The Vanishing Beauty - Chapter 6 - 6

Chapter 6 - 6

Yu Jia felt it was unfair.

She had originally thought that the matter was in the past, and that the three of them in three different places—though a home no longer looking like a home—could at least handle things calmly. Yet the day before, while on the phone talking about Sisi's studies, Yu Jia incidentally brought up taking a trip to Europe. Liren expressed opposition. Yu Jia did it deliberately; this was "retaliatory" consumption. Since she couldn't get any care from her husband and still had to manage everything inside and out, spending a bit more of his money was the least he could do. He owed her compensation.

Women all did this. If you couldn't keep a hold of the person, you grabbed the money, and the man still couldn't do a thing about it.

Didn't Liren threaten to leave with nothing? On this point, Yu Jia felt he was somewhat contradictory. Since he claimed he would leave with nothing, why was he tightening the purse strings so hard now? In fact, she could completely bypass asking for his opinion, take the money, and go straight on a trip—giving a heads-up beforehand was merely out of respect.

Yu Jia also ran into a major problem. In the past, Liren's salary card was in Yu Jia's hands, and he didn't fuss too much over money. Of course, he had his private stash of money, which she ignored—that was "accidental wealth." But she had to pinch every penny of the main income; meals, clothing, daily expenses, and social obligations all had to be managed by her. She needed hard cash in her hands.

Yet this month, no funds were deposited into the card. When she went to the bank to check, she was told the account had been canceled. Yu Jia couldn't help but call and question Liren. Liren wasn't agitated, saying that since he had changed units, his salary card had to be changed as well. Yu Jia said, "Is that so? Doesn't your old unit still continue to issue your salary? Why change it?"

Only then did Liren say, "I am now formally transferred, not just on temporary assignment."

Formally transferred? How could such a big deal be forgotten to be mentioned? Preposterous!

"For how long?"

"Five years." A full term in office. He was very calm. "We'll take it one step at a time."

"Don't go too far."

"What do you mean?"

"What about me? Don't you ever think about me? All day long I..." Yu Jia couldn't go on; the very words sounded ugly even to her own ears.

"A broken record."

"I won't divorce! You can give up that pipe dream!" Yu Jia grasped at her final straw.

"The only one who suffers then will be yourself," Liren said unceremoniously.

"I do not agree."

"Think it over again."

"I said I do not agree! If we die, we die together!" Yu Jia erupted. She couldn't control her tears as two rivers surged across her cheeks, rushing past the corners of her lips and turning into freefall.

"I know you're unreconciled," Liren said. "But have you ever thought about what good this does for yourself? You have no idea how terrifying your possessiveness is."

What was that supposed to mean? Terrifying? Was she a ghost? If she was, it was he who forced her to be!

"I'm coming over next week." She made up her mind. She would resign. A hen follows a dog, a chicken follows a rooster—what was so great about the Northwest? She would just go, and even if she had to live in a cowshed, they were husband and wife. She wouldn't let him off the hook just like that.

"Jiajia—" His tone seemed to soften a bit.

"What, scared?" She shifted from weak to strong.

"I've just managed to achieve some results here; if you come, you'll only add to the chaos. You can't be so unreasonable," he urged.

"The unreasonable one is you!" Yu Jia roared. "After a man succeeds, he wants to abandon his wedded wife. Is there any heavenly justice in this?! Tell me the truth, is there someone else? Is there?!"

"You're hallucinating! You need to go see a doctor!"

"Fine, I'll go to the organization and let them judge. If I can't keep you in line, someone else will!" Yu Jia held her ground.

"The organization doesn't stipulate that people can't get a divorce!" Liren turned aggressive again. "Fine, you've exposed yourself, shown your true colors! Take a look at yourself in the mirror. With you acting like this, how can I live with you? You're a control freak! A lunatic!"

"And you?! You look all righteous on the outside! But inside you're filthy and disgusting! Don't you know what kind of person you are?!"

Out of control—completely out of control.

Liren understood she was referring to that incident, the "little stain" in his life, and immediately sneered. "Why? Don't you know why it turned out like that? It's because I have zero interest in you! Touching you is worse than touching a piece of pork!"

