Against the Current - Chapter 85

Chapter 85 - Hidden Currents

Coming out of Madam Song's rooms, Mother Guo dragged Fangsi back into her room, closed the door, and said in a low voice, "That matter regarding Xianglan is not to be brought up ever again. You aren't unaware that Madam obeys the Eldest Young Master implicitly. If the Eldest Young Master were to claim that coal balls are white, Madam would follow along and say, 'Quite right, quite right, they do look a bit white'... Ah, why must you deliberately crash against the blade's edge?"

Fangsi twisted her handkerchief and said, "I simply refuse to reconcile myself to this."

Mother Guo sighed. "Refuse to reconcile yourself, and what of it? I advised you long ago to learn a few characters—the Eldest Young Master is fond of those with a literary aura, but you stubbornly refused to listen. Hongxiu and Xianglan, which of them cannot read and write? Now that you can't reap any favor, who else is there to blame?"

Fangsi grew even more irritable, flicked her hand away, walked over to the bed to lie down, and covered her head with the quilt. Mother Guo walked over to sit on the edge of the bed, sighed once more, nudged Fangsi, and said, "You, child, have been a sensible person since you were little; don't lose your wits and take the wrong path this time. The Eldest Young Master is currently placing that girl in his heart, so don't go looking for your own displeasure, and usually grow a bit closer to him as well. From what I can observe, the Eldest Young Master is gentle and amiable toward you, so he may not completely lack that kind of intention either. Let's wait another two years. But if things still don't work out after two years, you must not delay yourself any longer; obediently find someone to marry, do you hear me?" As she spoke, she gave Fangsi a gentle push.

Fangsi wept with her face buried, and upon hearing Mother Guo's words, she bit her lip and cried all the harder.

Meanwhile, helping the maidservants set out the meal, Song Ke bathed and changed into a dark green casual tunic. Seeing that Xianglan was about to withdraw, he called out, "Xianglan, don't leave; stay and eat together."

Hearing this, Junxi and Yuexi exchanged a glance, pressed their lips together in a smile, and left. Xianglan, however, felt somewhat awkward. These days, she had consistently eaten together with the maidservants in the rooms, and now Song Ke's request for her to stay made her feel a bit unsettled.

Yet Song Ke acted as if nothing were amiss. He seated himself at the table, patted the stool beside him, and smiled, "Come quickly, why are you standing there like a fool?"

Hesitatingly, Xianglan stepped forward. Song Ke reached out, grabbed her by the hand, and pulled her down to sit. He picked up a few mouthfuls of food with his chopsticks, placed them in the small dish before her, narrowed his eyes slightly, and spoke with a touch of playfulness, "It's just the two of us, there's no need to be so restrained." As he spoke, he reached out to ladle a bowl of soup for her. "Taste this, it's ham soup."

Xianglan stared unblinkingly at the small, delicate bowl of soup radiating fragrance before her.

Ham soup had also been Xiao Hang's favorite. Having lived in the Song household for some time now, she had already grown certain from Song Ke's disposition, preferences, deportment, and speech that Song Ke was indeed Xiao Hang. Yesterday, when she went to the study and quietly fished out that fan inscribed with the lines, "From a small tower I hear the night flute; all is desolate, and the third watch has struck," she had gazed at the familiar yet unfamiliar handwriting and silently let fall her tears.

Having found her husband from a past life, she felt a complex mix of joy and sorrow that words could hardly capture. The joy was that, having lived across two lifetimes, there was still the miraculous affinity to meet and reunite; the sorrow was that the chasm between their statuses was as vast as clouds and mud—it was utterly impossible for Song Ke to take a servant girl like her as his wife!

Even though the Song family no longer possessed the brilliance and prestige of former years, "a lean camel is still bigger than a horse." They remained an inherited aristocratic lineage with no shortage of landed estates and shops under their management. Once Song Ke successfully passed the imperial examinations, it would mean restoring glory to the family lintel once more. When that time came, marrying a daughter from a prominent family to revitalize the family estate was something that could be expected very soon. Even if he were to marry a girl from an ordinary household, it would inevitably be the well-off and respected daughter of a local gentry family. No matter how one counted, it would never fall to a humble maid whose indenture papers were gripped tightly in her master's hands.

What good would it do even if she and Song Ke recognized one another?

She dared not overestimate herself. In the past, she and Xiao Hang had barely lived as husband and wife for a single year before he was sent into exile, their time together amounting to less than two years in total. Besides, that initial marriage had been entirely her own wishful thinking.

