The Early Spring - Extra Chapter 14

Side Story 14 - Nian Tao

"Luan Nian, I want to talk about it starting from my very first year in Beijing." Shang Zhitao held Luan Nian's hand: "You won't find me too chatty, will you? I just really, really want to talk with you today."

I came to Beijing when I was twenty-two years old. I still remember that day to this very moment—my very first day in Beijing. It was raining in Beijing that day. Dragging my suitcase as I walked out of the railway station, I saw a dense, bustling crowd of people. Everyone walked in a hurry, and not a single person spared me a glance. In my hand, I held a map with a few lines of text written on it—directions from the station to my rented room that I had researched and asked about in advance. Standing alone in a unfamiliar railway station in an unfamiliar city, I was suddenly struck by an immense sense of panic. I didn't know what was waiting for me; I was a bit timid, yet filled with anticipation.

What I felt luckiest about was being able to move into that apartment, because it was there that I got to know my friends: Sun Yu, Zhang Lei, and Sun Yuanzhu, whose name I still don't dare to speak aloud even to this day.

In the summer of that year, on my first day of work, I sat on the first floor of Lingmei waiting to go through the onboarding procedures. You pushed open the coffee shop door and walked out, looking like an ancient deity. I thought to myself right then: How could there be a man like this in the world? Yet on the very first day we met, this man advised me to resign—and most importantly, I actually felt he was right.

Since childhood, I've been someone without grand ambitions in life. But this dog of a man managed to ignite my fighting spirit. Hey, don't pinch my face! What I'm saying is true. Back then, I genuinely thought you were a dog of a man.

My colleagues spoke in a mix of Chinese and English, and there was so, so much I couldn't understand. My panic grew worse by the day, and I thought to myself: If I can't overcome the language barrier, I'll be ousted sooner or later! Fortunately, I had Lumi and Tracy, who were always encouraging me. My friend found an English teacher for me at his alma mater. That English teacher had a very domineering Chinese name: Long Zhentian.

Long Zhentian taught me a lot of things, and together we explored the streets and alleys of Beijing on weekends. Well, not every weekend, because sometimes I had to work overtime. My first business trip was with you, Lumi, and Grace—we went to Guangzhou. Later on, for a few years, it so happened by coincidence that I would go to Guangzhou around that same time every year, so Guangzhou became a city I deeply loved.

That year, I felt work was far too difficult. I understood nothing, knew how to do nothing, and had to learn everything from scratch. And as for you? You always looked at me with that gaze of yours, as if saying: "How can you be so stupid?"

Even so, I still fell in love with you. A lot of girls at Lingmei liked you, and Kitty liked you too. One day, while Lumi and I were taking a walk downstairs, we overheard Kitty talking on the phone, saying: "I like my boss." I wasn't ashamed of this kind of crush, because liking someone is a wonderful thing in itself.

That first year was full of chaos and turmoil, and I lacked worldly experience. A lot of major crises that felt like the sky was falling down back then aren't even worth mentioning to the me of today.

During Lunar New Year that year, as I sat in our old house in Harbin looking at the thousands of household lights outside, I suddenly missed you terribly. You made me feel lonely.

In the blink of an eye, the second year arrived.

Life in the second year seemed a bit easier, and I seemed to have grown a bit stronger as well. A few things happened over those couple of years that made me feel truly happy. That year brought many firsts.

I had my very first trip with my friends. We went to Mount Tai. We started climbing in the middle of the night and hiked all the way until dawn the next morning. We were very lucky that day and got to see the sunrise. The sea of clouds was ethereal and breathtakingly beautiful. My friends and I took a lot of photos, and I still keep those photos to this day. You know what? Sometimes when I flip through those photos and look at myself now, I can see the marks left behind by time. Back then, we were all still young; we didn't need fancy clothes or heavy makeup to be beautiful. I loved that trip so much.

That was the year I went abroad for the first time, traveling to Phuket with my colleagues. I watched the ocean with you there; the sunrise was so beautiful, and I hoped I could watch countless sunrises and sunsets with you in this lifetime. My feelings for you back then were like those of someone who had never been in love before—offering up a completely whole and untarnished heart.

Also during that year, my first boss changed jobs and wanted to poach me to go with him. You said he only wanted to poach me because I was cheap and obedient, which hurt me for a long, long time. But it was also at that moment that I suddenly realized I should view myself objectively and take responsibility for every single decision I made.

