Against the Current - Chapter 120

Chapter 120 - A Sigh

Now, as for Xianglan, she worried day after day over Song Ke's predicament. Tormented by her inability to offer any help, she felt a profound yearning yet dared not visit the Song household too frequently. Fortunately, Yuexi had already married out and would occasionally pass along news. Upon learning that Song Ke's ordeal had finally come to an end, Xianglan repeatedly pressed her palms together in silent thanks to the Buddha, thinking to herself, "The divination slip at Jingyue Temple truly is miraculous. Isn't this precisely how Song Ke has emerged from misfortune into fortune?" Yet, noticing Yuexi trailing off and speaking with hesitation and prevarication, she asked, "What is it? Could there still be matters left unresolved? Has the Wu family started making trouble again?"

Yuexi forced a laugh and said, "How could the Wu family ever dare make trouble again? Wu Liang had his legs broken by those twenty heavy bamboo strokes—he's too busy regretting it to even cry." Casting a cautious glance at Xianglan's expression, she continued, "Actually... that young lady from the Grand National Duke's household is quite easy to get along with, too. Her disposition is straightforward and endearing, and she harbors no malicious or harmful intentions..." At this point, realizing she had spoken out of turn, she hastily stood up and said, "I've been out for so long; it's high time I head back. I'll come find you for a chat another day." With that, she rose and took her leave.

Hearing Yuexi inexplicably praise Zheng Jingxian out of nowhere, Xianglan felt only a creeping sense of puzzlement. But upon second thought, recalling that Song Ke's crisis had been smoothed over by Zheng Baiyuan pulling strings at every level, her heart sank as a cold realization began to dawn. Unable to sit still a moment longer, she paced back and forth across her room once before rushing to her wardrobe to pull out a change of clothes. Slipping a conical bamboo hat over her head, she flagged down a neighbor's carriage and hurried out the door.

Before long, she arrived at the Song residence. The gatekeeper happened to be old man Wang. Figuring that Xianglan was there to see Song Tanchai, he didn't bother announcing her inside, simply opening the door to let her pass while remarking, "We just had a distinguished guest arrive today. Miss, go on in and wait in the side room for a moment."

Glancing into the central courtyard, Xianglan indeed spotted two sedan chairs parked there, both covered in dark green silk with tassels dangling from their roofs. Xianglan thought to herself, "Since there are guests in the inner courtyard, I needn't head inside right away; I can go straight to find Song Ke instead." She bypassed the shadow wall and walked directly toward the front study. She had taken barely a couple of steps when she caught sight of a woman emerging from the second doorway, walking with brisk strides toward the courtyard of the study. Seen from behind, the figure was slender and graceful with slightly broad shoulders, clad in a peach-red padded tunic trimmed with gold thread, a soft pink skirt, and an elaborate high-coiffed bun adorned with glittering pearls and kingfisher feathers—clearly the attire of a lady of high status.

Xianglan froze, involuntarily slowing her pace. The woman entered the courtyard, paused briefly in front of the study, and then pushed the door open to step inside. Concealed behind the moon gate, Xianglan witnessed the scene with absolute clarity: the woman was none other than Zheng Jingxian. Her heart sank further, and on tiptoe, she crept silently to the window to listen in.

At that moment, Song Ke was sitting inside the room, gazing in a daze at Xianglan's old silver hairpin. Hearing the door push open, he looked up to see Zheng Jingxian walking in with a smile. Taken aback, he hastily stood up and frowned, demanding, "Why is Miss Zheng here?"

Zheng Jingxian glanced around the room, seated herself unceremoniously in a chair, and said with a smile, "How strange. Why shouldn't I be able to come?"

Song Ke furrowed his brow. "This is utterly contrary to propriety!"

The sight of Song Ke made Zheng Jingxian's heart flutter with a rush of heat. Forcing an air of casual nonchalance, she replied, "Those fussy rules of propriety are utterly obnoxious! They're just laughable nonsense dreamed up by rigid traditionalists. You and I are soon to be betrothed—what need is there to be bound by such pedantic frameworks?"

Song Ke's brow knitted even tighter. "Even so, it is entirely inappropriate for an unmarried man and woman to share a room alone. Ultimately, it will compromise both our reputations if word gets out. If Miss Zheng refuses to leave, I shall go outside to avoid her." With that, he turned on his heel to depart.

Zheng Jingxian hurriedly intercepted him, saying, "Wait, wait, wait, don't leave! I have something terribly important to tell you!"

