night, looking at the residence across the street shrouded in night mist, and gently covered her face with her fan, leaving only her eyes exposed.

Mu Wanyao whispered: "I am just very jealous of those people toward whom he can be kind without any inhibitions.

"I am jealous of Yan Xiaozhou. How is her luck so good to have an elder brother like Yan Shang? Such a brother writes to her all day, asking if she is eating well, if she is living well, what she wants, what she likes. Such a brother misses her every single day, sending her fabric today and snacks tomorrow. If Yan Xiaozhou says she doesn't like something, her brother never sends it again.

"He writes letters to Yan Xiaozhou all night long, content that has no deep meaning, yet they are very happy to write to each other. He tells his little sister stories, talks to her about the customs of Chang'an, and says that once things are stable on his side, he will bring her over to live... How could he be so good to Yan Xiaozhou?"

Chunhua answered softly: "Because that is his little sister."

Mu Wanyao: "Why can't I be his little sister? I am a Princess of Great Wei; why do I not have an older brother who treats me this well?"

Chunhua had no words.

 

When the Second Prince was still alive, he also treated the Princess very well... but after the Second Prince died, everything changed.

The Empress Dowager changed, the Emperor changed... everyone around the Princess of Danyang was either using her or waiting to use her. There was no longer any pure affection left around the Princess of Danyang, which is why Mu Wanyao must be envious of the people around Second Young Master Yan.

To comfort the Princess, Chunhua said contrary to her own beliefs: "...Perhaps Second Young Master Yan is just seeking fame and reputation."

Mu Wanyao: "Yet he does not seek such fame or reputation with me."

She mocked herself: "Am I asking too much? Am I being unreasonable?"

Chunhua fought back tears: "Wishing for someone to treat you well—how is that unreasonable?"

The maid knelt by the Princess's feet, crying in sadness, her heart truly aching for the Princess.

It is often said that an Emperor is a lonely soul.

But Mu Wanyao, right now, how was she any different from a lonely soul?

No friends, no family. Looking all around, everyone was an enemy. In the vast city of Chang'an, Mu Wanyao trusted no one.

After Chunhua cried for the Princess for a long while, she wiped her tears and made a decision in her heart. Her heart hammered, she took the Princess's hand, and asked: "Then what exactly does Your Highness want from Second Young Master Yan?"

Mu Wanyao didn't understand Chunhua's question and looked down at the maid: "What do you mean?"

Chunhua grew bold, inciting the Princess for the first time: "If Your Highness just wants to, um... sleep with Second Young Master Yan, it would be easy enough. Just give him some medicine. Besides, he is right next door to us now."

Mu Wanyao was startled. She raised her eyelids and actually considered it seriously.

Then she shook her head: "It isn't just about sleeping. I also want him to keep treating me well. His temperament is so good, and I hope I have someone like that by my side. I crave the way he is able to treat me like that."

Chunhua's heart sank.

She thought this was not a good sign.

What the Princess wanted seemed to be starting to grow...

Chunhua said: "But Your Highness will not marry him."

Mu Wanyao let out an "mm": "That's right."

In the quiet night, Chunhua said softly: "That makes things a bit difficult."

Mu Wanyao repeated lethargically: "That's right."

After a long time, Mu Wanyao heard Chunhua's extremely faint voice: "Your Highness... this is not a good sign. Long-term pain is worse than short-term pain. Your Highness would be better off trying to cut it off now. So you don't get hurt later."

Mu Wanyao, who had her eyes closed, had her eyelashes trembling lightly. Her breath brushed against the feathered fan covering her face. For a long time, Chunhua heard no response.

Chunhua sighed softly. As she stood up, she finally heard Mu Wanyao say softly after the long silence: "I will try."

Chunhua's eyes grew warm as she looked down at the Princess, who was curled up like an infant in her mother's embrace. Mu Wanyao had her eyes closed, turned away, her back thin and fragile.

Once one has caught a glimpse of love, one retreats and gives up out of fear.

Chunhua knew this was difficult... but for a Princess who had been married off, she truly didn't have much capital to be willful.

Emotions that could be picked up and put down at will—that was the best path for Mu Wanyao.

Mu Wanyao was indeed a Princess cold-hearted enough to follow through.

Having said she would try, for the next several days, she truly never asked a single question about Second Young Master Yan, nor did she sit on the pavilion to look at the residence across the street even once.

Yan Shang went out to the Hongwen Hall every day, and Mu Wanyao went out every day to attend banquets, meet with ministers, and meet with the Crown Prince. Although they lived on the same lane, the two hard-headedly never managed to cross paths.

Mu Wanyao returned to being that cold-hearted Princess who didn't let any emotions stir.

At dusk, it began to rain. Yan Shang walked out of the Hongwen Hall and stood under the eaves, looking at the rain with a sigh.

Chang'an was often rainy, but the sky had been clear when he left this morning. Yan Shang had forgotten to bring an umbrella; who could have known it would start raining in the evening?

Now, only he was left in the Hongwen Hall, and it was hard to even borrow an umbrella. Yan Shang stood under the eaves, watching the rain and waiting for it to let up.

As he waited for the rain to stop, looking at the heavy rain between heaven and earth, he couldn't help but let his mind wander, remembering some things from the past.

He thought of his few encounters with Mu Wanyao, all of which had taken place in heavy rain.

The first time he met Mu Wanyao in the heavy rain on the ancient Meiguan Road, that arrogant young woman sitting and rocking her fan—who would have known she was the famous Princess of Danyang?

Since then, the longer they had known each other, the more their ties seemed to be related to the rain, just like being shrouded in a layer of misty fog...