That year, I encountered a shady rental agency. I was terrified to the extreme, even doubting this world a little bit—how could there be such bad people? Going with my roommates to fight those shady agents, naive as we were, we simply had no idea how treacherous society could be. In the end, we actually had to rely on your help. Oh, right, Lumi even wanted to smash up their shop for my sake.

That year, the thing that made me happiest was adopting Luke. Yes, I know you knew all along that I named him Luke because I was in love with Luke, and Luke was the treasure of my heart whom no one could replace. Luke was so cute when he was little—do you still remember how he looked? Running up to you like a little snowball, rubbing against your pant legs. He even peed in your house, and back then you found him so, so repulsive. But I never found Luke repulsive; I loved him so much. He could understand what I said and would stay by my side no matter what. Sometimes I would scold him, and what about him? He would always stick his tongue out and beam at me. Luke is the only thing in this life that belonged entirely to me, and I love him so much. When you weren't by my side, Luke was Luke. But I would feel sad too. What made me saddest was seeing Luke grow older day by day. I know he won't live for much longer, and whenever I think about that, I can't control my tears.

Shang Zhitao lowered her head and wiped her tears. As one experiences more and more in life, the heart develops a sense of numbness under the grinding of time. Yet there are always certain people and certain things that can bring you to tears with ease. We call these people and things the few remaining "soft spots" within our hearts.

Luan Nian handed her a tissue and said to her: "I've brought Luke for checkups, and Doctor Liang checked him too. She said his internal organs are in great shape, and living another four or five years won't be a problem."

"Don't comfort me, I know. I check the lifespan of large dogs every single day."

Luan Nian said no more. Everyone knew he had a canine son. It was hard for anyone to imagine that a person like him could love a dog so fiercely. Yet he simply loved Luke dearly.

After a long, long time, Shang Zhitao stopped crying.

I didn't really like the third year.

Because in the third year, a truly, truly disgusting person appeared. Even now, thinking about him still makes me feel sick. I saw Kitty enter his room, yet he sent messages to me, and he even tried to bully other female colleagues—he was utterly repulsive. My colleagues in Chengdu would tremble with fear whenever he was brought up. That year, I often had nightmares featuring his ugly face. My friends taught me how to gather evidence and encouraged me to report him. I did, and I don't regret it.

Do you know, Luan Nian? I don't regret it at all. I feel extremely fortunate that during that year, I discovered I might actually be capable of becoming a brave person—a brave person who dared to stand up against authority.

That day when you walked into his office and grabbed him by the neck, my heart almost broke. It was so strange—my heart ached for myself, but it also ached for you. I knew your pain was real. Luan Nian, it was from that moment on that I became certain you definitely had an extraordinarily soft heart. It's just that this heart was wrapped in a hard shell—others couldn't see it, and you yourself would overlook it too.

Also, I liked that "Brave Heart" cocktail you mixed for me so, so much. Truly, that was the delicious cocktail I've ever tasted in my entire life.

In the fourth year, I finally made it to the Planning Department, studying under Grace. Grace was a good person back then; I simply underestimated the complexity of human nature at the time. That year, just like my first year, I kept learning non-stop. I don't have many memories of that year; I remember making a phone call to you from Mount Wutai, asking you very earnestly if you wanted to be with me. We began a normal relationship.

And you rejected me.

I still remember the night view of Victoria Harbour—it was truly beautiful.

By the fifth year, I went to the Northwest. I thought that going there would make it difficult for me to ever see you again. Yet almost whenever you had time, you would come. The county seat was tiny, and we were both afraid of running into acquaintances outside, so we holed up in my rented room, staying put for a day or two at a time. The wind in the Northwest was truly strong, taxi rides in the county seat were truly cheap, and the people of the Northwest were truly wonderful. Doing that project in the Northwest gave me immense satisfaction.

"Why did you come every week?" Shang Zhitao suddenly asked him.

"Because we said we would go on an adventure together. I keep my word."

Lying face to face, they had been chatting for a long, long time. Yet Shang Zhitao didn't feel sleepy; she still had so much left to say.

"In the fifth year, we went to Tibet together," Luan Nian said.

"Yes."

I liked Tibet.

The sunshine in Lhasa was so lovely, the smiles on the people's faces in the streets were warm, the milk tea was rich and fragrant, and the owner of that photo studio had truly great photography skills.

