On My Way - Chapter 9

Chapter 9 - He Is My Wildest Dream

I had fantasized about the scene of our reunion many times.

In every one of them, I was incredibly noble. I would be wearing a Chanel suit, carrying the latest designer bag; I would be composed, elegant, and indifferent, appearing effortless yet stunningly beautiful.

In reality, I hadn't washed my face this morning.

I hadn't washed my hair in a week either, and I was wearing a drab, soul-crushing down jacket. I looked haggard and full of hostility, with a smell of cigarettes on me that could be detected from eight hundred miles away.

"What are you doing here?"

He said, "This was designed by my team. We came to inspect the site this morning and happened to run into... you throwing a temper tantrum."

Honestly, in that moment, I truly wished the world would just boom and explode. This car, this street, this city, and that damn moon above—it would all be better off just blown to smithereens.

That was my internal monologue. On the surface, I didn't move a muscle and immediately pulled up a programmed smile: "Oh my god, what a coincidence! I have someone in the design institute now, hahaha! Come on, let me treat you to a meal; let’s eat and talk!"

Cheng Xia seemed stunned for a split second, but he didn't say anything, only replying, "Then let me go get the car."

He drove a silver-white Volvo, and inside the car was a warm, pleasant fragrance that made one feel drowsy.

He asked, "You're back, why didn't you get in touch with me?"

I said, "Oh, you know, just busy. I was thinking of looking you up after this project was wrapped up. I was wondering why this project was so outstanding; turns out it was designed by you kid..."

He remained silent, and as my chatter trailed off, a heavy silence filled the car.

After a long while, he said softly, "You weren't like this before."

What was I like before?

An overwhelming wave of sleepiness surged up. Even though I tried hard to keep my eyes open, I eventually sank into a deep slumber.

I had a dream.

I dreamed of six years ago, that late night when I had just stepped off the plane. The moment I turned my phone on, I received a call from Cheng Xia.

His voice was shaking uncontrollably: "Ren Dongxue, where did you run off to? I’ve called you over forty times; I even called the police..."

I said: "I came to Africa for work; I was on the plane. I’m sorry I forgot to tell you."

He seemed not to hear me and continued: "Where are you? I’m coming to find you right now!"

I said: "Where are you going to find me?! I told you I'm in Africa!"

He said: "Can you stop being mad at me, alright? Let's forget about the spicy hot pot. I’ll treat you to something good—hot pot or barbecue?"

I said: "I’m not joking with you; I’m really in Africa, and I can't go back for three years!"

He said: "Then what am I supposed to do?"

I said: "What?"

The phone call was abruptly disconnected. I stood there, stunned, for a long time, unsure if the signal had been bad or if he had suddenly gone insane.

Over these six years, I had actually returned home. Old Feng said that getting professional certifications was non-negotiable, so he covered my airfare.

Every time I returned, I had to use every second to see my grandmother, take her for check-ups, then take exams, and report back to the company...

I never went to see Cheng Xia.

Since that phone call, we hadn't spoken again. At first, I would see him in my social media feed as he pursued his master’s degree, wrote his thesis, and worked on projects... Later, he didn't post much anymore, and we gradually lost contact.

What would we say if we met? Rather than sitting in silence and exchanging superficial pleasantries, I preferred to treat that final, brutal argument as the conclusion to my grand, unrequited love.

When I opened my eyes again, what I saw was the ocean.

The deep blue sea was quiet and vast, with waves gently lapping against the shore, and an orange-red sun was painting the firmament red, layer by layer.

I suspected I was dreaming. Looking to my side, there was Cheng Xia, fast asleep and slumped over.

...It must be a dream.

In fact, if you count dreams, he had never really left my life.

Africa didn't have much in the way of entertainment. We took turns watching the equipment operate and the workers labor; for many, the monotony of life became unbearable after a while.

But I wasn't afraid.

During those nights on the African construction site, I had vast amounts of time to think about him.

I thought about when he was sixteen, wearing his school uniform and listening to music, sharing one of his earphones with me. I thought about the time we went to the movies together and I secretly leaned my head on his shoulder, his heartbeat thumping violently like a rabbit. I thought about the fist-width distance that separated us, and about how he once said we would be together forever...

There were also many shameless fantasies: if we were together one day, which city would we live in? Would we bicker? How would we raise our children...

I knew it was fake, but the more I thought about it, the sweeter my heart felt.

This was my own private wildest dream. It was my shade, my iced Americano, my custom-built VR game; it ensured that under the blazing African sun, I would never feel sleepy.

And now, the dream had upgraded to him sleeping right next to me.

He still had that fair, fine skin, long eyelashes, and a grayish stubble on his chin. I touched it—it felt a bit prickly.

"Ah... you're awake?" He opened his eyes, bleary with sleep.

The person in my dream had come to life?

"I was going to take you to eat, but as I was driving, I heard snoring next to me. I turned around and saw you were asleep," Cheng Xia said.

"Then you should have woken me up!"

"You were so tired, how could I have the heart? So I parked in a quiet spot to let you get some rest," he said. "Later on, I fell asleep too."

...What does it feel like to snore in front of the "white moonlight" you’ve been secretly in love with for ten years?

