On My Way - Chapter 4

Chapter 4 - The God Said, You Wasted a Wish

I stood up with a start and said, "Cheng Xia, don't you have things to do tomorrow?"

"Huh?" He glanced at me, then seemed to realize. "Oh, right."

I saw him and his mother out the door.

Cheng Xia’s mother kept telling me to come over to their house to play. I was so distraught that I no longer knew how to react.

What could I say?

I had never hidden my family circumstances, and I didn't think having a grandmother who liked to collect recyclables was something to be ashamed of, but I didn't want him to see it.

Of all people, he was the one I didn't want to see it.

"How did you know my address?" I asked in a low voice.

"Didn't I bring you home before? When I called and you didn't pick up, I called your name downstairs and your grandma opened the door."

Seeing that I didn't speak, Cheng Xia added, "Then it's settled, okay?"

Cheng Xia’s mother was also beside us, saying, "Sorry for the trouble, Dongxue."

"Huh?" I finally snapped back to reality. "Say what?"

Cheng Xia tsked and said, "What have you been listening to this whole time? You have a driver's license, right? I was saying, we're going to go pray to the gods together tomorrow. Could you help us by driving?"

In our area, we have the custom of praying to the gods on the first day of the Lunar New Year. However, the temple is too far away. Families like ours who don't have a car just burn incense at home, but families like Cheng Xia’s go to the temple early in the morning to offer incense.

"Oh... okay."

Actually, how could I refuse? When have I ever refused a request from you?

Why did you have to come to my house? Why?

So please, just leave, you and your mother. Stop with the polite pleasantries.

My face was already burning red.

At three in the morning, I went to Cheng Xia's house to pick him up.

It was the best residential complex in the entire city, lush and green even in this season. There were really a lot of his family members; they tumbled down noisily, and Cheng Xia’s mother held my hand as she introduced me: "This is Xia-xia’s classmate. She's helping our family by driving today."

"Xia-xia needs to get his license quickly. There's no reason to make a girl drive," said a woman wearing a cheongsam paired with a mink coat, smiling as she took my hand. "This girl is truly beautiful."

"I know, the car is already bought, he just can't pass the test," Cheng Xia’s mother said with a playful scold, then introduced her to me: "This is your Third Aunt."

I smiled and said, "Hello, Third Aunt. Your taste is impeccable. Most people wouldn't be able to carry off this outfit with such elegance."

"The young lady has a good eye. I picked out the fabric myself and watched the tailor make it."

The family members riding in my car were precisely this Third Aunt's family. Cheng Xia sat in the front passenger seat, nodding off.

"Xia-xia, you can't sleep in the front passenger seat; it affects the driver."

"It's fine, I slept during the day, I’m full of energy. Aunt, Uncle, you two take a nap too," I laughed.

"Alright, if you get tired, let us know, we'll trade off driving with your uncle."

She followed the suggestion and fell asleep in the back, while her husband was not as smooth as she was; he just nodded at me and closed his eyes.

Everyone in the car fell into a deep sleep, except for Third Aunt’s little boy, who was alert and curious. He poked his head out and asked, "Big Sister, are you my brother’s girlfriend?"

I laughed. "Guess!"

He thought for a moment, then shook his head.

"Why?"

"The big sister on my brother’s phone screen is prettier than you."

The car was very quiet, with only the sound of rhythmic breathing. Cheng Xia was leaning to one side, fast asleep.

I gripped the steering wheel, and only after the car had successfully merged onto the highway did I say softly, "Oh, is that so?"

We drove windingly up the mountain road, and when we arrived at the temple, it was actually bustling with people.

Cheng Xia’s family scattered into the crowd, each going off to seek blessings from the gods. A bundle of incense cost five hundred yuan, so I didn't squeeze forward and went to the side to wait for them to finish.

Looking down from the mountain, the dark green pine branches were weighed down heavily by snow. The first ray of golden morning light hit them, creating a breathtaking beauty.

"What are you doing?" Cheng Xia appeared by my side, I don't know when.

"Watching the sunrise."

"Big Sister, we’re done watching the sunrise, aren't we? Come offer incense!" he said, irritated, grabbing my wrist and pulling me away.

Inside the main hall, the Buddha sat in solemn grandeur, and the common folk were all knelt in rows.

Cheng Xia handed me some incense. "Remember to tell the Buddha your wish."

I bowed down, my mind completely blank.

The Buddha shouldn't look down on the poor, right?

Then, let me fly, Buddha. I want to see places higher up.

Cheng Xia asked from the side, "What wish did you make?"

I teased him with a smile, "I hope that we will never be separated."

His face flushed, and he said testily, "There you go again."

I smiled faintly and didn't speak again. Separated by the distance of a fist, I watched the layers of clouds gradually coloring the distance with him.

Then, I heard his casual voice say, "Of course we won't be separated. You wasted a wish."

After praying, we ate, and after eating, we went to play at a resort. We stayed for one night and went home the next day.

They were just like a happy family from a magazine. The older ones were fishing or sunbathing by the river; the younger ones were busy grilling; and some children were chasing each other, shrieking with excitement as they played with a puppy.