Now that they had met across lifetimes, how much genuine affection could Song Ke possibly have left for her?

If this lifetime meant being reduced to a concubine replacing a wife, she would rather never see him again for the rest of her days!

Watching Song Ke show her such care, solicitude, and attentive nurturing, she felt as though a massive boulder were blocking her chest. Even though she constantly reminded herself not to become infatuated or deeply trapped, a shameful, secret joy stirred at the bottom of her heart, accompanied by a faint glimmer of hope.

Buddhism taught that unrequited longing is the greatest suffering, and so she daily struggled back and forth between obsessive attachment and the courage to let go.

Song Ke poured himself a cup of wine and picked up a small pastry cake, intending to bring it to his lips, but paused when he looked over at Xianglan.

He had no idea why a look of sorrow had surfaced on Xianglan's face once more. During these past days, he had constantly tried every possible means to coax her into happiness, yet whenever Xianglan revealed a radiant smile, she would subsequently display such a sorrowful expression, as if she had lived through endless vicissitudes. In his past life, he had died of illness, drifting away in a hazy, dazed state. Not knowing how long had passed, he had faintly heard someone calling out to him. Following the sound, he found that it was Song Ke, the two-year-old son of the Song family, who was on the verge of dying from illness, prompting the family to hire a Taoist priest to summon his wandering soul. Since Song Ke had already breathed his last, he drifted closer and entered the body of that child, and in the blink of an eye, more than ten years had flown by. He had once entrusted people to inquire after her; Lady Shen had long since passed away, and the family members from his past life had either died or scattered, leaving not a single soul to be found anywhere.

Now, this young girl truly, vividly resembled Lady Shen, his wife from his past life. He had sometimes wondered whether Xianglan, just like him, was actually the reincarnated soul of Lady Shen. He had tested the waters with a few remarks on several occasions, deliberately bringing up trivial details that only he and Lady Shen had known in their past life, only to find that Xianglan showed zero reaction. Consequently, he began to wonder if he had simply made a mistake; after all, more than a decade had passed, and everything from his past life felt like a fleeting dream.

Coughing lightly, Song Ke reached out on his own accord for a frosted crystal banana-leaf cup, filled it to the brim for Xianglan as well, placed it before her, and asked, "Is something weighing on your mind?"

"What could be weighing on my mind?" When Xianglan looked up, she had already swept away every trace of melancholy from her face, offering a faint smile instead. "It's simply that I feel sitting at the same table to dine with you is somewhat lacking in proper decorum."

Song Ke knitted his dark brows together. "What decorum or lack of decorum? That's what I detest the most. Within one's own home, isn't the whole point to be comfortable and at ease? I simply prefer watching you keep me company while I eat." As he spoke, he pushed the wine cup a bit further forward. "Have a few cups of wine with me today."

Xianglan smiled lightly. "Drinking wine deep into the night—will you still manage to study later? If your hand fails to hold the brush steady when the time comes, your scholarly pursuits will go unaccomplished."

Song Ke laughed and said, "Why bring up such a mood-spoiling topic? Let us clink cups first." With that, he urged Xianglan to lift her wine cup, touched it lightly against his own, and drained it in a single gulp.

Xianglan quickly persuaded, "At least eat a couple bites of food, otherwise the rising potency of the wine is liable to injure your internal organs." As she spoke, she picked up a duck roll and placed it in Song Ke's dish.

Song Ke couldn't help breaking into a smile, popped the duck roll straight into his mouth, and began leisurely recounting amusing anecdotes from around him. He described how several mischievous students played tricks on the senior Confucian scholars of the academy; how Lin Jingting sneaked off to drink flower wine in the pleasure quarters, only to be discovered by Elder Lin, who ordered Lin Changmin to fetch a whip and teach him a lesson, while Lin Jingting poured out a torrent of tears and snot as he complained to Song Ke, demanding to know why his eldest brother was allowed to frequent such places while he was forbidden, insisting it was utterly unfair; and how the stewards in his own shop had been swindled by a wandering charlatan.

Song Ke's conversation was witty and full of refined grace, his pearls of clever speech keeping Xianglan's lips pressed together in a continuous, quiet smile. Perhaps because the atmosphere was far too pleasant, it wasn't until Junxi came to knock on the door that they realized the second watch of the night had already arrived.

