The Early Spring - Chapter 44

Chapter 44 - Let's End It Here

"Do you really have to talk about this on Christmas Eve?" Zang Yao looked at Luan Nian. "You know this might ruin every single Christmas of my life from now on."

"What did you mean earlier when you said neither of us wanted to be friends at the very beginning? I don't recall ever expressing any special feelings toward you." Luan Nian suddenly remembered what Zhang Xin had once said to him—that he was truly cold-blooded and not a human being.

Zang Yao nodded. "Then I must have misunderstood." She felt a bit saddened, having always believed that Luan Nian felt differently about her. No matter where she moved, he would always go to see her. Luan Nian was one of her few remaining old friends, someone who knew all her stories.

"If I've caused you any hurt, I'm sorry."

Zang Yao shook her head with a smile. "Don't be. You're Luan Nian, and Luan Nian never admits he's wrong. Besides, this isn't your fault."

"I'm sorry things turned out this way."

Zang Yao shrugged. "Cheer up~ I still have to move when I get back. I'm genuinely planning to live in Beijing for a while, and then... I want to go to Yinchuan."

"Did I ruin every Christmas of your life?" Luan Nian asked her.

"Not to that extent." Zang Yao smiled at him, though her heart felt immensely desolate. Luan Nian was the last lingering bit of expectation she held for men in her heart. She had always known it; she truly loved him, but she simply didn't dare admit it.

Shang Zhitao experienced true torment.

She was still young, and when she liked someone, she didn't know how to hide it, nor did she know how to handle missing them. She stared at her phone all day long, hoping a word or two from Luan Nian might pop up. She held a slightly pathetic hope that he might occasionally remember her—this "bed partner" of his—in the gaps of his joyful holiday.

Even if it were just asking how her work was going, like before. But Luan Nian didn't.

It wasn't until the evening of Christmas Day that she remembered Luan Nian had asked her to help take care of his fish. That red arowana—Shang Zhitao had secretly given it a name during her first two visits: Little Red Flag.

"But I don't have the key," she messaged Luan Nian.

"In the tree in the garden, inside the Christmas ornament tied to it."

"Okay."

Shang Zhitao put on her down jacket and went out, walking through the dusk of Christmas Day. The world truly was lively, making her heart feel all the more vibrant and eager to be a part of the bustle. Yet Yao Bei was away on a business trip, Sun Yu had her Christmas dating event, and Lumi was undoubtedly holed up in a nightclub. She had no idea who she could find to hang out with.

When she arrived at Luan Nian's place, she found the front gate of his courtyard unlocked. Luan Nian was genuinely confident in his residential community's security. Pushing open the gate and walking in, she saw that a red ball had been tied to the tree in his courtyard—Luan Nian's perfunctory attempt at decorating his tree.

Shang Zhitao unhooked the red ball, took the key out from inside, unlocked the door, and went in. Turning on the lights, she saw Little Red swimming in the massive fish tank. Shang Zhitao knew nothing about caring for fish; she couldn't even take proper care of herself, so how was she supposed to look after a fish?

"Luke, how am I supposed to take care of your fish?"

Luan Nian's call came through quickly. Shang Zhitao hurriedly answered, hearing him say, "Help me change the filter cotton in the fish tank. The filter cotton is in the kitchen storage cabinet. Then check the water temperature and feed them a little fish food."

"Oh."

Shang Zhitao scurried off to the kitchen to find the filter cotton, setting her phone aside as she busied herself with clattering noises. Luan Nian didn't rush her at all. Once she retrieved the filter cotton, he taught her step-by-step how to change it, how to check the water temperature, and how to feed the fish. After a great deal of fuss, Shang Zhitao finally finished taking care of Little Red. "Everything's done. I'm leaving now—should I leave the key hanging on the tree?"

...

"Keep the key with you. Just give it back to me when I get back. Also, there's a shopping bag on the sofa; inside is a gift for you. Merry Christmas." Luan Nian hung up the phone.

