On My Way - Chapter 26

Chapter 26 - Cheng Xia, You Have Nothing to Fear

Bater took me to visit the villagers door-to-door. Since I couldn't understand them and they had an instinctive repulsion toward the construction team, we were chased away before we could get two sentences out.

However, I could basically determine that their reasons were much the same as what Qinglong had said.

Most of the houses in Uleji Village were self-built; they were dilapidated and offered little protection against the wind. Naturally, they had grievances seeing new houses rising from the flat ground right next door.

I compiled this information into a report and went to the hospital ward to update Zhao Yu.

Zhao Yu was a Beijing native, not yet forty, and he spoke as fast as he thought. When he heard the reason, he nearly jumped out of his skin.

"This is truly a case of 'the old woman getting on the kang'—it’s laughable! It’s not like I forced them to live in those crumbling shacks! How did that earn me a shovel to the head!"

Bater said from the side, "Stay calm. Resolving conflicts among the people requires proceeding from reality and moving forward step-by-step..."

"I don't understand what you're saying!" Zhao Yu waved a large hand and said to me, "I think the solution to the conflict is damn simple: the county puts up the money, we put in the labor, and we fix up their old houses too. Once the villagers have peace of mind, they’ll stop causing trouble."

That was actually a viable approach.

"But the county has no money!" Bater sighed three times in one breath. "The road repairs the year before last... the new seedling promotion last year... and next year we still have to..."

"Then what are we supposed to do!" Zhao Yu’s round eyes glared with rage. "Are we going to force the construction? And let someone hit me with another shovel?"

Bater hung his head, his 1.9-meter frame looking more like he was 1.49 meters tall.

I had heard in the company that Zhao Yu was a fierce general. He was always the first to charge in when the company opened up new territories, which was why he was so swift and decisive in his actions.

But he had a tough, rigid style, and the villagers here were tough, too—the kind of tough that didn't understand anything and dared to swing a shovel at your head.

I said, "Director Zhao, please focus on recovering first. Don't be anxious. You also know that there are several young toughs here who are practically like wild beasts. If we have a safety accident, the loss will outweigh the gain."

"I don't want to be sick, but I have no choice!" Zhao Yu shook his bandage-wrapped head to demonstrate. "A concussion! It feels like egg sauce inside my brain right now!"

Bater and I quickly held him still at the same time: "Don't shake it!"

After leaving the ward, Bater dutifully insisted on going door-to-door to convince the villagers, but I told him it wasn't necessary yet.

They wanted benefits, and we couldn't provide them. No matter how much we talked, it would be useless.

"Then what do we do? The county attaches great importance to this project. If it can't move forward..." Bater’s eyes turned red, and he started sighing again: "The county has no money—"

Stop!

I said, "Don't worry. Let's put aside the talk of money for now. We will definitely come up with a solution to the problem. If it’s convenient for you, could you schedule a meeting with the county leaders for next Monday?"

Bater said, "I'll try my best. What are you planning to do in the next two days?"

I said, "I need to make a trip home."

I flew back. The company wouldn't reimburse me; I paid for it out of my own pocket.

I went straight to the company to report the situation as soon as I landed, held a five-hour meeting in one go, and then rushed home as fast as I could.

My grandmother was arguing with the nanny. When she saw me return, she showed me her little notebook, in which she had recorded even the length of time the nanny spent using the bathroom.

"I don't need a nanny!" she said. "I’m quite peaceful on my own."

I said, "This is not up for discussion. I don't feel at ease with you being home alone. I will change the nanny later, and you must use one."

I booked four or five interviews with nannies online in one go.

By the time I finished, it was already two in the morning.

I took a shower, then revised the project proposal, falling asleep on the desk for a while in the middle of it.

At six o'clock, I got up to shower and put on makeup.

At seven, I took a taxi to Cheng Xia's place.

When I opened the door, the warm light of dawn was streaming in through the floor-to-ceiling windows. Cheng Xia was curled up on the carpet, sleeping.