Song Ke halted, fixing her with a dark, heavy gaze. Dissatisfaction stirred within Zheng Jingxian; having been raised as a pampered darling who was given the moon if she asked for the stars, who had ever dared look at her with a stern face? Yet this Song Ke, whose household her own family had helped out in such a massive way—someone who ought to have treated her with tenderness—was treating her with a cold shoulder despite her enthusiastic visit. She was on the verge of losing her temper when she caught sight of Song Ke's handsome brows, eyes, nose, and lips, causing her anger to slowly dissipate. Softening her tone once more, she pouted, "Look at you! I went to all this trouble to steal away some leisure time just to see you, and you don't even offer me a cup of tea. Is that the proper way to host a guest?"

Having long since lost his patience, Song Ke forced himself to endure it and asked, "What business does Miss Zheng have with me?"

Zheng Jingxian replied, "I came to tell you that when you send matchmakers to my home tomorrow, remember to ask Administration Commissioner Wu to act as your go-between. He is a good friend of my father's and is guaranteed to agree. That way, my father will save face and might treat you all the more favorably."

Song Ke lowered his gaze and said, "I understand."

Silence descended upon the room for a moment. While Zheng Jingxian gazed dreamily at Song Ke, she heard him say, "Why would Miss Zheng need to make a personal trip just to tell me this? Informing my mother and sister would have been quite sufficient. Now that I am aware of the matter, Miss Zheng may return home."

Never expecting Song Ke to be so utterly devoid of romantic sentiment, Zheng Jingxian rose reluctantly. Over these past few days, she had yearned for Song Ke intensely; at times, waking from midnight dreams with the realization that she would truly get to marry the man of her heart, it had all felt like a dream. Today, she had gone out of her way to slip away under a pretext just to see him, imagining that even if their reunion lacked the tender romance described in romance scripts, there ought at least to be some shy, sweet affection blossoming between them. She had never dreamed Song Ke would treat her with such icy detachment and aloofness.

As she reached the doorway, she suddenly recalled how, right in this very study, a maidservant named Xianglan had once been bullied by the Lin sisters, while Song Ke had shown her every possible care and consideration—the affection in his eyes blooming like apricot blossoms all over a garden in March, wild and uncontrollable, impossible to conceal. A pang of tightness gripped Zheng Jingxian's chest. This memory remained a thorn in her heart; she had once quietly confided it to her mother, and Lady Wei had advised, "She is merely a maidservant. If you find her an eyesore, you can simply dispatch her elsewhere later on. You have beauty and social standing, and you can lend him a helping hand in his official career, whereas that girl merely has a bit of looks to please men. He should know the difference between the primary and the secondary. Once you are married and have children, after a year or two, Song Ke will forget all about her." Comforted by Lady Wei's earnest persuasion, Zheng Jingxian had set the matter aside. But now, seeing Song Ke's frigid demeanor toward her, that old memory resurfaced violently in her mind. Abruptly halting, she spun around and declared, "That maidservant called Xianglan—you are not permitted to take her in as a concubine after we are married!"

Song Ke jerked his head up, cast a single glance at Zheng Jingxian, and turned his back to her. The mere mention of Xianglan's name felt as though a thousand silver needles were piercing his heart; guilt, grief, and helplessness rushed over him all at once. Even though he knew this matter had nothing to do with Zheng Jingxian, hearing her bring up Xianglan in such a manner and command him on what he "was not permitted" to do still stirred an irrepressible wave of disgust within him. In a flat tone, he said, "Miss Zheng, please return home."

The moment the words left her mouth, Zheng Jingxian regretted them. She wanted to say a few words to smooth things over, but seeing that Song Ke had turned his back to her, she had no choice but to bite her lip and leave with lingering reluctance.

Only after Zheng Jingxian exited the courtyard did Xianglan emerge from behind the house. Having heard just Zheng Jingxian's declaration that "you and I are soon to be betrothed," it felt as though a thunderclap had exploded beside her ear, leaving her barely able to stand. Reaching out to steady herself against the cold brick wall, she felt the entire world spinning around her. Although her heart had faintly grasped the truth beforehand, hearing those words actually pierce her ears still left her entire body shivering with cold. As for what the two of them discussed inside the room afterward, she hadn't taken in a single word, staring blankly instead at the hazy, luxuriant foliage in the courtyard and the row of orchids beneath the eaves swaying to and fro in the breeze.

