On My Way - Chapter 55

Chapter 55 - If I'm Not Satisfied With This, What Else Can I Do?

The defining characteristic of Manager Wang's company was that it felt a lot like playing house.

Of the six vice presidents, four were related by blood or marriage; the head of finance was his sister-in-law, and the head of logistics was his great-uncle.

Often, in the middle of a meeting, someone would suddenly get the urge to play cards. If not that, they would get a burst of "corporate spirit" and spend the entire night working on a concrete pour.

In this environment, I thrived.

I was responsible for budgets, reviewing drawings, handling complaints... and I even had to provide cover for his mistress. The mistress happened to be my assistant, so the boss's wife trusted me, and by extension, she trusted the mistress too.

My salary was just over ten thousand, but in our small hometown, that wasn't just enough to get by—it made me a high earner.

Life flowed by like water, save for the fact that I began to lie awake night after night.

I saw a doctor, who prescribed me a sedative. When I looked it up, I found that it primarily suppressed overly active thinking.

I didn't take it; subconsciously, I didn't want to let myself go numb.

When I was in love with Cheng Xia, I used to lie awake too, but that was because I was so excited that my heart would beat an extra rhythm faster than usual.

He would lean against the headboard and read me simple stories. His voice was beautiful, and slowly, I would drift off.

Out of so many stories, I only remember one: it told of a protagonist who was a humble shepherd. He set out to find his treasure, yet he couldn't let go of the girl he loved.

An old man told him something to the effect of: if you ignore your destiny and just stay here, you’ll live a perfectly fine life, but the longer you stay in this place, the more your destiny will fade, until you can no longer even remember it.

I still remember the warm, amber light, the way he leaned against the camel-colored pillow as he read to me: "People know at a very young age what their reason for living is. Maybe that is why they give up on it so easily."

I usually get sleepy listening to anything remotely artistic; I don't know why this story left such a deep impression on me.

As it turns out, I wanted a clean, respectable life; I wanted to be like Cheng Xia.

But the moment I came closest to him, all I felt was emptiness.

Now, I don't know what I want.

Yet, I clearly feel something urging me onward. This is the source of my anxiety.

If I am not satisfied with this, what else can I do?

My mental state began to noticeably deteriorate. I would be sleepy during the day and wide awake at night.

Grandma, on the other hand, was in high spirits and could already go out for strolls along the street on her own.

Her favorite thing to do was visit the "matchmaking corner," and every day she would bring back a stack of photos, looking like a deck of playing cards, to show me.

"Look at this young man, how handsome he is!"

"This one is so handsome! Hey! He looks just like Zhao Benshan when he was young!"

Grandma slapped me lightly: "Stop talking nonsense!"

She took out another one: "Look at this one, a civil servant, a very spirited lad."

"With a little face like that, two years from now I’ll have just enough time to host his sixtieth birthday celebration."

Grandma threw the photos down, genuinely angry, and started cursing: "You little brat—"

I quickly coaxed her: "I’m just teasing you! I look disheveled and dusty all day; who would ever take a liking to me?"

"Nonsense! My granddaughter is sensible and capable," she said. "A man would need eight lifetimes of good fortune to be able to marry you."

She bowed her head, picking through the photos as she muttered, "How many more days can I stay with you? You don't have any family... who will love you in the future?"

I couldn't tell her that when I was sixteen, I had used up all the capacity I had for love for the rest of my life.

I also couldn't tell her that I wouldn't fall for anyone again, so I didn't want to share my money with any man.

I could only say, "Alright, I'll go."

—

I went on no fewer than fifty blind dates.

Slowly, I figured out the trick.

The thing about blind dates is, you have to go to a restaurant that is actually pretty good to begin with, or a place you’ve been meaning to visit anyway.

Just treat it like finding a companion to hang out with; that way, the day isn't a total waste.

It was a winter dusk.

The other party had arranged to meet at a Western-style restaurant that, for some reason, sold both spicy hotpot and pasta.

I rushed over after work, too lazy to dress up. I wore a black down jacket, and my hair hadn't been washed in three days; it was oily enough to fry a meal.

"You are Mr. Zhou Ting, right?"

"Correct."

He had clearly made an effort; he’d styled his hair and wore a blue tracksuit. His face was round, his features were regular, and he looked quite cute when he smiled.

"I'm so sorry! I was late getting off work. Tell you what, this meal is on me." I picked up the menu and said, "What would you like to eat?"