I truly loved that trip. I even thought that after that trip, we would welcome a forever together.

Shang Zhitao bit her lip.

The sixth year was her most painful. If there was any year in this lifetime that she couldn't cross over, it was the sixth year. Failing the competitive bid wasn't all that painful—that was merely a shattering of self-esteem. What was most painful was that the rosy clouds were so gorgeous that day, yet I lost my best friend.

Luan Nian grasped her hand.

There was a long silence between them in the dim light. This silence was also a strain of medicine, working to heal the mottled wounds in her heart. At first, the wound had been very deep, later forming a scab that eventually fell off, fading from dark to light until it was almost invisible. Yet when you ran your hand over it, you could still sense that it was different from the surrounding skin. A moment of immense agony must have occurred there.

Shang Zhitao's tears fell onto Luan Nian's palm: "That year, I left you."

I'm so glad I truly left you. Even though I never want to experience that kind of pain a second time. When I went back, it was winter; a heavy, heavy snow was falling over Harbin. My heart felt hollow, unable to ever be filled. Every night, I would step out into the snow and walk a long way, listening to a jumble of songs through my headphones. One day, in the lobby of a hotel near my home, I saw a man wearing a black cashmere overcoat, possessing an aloof posture and a distant silhouette. I thought it was you, and I almost broke down.

"It was me," Luan Nian said softly.

But back then, I didn't dare verify it. I was afraid that all my efforts would be in vain.

I started my business from the seventh year.

Starting a business was truly too difficult. Staying up late, socializing, immense pressure—for a period of time, my health broke down. My period either wouldn't come at all, or once it arrived, it would last for half a month. One day when I walked into the office, Fu Dong was startled upon seeing me. He said to me: "Boss, you didn't look like you had a speck of life in you that day."

My temper became terrible, and I would also cry in secret.

Fortunately, business gradually improved bit by bit, and I finally let go of you to begin a brand new life.

For the restaurant I opened for my parents, every single dish made was something I loved to eat, having eaten them continuously since childhood. I loved taking my friends to eat at the old tavern. Back then, fearing everyone wouldn't be able to find it, I hung lanterns at the tavern entrance. Those lanterns looked truly festive in the Harbin snow. When Sun Yu and Lumi saw them for the first time, they said to me: "This really is a world of warmth amidst the snow."

I love the phrase "a world of warmth amidst the snow." It makes me feel that all joy and pain are simply part of life itself, while pain is like the lanterns in the snow, capable of illuminating the road ahead into a bright, glowing red.

In the tenth year, I met you once again.

"I know the story that follows," Luan Nian brushed aside the strands of hair on her cheek. "I've been part of every single day of your life since."

"Thank you for treating me so well."

"And thank you, for being willing to love someone like me."

These were my ten-plus years of life. I've shed countless tears, and every single tear is a medal bestowed upon me by life—I've never regretted a single one. Today during the ribbon-cutting, you said to me: "Shang Zhitao, welcome back to Beijing." All those years suddenly rushed into my mind. I came to Beijing with dreams, and I left Beijing heartbroken, thinking I would never return again. Even if I came, I would only be a passerby in this city, never staying for long. Yet, I still came back. I will forever remember how I looked on my first day in Beijing—though battered and disheveled, it was the best time of my life.

If I were given a second chance to choose, I would still walk this path. This path was truly too beautiful. I only feel regret occasionally that time slips away so fleetingly, travelers by our side pass in a hurry, and we must always bid farewell.

"Luan Nian, are you sleepy? I'm sorry I talked so much today. If you're sleepy, let's go to sleep," Shang Zhitao said to him.

"I'm not sleepy. It's not dawn yet," Luan Nian said. Shang Zhitao rested her head on his arm, Nian Tao slept soundly in her crib, and Luke lay by the doorway with a streak of moonlight spilling inside—what a wonderful time.

"Then let me tell you about myself too," Luan Nian said.

"Talk about what?"

"Talk about the self-cultivation of a bastard."

"Sure. We can talk until dawn, or even until the next dawn. I think this bastard isn't always that much of a bastard sometimes. This bastard is an old-fashioned gentleman wearing the coat of a bastard, possessing an old-fashioned tenderness. I truly love this bastard to death, and I'm willing to remain entangled with him forever, entangled until death."

Then let's chat a bit longer!