On My Way - Chapter 37

Chapter 37 - Dongxue, Let’s Break Up

"Dependent Personality Disorder is constantly immersed in the fear of being abandoned. When the person they cling to wishes to end the relationship, a pathological sense of frustration arises, plunging the patient into a pain and despair they cannot bear on their own."

The events of that day are a blur to me now.

I only remember we had a hysterical argument. By the end, I felt it was impossible to communicate with him, so I could only coax him: "Let's go back, okay? I won't go through with it. You can't possibly keep me locked up here forever."

He replied, "The new project manager will set off in three days. We just need to stay here until then."

I nearly jumped up, screaming, "You're fucking insane!"

I made a reckless dash for the exit, but he grabbed me, his grip so powerful it felt like he was about to snap my arm.

We both tumbled onto the deck. I fought back, kicking and stomping on him, and bit down hard on his shoulder. He let out a cry of pain, but he never loosened his grip on me.

A man's strength is ultimately overwhelming. I was eventually carried back into the room and collapsed onto that bed.

"Don't touch me! If you dare touch me again, I’ll kill you. I mean it!" I roared like a lunatic.

He pinned me down and said, "It's too late. Why, exactly, must you leave?"

"I've told you a thousand times! I have to clean up the mess I made. Only then will I get my bonus and my promotion! Are you incapable of understanding human language?"

"You’ll have all of that even if you don't go back, I promise." He looked at me with such urgency, his eyes filled with profound sadness. "You will definitely be promoted. And even if you aren't, it doesn't matter... Just calculate your total salary, and I’ll give it to you."

I felt like I was going insane—so insane that I couldn't help but laugh out loud.

I believed him. After all, isn't there that old saying? A lifetime of bitter study cannot compare to the efforts of three generations. And the Cheng family’s reach went far beyond just three generations; he could afford to pay for my life, a life I had built through blood, sweat, and tears.

But it was different. How could I make him understand that it was different?

Seeing that I had stopped struggling, Cheng Xia pulled me carefully into his arms. "Seeing you only once a month is too painful. And there are so many men around you. Every day I wonder, what if you fall for someone who can ride horses and shoot arrows? What if you get tired of me? If you don't, why won't you reply to my messages?"

He kissed the top of my head, his breath warm against me. "Stay here, won't you?"

I had no strength left. I lay there blankly and said, "So, you’ve been seducing me since I got back, haven't you?"

Setting up a scheme for my father to occupy my house.

Using his resources to lure me into staying.

Ah, right. How could I forget the honey trap? He was even using intimacy to tempt me to stay here.

"You clearly enjoyed it yesterday, too. Stay, won't you..." He kissed behind my ear, exposing my delicate collarbone. I had to admit, he possessed a body that was undeniably beautiful.

Catching him off guard, I flipped over and pinned him down, grabbing a pen to press against him: "I said, don't you dare touch me again!"

He stared at me, his eyes sorrowful and weak. "I don't understand."

I looked at him and finally said the words: "You never loved me, Cheng Xia. We were just playing house, like a children's game."

If you truly loved me, you would care about what I like and what I want to do. You would understand how important this project is to me.

Instead, you act like a child who, unhappy about something, clutches his toy to his chest and refuses to let go.

I ultimately didn't hurt him and got up to leave.

Before I even reached the door, my arm was gripped tightly by Cheng Xia.

He said coldly, "Think whatever you want, but you aren't going anywhere."

All his vulnerability and gentleness vanished, wiped clean away. He yanked me back with cold, rigid force.

That ignited all the volatile rage inside me.

I swung that ballpoint pen in my hand frantically, attacking him. I don't know what I did; I only knew that no one, no one, was going to control my life!

When I came to my senses, the floor and Cheng Xia were spotted with blood. I had actually stabbed him with that dull pen tip.

The star lights, the photos, and the flowers that had looked so beautiful yesterday were scattered on the floor, looking like the aftermath of an apartment explosion.

How had we become like this? Had I gone mad, too? I sat on the floor, trembling, as the pen slipped from my fingertips.

Cheng Xia approached me and took my blood-stained hand, pressing it against his face.

He was smiling, his eyes gentle: "It's okay, Dongxue. It doesn't hurt at all."

He pulled me into his arms, squeezing tighter and tighter, as if he wanted to crush me. "We will never be apart again."

—

He cooked a meal, and we sat facing the sea under the sunset, eating grilled meat and clam soup, accompanied by a crate of cold beer. If this were just some random holiday, I would probably be very happy right now.

But at that moment, I had no appetite. I forced myself to eat big mouthfuls anyway; I wanted to leave, and I needed to conserve my strength.

If I returned to the company tomorrow, I should still be in time.

I once watched a movie.

The premise was that the heroine wanted to do something, but everyone around her tried frantically to stop her. In the end, the heroine realized she was dreaming; these people were manifestations of her dream, trying to keep her from waking up.

