On My Way - Chapter 20

Chapter 20 - Dongxue, Take Big Strides Forward

That day in the study, Cheng Xia’s father told me that Cheng Xia was ill.

Before his mother was stabbed to death by that laid-off worker, she had been messaging him: Son, are you cold? I’m sending you a down jacket. [Smile]

Back then, Cheng Xia was very busy at the design institute—busy with work, busy socializing, busy with everything a young person is busy with—and he always replied to his mother’s fretting with indifference: "I’m not cold."

When he returned home, all he found was his mother’s corpse.

Death had taken away her gentleness and beauty. Her eyes were wide open, and her cheeks were sunken, as if she were asking why, or perhaps saying, "I’m in so much pain."

Cheng Xia collapsed onto the floor right then and there, unable to get back up.

She loved being pretty, she was a bit naggy, but she was the kindest person. She would always tear up watching TV dramas. When his friends came over, she would always prepare a table full of delicious food; for those whose families were struggling, she would secretly prepare extra red envelopes.

Such a person—the one he loved most in this world, and the one who loved him most—was dead.

Cheng Xia went mad trying to find out everything about the killer, Zhao Lijuan—who she was, and why she had killed.

"He said he hated Zhao Lijuan, and I hate her too, but what good does hatred do? She was already dead," Cheng Xia’s father said.

Yet, after the funeral, Cheng Xia declared that he wanted to help the killer retrieve the severance pay she had been owed.

After Zhao Lijuan was laid off, she survived on odd jobs and street vending. She had no concept of paying into social security; she only knew that when others had pensions, she didn't. That was why she had raised her knife against Cheng Xia’s mother.

Everyone said he had gone crazy.

But after investigating, Cheng Xia knew this wasn't just her own grievance. None of the laid-off waitstaff from the Jinbo Hotel had received their severance pay, and they all firmly believed that it was Cheng Xia’s mother who had embezzled the money.

After she died, many people deliberately set off firecrackers to celebrate, saying Zhao Lijuan had "rid the people of a menace."

"He wanted to help that murderer reclaim the money she was due. Of course, I disagreed, but I didn't stop him," Cheng Xia’s father said.

Cheng Xia didn't want his mother to carry such a stain. He wanted everyone to know that Zhao Lijuan was just a murderer, and that his mother had been a kind, good person her whole life.

Cheng Xia used every method he could think of to investigate the truth of what happened back then and to demand that money.

But too much time had passed; many records were lost. Furthermore, the parties involved had long since resigned themselves to their fate. In the end, he didn't succeed.

This was the first time he had wanted to accomplish something so badly, yet he had failed.

People like me have long understood that the world doesn't always work like a storybook, where good is rewarded with good and evil with evil. More often than not, even if you struggle and fight with everything you have, the cruelty of the world will still press down on you heavily.

But for Cheng Xia, his parents had always helped him build a world where everything went smoothly. When his parents' hands were pulled away, everything he knew crumbled as well.

"After that, it was as if he had become a different person—he didn't like to talk, and he didn't like to smile. That wisecracking, snot-nosed kid had gone away with his mother," Cheng Xia’s father said.

"He grew up," I said.

"It wasn't growing up; it was a sickness."

Cheng Xia’s father said: "He lost interest in everything. He used to love architecture so much, and now it doesn't matter to him. He keeps saying he’s nothing..."

Since we reunited, I only thought Cheng Xia had become much more mature. Even when he told me about his mother, I only felt that he was very sad. I never imagined things had become this severe.

"Until you came back," Cheng’s father said. "Only then did he finally perk up. He told me that only when he’s with you does he feel alive. That’s why he insisted this time that I tell you the gap in your family backgrounds is actually not a problem."

My heart jolted violently.

"It truly isn't a problem. I can tell you right now, as a father, I am very happy to see you and Cheng Xia together," he said. "But I don't think it’s fair to you. He doesn't love you; he’s just... sick."

Cheng Xia’s father had taught himself psychology because of him.

He said: "Some people who encounter major setbacks develop extreme self-doubt. They develop a strong dependency on the strong people around them because, in their view, the entire world is unreal. They desperately need to find a 'pillar' to allow themselves to escape reality. To that end, they will spare no cost."

Cheng’s father sighed.

Once such a powerful and serious man, he was now just a weary, worried father. He said: "You, you’ve suffered so much. You should find a good boy and have a happy, carefree relationship."

Right at this moment, at the Shanghai Poly Theater, Cheng Xia was still standing there with his hand stretched out toward me, and I was still looking at him.

The person I had loved since I was sixteen—I had spent half my life chasing him.

Perhaps he wasn't as perfect as I imagined, just as the dark side of the moon has countless mottled shadows.

Just then, cheerful music drifted over; the New Year’s concert had ended.