Shang Zhitao stood there in a daze. She had a Christmas gift too?

The square shopping bag resting on the sofa—Shang Zhitao recognized the logo. It was another expensive bag, her Christmas present.

Shang Zhitao felt somewhat disoriented. This was the second bag she had received from Luan Nian in a very short span of time, and she felt the compensation for sleeping with him was far too generous. Having a Christmas gift should have brought joy, but she felt none. She would rather Luan Nian had simply given her an apple or a single flower like Sun Yuanzhu had—anything would have been better than a luxury bag.

"Luke gave me another bag, says it's a Christmas present," she messaged Sun Yu.

Seeing the message, Sun Yu replied: "Keep it."

Sun Yu was thoroughly realistic. Sex partners weren't permanent, but money could solve major problems. It wasn't like she was robbing or looting—if a man gave you a bag, why shouldn't you take it?

"Keep it, and then come hang out at my place."

"Okay."

The lingering romantic fantasies deep within Shang Zhitao's heart were constantly acting up. She expected more from Luan Nian, yet she also felt she was just overthinking things. She was only in her early twenties, her mindset immature, swaying back and forth. At times she felt love didn't matter at all—such were her endless, torturous mental loops.

"Thank you for the Christmas gift; it's much too expensive. I didn't prepare a gift for you."

"I don't need one."

"Merry Christmas."

"Merry Christmas."

Shang Zhitao suddenly thought: Did that girl in Hokkaido with Luan Nian know of her existence? Did she know that the man she liked had a regular sex partner back in Beijing? Would she care if she found out? Or was she just like her—knowing the score perfectly well, yet unable to mind? Shang Zhitao felt she was utterly pathetic. All the way home her mind ran wild, until morality finally took the upper hand.

"The other day you said that no matter which of us finds someone new, either of us can propose ending this relationship."

Luan Nian was drinking with a group of friends when he saw Shang Zhitao's message, his brow furrowing instantly. "What? Got a new flame?"

"...I don't."

"Then what do you mean? Get straight to the point." Luan Nian detested people who beat around the bush and wasted time; he had no patience for guessing other people's thoughts.

"I mean that if you have other partners, please be sure to let me know. I don't want to carry moral condemnation." After hitting send, Shang Zhitao let out a long sigh of relief, only for her heart to turn half-cold when she saw Luan Nian's reply.

He said: "Since when do f***buddies need moral constraints?"

"You could catch something."

"Use protection." Luan Nian was locking horns with Shang Zhitao now. He didn't enjoy discussing this nonsensical topic with her; Shang Zhitao was clearly implying that he was promiscuous.

"So you do have other partners?" Today was Christmas Day, yet Shang Zhitao was having a miserable time. Luan Nian had ruined her holiday; even though he wasn't by her side, his attitude effortlessly manipulated her. Her meager bit of stubbornness reared its head once more, making her want to clear the air with Luan Nian. Even if they were just bed partners, it had to be one-on-one; she refused to accept promiscuity. Had she really lowered herself this much?

"Yes, so what?" Luan Nian set down his wine cup and told the others, "You guys go ahead and eat, I have something to take care of." He found a quiet corner to lean against so he could focus on chatting with Shang Zhitao. Little did he need to chat for long—Shang Zhitao immediately demonstrated her resolve and courage.

"Then I want to terminate our relationship."

"Fine."

Luan Nian replied crisply and decisively, then shoved his phone into his pocket and went back inside to drink. His mood suddenly turned foul. As he sat drinking sake with his friends, a thick thread of irritation hung over him. To him, Shang Zhitao was nothing more than a bed partner—whether she was there or not didn't matter, and he had no need to force it. Besides, he was well aware of Shang Zhitao's affection for him, and he knew how to handle it; it wasn't difficult. But he was angry nonetheless.