Yu Jia felt as though her heart had been pierced by millions of holes in an instant, and she let out a piercing scream of agony, "Di Liren! I won't divorce you even if I die! Let's perish together!"

Perish together.

For the entire night after the war broke out, this phrase bounced around chaotically in Yu Jia's mind. She wished she could grab a knife, rush over to the Northwest immediately, blindly stab him a few times, and then commit suicide. Yet a moment later, her sense of responsibility reclaimed the upper hand; she still had elders above her and a young child below her—she couldn't afford to die.

Then she would resign! Go to the Northwest to talk face-to-face, root herself in the West, find leaders, and petitioning. No, no, no, no divorce. Therefore, early the next morning, Yu Jia went to her workplace, wrote a resignation letter, printed it out, slipped it into an envelope, and placed it beneath her keyboard. She took it out, put it back in, and hesitated all over again. This job was hard-earned. If she impulsively resigned and went to the Northwest, once things didn't work out, Liren wouldn't help arrange anything for her anymore.

Even eating would become a problem.

Director Zhang passed by and, seeing Yu Jia clutching an envelope, asked casually, "Whose is that?" Yu Jia hurriedly tucked it away. "It's nothing." She fled hurriedly to the restroom, picked a cubicle, locked the door, tore it to shreds, and flushed it down with a torrent of water. She couldn't resign.

Returning to her desk, feeling completely soulless, the office telephone rang. Yu Jia answered it to find it was a man's voice. After listening for a long while, she finally figured out it was the office director from Liren's former unit, who was inviting Yu Jia to come over when she had time to pick up Liren's certificate of commendation. Since he had transferred away, these loose ends had to be handled cleanly.

The certificate lay on the coffee table, glowing a bright crimson, striking the eye as if parading and showing off before Yu Jia. Yu Jia collapsed onto the sofa, her limbs limp like wilted shrimp left in the sun. With her husband and daughter away, she allowed herself such lack of restraint; usually, whether sitting, standing, or walking, she held herself to strict standards. Orderly. Yu Jia discovered that she liked order—an orderly home environment, orderly relationships, and an orderly life. Her favorite actress was Momoe Yamaguchi, who, upon achieving fame, immediately returned to the family and never made a comeback. However, that required a Tomokazu Miura to cooperate, and Liren was certainly not her Tomokazu Miura.

For so many years, she had always tried to corral Liren and Sisi into her own system. Yet Sisi was still dead-set on breaking out, and Liren was still putting all his effort into climbing upward. From student union president to the big city, Liren's original aspiration remained unchanged. He possessed a desire for power, but he was also willing to sacrifice himself to serve the people. He was a good person to everyone—except to her. In front of her, he didn't mind playing the bad guy.

And what about herself? In the past, she had been so refined and elegant. She sang Kunqu opera, wrote prose, and painted watercolors. The "Jia" character in her name first appeared in Western Zhou bronze inscriptions, its original meaning being beauty, extended to mean auspiciousness, happiness, and joy. And now? Even she didn't like herself anymore. What was even worse was that she discovered her essence had changed, altered by life, by Liren, and by Sisi.

Someone knocked on the door. It was a courier delivery. Yu Jia took the package and only then realized it was a dress she had bought for the carnival—three pieces in total, pick one to keep and return the other two. Disgust. A wave of nausea rolled through her stomach. Why on earth did she do this? Wasn't it just a dress? Was it worth expending so much mental energy, saving money for whose benefit? Did Sisi care? Did Liren appreciate it? Or was it just meant to be stashed away in her private savings? She was now deliberately trying to give of herself, yet no one was willing to accept her love!

Yu Jia took a deep breath. No, she couldn't be like this. She had to hold on. She had to reclaim her essence bit by bit.

Life was a kind of resistance. It happened subtly; even if you won, you shouldn't brag about winning, and if you lost, you certainly shouldn't admit defeat. Let's stand our ground in this standoff, Di Liren! Yu Jia once again rallied her own spirit: No divorce! Absolutely not!