Streams of people poured out from the main entrance, excitedly discussing where to go for a late-night snack. They walked briskly, and in the blink of an eye, they were nearly upon us.

I didn't reach out to take Cheng Xia’s hand.

Instead, I lunged forward and hugged him tightly.

Cheng Xia seemed to be trembling. A second later, he hugged me back just as hard.

The bustling crowd passed us by. They must have thought it was strange—what were these two doing, hugging in the middle of the road? But, screw them!

Yes, the gap between us, the unpredictable future, the weakness and the pettiness, global warming, and the end of the world—screw it all.

Life is too short. At this moment, I just want to hold him tight.

When my grandmother went home, she brought some pork blood sausage and spare ribs, along with a large bag of pickled sauerkraut, asking me to pack them to take back with me.

"These are pigs raised in the Northeast; you can't find this breed in the South."

"You can find any breed on Taobao."

I tidied things up. The New Year’s holiday was only a few days long; it was time for us to head back.

My father asked: "I’ve never been to the South. When will you take Dad there for a visit?"

My stepmother wasn't there, so I didn't need to save him any face. I said directly: "It’s inconvenient with your whole family tagging along. Besides, people are supposed to live with their sons. How embarrassing would it be for you to come to my house!"

My father wanted to hit me, but sullenly lowered his hand and said: "Why do you have such a sharp tongue? No one will ever want you in the future!"

At this, he seemed to remember something. His eyes lit up again, and he said: "Right, when you went to the countryside this time, your Sixth Aunt was asking about you! Do you remember her third son? He started working at an import-export company; he makes tens of thousands a month!"

I didn't get a chance to speak before my grandmother snorted coldly: "What’s the use of her asking? Her boy can't even fart if you kicked him; I don't look at him with half an eye. My granddaughter needs to find someone handsome, thoughtful, and caring."

My father scoffed: "Old lady, you’re the only one who treats her like a treasure. She’s made a bit of money these past two years, but you don't look at money when picking a partner. She’s dark and thin as a monkey, and she has a foul temper. If you ask me, she should burn incense of gratitude if anyone even wants her."

Just then, the doorbell rang. I went to open it; it was Cheng Xia.

"Why are you here?"

"I’m taking the train back with you," he said. "My father’s driver is waiting downstairs."

He was wearing a deep camel-colored overcoat, looking fresh and elegant. He tilted his head to greet my father: "Hello, Uncle."

My father was a bit bewildered: "Ah, hello. This is Dongxue’s... classmate!"

My grandma became even more smug: "Childhood sweetheart. His father works in the Municipal Committee. With a connection like that, why would Dongxue ever worry about not being introduced to someone good?"

"Not quite childhood sweethearts," Cheng Xia said with a smile: "I am Dongxue’s... boyfriend."

He added: "Also, Grandma, my father is now in the Provincial Committee."

I did my best to ignore the stunned expressions of my father and grandmother, pretending that this wasn't the first day I’d had a boyfriend, and said impatiently: "Let’s go, the train will leave soon."

It would have been better if my face hadn't been completely flushed red.

Cheng Xia’s father was away on a business trip, so the driver took us to the train station.

I don't know what kind of magical power Cheng Xia used, but he’d bought sleeper tickets in the same carriage as us. While we waited in the terminal, no one spoke. Grandma had a belly full of questions for me, but with Cheng Xia there, she couldn't ask, so she could only bite into a large pear with grief and indignation, as if it were my bones.

In the midst of this awkward silence, I received a phone call.

When I ran outside, I saw my mother.

She was wearing a thick cotton-padded jacket, sitting on her electric scooter. Her face was covered in blue and purple bruises; the injuries hadn't healed yet.

I asked: "Why did you run out here?"

"I heard from your dad that you were leaving today, so I came to see you off and, by the way, give you this."

She pulled a card out of her pocket and handed it to me. I didn't take it: "What are you doing?"

"There’s thirty-seven thousand in there. It’s the dowry I’ve saved for you over the years." She tilted her chin, looking somewhat proud: "I know that useless wretch your father couldn't possibly have prepared anything for you. Save some more on your own, or you’ll be looked down upon by your in-laws."

The wind was too fierce; it made my eyes ache. I almost shouted: "I don't want it! I have more money than you!"

She pressed down on me hard, not letting me struggle, and said: "Don't make me angry, or else the beating I took will have been for nothing. Zhao Laosan thought I was secretly saving money for a lover, so he’s been hunting like mad for this money!"

I said: "What if he finds out and hits you again?"

"He won't dare anymore," my mother suddenly smiled: "I’ve got a daughter! What does he have?"

"Get going now!"

She didn't wait for me to react before she rode off on her electric scooter. She stopped a short distance away and looked back at me.

Her face was frozen red in the wind and snow, but her eyes were exceptionally bright. She said: "I was just teasing you earlier—don't ever come back to this dump!"

"Take big strides forward! Hear me!”