On My Way - Chapter 18

Chapter 18 - The Problem Is, Does He Really Like You?

Early the next morning, I arrived at Cheng Xia’s place, carrying bags full of gifts.

I had been to his home before. In fact, most of his friends had been brought here by him. His mother was exceptionally warm to everyone, and no matter who visited, she would give them a beautifully prepared red envelope with their name on it. Mine was always especially large.

But this time was different. As for how, I couldn't really say.

Since our conversation that night, our relationship hadn't changed much on the surface—we still ate together, saw movies, and shared interesting things. We were more than friends, with a hint of ambiguity, yet we weren't quite at the level of being "boyfriend and girlfriend" either.

But this time, he insisted that I come over as a guest.

"Xue'er is here! Is it cold out? Hurry, come in!" Cheng’s father was quite hospitable. Wearing an apron, he handed me a pair of slippers: "I remember you like spicy food, so I made boiled fish! It’ll be ready in a moment! Go wash your hands and wait!"

This surprised me. Six years ago, his father was a very serious man. He would either be busy in his study or pace over to ask, "What books have you been reading lately? At your age..."

He would always be laughed away by Cheng’s mother.

Their home hadn't changed much, but the decor and furniture that had seemed so lofty and unattainable to me back then now looked rather gray and dingy.

A few candies and sunflower seeds were scattered on the coffee table. Cheng Xia went to pour me some water, frowned at the glass, and shouted, "Dad, where are the cups?"

"Aren't they on the table?"

"I don't want to use this cup."

Cheng’s father ran out with a spatula in hand. He rummaged through drawers and cabinets for a long time but still couldn't find any others. He could only say, "You go buy some drinks and share them with Dongxue!"

I got the feeling that both of them were very unfamiliar with this house.

Cheng Xia said, "I only come back once a year. My dad is busy every day, and even when he’s home for a few days during the New Year, people are constantly visiting, leaving the house in a mess."

I thought to myself, this is the classic saying: "If you're poor, even in the middle of a bustling city, no one notices; if you're rich, distant relatives find you even in the deep mountains."

Cheng’s father bustled about, bringing out dish after dish, filling the table with steaming food, set for four.

"Come! We’re celebrating the New Year today, too! Let’s have a drink first!"

Cheng Xia didn't drink, so I had a glass with his father.

"Quick, try the fish I made!"

Cheng’s father took a bite himself, closed his eyes slightly, and sighed with satisfaction. I took a bite, too.

The taste was exactly the same as the food Cheng’s mother used to make.

At that moment, I finally understood why it felt so strange. Cheng’s father was trying his best to imitate Cheng’s mother, enthusiastically entertaining guests, pretending that this home was still the same as it once was.

"Welcome, Dongxue," Cheng’s father said. "Friendships formed in childhood are the most sincere. Xia-Xia usually sleeps in when he’s home, but today he was up at six, tidying up the room and buying groceries..."

Cheng Xia’s face turned slightly red: "Dad!"

His father urgently changed the subject: "So, Dongxue, what are your thoughts on the development and construction in Africa?"

"Do you think there are flaws in the safety supervision system for earthwork projects?"

"What is your take on our country’s regulations regarding the construction industry?"

...Maybe the previous topic was better...

My mind went blank. I stumbled through some answers based on pure instinct and improvisation, seeing the frown lines forming between Cheng’s father’s eyebrows.

Cheng Xia interrupted: "Dad, this isn't a status report!"

"Isn't this just chatting?" Cheng’s father said: "Young people shouldn't just look at what’s in front of them; you have to view problems from a macroscopic, progressive perspective."

Cheng Xia said: "I don't want to hear it!"

His father didn't lose his temper; he just said: "Even if you don't want to hear it, I have to say it. Your industry is too heavily influenced by policy. If you have your own career planning, that’s fine, but considering future family stability, I suggest one of you should prepare for the civil service exam or move into a management role as soon as possible..."

Family stability...

My heart skipped a beat. Cheng Xia didn't say anything either. The only sound at the table was Cheng Xia’s father droning on, mapping out our future plans.

After the meal, Cheng’s father sent Cheng Xia to wash the dishes, reasoning: "When people do things, they should have clear divisions of labor. I already did the cooking."

Cheng Xia, caught between laughter and tears, went to wash the dishes.

Cheng’s father asked me to go to his study.

This was my first time inside. When he sat at that office chair, the kind father seemed to vanish.

He scrutinized me with an uncalled-for sense of oppression.

"Cheng Xia told me about your situation. I want to hear your thoughts."

My thoughts?

I hesitated for a moment and said: "Actually, I don't have any particular thoughts. We are very happy together right now. Of course, I also know there is a huge gap between us..."

He shook his head, looking very disappointed: "You didn't understand what I was saying."

I stopped, feeling awkward.

"Do you know Cheng Xia? Does Cheng Xia really know you?" He took a sip of hot water and continued: "Frankly speaking, I had someone look into you."

A sense of anger began to build inside me.

What right do you have to investigate me?

It’s Cheng Xia who wants to pursue me, not the other way around... Even in those years when I was chasing him, I just wanted to date him! It wasn't a marriage proposal. What right do you have to investigate me?

But I couldn't lash out. I could only keep my head down and listen.

