Against the Current - Chapter 98

Chapter 98 - Hesitation 

Xianglan packed two or three changes of clothes, bundled her everyday washing and grooming items into a cloth wrap, and after giving Yuexi a few instructions, she swung the bundle over her shoulder and walked out. Song Ke stood outside the door, watching through the hollowed-out floral window lattice as Xianglan wore a pale violet gauze gown, her swaying skirt and the dark, heavy bun upon her head moving gracefully, the hanging pearl pendants of her diagonally inserted enamel hairpin set with precious stones trembling with every step.

She passed through the moon gate, and her figure soon vanished behind a lush, verdant grove of bamboo.

Song Ke clenched both fists tightly, as if a piece had collapsed right out of his heart.

To return to Xianglan, once she arrived home, she felt listless all over. Today, she had laid everything bare to Song Ke; though she did not regret it, her heart was nonetheless filled with apprehension, as if a massive boulder were pressing down upon her chest. Her mother, Mrs. Xue, was naturally not ill at all; Xianglan simply could not bear to face Song Ke in such awkwardness, and thus had fabricated a pretext to leave.

Xianglan lifted her skirt and went upstairs. The upper floor was the place she was accustomed to living in upon her return, and she saw that the room had already taken on a completely new look. A dressing table had been added to the corner of the room, the windows were pasted with multi-colored gauze, and there was also a small study desk complete with an array of paints, paper, and writing brushes. Looking toward the bed, she saw that it was laid with brand-new brocade quilts and mattresses, feeling soft and springy when sat upon.

Mrs. Xue carried a teapot upstairs and said with a smile, "Do you like the few new things added to the room? Your father went to the neighboring village to find a familiar carpenter to build them. At first, my heart ached for the silver, but your father said that since our family now has surplus money, we shouldn't wrong you any longer. We've also taken a fancy to a courtyard in the southern part of the city; the price isn't expensive—one bay deep with two side rooms, neither too large nor too small, and still relatively new. The owner is heading to Shanxi, so he's selling the residence off cheaply. But your father and I are still hesitating; even though it's not expensive, it still costs one hundred and twenty taels of silver, and the silver we've saved up recently would all be spent."

Gathering her spirits, Xianglan said, "Tomorrow I'll paint two more pieces."

Mrs. Xue said, "Your father said that your landscape paintings don't sell as quickly as your flowers, birds, insects, and grasses, and the fewer there are, the more precious they become. The small ones are cheaper and sell faster, but there is one large piece hanging in the shop priced at fifty taels, and no one has bought it yet. Your father said that buying a painting like that is a case of 'opening for business once in three years, but eating off that one opening for three years.' Sooner or later, the day will come when it sells. If that piece sells, the family will have extra money, and buying a house won't make us feel anxious. We'll even have leftover funds to purchase furniture and further repair the house."

After pondering for a moment, Xianglan said, "If the price is reasonable, buy it first. Even renting it out would be good; don't let the opportunity slip away in vain."

Mrs. Xue agreed repeatedly, then went on to chatter about trivial matters, which were nothing more than the gossip of neighboring households. Xianglan, however, had long since drifted far away in thought, silently musing: "If Song Ke agrees and we are united in the future, it will be my good fortune; if he does not agree..." She tossed and turned over the thought repeatedly, feeling her head ache as if it might split apart, until she finally clenched her teeth and thought to herself: "If he does not agree, it is only human nature. I will redeem myself and leave; a long pain is worse than a short one, and parting early is far better than being bound together to face each other day and night, suffering endless torment." Even though she thought this in her heart, tears rolled down regardless, and she hurriedly turned her back to wipe them away.

Mrs. Xue remained completely oblivious. Hearing someone knocking on the door downstairs, she hurried off in a flurry. Xianglan sat dazed on the bed for a while, then suddenly heard a commotion coming from downstairs. Following the staircase down to take a look, she saw that Chen Wanquan was dead drunk and being carried into the inner room propped up by young Master Xia. Mrs. Xue followed right behind, carrying a spittoon in her hand, likely afraid that Chen Wanquan would vomit again.

Xianglan hastened to fetch a basin of water. Hearing the commotion, Xia Yun turned his head to look and saw Xianglan standing behind him, dressed in a light and elegant gown embroidered with a broken branch of peach blossoms on the collar, looking like morning dew. He was instantly mesmerized, freezing in place and unable to move. It was only after Mrs. Xue urged him on that he snapped out of his dreamlike state and propped the man into the inner room.

