Against the Current - Chapter 315

Chapter 315 - Illness (Part 6)

In the blink of an eye, the year's end arrived. The Lin residence was fully prepared with all manner of provisions. They replaced the door gods and Spring Festival couplets, brushed fresh peach-wood warding talismans, and hung up uniform vermilion lanterns, presenting a thoroughly festive new year atmosphere. The gloom of the imperial power struggle within the capital had not yet fully dissipated, but as if to pacify the hearts of the people as quickly as possible, the Emperor made this year's New Year celebrations even more lavish than in previous years. Civil and military officials also deliberately propagated a sense of national peace and prosperity, hanging festive lanterns everywhere. For a time, every corner was exceptionally bustling and filled with joyous cheer. When Lin Zhaoxiang entered the palace to attend the Banquet of a Hundred Elders, an imperial eunuch issued an edict upon his return, promoting Lin Jinlou to the rank of military governor in recognition of his meritorious service.

For a time, well-wishers calling to offer congratulations arrived in an endless stream. While the Lin family simply attributed it to the boundless grace of the Emperor, opening their halls to perform ancestral rites without holding grand celebrations, everyone in the household inevitably beamed with joy, and even the maidservants walked with their backs a bit straighter than usual. By this time, Lin Jinlou was already able to get out of bed and walk around. Although his arrow wound had been deep, fortunately he was young with a strong constitution, and the household cared for him thoroughly without sparing any expense on rare and precious medicines, allowing him to recover much faster than an ordinary person.

By the time the Lantern Festival had passed, Lin Jinlou's complexion had improved significantly. Flesh was gradually returning to his cheeks, and he could sit up on his own as well as walk a short distance at a slow pace. Xianglan tended to him with meticulous care, varying the dishes and soups from the kitchen day after day, occasionally cooking meals with her own hands to bring to him, rising twice every midnight to change Lin Jinlou's dressings, and taking up the brush to handle official business at his dictation. When a person is bedridden for a long time, they easily grow irritable—all the more so for someone as fiery-tempered as Lin Jinlou. When the maidservants caught sight of his dark expression, they scattered and avoided him whenever possible, so Xianglan would fetch Buddhist scriptures and read them to him. At first, Lin Jinlou found it novel enough to lend an ear, but when Xianglan persisted in reading to him continually, he could no longer bear it and protested, "Hearing you read these things just makes me sleepy. It would be better to invite a story-teller to come and recount a couple of tales."

Xianglan sighed, thinking to herself that after she had been reading aloud for half a day, it was all wasted on deaf ears. With all of Lin Jinlou's greed, anger, delusion, arrogance, and doubt, he ought to listen carefully to shed his overbearing hostility.

Seeing Xianglan's crestfallen expression as she hugged the scriptures and started to rise, Lin Jinlou hurriedly caught her by the wrist and said, "Alright, alright, read on, read on. It's quite good."

Xianglan looked at him doubtfully. "You enjoy listening to it?"

"...Mm, it's all right..."

Lin Jinlou simply stared at Xianglan's soft, powdered profile. In truth, he couldn't care less about the text; it was simply that with Xianglan sitting by his side, patiently and devoutly reading word by word for him while praying to the Bodhisattva to bless him with good health, his heart felt so full and warm that the corners of his mouth naturally curved upward.

At that moment, a maidservant announced that Lin Jinting had arrived. Upon inviting him in and inquiring, Lin Jinlou learned that Lin Jinting had come to seek his advice on managing various social obligations and human relations. With all the sweeping preparations across the entire Lin household resting on his shoulders alone over these past few days, Lin Jinting had grown visibly thinner, but he appeared all the more spirited and significantly steadier than before. As Lin Jinlou chatted with him for a while about changes in the capital's personnel appointments, Lin Jinting remarked, "After this whole ordeal of brothers turning on one another, some people truly found joy while others fell into ruin. Several families in the capital have risen in rank while others have fallen. Did you know? The Grand Duke Xian hanged himself in prison."

Xianglan was writing a letter home in the adjacent gauze-partitioned alcove, and her hand paused at those words.