Like a walking corpse, she slowly stepped out and moved toward the courtyard gate, her face the color of ash. Behind her, the sound of a door opening rang out. Song Ke stepped out and, catching sight of that solitary, ghost-like figure in the garden, froze in place. Hastily descending the steps, he rushed forward to grab her arm, calling out her name: "Xianglan..." His throat choked up instantly, leaving him unable to utter another word.

Xianglan turned her head to him in a daze, wearing the expression of a lost child, devoid of any facial expression whatsoever. Looking into her vacant eyes and ashen face, Song Ke knew instantly that she had found out. A wave of overwhelming grief crashed over him; tears welling in his eyes, he whispered, "Xianglan, Xianglan, say something... It's my fault, I've let you down... Beat me, scold me, do whatever you like!"

Xianglan shook her head, pulled her arm free from Song Ke's grip, and began to walk away. Song Ke grabbed her arm once more. He wanted to tell her he had no choice, to describe how agonizing and conflicting the dilemma had been, to explain how drunk he had gotten the night he made his decision—how he had wept bitterly while holding Lin Jingting and calling out her name, and how even though his legal troubles were settled, his heart had never found peace... Yet not a single word would come out. Such humiliation and piercing pain made him want to slap his own face or grab a knife and let Xianglan stab him to her heart's content.

"I understand. I get it..." Xianglan began, her face wooden, her voice sounding like a wisp of faint dust and smoke. "Your entire ordeal relied entirely on the Grand National Duke's influence, and Miss Zheng holds deep affection for you. With such a powerful and capable family backing you, your official career will surely flourish even more hereafter..."

Song Ke's eyes reddened. "Xianglan..."

"My origins lie among servants; even gaining freedom for my entire family relied entirely on your personal assistance. Harboring the delusion of becoming your proper, wedded wife was nothing short of wishful thinking and aiming far above my station. I could never repay the heavy kindness you've shown me, so you needn't feel guilty toward me. Now that you have secured such an exceptional and wonderful match, I can only... only be happy for you."

Song Ke wanted to plead with Xianglan not to say another word. The more reasonable and magnanimous she was, the more it tore his heart to shreds. He begged, "Can you and I... can you and I truly not remain together for the rest of our lives? Even if there is no official title of wife, I swear upon my life that I will treat you well for as long as I live. If you don't believe me, I can give half of the Song family's farmland to you..."

Xianglan suddenly let out a low laugh, interrupting Song Ke's words. Lifting her chin to gaze at the faint clouds drifting across the sky, her voice took on a drifting quality: "For as long as I've lived, even though I've been reduced to the very dust, broken and bleeding, and risked my life, I've never been able to shed this untimely flaw in my character—to put it nicely, it's called an unyielding backbone; to put it bluntly, it's simple arrogance. Asking me to serve as a concubine is an absolute impossibility! Besides, if you were to hand over the Song family's property to me, what would your mother and sister think? And how would you expect Miss Zheng to conduct herself?"

Abruptly turning her head, she fixed a burning gaze upon Song Ke: "Let me ask you this: if I were to become a concubine, and refused to stand respectfully to pour tea and serve the primary wife like a servant, what then? If I bore children and forced them to call only me 'mother' while denying them the right to recognize the primary wife as their mother, what then? If your future wife grew to detest me and sought to drive me out or sell me off, what then? Very well, supposing you could indulge me and defer to me in everything, what could you do against the might of the Zheng family if they forcefully disposed of me? Even if the Zheng family said nothing, what would you do if future censors and imperial officials impeached you for doting on a concubine while casting aside your lawful wife?"

This rapid-fire succession of questions left Song Ke frozen in his tracks.

Xianglan raised her hands, prying open Song Ke's fingers one by one from her arm, and slowly said, "Over these past dozen years, I've had more than enough of being a servant. I never wish to spend even half a day living like a maid ever again; that taste is far too bitter and excruciating to endure." Pulling her arm free, she looked straight into his glistening eyes with her own bright, shining gaze. "May you and Miss Zheng find a harmonious union that lasts a hundred years."

Song Ke felt a bone-chilling cold wash over his entire body, his teeth chattering uncontrollably. He closed his eyes, and when he opened them again, Xianglan's figure had already rounded the corner and vanished entirely. Only a single white orchid, caught by the wind, spun through the air before dropping into the dirt like a long, drawn-out sigh.