Chen Wanquan reeked of alcohol and collapsed drunkenly headfirst onto the bed. Xianglan wrung out a hot towel to wipe her father's face, took off his boots, and pulled the quilt over him to tuck him in properly. Mrs. Xue asked from the side, "How did he end up getting so dead drunk again?"

Xia Yun replied, "Today the eldest manager's grandson is celebrating his full-month banquet. Uncle Chen had a couple of drinks too many, and when he was walking back, he collapsed right in the street where I happened to see him, so I supported him all the way home."

Mrs. Xue chanted a prayer of thanks to Buddha. Nowadays, the Chen family had many joyful events: Mr. and Mrs. Chen had their names removed from the household register of bondservants, and Chen Wanquan was independently taking charge of selling Xianglan's paintings, earning a considerable amount of silver. Consequently, people flocking to curry favor with them had suddenly multiplied. Today someone invited them to a feast, tomorrow someone invited them to tea, accompanied by endless streams of flattery. Chen Wanquan was already a man of shallow substance, and this made him float even more on air. On top of that, he had recently acquired several antiques and sold them at high prices, earning quite a bit of silver. This made him all the more complacent, and he drank without ever feeling satisfied.

Xianglan poured a bowl of hot tea and coaxed Chen Wanquan into drinking it, whereupon he rolled over and began to snore like thunder. Xianglan screened off the door and withdrew. Outside, Mrs. Xue was offering profuse thanks to Xia Yun and insisted on having him take home a piece of cured pork that had been hung out to dry.

Xia Yun declined, saying, "As neighbors, Uncle Chen has helped me out quite a bit. Just supporting him back home is really nothing at all." As he spoke, the corners of his eyes kept glancing over at Xianglan.

Mrs. Xue smiled and said, "With all your coming and going these past few days, you've helped out a great deal as well, so naturally we must thank you properly." Saying this, she forcefully thrust the cured pork into Xia Yun's hands. Turning to Xianglan, she said, "These past few days when your father bought furniture back, young Master Xia came over to help move and tidy everything up. Why don't you thank him properly?"

Xianglan stepped forward to express her gratitude, but Xia Yun repeatedly protested that he didn't dare accept it, saying, "The last time it rained, the young lady lent me her umbrella; helping out with these little tasks is nothing at all." In truth, Xia Yun had used the pretext of helping out to catch a glimpse of Xianglan, though each time he had failed to run into her, leaving him feeling inevitably disappointed. Yet now that he had actually bumped into her, he didn't know what to say, and since it was improper to linger any longer, he had no choice but to take his leave.

Xianglan personally saw him to the door. The door opened, and just as Xia Yun stepped out one foot, he paused, stopped, and said, "I have already passed the courtyard examination and am now a scholar. In another couple of days, I will be taking the provincial examination."

Xianglan was currently preoccupied with a belly full of worries, and hearing such a remark out of the blue, she couldn't help being startled, prompting her to say, "Congratulations, young Master Xia. I wish you success on the imperial examinations in advance."

Xia Yun smiled and said, "I'll borrow the young lady's auspicious words. Once I place high on the lists, I'll invite your whole family to a banquet." As he spoke, he turned his head and cast a burning, intense gaze at Xianglan.

Xianglan understood his meaning within a split second. Her complexion turned slightly embarrassed, and she vaguely replied, "Then please take your time walking back, young Master Xia."

Seeing a faint blush rise upon Xianglan's face, Xia Yun took it for shyness, and a trace of sweetness welled up in his heart. He cupped his hands in farewell, walked to the mouth of the alley, and upon seeing a beggar panhandling, even pulled out a few copper coins to drop into the broken bowl. Noticing that the beggar was accompanied by a raggedly clothed little child, he dug into his pouch and gave a few more coins.

Watching this, Xianglan nodded silently to herself, thinking: "Though this young Master Xia is a scholar with quite a bit of pedantic air, he is nonetheless a kind-hearted person. His family is poor, and he has to copy texts to supplement household expenses, yet he is still able to spare money for charity; that is truly remarkable." She closed the door, only to hear Mrs. Xue say behind her, "Young Master Xia is a good person. Whenever your father and I have chores we can't manage on our own, he always comes over to lend a hand. Don't let it fool you that he's just a little scholar; he's got quite a bit of physical strength..."