Seeing that single word—"Fine"—Shang Zhitao completely understood Luan Nian's attitude toward her. In his heart, she was insignificant, merely a pastime for his boredom. Whether she existed or not meant nothing.

She felt a sudden urge to cry, but the tears wouldn't come. She brought the bag home and placed it right next to the previous one. Neither had been unpacked; they were brand new. She didn't even know what the bags looked like, and there they sat, piled together. It was from that exact moment that she decided she disliked luxury goods; luxury items made her feel heartbroken, serving as a stark measurement of the distance between her and Luan Nian.

For once, she put on makeup and went out to attend Sun Yu's event. Christmas really was lively; singles gathered together for an eight-minute speed-dating session. By the time Shang Zhitao arrived, Sun Yu had already finished explaining the rules, and everyone was getting ready for their self-introductions.

Sun Yu leaned close to her ear and whispered, "See that man in the blue shirt? Just came back from Silicon Valley, does testing work, published a few books, owns property and a car."

"I'm just here to fill a number for you," Shang Zhitao told Sun Yu.

"No," Sun Yu shook her head. "Shang Zhitao, you're here to find your other half."

"Got it." Shang Zhitao didn't feel any psychological pressure anymore; she had already ended her relationship with Luan Nian and was now thoroughly single. "Just him? Who else has good conditions?"

"The one in the gray sweater is alright too."

"Okay, then I'm going in."

Shang Zhitao had never participated in an event like this before, but the experience turned out to be rather novel. Strangers sat face-to-face, exchanging conversation for eight minutes before moving on to the next person. She sat up straight, earnestly answering the questions of the man across from her. The questions were bizarre; one bespectacled man asked Shang Zhitao if she accepted being DINK (Double Income, No Kids), and since Shang Zhitao didn't even know what DINK meant, she casually replied, "Accepted, accepted."

Another guy with a side-parted hairstyle asked her, "What is your understanding of a soulmate?"

"Huh?" Shang Zhitao had never pondered soulmates, her entire face broadcasting I have no idea. The man curled his lips in disappointment.

Finally, her turn came with the Silicon Valley elite. Shang Zhitao sat across from him and smiled sweetly. "Hello."

The elite didn't even lift his head. "Introduce yourself: name, age, hometown, alma mater, current profession, and financial status."

It felt just like a job interview. But Shang Zhitao still answered earnestly, mostly to save face for Sun Yu. Her demeanor was impeccably dignified, causing the man to finally look her in the eye. "What number are you?"

"Pardon?"

"What number? During the voting later, I'll vote for you. I'm number six."

"Oh, oh, oh, I'm number five."

Shang Zhitao carefully noted down the man's number and actually wrote down number six during the voting phase. Number six was the undisputed king of charm, while Shang Zhitao received a grand total of one vote.

Sun Yu said, "We'll introduce the friends who mutually voted for each other after it's over."

Once the event wrapped up, Shang Zhitao asked Sun Yu, "Give me the Silicon Valley elite's number; we agreed to mutual votes."

Sun Yu laughed so hard she couldn't stand straight. "You're the only big fool who actually believes someone when they say they'll mutually vote for you! He voted for that woman in the off-the-shoulder dress."

"Damn. So insincere." Shang Zhitao burst out laughing too, and while helping Sun Yu pack up her things, asked, "So did that off-the-shoulder woman vote for him?"

"That off-the-shoulder woman voted for another girl."

"What?" Shang Zhitao's eyes widened. "Huh?"

"You don't get it." Sun Yu pinched her cheek. "You, do you even realize that society is far more complex than you think?"

"It sure is complex." Shang Zhitao had to hand it to them. The two of them were completely exhausted by the time they finished packing, collapsing together and leaning on each other for a long time before finally struggling to their feet. "Let's go, good friend. Merry Christmas."

Merry Christmas.

Gazing at the piled snow on the streets, Shang Zhitao murmured those words out of nowhere.