I kept rushing to do chores, helping them grill, fetching drinks, and playing with the children.

Someone asked who I was, and Cheng Xia’s mother would put her arm around my shoulder and say affectionately, "Xia-xia’s childhood friend. I treat her like my own daughter." I would then put on a smile and say, "I treat Auntie like my own mother, too."

That was why I helped by driving.

That was why I took care of Cheng Xia.

Beyond that, there was no other relationship.

The work wasn't heavy, but having to keep a smile on my face the entire time and chatter with every stranger was truly exhausting.

Cheng Xia stayed by my side the whole time, but with people coming and going, we didn't say much to each other.

Finally, when night fell, I threw myself onto the bed and stared out the window in a daze.

It was a mountain-view room. It looked fresh and open during the day, but at night, you could only see the silhouettes of the rolling mountains and a lonely, desolate moon.

Just then, a knock came at the door.

It was Cheng Xia. He was wearing that white down jacket, smiling brilliantly. "Let’s go! Let’s set off fireworks!"

He had bought a crate of fireworks and took me to the flat ground in front of the mountain to light them one by one. They were brilliant as a phantasm, then faded into darkness.

"You try one too!"

I wrapped myself in my down jacket and shook my head. "I’m afraid."

"What’s there to be afraid of?" He took my hand and set it off himself. "In ancient times, people used these to scare away wild beasts. We wave these, and all our bad luck will be scared away."

It was a posture similar to an embrace. My back was pressed against his chest, and my wrist was held in his hand.

There had always been a pleasant scent of laundry detergent on him, warm enough to make one drowsy.

I struggled out of his grasp and said, "I’m going back to sleep."

I turned and walked away.

He called my name behind me, and the more he called, the faster I walked.

Finally, he blocked my path and asked breathlessly, "Ren Dongxue, what’s wrong with you?"

I stood there, the temper I’d held in all day finally exploding. I said, "Cheng Xia, out of all the people in your family, can’t you find anyone else to drive? Why did you have to make me come here? Is it that a 'bootlicker' is a waste not to use? Or are you doing this on purpose to disgust me?"

Cheng Xia was stunned, then shouted in anger, "What are you talking about? Are you sick?"

"Yes, I am sick. I come from a family of junk pickers, yet I actually like you. I know I’m not worthy, but you could have just told me. Did you have to drag me here to look at your happy, big family and humiliate me?"

What do you take me for?

You know clearly that if you give me a little taste of sweetness, I’ll shamelessly raise all kinds of hopes, so why do you keep messing with me?

I was incoherent and wanted to say more, but a massive lump in my throat stopped me. I just looked at him, desperately holding back my tears.

Cheng Xia watched me for a long time, then turned and walked away.

After a few steps, he doubled back, pulled a tissue from his pocket, and wiped my tears messily.

"I’m really done with this. I asked you to drive because you told me you’d never prayed to the gods on the first day of the year, so I thought, why not just go with my family!" He was being forceful, and my face stung from his wiping.

"You’re in a bad mood, I asked you but you wouldn't say, so I did all this just to make you a little happier."

I said, "I don't need your pity."

"I’m not pitying you. Alright, fine, looking at your family situation, anyone would pity you, right?" He was frantic and almost shouting. "But my home is your home, my mother is your mother, do you understand? I want to give you what you don't have. Where did I go wrong?"

He started stuttering in his hurry, exactly like that high school student in my memories.

Even though I was very angry and felt very wronged, I was still amused to the point of laughing.

Seeing me laugh, he became even angrier. "You always think the worst of people. I never noticed that about you before."

I asked, "Then what about the girl on your phone?"

"What?"

"Your younger brother said I’m not as pretty as the girl on your phone."

He laughed in frustration and flipped open his phone to show me. "That’s Liu Yifei. Can you be as pretty as Liu Yifei?"

It was indeed Liu Yifei on the screen.

Taking advantage of my distraction, he tossed a handful of snow at me. "Ren Dongxue, I’ve realized you really are sick."

I quickly fought back, grabbing a handful of snow and stuffing it down his collar, causing him to howl from the cold.

Fireworks bloomed above our heads.

We stopped. He put his arm around my shoulder, and we stood side-by-side watching the phantasmagoria in the sky. This time, there was no distance of a fist between us.

Amidst the massive roar of the fireworks, he said to me.

"I will never look down on you, never. If anyone dares to look down on you, I’ll help you look down on them ten times over."

"Ren Dongxue, I quite like you, but not in a boy-girl way, you understand?" He said, "You grew up in such a bitter environment, yet you are more optimistic and loving than anyone. You're like a little leopard—fierce, beautiful, and ambitious."

Fireworks blossomed over his shoulder. He looked at me and said very earnestly, "You are very important to me; I don't want to lose you as a friend."

My tears finally fell. I nodded and smiled at him. "Okay."

"But Cheng Xia, you have to promise me one thing: if you ever like someone, you must tell me."

"Will you leave me?"

"Yes."

"I don't like anyone." He raised his hand and said, "I swear."

Cheng Xia, you really are a mother-fucking master of torture.