"I know about it." Lin Jinlou placed his teacup onto the plum-blossom side table by the bed. "He was a front-line pawn of the Second Prince. The Emperor used him to make an example, throwing him into the darkest prison and confiscating his estate. In this day and age, human relations are as thin as gauze—how many are willing to lend a helping hand? Hearing that His Majesty sentenced him to be executed after the autumn assizes, the Grand Duke tied his sash to the prison rafters that very night, though at least he left his body intact."

"Ah, it's fortunate that Yifei was clever and requested a posting away from the capital early on. He was held up by the Ministry of Personnel for a while, but news finally came through today—he sets off tomorrow."

Lin Jinlou glanced sideways into the gauze alcove. Through the exquisite wooden panels carved with fresh floral patterns, he could see Xianglan holding her brush in a daze, prompting him to furrow his brows and snap at Lin Jinting with a darkened face, "Is there anything else? If not, hurry up and clear out. I'm tired and need to rest."

"Tsk, tsk, tsk. Just yesterday I was telling the eldest aunt that your temper had improved, and here you are flipping out again in no time... Fine, fine, I won't say any more. I'm leaving, I won't provoke this great Buddha of yours."

Once Lin Jinting left, the room fell quiet for a moment. Xianglan stepped out to find Lin Jinlou slumped against the head of the bed, staring blankly ahead as he slowly wound the tassels hanging from the bed curtains around his hand—wrapping them once, then wrapping them again—until his skin turned pale, his fingers swelled red, and they began to tint purple.

Xianglan stepped forward and softly urged, "Don't wind them so tight, cutting off the circulation is bad for you."

Lin Jinlou lowered his head without a word.

Xianglan picked up Lin Jinlou's hand and unraveled the tassel cord circle by circle. Lin Jinlou raised his head to look at her, slowly gripped her hand, and just as he opened his mouth to speak, Xiaojuan walked in and reported, "A few of the master's clan nephews are waiting to pay their respects to the master. I don't know if the master wishes to see them or not?"

Lin Jinlou frowned. "I've only had a few days of peace and quiet. No sooner do I send off one batch than another arrives."

Xianglan gave Xiaojuan a meaningful look and instructed, "Go ask Shuran and Xu Fu to send them away." Xiaojuan then retreated. At that moment, Lingsu and the others entered carrying washbasins, and Xianglan proceeded to help Lin Jinlou change his garments, taking a foreign woolen towel to assist him in wiping his face and body. She murmured, "It's the New Year; coming to check on you is only natural. If you don't care to see them, have the Third Master step out to handle the social calls. That goes for the younger generation, to say nothing of the elders."

Sitting on the bed, Lin Jinlou suddenly caught Xianglan's hand and asked, "Now that it's the New Year, do you miss your parents?"

Xianglan was startled. She withdrew her hand to continue wiping his arms and lowered her gaze as she answered, "I do... I originally intended to do some needlework and send it back with someone, but I didn't finish..."

A turmoil of emotions surged within Lin Jinlou's breast. He simply gazed at Xianglan's lowered face in silence. After a long moment, he took her hand once more, toying with her fingers as he said, "If we were in Jinling, I would have had someone bring them straight into the estate. There's no helping it for now, but once we return, I'll go with you to visit them in person."

Xianglan lifted her eyelids to steal a glance at Lin Jinlou, then lowered her lashes again, fixing her gaze upon the scar on his shoulder. The knife wound on Lin Jinlou's shoulder had gradually healed, leaving behind a flesh-colored scar. He had over twenty scars of varying sizes across his body. A sudden wave of mixed emotion and unnameable sorrow washed over Xianglan. While everyone else envied Lin Jinlou for achieving success at a young age and wielding immense military power, few knew that all this outward brilliance was won entirely by gambling with his life.

Lin Jinlou also felt a sense of melancholy. Observing the faint shadows beneath Xianglan's eyes, he spoke in a low voice, "You haven't been sleeping well these past few days, have you? My wound is much better; you don't need to get up at night to change the dressings anymore... Is the food from the kitchen not to your liking?"

"No, it's very good."

"What's good about it? Your chin has grown so thin your oval face is practically turning into a melon-seed face." He reached out as he spoke, gently stroking Xianglan's cheek. "I'll have them properly nourish you later. You look better a bit fuller." After a long pause, he murmured softly, "You've suffered through hardships following me these days."

