On My Way - Chapter 22

Chapter 22 - No Ideal Is Worth Such Depravity

"This is my boyfriend, Cheng Xia," I said. "And this is our senior leader, Director Feng, whom I’ve told you about."

Cheng Xia reached out his hand, but Old Feng didn't notice. He just lit a cigarette and signaled for me to take one, too.

I don't usually smoke, especially not in front of Cheng Xia, but what else could I do at a time like this? I had to take one.

Old Feng leaned in and lit it for me himself.

Cheng Xia watched us puffing away in silence, remaining motionless until Old Feng asked, "Where do you work?"

"The Provincial Architectural Design Institute," he replied.

"Can you pull in 200,000 a year?" Old Feng asked.

Only then did I realize that Old Feng was truly drunk. The usual Old Feng was a man of few words; if you asked him to say even half a word more than necessary, he’d fire you on the spot.

But the drunk Old Feng was a questioning fanatic who could turn any location into an interrogation room.

Cheng Xia didn't answer, though; he just offered a polite smile.

The atmosphere suddenly turned awkward. Old Feng became even more aggressive: "It can't be lower than hers, right? I personally brought her up; I won't have her involved in some charity case!"

Cheng Xia’s expression didn't fluctuate at all. He simply said politely, "Director Feng, that is my personal privacy."

...He was so bold. My hand trembled so hard I could barely hold my cigarette. Given Old Feng’s aura, Cheng Xia was the first person ever to dare speak to him like that.

"Too embarrassed to say? A full-time architect at the Provincial Institute makes at most 250,000 a year," he said. "With that kind of money, are you planning to rely on the girl to buy a house when you get married?"

I rushed to smooth things over: "Director Feng! We’re just friends! You’re overthinking it!"

Old Feng didn't even look at me; he kept his eyes locked on Cheng Xia: "Is that so? Are you not planning to marry her?"

Old Feng was usually unflappable. This was the first time I had ever seen such overt emotion from him; I felt as if sparks were flying through the air.

Cheng Xia, however, remained calm. "What could that possibly have to do with you, Director Feng?"

"It has everything to do with me!" Old Feng grabbed me and pulled me toward him. "This girl has been working on projects with me since she was a teenager. When we were in Africa, we relied on each other for survival. To me, there is no one in this world closer than her! Am I supposed to watch her jump into a fire pit? Can I do that?"

I stared in shock at the hand Old Feng had placed on my shoulder.

Good heavens! He must be absolutely, completely wasted!

Cheng Xia finally showed a hint of emotion. He pulled me behind him, looked Old Feng in the eye, and said, "Director Feng, you’ve had too much to drink."

Old Feng started to speak again, but Cheng Xia cut him off.

"You don't know me, but I know a great deal about you—for instance, the Haicheng project from eleven years ago."

Old Feng's expression changed instantly. The way he looked at Cheng Xia could only be described as terrifying.

"Because the construction team deviated from the blueprints, a major safety accident occurred on-site, leaving five dead and three injured. The general supervisor took all the blame, but no one outside the inner circle knew that someone had been arbitrary and dictatorial, insisting on rushing the schedule despite the risks." Cheng Xia's voice was soft, but it landed like a thunderclap.

"After that, he was cast into the cold, only to be brought back six years ago for the Africa aid project. Regarding this so-called 'guidance' you provided my girlfriend—was the truth perhaps that at the time, you simply had no one else to use? I don't know."

In the deathly silence that followed, Cheng Xia looked at Old Feng with a hint of pity. "Director Feng, you’ve had too much to drink today. If there is another instance of you overstepping boundaries with my girlfriend, I will speak directly to Director An."

With that, he took my hand and we walked away. I stumbled as he shoved me into the car. I whispered incessantly, "Are you crazy? Have you had too much to drink, too?"

Cheng Xia said, "So, are you maintaining an ambiguous relationship with him to support your career growth at the company?"

"Of course not!"

"Then, setting boundaries is essential. It was him who crossed the line today." Cheng Xia started the car. I looked in the rearview mirror; Old Feng was still standing there blankly, like a dog that had been beaten.

My heart ached for some reason. Just as people dislike watching a hero grow old or a beauty fade, seeing someone you once thought was invincible suddenly become so pathetic makes your heart feel heavy.

As Cheng Xia drove, he took my hand and said, "If you don't want me to crash this car, stop looking at him."

Cheng Xia’s company team-building event was for two days and three nights at the ski resort.

He still took me to the hotel near the slopes. His colleagues had already checked in, and he said we could go skiing together the next day.

But my mind was nowhere near skiing. From the moment I got out of the car, I couldn't stop asking, "Do you think Old Feng will have a blackout tomorrow?"