"You, a vocational school graduate, spent six years in Africa and reached your current position... you endure what others cannot, all to achieve what others cannot. Your future will absolutely not be limited to being a project manager at S-Construction. You are destined to soar."

I looked at him in disbelief.

"As for my son, he has no ambition and lacks that kind of ruthlessness. If the projects he wants to design aren't recognized, he just keeps them to admire himself. If he isn't appreciated by his superiors, he just distances himself from them." Cheng’s father laughed bitterly: "He’s had everything his whole life, which is why he’s indifferent to everything."

He then scrutinized me: "I know that what keeps your relationship going is your love for him. If one day you stand at a higher position than he does, will you still love him?"

I didn't hesitate: "Of course."

My love for Cheng Xia had become more natural than breathing.

Unless the world ended, I couldn't imagine a day where I wouldn't love him.

"As long as he loves me, I will definitely stay with him," I added, fueled by an inexplicable annoyance.

Cheng’s father sighed gently: "That is the other question. Are you sure he loves you?"

When I came out of the study, Cheng Xia had just finished washing the dishes.

"What did my dad talk to you about?"

"He offered me five million to leave you!"

He was amused, his eyes crinkling into crescents: "Then I’ll go report him to the disciplinary committee!"

Cheng’s father had a meeting and left early. I had to go see my mother—my birth mother—in the afternoon.

"I’ll go with you." Cheng Xia brought out a few gift boxes: "I’ve already prepared everything."

The farmers' market on the first day of the New Year was still very lively; everyone was trying to get a little more business in before closing up.

My mother had long since stopped selling clothes; she rented a stall with my stepfather to sell cooked deli meats.

Before I could even push my way to the stall, I heard a piercing, piggy-like scream: "Murder! Someone’s murdering me!"

"Today, I’m going to let everyone see what a slut that’s been ridden by a thousand men looks like! Look closely! No one is allowed to have any decency today!"

As soon as I heard that voice, I left Cheng Xia behind and sprinted forward.

My mother was lying on the ground, her nose covered in blood, her hair gripped in my stepfather’s hand as he dragged her along. There were people everywhere, but no one dared to intervene.

I charged forward: "What are you doing!"

He was so furious his eyes were bloodshot; he didn't recognize me: "None of your damn business! If you don't want to die, get lost!"

"Watch your mouth! I’m standing right here! Let’s see you try to touch me!"

He was a typical bully who feared the strong. He stood there stunned, and I pushed him away to help my mother up.

My mother’s face was covered in blood. She kicked her legs and roared: "You, Zhao Laosan, you’re a piece of trash! If you have the guts, go fight a real man! What kind of skill is it to beat your wife!"

Security guards finally showed up and pulled them apart.

Zhao Laosan finally recognized me: "Ah! I don't think everyone knows, right? This is her daughter, sold off to Africa to lick black people's asses! Their whole family is inhuman! Dogs! Bitches!"

My mother, like an enraged lioness, pounced and clawed at his face: "You’re a piece of trash, so you think everyone else is as dirty as you! What are you? Listen clearly, everyone, Zhao Laosan is impotent! He’ll never have descendants!"

It took all the effort I had to finally restrain her.

But no one expected that Zhao Laosan, a man who had been a coward his whole life, would suddenly grab the bone-cleaving knife from the cutting board and swing it straight at us!

I only had time to take one step back.

In that moment, Cheng Xia rushed over and shielded me in his arms.

"Does he always hit you?" I asked my mother, who was sitting on the hospital bed, as I held my bandaged arm.

"What’s it to you?" she said coldly: "Go back!"

"You’re my mother, how can I not care about you?"

She sneered: "You don't have to care about me. We agreed a long time ago—I don't care about your youth, and I don't need you to care about my old age!"

That was her.

When I was little, she ran away from home. My father told me to find her and bring her back, threatening to beat me to death if I failed. I went, wiping my tears as I searched.

She was laughing and joking with a man next to her booth, feeding him sorghum candy. As soon as she saw me, her expression turned cold.

I said: "Mom, will you come home with me?"

"Why go back to that hellhole?"

"But if you don't go back, my dad will beat me to death."

"That’s your fate!"

She sneered, her brown pupils like those of an angry cat: "Go back and tell your father, he can rot in the gutter if he wants to, but dreaming of dragging me down with him using a child is a pipe dream!"

She was so beautiful back then, wearing a leather jacket, with purple eyeshadow, cold as a female hitman.

But now, the hitman was old.

The hospital lights illuminated the deep furrows on her face, the bruises, and the hair she had dyed so many times—it was frizzy, unable to cover the white strands underneath.

I looked down, transferred ten thousand yuan, and then snatched her phone to confirm the transfer.

She was too weak to fight me for it and could only yell in anger: "I don't want your money! Take it away! Take it away!"

I said: "I can't control how you live, but if he hits you again, take this money and run!"

I left the room, shutting out all her shouting.

Cheng Xia was waiting for me at the hospital entrance.

His wounds had already been treated. Zhao Laosan didn't have much strength, so the knife hadn't even cut through his clothes, leaving only a bruised mark on his back.

A crushing sense of shame made me unable to face him. I only asked: "Does it hurt?"

He didn't answer. He just said: "Don't cry."

Only then did I realize that my face was already drenched in tears.

"This is my life," I heard myself say. "Always embarrassing, no matter how hard I try, something will always pop up to remind me that I don't deserve to be decent.”