Xianglan was taken aback. Feeling ill at ease, she leaned back slightly to evade his hand. Lin Jinlou had always been an overlord—domineering, arrogant, and accustomed to ordering others around. Even when he was amiable with her, a few discordant words would send him flying into a rage, and he had never spoken in such soft tones nor acted so clingy toward her, dispatching people to search for her the moment she was out of sight for a moment. When he threw temper tantrums in bed, she had scolded him a couple of times, and he had actually obeyed like a lamb. She knew how to handle the former Tyrant Lin, but she felt entirely at a loss before a Lin Jinlou like this. Raising her head, she found herself locked in a gaze with Lin Jinlou. His eyes were long and bright—eyes Xianglan had always found excessively sharp, yet today those eyes seemed suffused with a soft, misty haze while churning with a tumultuous emotion that left her momentarily lost for words.

Lin Jinlou gazed deep into Xianglan's eyes, so clear and limpid like a pool of autumn water. Feeling a churning, dizzying upheaval in his chest, he reached out like one possessed to cup Xianglan's face, slowly leaning forward until his lips brushed hers—as warm as silk and as sweet as honey. Having drifted through the world of romantic dalliances all his life and engaged in countless scenes of play-acting, he had never kissed anyone with such utter devotion. A tremor ran through his heart, rippling through his very bones, and he was struck by the absurd feeling that he was somehow unworthy before her. He gently sucked in her breath, then deepened the kiss, his trembling fingers cupping the back of her head to draw her even closer.

Pulled forward by him, Xianglan crashed against his chest. Lin Jinlou let out a muffled groan, and Xianglan snapped back to her senses as if waking from a dream. In a flurry of panic, she pushed him away, stood up, and retreated two steps. Her cheeks flushed crimson and her breathing ragged, she backed all the way up to the washstand before stammering, "The water's gone cold, I'll go fetch another basin." With that, she picked up the basin and hurried out.

Lin Jinlou sat in a daze for a good while, utterly silent.

A moment later, Xianglan returned with a fresh basin of water, her expression completely composed once more as she quietly wiped Lin Jinlou down and applied a fresh layer of ointment. Keeping his lips pressed into a tight line, Lin Jinlou uttered not a single word while clutching two official documents to read. He stared at a single page for half an entire day without absorbing a single word, and didn't even speak a word to Xianglan when it was time for his medicine. Knowing he was sulking, Xianglan glanced at the stack of documents piled on the desk that she was supposed to have written for him that evening. Flipping through them and finding nothing of critical importance, she figured she might as well let the master have his way; going over to speak to him while he was in a foul mood would only be asking for trouble. She looked back at Lin Jinlou and saw him still lowering his head over the stack of letters, his face half-hidden in the candlelight's shadows and his lips pursed tightly, looking for all the world like a stubborn child.

She sighed inwardly, walked over quietly, placed a cup of hot tea on the side table, and pulled the papers from Lin Jinlou's hands. "It's late, let's turn in early tonight." She had expected Lin Jinlou to glare at her, but to her surprise, he didn't even look at her, simply rinsed his mouth and lay down.

Xianglan blew out the lamp and lay down beside him. Since the two of them retired early tonight, scattered sounds of firecrackers drifted in from outside alongside faint murmurs of commotion. That was when Xianglan remembered it was the sixteenth day of the first month, the night when people walked about to ward off bad luck, which explained why it was so lively outside. The maidservants of Changchun Hall had not yet gone to sleep, and the sound of footsteps and low laughter could occasionally be heard outside. Unable to sleep, Xianglan tossed and turned twice before Lin Jinlou suddenly turned on his side and pulled her into his arms.

Xianglan couldn't help whispering, "Your wound..."

Lin Jinlou said, "I'm not leaning on it."

"Oh," Xianglan murmured, not knowing what else to say, and closed her eyes. After a moment, she suddenly heard Lin Jinlou ask, "Xianglan, are you still resenting me?"

Xianglan opened her eyes. The bed was dim, murky, and hazy, yet Lin Jinlou's pair of eyes shone with brilliant radiance as they gazed right at her.

Xianglan froze, her throat suddenly turning parched. "Master, I..."

"It's nothing, I just asked." Lin Jinlou suddenly cut her off, burying his face in her glossy hair as he murmured, "Just asking offhand..."