On My Way - Chapter 38

Chapter 38 - She Is Cold-Blooded and Indifferent to Her Own Kin

My father once said that while I might seem to smile at everyone, I am, at my core, the most callous person of all.

"Callous" is a dialect term from our hometown, used to describe someone who is cold-hearted, fierce, and ruthless.

When he left S City with my brother and stepmother, he cried in front of me.

"Dad is useless. Your stepmother doesn't even prepare a hot meal for me... And when I scolded your brother, he reached out to hit me."

The man who, a long, long time ago, used to carry me on his shoulders to see the lanterns, had grown old. His messy hair was mostly white.

I said: "Dad, hurry and get on the bus. You’ll miss it."

I had decided long ago that our remaining bond would consist of only one thousand yuan in monthly maintenance fees and insurance. Anything beyond that had nothing to do with me.

If I’m going to do something, I don't drag my feet.

That has always been my way.

This was the first time I had ever compromised.

The moment Cheng Xia fell into the water, the whole world plunged into a deathly silence. I desperately thought it was just a dream.

I jumped in. The seawater in the early morning was pitch-black and bitter. I swam frantically, wanting to save him.

But I felt nothing but a vast, boundless abyss of terror and despair.

A voice in my mind seemed to say coldly: He’s dead. The boy you loved most has vanished forever. Are you satisfied now?

I thought quietly, Yes, he’s dead. Whether I succeed in the future or not, he won't see it. All those sweet futures I secretly fantasized about no longer exist.

The whole world felt empty and dark.

Just then, I heard people shouting. It was that fishing boat. The fishermen on board, who knew how to swim, had also jumped in to rescue him.

In the ensuing chaos, Cheng Xia was taken away by an ambulance and pushed into the operating room.

I had never felt so desperate.

Over these years, I had experienced so much. I earned money and bought a house; it seemed I possessed so many things.

But only I knew that I was still that same girl who had nothing.

At work, I looked successful, but in reality, I lacked any true indispensability. The big bosses could kick me out at any moment and replace me with someone more convenient.

That was why I couldn't let any opportunity pass me by. I had to keep climbing without a moment's rest, just to briefly forget my anxiety.

I had no friends, and my only remaining relative was a very, very old grandmother who had always loved her son more.

The only thing I owned was that drive—that urge to run with long strides toward my moon.

Cheng Xia was that moon. At first, I just wanted to become someone like him, to stand side-by-side with him.

But later, after I had him, my fantasies became more concrete. I wanted to be with him forever, to have a wonderful wedding, to let everyone see my lover, and to make him proud of me...

He had long since become intertwined with the very blood of my dreams.

Now that he was dead, all of that had vanished.

And I was left with nothing.

—

When I awoke from those memories, I was already back on the grassland site, pouring concrete.

It was a crisp, clear autumn, and the grass was lush. The renovation of the villagers' old houses was more than half finished.

The sunroom, originally intended to keep things warm, had become the old folks' favorite place to hang out. They would pick vegetables, sew clothes, and soak up the sun here, while a dog lay at an elder's feet, sleeping spread-eagled.

"Big Sister, my grandma made braised mutton offal. Do you want some?" Harina called out to me from afar while riding her horse.

Braised mutton offal is a stew made from lamb innards, eaten with noodles. It’s spicy and leaves you covered in sweat after eating; I love it.

After finishing my work, I followed Harina home. Her family wasn't wealthy and relied on a few sheep to make a living, but her grandparents were very generous people and would always call for me whenever they made something meaty.

I would always bring some fruit in return; there was no one selling fruit here, so I had to go to town to buy it.

On the day I returned, Harina was waiting for me at the village entrance on her horse. The biting north wind blew through her braids, making her look like an elf of the grassland.

She didn't rush over to hug me, nor did she make a scene, as if that phone call from that afternoon had never happened.

It was only when she ran over to the site one day to ask if I wanted some milk tea that we officially made up—we just tacitly avoided mentioning Qinglong.

Qinglong’s compensation had been advanced by our company.

There was no help for it; if the matter wasn't handled properly, the villagers wouldn't allow construction to continue. Faced with the standoff, both sides ultimately compromised.

Just as I was eating my noodles, my phone rang again.

After answering, I quickly shoveled down a few more mouthfuls, preparing to leave.

Harina asked: "What’s wrong? Is that boyfriend of yours coming to see you?"

"No, it’s my leader calling for me. Grandma, Grandpa, I’m leaving now!"

I bowed, and the old couple nodded with smiles on their faces.

Harina chased me to the door and asked: "Then when will your boyfriend come to visit you?"

I was in such a rush that I left her question behind me.

—

I didn't know if I even had a boyfriend anymore.

Just as I didn't know why he had broken up with me.

We never had a proper conversation, and I never got the chance to tell him my decision.

His father had come over, told him to rest, and refused to let me visit him again.

I was isolated outside the hospital ward until evening, when I finally called the company.

The team sent to Ulegii Village was already preparing to set off. Although they had scolded me, they still preferred to have me go.

After all, Zhao Yu had been replaced, and a large number of people from the original project team had resigned. I was the one who understood the situation best.

Just as I reached the train station, I saw Cheng Xia.

He was standing in the crowded throng looking for something. The afternoon sunlight hit him, like a spotlight on a stage.

He wore a white down jacket over his hospital gown, looking as stunning as ever, like clouds drifting over a field of wheat.

I didn't know how he had found out about our train schedule, and I didn't know if he had seen me.

I only knew that, at that moment, I wanted to run over and speak to him, but a thousand words were blocked in my chest. I didn't know what to say, nor how to face him.

"Ticket check, let's go."

Old Feng pulled my arm, leading me into the ticket gate. The crowd surged; in the next instant, Cheng Xia had vanished into the sea of people.

I remembered a saying: Those who meet in a sea of people will eventually return to that sea.

Was this the ending? It felt too absurd. The person I had spent fourteen years and an entire youth loving...

Even after boarding the train, I was still dazed. Then, Cheng Xia sent me a WeChat message, just a short line: Dongxue, have a safe trip.

He had seen me. And he had seen Old Feng, who was traveling with me.

Yes, the person replacing Zhao Yu was Old Feng.

—

After I left Harina’s house, Old Feng’s car was waiting at the gate of the site. He rolled down the window and said: "I’m taking you to meet a business partner. We won't be back tonight."

"Understood."

I went into the site to arrange some work and pick up my toiletries, then got back into Old Feng’s car.

"Who are we meeting?"

"You’ll know when we get there."

Old Feng kept to his usual habits, remaining silent. We took turns driving for three hours, the surroundings growing more and more desolate, until we finally drove into a place resembling a private farm.

Layer upon layer of iron gates opened, and finally, we stepped out into a vast wilderness.

Under the night sky not far away, there was a bonfire, and the sounds of Mongolian singing drifted over. It seemed someone was holding a bonfire party.

I stepped out of the car, just about to ask Old Feng what kind of place this was.

With a thunderous roar, something scorching whizzed past my face.

Terrified, I collapsed onto the ground.

That was...

In the twilight, I looked up in disbelief. At the villa not far away, Chana was wiping a long hunting rifle in his hand while laughing toward us: "Sorry, I mistook you for a yellow sheep.”