On My Way - Chapter 23

Chapter 23 - This Is What Cheng Xia Looks Like When Deeply in Love

Exhausted from the drinking and the all-nighter, I fell asleep the moment we returned.

The hotel bed was enormous and incredibly soft, permeated with the scent of high-end pine. I had never slept so soundly or thoroughly in my life.

Occasionally, I could feel him getting up, moving about on tiptoes to do something, and then I would feel the thin, cool morning light hit my eyelids, followed by the curtains being drawn shut.

I would roll over and sink back into a deep, heavy slumber.

When I truly woke up, the room was shrouded in darkness. For a fleeting moment, I forgot where I was and bolted upright in a panic.

"You're awake?" A voice came from nearby. It was Cheng Xia, rubbing his eyes as he reached over to turn on the bedside lamp.

The warm, yellow light made his features look exceptionally soft and fair.

As consciousness flooded back, two facts hit my mind with crystal clarity:

First, I was on vacation.

Second, Cheng Xia was now my boyfriend!

I sat there in a daze, feeling as though I were being submerged in an overwhelming tide of happiness.

Cheng Xia got up to wash his face and then poured me a glass of water. "You must be thirsty. I saw how soundly you were sleeping and didn't want to wake you."

I was indeed thirsty. The cool, sweet water rushed down my throat, soothing my insides, and I gulped down the whole glass from his hands.

Cheng Xia watched me and smiled, pouring me another before heading over to pull back the curtains.

Outside, the sky was ablaze with fire-red clouds. The warm-toned radiance flooded into the dark room, a sight so beautiful it was breathtaking.

"So beautiful," I rasped.

Cheng Xia turned back to look at me, his eyes gentle and bright, reflecting the stunning brilliance of the setting sun.

He returned to my side, set aside the water glass, and lowered his head to kiss me.

It was a lovely kiss—a kiss that belonged to Cheng Xia: gentle, lingering, like a freshly peeled tangerine.

I leaned backward, sinking into the ultra-soft pillows and mattress, which made you feel as though you could fall infinitely deeper.

He held me steady, then pressed his advantage, his fingers interlocking with mine.

Just then, the doorbell rang.

Startled from my blissful dream, I shoved him away, flustered as if we’d been caught in bed together.

Cheng Xia laughed helplessly and gave my forehead a reassuring kiss before getting up to open the door.

It was Yan Lei. He said, "We’re having a dinner get-together at the Banana Pavilion tonight. Should we head over together?"

"You go ahead. I still need a moment to get ready," Cheng Xia said.

"Get ready for what? You look perfectly..." Yan Lei caught sight of me, and his voice cut off abruptly.

This was so damn awkward!!

I could only greet him with as much feigned nonchalance as I could muster. For some reason, Yan Lei’s face suddenly flushed red. He muttered, "I'll go ahead, then," and fled as if escaping.

What the hell...

"What's wrong with him?" I checked my clothes in a panic. I was wearing a loose black sweater—there was nothing wrong with it.

"Probably because he's never been in a relationship," Cheng Xia shrugged and said to me, "Come on, let's go eat."

Dinner was at a buffet restaurant.

It wasn't a top-tier establishment, but the decor was beautiful—a minimalist Japanese style—with fresh seafood and exquisitely crafted Western desserts.

Yu Gong was there, too, with his wife. Many people were crowding around their table to pay their respects, making the area exceptionally packed and lively.

Logically, I should have gone over to say hello. In fact, I should have been actively networking with everyone; you never knew who might become a resource for me later.

But Cheng Xia was by my side.

He sat quietly in his seat. Whenever someone came to greet him, he would politely stand up for a brief exchange; when no one came, he simply continued eating, all while discussing our next itinerary with me. There was a beach one kilometer away with beautiful scenery we could walk along, and when we returned, there were hot springs in the hotel we could soak in...

So! Was the whole point of your team-building trip just to come here and eat?