He panicked, pushing the menu toward me frantically: "I'll pay! I'll pay! How could I let a girl pay for dinner?"

I glanced at him. His face turned a deep red, and he kept staring at me.

His gaze made my skin crawl. Could this guy be some kind of creep?

"Uh, what do you like to eat?"

"Spicy hotpot is fine," he said.

I looked up at him, and suddenly asked, "Are you... where did you go to high school?"

He laughed with a sense of relief: "You finally recognized me."

I studied him for a moment and slapped my thigh: "Right! I knew you looked familiar! It's you! You... what's your name again—"

"Zhou Ting."

He smiled too, his eyes bright.

"Right, right, right. Goodness, I thought it was just someone with the same name."

He was actually my classmate from vocational school, but back then I was so busy reading novels and chasing Cheng Xia that I had completely forgotten him.

In my memory, he didn't look like this either; he used to wear little round glasses, he was chubby, never said a word, and spent every day playing games under his desk.

"I didn't expect it would really be you," he said with a smile. "You, Ren Dongxue, actually coming on a blind date."

"Why can't I go on a blind date?" I laughed back.

"I mean, so many people in our class liked you. I thought your kids would be grown up by now."

I waved my hand: "I spent so much time on construction sites that I grew a beard; I’d forgotten I had such a glorious history."

The blind date quickly turned into an old classmate reunion.

I learned that the girls who used to read That Guy is Cool with me were now working in insurance, doing micro-business, or had become administrative teachers at our vocational school.

Most of those boys with faces full of acne had also become fathers.

After we finished a large pot of spicy hotpot, we ordered two coffees and then a large cup of ice cream.

Once he started talking, he was that familiar type of Northeast boy: straightforward and absolutely conversational.

He was that familiar type of Northeast boy—a bit shy, but honest and frank, laughing until his eyes curved into crescents as he spoke.

Moreover, he never let the conversation die. I didn't have many friends around here, and it had been a long time since I’d had such a refreshing chat.

After the restaurant closed, we were still enjoying ourselves, so we just decided to walk home together.

He said, "Why did you end up on construction sites? Isn't it better for a girl to do something like administrative work?"

"I love it. Some people love brushes, ink, paper, and inkstones; I just love steel and concrete," I said, spouting nonsense.

He lowered his head and laughed softly to himself.

"And you?"

"I don't really have anything I love. My parents run a restaurant, and after I graduated, I just managed it for them. I can make a few hundred thousand a year now."

"Not bad for you." I sighed in genuine admiration.

I had always thought I was the one doing well among my classmates, but I still couldn't compete with these "natural-born winners."

"It's nothing, it’s all my parents... I haven't even been outside this small city." He became embarrassed again: "It’s so great to be you, always out there exploring the world."

"Then why are you only looking for a partner now?" I asked.

The more we talked, the more the romantic tension vanished, and suddenly I felt like a wise older sister.

In small cities like ours, generally, the better your conditions are, the earlier you get married.

He scratched his head and said, "When I started running the restaurant, I caused a massive disaster—I blew up the kitchen. Luckily no one died, but my dad had to pay a lot of money in damages. I put all my focus into making money for him, broke up with my girlfriend, and just stayed single until now."

"Sigh, earn money first, settle down later—that's good."

"What about you? You didn't end up with that boy from High School No. 1?" he said. "Back then, you used to run over there the moment school was out."

I smiled: "We broke up."

As if to punctuate my sentence, snowflakes began to drift down from the sky, white and cold.

I suddenly woke up: "Hey, how did we end up talking like this and walking all the way here?"

This was actually near the neighborhood where my grandmother and I used to live.

"Don't you live here?"

"I moved a long time ago. It's snowing; you should hurry home." I quickly tried to hail a taxi, but couldn't catch one for a long time. Just then, Zhou Ting held up his keys: "Actually, I drove here."

"Why didn't you say so earlier!"

We walked back to the restaurant to get his car, snow covering our heads. His car was a Tesla. He let me drive for a while; it was actually quite interesting.

We chatted and laughed until we quickly arrived at my front door.

"See you!" I waved.

He smiled at me, looking serious: "I know a place that has really delicious spicy hotpot. I'll take you there next time!" I froze for a moment, and said, "Actually, I don't really love eating that so much anymore."

His expression was a bit blank. I couldn't bear it and wanted to say something else.

Just then, I heard a voice call out from behind me.

"Dongxue—”