"Are you telling the truth about knowing Director An?"

"Damn it, I have a feeling he’s going to have me silenced..."

Cheng Xia didn't answer. He checked in, took the key, went upstairs, and unlocked the door.

The moment the door opened, it finally dawned on me that the two of us were going to stay together tonight.

Before I could even react, Cheng Xia pushed me against the wall and kissed me deeply.

It was a rough kiss, crashing into the depths of my soul. I felt as if my entire being had suddenly collapsed and was being infinitely occupied.

It was too much...

This level of intensity...

My undergarments were pushed up. Cheng Xia’s fingers—cold, slender fingers—kneaded me heavily. I reached out to push him away, but he caught my hands and pinned them against the wall.

I could only tilt my head back to accept this rough, wanton kiss. I sank into an infinite, soft, and chaotic darkness, with that fierce sense of aggression spreading across every inch of my skin.

Cheng Xia finally stopped. He pressed his forehead against mine, panting slightly.

He used one hand to keep my wrists pinned above my head, while his other hand slowly snaked down my back, bringing a wave of trembling, electric numbness.

I trembled and whispered, "Cheng Xia..."

He said, "You are mine. I want you to look only at me, think only of me."

The next moment, his hand moved lower, forcefully parting my legs, and he pulled me onto his lap.

I had to wrap my legs around his waist, and some secret, wet places collided heavily together.

Cheng Xia had never asked me what my relationship was with Old Feng.

He hadn't asked before, and he didn't ask afterward.

He was just unusually frantic and cruel that night, like a knife prying open a clam.

It wasn't until I held him and started to cry that he reluctantly stopped.

It wasn't that I didn't want it; I had never entertained the idea of "guarding my chastity." I had actually thought before that if I couldn't have him, I would go sleep with him, and I wouldn't stop until I’d had my fill for a full day and night!

But this version of Cheng Xia was too strange.

For a moment, I had a bizarre feeling that the man on top of me was a total stranger—someone I had never truly known. That terrified me.

"What are you crying for? You coward." Cheng Xia carried me to the bed and wrapped me in the quilt.

In this moment, he seemed to have transformed back into the person I knew and longed for so deeply.

"You hurt me," I said softly. "How am I supposed to see anyone tomorrow?"

My neck and chest were covered in marks of varying depths.

"I'm sorry, I'm sorry. Bite me back." He held out his arm—it was such a fair, pale limb.

I lunged at him, baring my teeth, and gave him a hard bite.

We both laughed.

He looked so good when he laughed—so gentle and clean—and I felt my resolve melting away, corrupted by my own desires.

"Don't worry, you'll be fine," he said. "They are all sharp people; they’ll be sure to forget everything."

"And what if they don't!" I said. "You’d better be telling the truth about knowing Director An!"

Director An was our big boss.

He said, "I'm sorry, I was just bluffing."

I was so embarrassed and angry that I reached out and hit him.

I didn't know at the time that the Haicheng project incident was known to no one outside the high-level executives. Cheng Xia's knowledge of Old Feng was far more than "just asking around," which was why Old Feng had been so utterly devastated.

We messed around until we had no energy left, then lay on the bed, staring blankly.

Suddenly, he said, "There’s a line in a book I like: 'You hate them so much, and you've fought them for so long, yet in the end, you’ve become just like them. There is no ideal in this world worth such depravity.'"

"What does that mean?" I asked.

"Some things are more important than just climbing to the top." He stroked my hair and said, "You were already on your way to success step by step. Don't let your impatience make you unrecognizable."

I nodded, though in my heart I thought, only those who have already reached the top have the luxury of saying such things.

That day, we didn't end up skiing.

However, at the crack of dawn, we managed to sneak into the ski resort and take photos.

The snowy ground was the perfect reflector, especially for snow in the south. You could wear a dress and pose to your heart's content.

Having offended someone as powerful as Old Feng, I was in a state of reckless, "all bets are off" madness.

I screamed and shouted, striking all sorts of goofy poses, and tackled Cheng Xia into the snow, tickling him.

Cheng Xia just watched me and laughed, always indulging me.

At six in the morning, we sat in a convenience store, slurping instant noodles while posting on social media.

Me: "Happy vacation! Extra chicken drumsticks for the photographer."

I posted a grid of nine photos, with the centerpiece being a photo of Cheng Xia and me.

Then, I blocked Old Feng and all my colleagues.

After finishing, I noticed Cheng Xia had posted as well. He only posted one photo of me laughing foolishly in the snow.

The caption read: "The bright moon hangs high in the night sky, and beneath it, it is spring."

I said, "What's that supposed to mean?"

He looked at the warm, orange sun rising outside the window and smiled slightly. "Spring is here. I like spring.”