Aren't you going to toast the leaders? Aren't you going to expand your connections?

But since he didn't move, I felt embarrassed to move either. I didn't even dare to take much of the good food! It was a buffet! I hadn't even eaten one-tenth of what I’d paid for!

I could only watch longingly as Cheng Xia methodically cut up a piece of cheese-baked shrimp and handed half to me.

At the front, Yan Lei had already grabbed a microphone and was singing "Glorious Years" in a duet with Yu Gong.

Just then, a few guys walked over to offer a toast. One of them said, "Good evening, Senior Brother. Hello, Senior Sister-in-law."

Cheng Xia stood up and introduced them: "This is my junior from S University; he works at our institute, too."

"Oh, we can't compare to you, Senior," they chatted for a bit before adding, "You’re being promoted to lead designer this year. If your team is short on people, please consider us. We’d really like to work under you."

Cheng Xia didn't say yes or no; he simply drank the offered toast and replied, "The overall market is tough right now. It's the same for everyone."

A lively guy said to me, "Sister-in-law, Senior Cheng was the most popular guy on campus at S University back in the day—he was a real heartthrob. How did you manage to win him over?"

How was I supposed to answer that? By telling him I pursued him persistently?

Cheng Xia’s junior immediately chimed in, "You wouldn't understand. They were a campus couple. I had just enrolled when they were hosting the school anniversary gala together. They were the perfect match."

Both Cheng Xia and I froze. I realized then that he was talking about the girlfriend Cheng Xia had when he was in graduate school.

She was cute, brilliant, and likely had hosted the anniversary gala.

But what I didn't expect was why they had mistaken me for her. Did they think we looked alike?

I was just about to speak up when a massive commotion erupted at the front, followed by a chorus of panicked shouting.

I looked back and saw Yu Gong clutching his heart and collapsing to the floor. The people around him were in a frenzy.

Cheng Xia ran over at lightning speed, performed emergency first aid on Yu Gong, and then dialed the emergency services.

Everything that followed felt like an absurd, fast-forwarded drama.

The ambulance arrived and took Yu Gong away. Since there wasn't much room in the vehicle, Cheng Xia drove a few people behind them to follow.

Before he left, he only had time to tell me, "You head back to the hotel first."

I only had time to give a soft "mm" in response.

But...

His jacket was still with me, and his phone was inside it.

I had originally wanted to take a taxi to bring it to him.

But I was afraid that if he didn't have his phone, we wouldn't be able to find each other, so I had to return to the hotel to wait for news.

I asked around to see if Yu Gong had any chronic conditions and checked online to see if it might be serious. Strangely, Yu Shixuan hadn't shown up today.

But I couldn't find anything out. After waiting for a while, I tried watching a movie in the room, but felt bored, so I used his laptop to attend an online lecture.

Yet my eyes kept drifting back to Cheng Xia’s jacket.

I wouldn't call myself a person with poor self-control.

But, but—thoughts like ghost fires kept rising in my heart, and they wouldn't go away.

Take a look, they whispered. Check his phone. See if he hasn't loved you all these years—see if he loved someone else.

Or check and see if this "high mountain flower" you believe in is truly as pure and flawless as you think.

Later, I reflected on why I was so obsessed with wanting to check his phone that night.

It was simply because everyone said he didn't love me, that he was merely yielding to the warmth I provided.

Yet, sometimes, I clearly and distinctly felt his love—in the little things he did for me, and the intensity of his kisses.

I wanted proof. I wanted proof that he loved me.

Even that junior's accidental remark, saying I looked like his girlfriend from his student days, stirred up dark, pathetic thoughts: Did he settle for me because he couldn't be with her? Did he find a girl who looked like me?

Is there a possibility that he has loved me all along? Could there be?

So, I sat on the toilet and locked the bathroom door tightly.

Then, with trembling hands, I unlocked his phone.

I knew all of Cheng Xia’s passwords.

He truly was a nearly perfect "white moonlight."