Thinking of this, a faint smile couldn't help but tug at the corners of Yan Shang's mouth. But he quickly regained his composure, his mind wandering to other things.

He thought that ever since May arrived, he hadn't seen Mu Wanyao at all.

Sometimes when he went to pay his respects, the people at the Princess's manor would say the Princess was not in. He didn't know why she wouldn't see him... Had he done something wrong?

Yan Shang recalled their last meeting, carefully screening every detail, yet he didn't feel that anything unusual had happened that day.

Could it be that question he asked her—"So you really haven't kissed anyone?" But she wasn't the type of person to hold a grudge over a single sentence for so long... she was clearly a little Princess who held many grudges but forgot them quickly.

In the rain, as Yan Shang's thoughts drifted, he suddenly heard the rhythmic clatter of a carriage.

He narrowed his eyes, watching a luxurious, curtained carriage slowly approach through the evening rain. Seeing such an ornate carriage, Yan Shang's heart couldn't help but skip a beat, and a strange thought surfaced.

Could it be... Mu Wanyao?

Did she know he was trapped in the Hongwen Hall and come to pick him up?

This unwanted expectation made his heart pound and left him feeling a bit flustered. Yan Shang stood still, trying to convince himself he was overthinking it—how could it possibly be her?

Yet another voice in his head said, why couldn't it be? She was just that kind of person—stubborn in words but soft in heart. She was just the kind of person who would do things for no apparent reason.

The carriage stopped in front of the Hongwen Hall.

Yan Shang stood even more rigidly. He watched as the carriage stopped, but he didn't know if he should board, or how he should face Mu Wanyao, whom he hadn't seen in so long... until a woman's voice sounded from within the carriage: "Why is Master Yan still here?"

This was not Mu Wanyao's voice.

Yan Shang instantly regained his composure.

He looked over and identified the carriage. The driver was someone he hadn't seen before. The curtain was lifted to reveal the beautiful, alluring face of a young woman.

It was not Mu Wanyao.

Suppressing the inexplicable sense of loss in his heart, Yan Shang bowed: "So it is the Eldest Princess."

The Eldest Princess of Luling leaned against the carriage window, watching the young man standing in the rain, seeing his bamboo-like figure and his wide sleeves soaked by the rain. The Princess's eyes dimmed, and she smiled: "Master Yan, why be so polite? Since you are trapped in the rain, why not board the carriage? I will give you a ride."

Yan Shang said gently: "I would not dare to trouble Your Highness. This official will wait a little longer in the Hongwen Hall..."

The Princess: "Master Yan, the rain is so heavy—when are you planning to wait until? Come on up; I happen to have something I would like to ask you."

Yan Shang paused slightly.

He remembered Feng Xianyu saying he should be careful of the Eldest Princess of Luling. Yan Shang believed that if he and the Princess truly had the possibility of being at odds, it was because of the matter regarding the tanka scholar's ranking replacement that day... Yan Shang did not want to offend the Eldest Princess, and if he had the opportunity to clarify the matter, that would be good.

Yan Shang lifted his robes and boarded the carriage, saying softly: "This official will comply, as it would be rude to refuse."

The Princess chuckled: "Master Yan, I truly love someone as gentle and considerate as you."

She was languid, lighting a stick of incense in the carriage's furnace, waving her hand gently to let the fragrance permeate the entire interior—

That evening, rain lashed the city. At the same time Yan Shang boarded the Eldest Princess's carriage, Mu Wanyao's carriage was slowly driving into the lane, heading toward the Princess's manor.

She had just returned from the Crown Prince's side and was sitting in the carriage, pondering recent court affairs. Mu Wanyao had just learned that the Ministry of Revenue, managed by the Crown Prince, was short on funds again... That matter was now forcing everyone into a corner.

Yet, what was the Crown Prince doing? Where did he need so much money?

If she could help the Crown Prince resolve this matter, would her own status be elevated?

While she was thinking, the guard outside tapped the window: "Your Highness, there is a carriage parked ahead."

Mu Wanyao instinctively felt it was Yan Shang.

Because on this lane, other than the Princess's manor, there was only his residence.

But for a pauper like Yan Shang, did he actually have the money to buy a carriage?

Mu Wanyao did not want to see Yan Shang. Just as she was about to order her carriage to pull back and yield the road, a young man's voice came from outside, clear and cold: "Your Highness."

It was the voice of Wei Shu.

Mu Wanyao lifted the curtain and saw a servant holding an umbrella, with Wei Shu, as cold and clean as snow, standing in the rain, bowing to her.

The carriage in front was clearly Wei Shu's, not Yan Shang's.

Mu Wanyao was annoyed at having guessed wrong. She hadn't seen Wei Shu in a long time, and her eyes lit up involuntarily. An elegant, handsome youth, graceful and romantic—who could dislike that?

Mu Wanyao smiled brightly: "Does Juyuan have business to see me about? Why don't you stay at the manor for dinner?"

Wei Shu was stunned for a moment.

Then he said: "I came to find Second Brother Yan. Second Brother Yan moved to a new home, and this is my first time visiting. I didn't expect it to be across from your Princess's manor."

Mu Wanyao: "...Oh."

Wei Shu stood in the rain, and Mu Wanyao sat in the carriage, staring at each other.

Wei Shu looked up at the Princess in confusion.

He was not a person who knew how to handle social situations, and he didn't know the awkwardness of the Princess at this moment. With the Princess not speaking, he just stood there silently watching; he couldn't be like Yan Shang and help the Princess out of her predicament...

With no one to break the tension, Mu Wanyao was incredibly embarrassed. Hating the situation, she let the curtain drop instantly, paying no more mind to Wei Shu.

Second Brother Yan.

He called it so affectionately... perhaps too affectionately.