He had said that when his insomnia was severe, he would pace around the room endlessly, and when he was too tired to go on, he would collapse onto the floor to sleep.

I sat to one side and watched him quietly. He was truly beautiful, like a little prince from a fairy tale sleeping on flower petals.

Late on the night I left, we sat amidst the wreckage of the room for who knows how long.

He gazed at me, the frantic excitement in his eyes slowly fading away. He seemed to finally realize what a terrifying thing he had done, and he mumbled, "...I'm sorry... I think I was crazy... I..."

I said, "Give me my phone."

He went into the room to get it and said in a low voice, "I'm sorry, I... I ruined everything. I'm trash."

I took the phone and then slowly, slowly leaned toward him.

"Listen to me, Cheng Xia," I gently reached out and held him. "You aren't trash; you're just sick."

Cheng Xia shuddered. I held him and slowly comforted him.

"I can't do anything right," Cheng Xia lay on my lap, speaking like someone in a dream. "I thought I was really something, but after I joined the design institute, I realized that I couldn't design anything I wanted to... The clients all think my work is absolute garbage."

"Hmm."

"I don't think it's garbage... But everything I thought was right, they all said was wrong. Suddenly, I didn't know what was good and what was bad... Suddenly, I just... I couldn't do anything at all."

"Just because they say it's wrong doesn't necessarily mean it is," I said.

"I wanted to help my mother get justice. I investigated so much, I wrote so many materials. It was clearly the right thing to do, so why did no one handle it? Is it because I'm too stupid... It’s me... I can’t do anything." Tears streamed down his face, and he said softly, "I missed you so much. If you were here, you would tell me what's right and what's wrong... But you weren't here."

A dull pain bloomed in my heart. This pain had nothing to do with sorrow; it was like seeing a wild ox walking into the setting sun on the plains—it was groundless, yet it struck my heart directly.

Cheng Xia held me and said many, many things, incoherent and dreamlike.

He said, "I want to be with you, happy and steady like a dream. I'm so afraid of waking up."

He said, "No one can ever separate us, okay? Don't be separated, not even for a minute."

He finally closed his eyes slowly and fell asleep.

At that moment, something inside me shattered with a thunderous crash.

Only then did I realize that although I liked him so much, I had never once asked how he had spent the years we were apart.

I didn't even care about what he was like as a concrete human being. What I liked was that perfect version of him, the him without any flaws.

But now, I knew he wasn't perfect. He was fragile, naive, and prone to extremes. He was even sick.

As a living, breathing person, he was showing me his truest vulnerabilities and wounds.

...But I didn't know what to do either. I was so bewildered.

I could only cover him with a blanket and then get up to leave.

I knew he heard the sound of me leaving.

——

Cheng Xia slowly opened his eyes and looked at me blankly.

"Did you dream of me?" I looked at him with a smile.

He nodded and said softly, "I dreamt that you were walking so fast that I couldn't catch up no matter how hard I tried."

"Dreams are the opposite. I told you I would return soon, and I keep my word."

He hugged me suddenly, with such force that I was pinned to the carpet.

The crisp, clean scent of citrus enveloped me. His eyes were filled with tension and joy.

"I don't know anything about psychology either," I said. "I only know that if you’re sick, you see a doctor. From now on, I will come back to accompany you to see the doctor."

"What if it can't be cured?"

"If it can't be cured, then we keep treating it. I'm with you, what are you afraid of!" I raised my hand to touch his face: "Cheng Xia, you have nothing to fear."

"I love you."

Before I could finish, he kissed me with an almost fierce intensity. The sun had already risen, and in the room filled with clear, translucent sunlight, we kissed with all our hearts.

It was a kiss devoid of carnal desire, yet for the first time, I understood what it meant to have one's lips and teeth intertwined.

But occasionally, my mind wandered a bit.

I was thinking, what if he is cured? Would he still say "I love you"?