He posted photos of me on his social media without blocking anyone, patiently replying to every single person who asked: This is my girlfriend.

On WeChat, there wasn't a single ambiguous chat record with any girl. There wasn't even anything vaguely suggestive. If the other person made even a slight hint of flirtation, he ended the conversation firmly—this included Yu Shixuan.

He had sent her a very long message:

"Shixuan, first of all, thank you for your concern. However, we are merely colleagues. You coming to take care of me truly makes me feel incredibly awkward and uncomfortable. Please do not come by again in the future."

Yu Shixuan had sent a string of ellipses.

Then she said, "...You are really so narcissistic. I was just checking on you for my dad's sake."

Cheng Xia never replied.

His phone didn't even have porn on it... and I even had a few clips stored on mine.

I scrolled through this nonsense with a feigned air of indifference, though I didn't know who I was performing for. Perhaps, deep down, I was still hoping he would suddenly return and put an end to this uncontrollable, vile, and shameful behavior of mine.

But he didn't.

Finally, I opened the chat with that girl.

They had likely broken up a long time ago; the chat history was blank.

However, I could see her social media feed.

Back then, posts weren't restricted to a "three-day view," and she had frankly deleted nothing.

I saw them going to concerts together, spending New Year's Eve abroad, trading a book every week, and writing dense, detailed reviews. There were even chat logs she’d shared where they debated social issues intensely, using the playful term "opposing counsel."

I even found clues that led me to a letter he’d written to her on his computer:

"Babe, this is our first holiday together. I want to commemorate it in this traditional way."

So that was it. This is what Cheng Xia looks like when deeply in love:

Flustered, passionate, and jealous.

Not the version I saw every day—the gentle, meticulous, flawless one.

Overwhelmed by the thrill of prying and a massive sense of shame, I felt my face burning. I jumped into the hot spring with my clothes still on.

Why did I ever think he didn't love her?

She was his first love—the girl he chose right in front of me, a girl so brilliant and shining that one couldn't even summon the heart to envy her.

How could I have been so ridiculous to think a girl like that would be my... substitute?

And how could I have been so ridiculous to think he loved me?

Although I was alone in the pitch-black night, I still wanted to bury my head like an ostrich out of sheer embarrassment and shame.

Just then, the door opened. Cheng Xia was back.

"I didn't have my phone. Did you help me bring it back?"

"Yeah, it's charging by the bedside."

He let out a sigh of relief, opened the window, and walked over to me. "Yu Gong has been resuscitated. It was very dangerous."

"What exactly happened?"

"I don't know. It seems to be related to Yu Shixuan," he said. "As soon as he was out of danger, I hurried back... Why aren't you wearing a swimsuit? You'll catch a cold."

This was another of Cheng Xia's traits: he almost never gossiped.

He casually grabbed a bathrobe and prepared to drape it over me, saying, "You worked so hard to get this vacation; you should have a good time. I prepared some sparklers, and we can go to the beach to set them off in a bit. Then tomorrow we can go skiing, and I know of a particularly good restaurant for dinner that I want to take you to..."

I said, "Then when are we going to bed?"

His words stopped abruptly, and he stared at me in shock.

I stood there in my wet clothes, looking up into his eyes. "Do you want to sleep with me, Cheng Xia?"

This was perhaps the only thing the two of them hadn't done.

How pathetic—I wanted to win against her.

The bathrobe slid to the floor. Cheng Xia’s gaze became like an intense, inescapable whirlpool. He stared at me, took a deep breath, and asked, "May I?"

I remembered the care he had shown that girl—he hadn't even uttered a slightly suggestive joke to her—yet with me, there seemed to always be a layer of carnal desire mixed in.

Was it because he was an adult with desires, and I was just an easily accessible object that didn't need to be cherished?

I suddenly felt a wave of nausea, like watching the Buddha I worshipped commit a vulgar act.

I dodged his reaching hand and said, "I want to go home.”