If my world were one giant dream, and the world itself was trying to stop me from climbing higher—turning into volatile bosses, greedy workers, and maniacal competitors—then it certainly shouldn't have turned into Cheng Xia.

He should have stood there, clean and bright, coated in a layer of soft, golden light.

Any dream with him in it ought to be a beautiful one.

At the thought, I couldn't hold back the tears. They fell into the soup; I hoped he hadn't seen.

After the meal, we took a short walk along the beach until the orange sun slowly sank below the horizon.

This should exhaust him, I thought.

When we returned, we were both exhausted. When he went to shower, I didn't run.

—The door was locked from the outside; the key was in his pocket.

The cabin was cold at night, and he turned on the heater. I lay on the bed, pretending to be drowsy.

He came back to bed and held me tight; the scent of citrus mixed with the cool crispness of mint.

"Actually, you don't love me at all, either," he said softly. "You never once asked how I spent these past six years. You never care about my life. You like my exterior, but you don't care for my soul."

I pretended to be asleep.

"But that's okay." He hugged me tighter. "I love you. Whatever you like me to be, that is who I will be."

With that, he raised his hand and slowly began to undo my buttons.

"I know you're not asleep. And I know you like this."

He opened my legs with gentle cruelty, exploring corners I hadn't even discovered myself.

I bit my lip desperately, not wanting to betray a hint of pleasure, but I still couldn't resist my body's instincts.

"Baby, I love you."

"I will make it so you can't leave me."

"Just like I can't leave you."

"Now." At the point of deepest intimacy, he suddenly stopped and whispered, "It's your turn to say 'I love you.'"

My body was like a taut bow, even my toes curled tight. Sweat dampened my temples. I didn't even know what nonsense I was spewing, but he sighed in satisfaction and leaned up to kiss me fiercely.

The scholars who couldn't resist the allure of the demons must have felt exactly the same.

Fear, guilt, struggle, and the joy of falling.

I endured this torture until the middle of the night, finally collapsing into sleep.

I had many chaotic dreams. In them, it was the vegetable market from years ago; just as I was about to close my stall, Cheng Xia turned into a monster with many tentacles, grabbing me and refusing to let me go.

I woke up exactly at four in the morning.

The sea breeze buffeted the cabin, with only the occasional cry of a seabird.

Cheng Xia was already in a deep sleep. I slowly, slowly moved the hand he had draped over my waist.

Then, not even daring to put on my shoes, I opened the door without a sound.

Outside, it was pitch black, with only the solitary light of a fishing boat in the distance.

I stole Cheng Xia's phone, planning to run along the beach to the main road and use it to call a taxi.

As for him—he could walk back himself.

Going insane meant having to pay the price. He would have to learn, eventually, that he couldn't keep me. I told myself this silently. My toes were aching from the rough ground.

When I finally got far enough away from the boat, I let out a long breath of relief, and my mood began to lift.

Just then, a light shone behind me. My heart tightened instantly, and I looked back, struggling.

I saw Cheng Xia. He was standing on the deck, watching me. The boat's floodlights were on, making his pale face crystal clear.

His lips moved, as if he had said something, but we were too far apart, and I couldn't hear him at all. I only knew I had to scramble away as fast as I could.

Behind me, there came a very faint sound. It sounded like... a splash.

It was only then that it finally registered.

He had said: "Dongxue, I've always wanted to die."

—

When Cheng Xia was being resuscitated, his father arrived.

The old man looked ten years older. This time, there was only cold indifference in his eyes when he looked at me.

"I told you, he is a sick man. I told you not to be with him, didn't I?"

"Yes."

"Do you know how happy he was after you two got together? Because you liked spicy hot pot, he practiced at home every day until he ruined several pots. Because you said his muscles weren't defined enough, he ran five kilometers every day. You don't use WeChat, and when he had a myocarditis flare-up, he didn't dare let you know... He was terrified that you wouldn't like him anymore."

I kept my head down, saying nothing.

"Yes, he is sick. So we did everything we could to make it up to you. Did I ever look down on your family background? Your father came over every single day to borrow money or ask for favors, and I never said a word." He trembled as he spoke. "Money, resources, time—he gave you everything he had, terrified that it wouldn't be enough! And you? You would go two or three days without replying to a message. Do you know that for his condition, the one thing he fears most is being alone?"

I let him roar at me, without a word in my defense.

He sighed deeply and said, "You don't have to be with him. But if you choose to, you have to bear the responsibility of being a patient's girlfriend. Otherwise, it is... destroying him to death."

Luckily, there were fishing boats nearby.

And luckily, there were no waves at the time.

Cheng Xia was rescued quickly and sent to the hospital.

He was finally out of danger, and his father went in to take care of him.

I stayed in the hallway outside until nighttime before slowly walking in.

I said, "I'm sorry, Cheng Xia. I won't go through with it. I didn't think... I'm sorry. Please don't die..."

Halfway through, I finally broke down in sobs.

Cheng Xia’s lips were pale; he stared at me blankly for a long time. Finally, he spoke:

"Dongxue, let's break up.”