Thinking of Xia Yun's gaze, Xianglan felt rather ill at ease and said to Mrs. Xue, "It's best not to have him come over anymore in the future. If any bad rumors spread, wouldn't that be treating him unfairly? Besides, I am still unmarried, and for him to constantly be coming and going over here is detrimental to my reputation as well."

Mrs. Xue was momentarily stunned, assuming that Xianglan cared deeply for Song Ke and feared he might displeasure should he find out, so she hurriedly agreed, "That's true; we'll just have less to do with each other from now on."

Xianglan nodded, turned, lifted her skirt, and went upstairs, where peace reigned for the time being.

To return to Song Ke, over the past two days he seemed to have lost his soul, simply staring blankly every day at the little insect Xianglan had drawn before her departure. Hearing Yuexi knock on the door, he called out, "First Young Master, the horses are already prepared. Are you going to the academy today?"

Forcing himself to muster his spirits, Song Ke responded and stood up to retrieve his four treasures of the study. Upon seeing the stationery pouch, he froze once again. That stationery pouch had been made for him by Xianglan, meticulously embroidered with the Four Gentlemen—plum blossom, orchid, bamboo, and chrysanthemum—symbolizing scholarly refinement.

On the very day Xianglan had finished making the pouch, she was just recovering her health, holding the item as if she expected it to be despised, and saying, "I rushed this out over the past few days, so the needlework is a bit rough. Please don't despise it, First Young Master, and take it for use."

Song Ke had looked at Xianglan's ingratiating smile, her sunken cheeks, and her frail shoulders. His original intention was to let Xianglan rest for a couple more days, yet he never imagined she would feel so anxious and bring him her needlework in such haste. Knowing that ever since Xianglan entered the Lin family she had walked on eggshells everywhere and swallowed her grievances in silence, her current appearance struck him as particularly heartrending. He had taken the stationery pouch over to inspect it, seeing that it was exquisite and distinctive, clearly the result of much painstaking effort. Fond of it and unable to put it down, he had nonetheless scolded her slightly, saying, "Your body hasn't fully recovered yet, and you're already doing needlework! What would you have done if it had gotten worse?" Seeing Xianglan lower her head, he had coughed and said, "Well... the flowers embroidered on this are quite delicate, at least."

Glancing outward, he saw that Xianglan still kept her head lowered in silence, her tiny fingers clutching the corner of her garment with an air of apprehension. Song Ke had thought to himself: "She has just arrived in the household, so naturally she is cautious about everything and terrified of displeasing her master. She went to the trouble of doing needlework for me, and I should have praised her much more."

Raising his voice cheerfully, he had said, "You are still as meticulous as ever. The size of this stationery pouch is just right, and the meaning behind the embroidered plum, orchid, bamboo, and chrysanthemum is wonderful, too. The style is something I've never seen outside."

Looking again, he saw that Xianglan was still bowing her head in silence. So he raised his voice a notch further and blurted out nonsense: "And this butterfly is embroidered wonderfully well, landing right on the orchid. Li Shangyin wrote the lines: 'Master Zhuang's morning dreams were lost in butterflies, the spring heart of Emperor Wang entrusted to the cuckoo.' Yours even matches this classical allusion! Everyone says Jiangnan's 'Hui embroidery' is peerless, but in my eyes, your embroidery is even better than that!"

Yet he saw Xianglan's shoulders trembling slightly. Suddenly, she raised her head; her face was flushed crimson while she tried to hold back her laughter, and she said, "Is it that as long as I keep my head down, First Young Master is going to praise this needlework as a peerless treasure?" Her heart, however, felt soft. Reborn into this life, Song Ke's personality remained completely unchanged; Xiao Hang was just like this, never bearing to speak harshly to anyone. In her past life, the first time she ever made a hat for Xiao Hang, she had accidentally made it too small, and he had similarly used such soft words to coax her, praising the hat from heaven to earth line by line, coaxing her into gales of laughter until they both declared that the hat should be saved for their children to wear...

Song Ke had been stunned, shaking his head with a helpless yet pleased smile upon his face. Lifting his gaze, he caught sight of Xianglan's lively smile and the boundless tenderness in her eyes, making his heart melt completely. Silently, he grasped her hand, and though Xianglan struggled slightly, she did not pull away. He wanted to kiss Xianglan's porcelain-white cheek, yet feared being too presumptuous...

Lost in the recollections of the past, Song Ke heard Yuexi calling at the door once more. Snapping back to his senses, he gave an acknowledgment and made to rise and leave. Yet glancing back at the pouch, he grit his teeth, finally grabbed it in his hand, and walked out.