This joined my life's deluxe awkwardness package, replaying in 1080P high-definition in every slightly pretentious night that followed.

After Cheng Xia dropped me off at the construction site, I was still utterly distracted.

The computer screen was filled with a dense list of to-dos, but I couldn't get a single thing done. Just then, my phone rang like a death knell.

It was that subcontractor, President Chen.

He said that the workers had been drunk and blacked out yesterday, so he had fired the ringleader. He promised to finish the work on time and to quality standards in the future, saying we were friends and would have a long-term partnership, blah, blah, blah.

At that moment, my heart stopped for a few beats.

First, I certainly didn't have enough influence for this; it must have been Old Feng. Someone must have tipped him off.

Second, such a big event happened the day before, and I was just sitting here spacing out? This made me want to slap myself even more than angering a subcontractor did.

I steadied my mind, finished the work at hand, and went to find Old Feng.

Old Feng, of course, was not polite and chewed me out: "Engineer Li has a screw loose, but do you have one too? Didn't I tell you! On a construction site, there is no 'better'—as long as it passes the inspection, that's good! If you let him keep nitpicking like this, you won't even be able to release the next payment!"

I lowered my head as low as I could and said: "You're right. I just wanted so badly for it to be perfect that I didn't consider all the aspects."

He huffed, and after a long while, he said: "Alright, I’ve pushed a few WeChat contacts to you. Get those talks settled as soon as possible."

I was stunned. Right after Old Feng was transferred away, he had told me very clearly: "From now on, rely on yourself. I won't help you."

But now, the WeChat contacts he pushed to me—from material suppliers to construction teams—were all industry leaders. For them to be willing to cooperate at low prices, it had to mean he had already put in a good word for me.

With these resources, my project was 80% guaranteed to succeed, but...

"Teacher, actually, everything is moving along normally now. Give me a little more time; I want to gain more experience so that I can have a better handle on how things work in the future."

Old Feng looked up and stared at me. I could feel the sweat on the back of my neck trickling down, drop by drop.

Actually, more than half of my contracts were still not finalized, but I had known since I was small that for someone who had nothing, one must avoid accepting favors they couldn't afford to pay back.

Especially from Old Feng, the man everyone thought I was having an affair with.

In our workplace, this was undoubtedly a sign of being ungrateful.

In the dead silence, my phone suddenly rang. Oh, merciful Buddha, even if it was a scam call, it was my savior at this moment.

"Do you have time after work tonight? Fang Qiang and the others know you're back and want to have dinner together." It was actually Cheng Xia.

"Ah, I see. You guys handle it first and wait for me to get back."

"What?"

"I know it's urgent; I’ll be back immediately. Okay, okay, okay!"

"Hello? Ren Dongxue, this is Cheng Xia. What are you talking about..."

I hung up the phone and said humbly to Old Feng: "Teacher, there’s an issue at the construction site, so I’ll just..."

Old Feng had long since lowered his head to continue reading his documents; hearing this, he simply waved his hand, signaling for me to leave.

After walking out, I went to the restroom to call Cheng Xia back.

"There was a superior there, wasn't there?" he laughed on the other end.

"You knew and you still called!" I said, frantic with anger.

"Sorry, sorry, I didn't correctly interpret the situation with the boss. By the way, you aren't feeling unwell today, are you..."

His long-lost, warm voice made my whole body relax. I looked up into the mirror and realized I had been grinning like an idiot.

I had always pretended to be an adult, but with him, I always felt like a child.

I finished work after ten o'clock at night and took a taxi to that Chaoshan hot pot restaurant.

Fang Qiang and a few others stood up and waved at me: "Sister Xue, over here!"

They were all Cheng Xia's roommates, a group of very cute big boys who got along well with me.

"Sorry for being so late," I said with a smile. "This meal is on me, nobody fight me on this!"

"How can we let a lady pay!" Fang Qiang said. "We’ve got it."

Fang Qiang and Cheng Xia went to the same design institute, while Guo Changjian had gone to work at a university, and Qian Langfeng had entered the civil service and was already married—he had brought his wife along this time.

They probably hadn't gathered in a long time; laughter and conversation flowed constantly. Cheng Xia, however, didn't talk much, only busy adding meat and vegetables to everyone's bowls.

This was quite strange. In the past, whenever I ate with them, Cheng Xia was always the one who talked the most.

In the middle of the meal, I pretended to go to the restroom, but actually went to pay the bill—I could ignore Cheng Xia, but the others were all potential resources for me.

While paying at the front desk, I stood behind the refrigerator. They couldn't see me, but I could hear their conversation very clearly.

Qian Langfeng’s wife said: "You said she was the goddess from your school days, I thought she’d be a great beauty."

Qian Langfeng said: "She really was back in school. Once Dongxue arrived, half of our dorm building went crazy."

Fang Qiang chimed in: "Wasting six years in Africa and still ending up like this, she’s doing alright. It’s just a pity; if she had found a job based on her looks back then, it would have been better than grinding away at a construction site!"

Cheng Xia, who hadn't spoken the whole time, suddenly opened his mouth. He said, "I think she’s doing just fine right now.”