The maidservants cleared away the remaining dishes and brought in fresh water to wash up. Being about five parts drunk and noticing that the moonlight casting down upon the courtyard was exceptionally lovely, Song Ke stubbornly insisted on going outside to admire the moon. Yuexi moved a small table into the courtyard, while Junxi brewed a fresh pot of hot tea and laid out melon fruits and pastries. Dismissing them, Song Ke commanded, "You two go on to sleep; Xianglan will stay here to wait upon me."

The two of them thus stood side by side within the courtyard. All around was a profound stillness, broken only by the rustling sound of the wind brushing through the bamboo grove and the occasional chirp of insects, which only served to make the quietude feel all the more deep.

Xianglan raised her face to look upward, catching sight of a half-moon hanging against the horizon, its moonlight gentle and soft like silver.

After standing in silence for a while, Song Ke let out a long breath and smiled, "All landscapes are shaped by the state of one's heart. I remember once before, when I also stood looking up at the moon alongside a woman—that time it was a bright, full moon hanging high over the river. Yet because my heart was bitter back then, no matter how magnificent the moonlight was, it felt utterly desolate and mournful. But today, even though it is only a half-moon, looking at it brings a sense of absolute peace to my heart, as if I have never witnessed such wondrous moonlight in all my days."

Still keeping her gaze fixed on the moon, Xianglan smiled softly, "Tonight's moonlight is indeed remarkably clear and bright. Look, there isn't a single shred of cloud in the sky, and in the courtyard we have flowers to admire and fine tea to savor—truly the life of immortals."

Song Ke spoke in a low voice, "And with you here keeping me company, even if it weren't a beautiful view, it would turn into one." His voice was extremely soft, drifting to Xianglan's ears as if it hardly existed at all, yet Song Ke felt his face flushing hot. He reached out to take Xianglan's hand, his heart instantly beginning to flutter violently in his chest. Terrified that Xianglan might view him as a frivolous and reckless rake, he gave a light cough, wanting to say something, yet unable to find the right words. Normally a remarkably steady and composed person, he had suddenly been thrown into a panic simply because he cared too much.

Xianglan did not pull her hand away. Standing quietly by his side, she lowered her head slightly and murmured inwardly in the silence of her heart, "Heavens, if you pity me, allow me this brief moment of indulgence." Song Ke was the person she treasured deepest in her heart; watching him speak and laugh with such vibrant spirit brought back the memory of those wonderful days in her past life, making her yearn to draw close to him. Every single moment spent in Song Ke's company allowed her, if only temporarily, to forget her lowly status and her turbulent, ill-fated destiny.

Stealing a sideways glance at her, Song Ke caught sight of Xianglan's soft profile and slender shoulders. As he held her small hand in his, his heart melted into a soft warmth, and the corners of his mouth curved upward. The very first time he set eyes on Xianglan, he had felt his heartstrings being plucked. The girl was both breathtakingly beautiful and fiercely resilient; even when reprimanded and beaten by Cao Lihuan, she had displayed none of the disarray of others, maintaining her posture afterward with her spine held straight, carrying a natural dignity and pride deep within her bones. He had stared fixedly at her for a long time, unable to suppress the urge to go and check on her.

Giving Xianglan's hand a firm squeeze, Song Ke drew her over to sit by the table, smiling as he said, "I used to know a bit about string and wind instruments for personal amusement. It's a pity that Mother prefers quiet, and ever since Father passed away, our household hasn't heard the sound of music in a long time; otherwise, playing a tune right now would truly fit the setting."

At this, Xianglan lifted her face, gazed into Song Ke's handsome and refined brows, and smiled softly, "The sounds of nature are all around us right here; they are far more moving than any plucked instruments."

Xianglan's smile was exceptionally lovely, the moonlight washing over her jade-like face as if she had been coated in a delicate layer of silver, making her look as though she had stepped right out of a painting. Staring in a daze, Song Ke blankly uttered a simple, foolish, "Indeed."

Seeing him in this state, Xianglan wanted to chuckle, yet a wave of melancholy immediately swept over her once more. Standing up, she said, "The hour is growing too late, Eldest Young Master. You should return and rest; you still need to wake up early tomorrow for your studies, so don't wear yourself out."

Reluctant to let her go, yet terrified of tiring Xianglan out, Song Ke had no choice but to consent.

Xianglan went to attend to Song Ke as he washed up and prepared for bed. Parting the bed curtains, he watched as Xianglan picked up the candle and closed the door behind her. He desperately wanted to keep Xianglan in the room with him, yet he felt that doing so would be an affront to her.

"Let's wait until after next spring's imperial examinations," Song Ke thought to himself as he closed his eyes in a haze of sleep.