The Early Spring - Chapter 38

Chapter 38 - True Affection Cannot Be Hidden

The last time Shang Zhitao had danced was during her freshman year of college, when her department organized an activity and she was pushed into it against her will. After stepping on her classmates' feet a few times, everyone agreed not to let her dance anymore. Skipping the dancing was fine, but she still had to make an occasional appearance, right? Later, while Shang Zhitao was washing clothes in the laundry room, some classmates from her club walked past and heard her humming a tune. It turned out she had no idea she could actually sing quite well. And so, she was forced onto the stage to sing once or twice.

Shang Zhitao disliked performing in public. She vividly remembered how, during childhood festivals and holidays when family and friends gathered together, the children were always expected to perform. Shang Zhitao had no special talents, so she would always bring her writing brush, inkstone, and paper. When her turn came, she would stand up and announce, "I will perform the art of writing for my grandparents, uncles, aunts, and elders!" Calligraphy took time; by the time she finished a single piece of calligraphy, half the meal was already over.

By now, she still lacked any talent for dancing, and trailing behind the female colleagues who had danced since childhood meant she could never keep up with the choreography.

As the choreographer, Kitty was somewhat dissatisfied with Shang Zhitao. Staring into the mirror, she asked, "Flora, are you having trouble keeping up?" She was still harboring resentment. That afternoon, Shang Zhitao had hauled all departments into a project alignment meeting, and because Kitty's own progress was lagging, Luan Nian had called her out and criticized her during the session.

"Sorry, I'm so sorry," Shang Zhitao wiped away her sweat and apologized to everyone.

"Let's take it from the top."

Everyone else danced in the front while Shang Zhitao fumbled along in the back. Her dancing gene was truly broken; trying to get through a routine was absolute torture. The other female colleagues burst into laughter, and one of them, taking pity on her, said, "Don't torture Flora anymore. Flora, why don't you just hold the placard instead?"

"Okay, okay, okay!"

Shang Zhitao was finally rescued from the sea of misery that was dancing. Holding the placard was easy, meaning she no longer needed to rehearse. She headed out to organize and order dinner for the group. By the time she returned with the food, everyone had already sorted out their hairstyles and outfits: twin tails and athletic pleated skirts—skirts that Shang Zhitao had purchased earlier. They could style their hair however they wanted, as long as she didn't have to dance. The rehearsal wrapped up at ten o'clock at night. Shang Zhitao updated everyone on the venue, time, and precautions for the following day, and then they dismissed.

On Friday night, nightlife began in earnest. Shang Zhitao felt a slight urge to go over to Luan Nian's place, but since he hadn't brought it up, she couldn't very well ask. Doing so would make her look way too eager, even though she genuinely was desperate. She had discussed this state of mind with Sun Yu, wondering if developing a sort of sex addiction meant she had some kind of illness.

Sun Yu laughed at her overthinking, saying, "When I first started dating my ex-boyfriend, we wanted to stick together twenty-four hours a day. Would you say I had an illness back then?"

"Of course not."

"Well, there you have it."

When she got home and found only Sun Yu there, Shang Zhitao changed into her cheerleader outfit to show her. Shang Zhitao usually kept her wardrobe and styling quite low-profile, but the cheerleader shorts left her long legs completely exposed. Under the lights, her legs gleamed with a milky whiteness. With her hair tied up into twin tails and a watery, alluring glint in her eyes, just standing there gave her a strikingly standout presence.

Sun Yu looked her up and down carefully from every angle and remarked out of nowhere, "I bet you won't be coming back tomorrow night."

"Huh? If I don't come back, where would I go?"

Sun Yu chuckled with mischievous intent, "That cold-hearted boss of yours might just lose his self-control."

Shang Zhitao finally understood what Sun Yu was getting at, and her face flushed slightly. "He won't. The female associate he has in Guangzhou is drop-dead gorgeous; his ex-girlfriend is also drop-dead gorgeous... He's seen way too many pretty women." The word "associate" was used quite skillfully. She didn't know what kind of relationship Luan Nian had with Zang Yao, but anyone who entered his room in the middle of the night surely didn't have a simple relationship, right?

"Forget him! Just live it up and enjoy your youth!" Sun Yu patted her shoulder.

Shang Zhitao practiced holding the placard in front of the mirror a little longer before finally heading to bed.

The next morning, she arrived early at the basketball court. After taking care of the logistics, members from both companies arrived in succession. Both firms were industry leaders, the basketball players possessed admirable physiques, and the cheerleaders were youthful and vibrant. A large group of young men and women gathered together made for a genuinely pleasing sight.

As the cheerleaders emerged from the locker room, someone on the court blew a whistle.

The employees cleared the area, and the Santian cheer squad took the floor. The Santian cheerleaders were all exceptionally attractive, and their lead dancer sprinted over to Luan Nian the moment the routine ended, hanging her pom-pom ribbon around his neck. Everyone started catcalling and hooting. Luan Nian stood there and offered a rare, faint smile. His gaze swept over Shang Zhitao, who wore twin tails; among that group of girls, her skin was the fairest and her smile the most radiant. Luan Nian was amused by her utterly goofy expression. It was his first time ever seeing a cheerleader hold a placard with such grim, intense solemnity.

Yet immediately afterward, in the theater of his own mind, he tore off her pleated skirt. Luan Nian suddenly turned serious; he disliked catching himself having such thoughts.

Shang Zhitao thought his smile looked genuinely wonderful—if only he would smile more often. Once they arrived at Lemei, Shang Zhitao diligently held her placard. After the cheer routine concluded, she stood there and recalled what Sun Yu had said the previous night—that Luan Nian might not let her go home tonight. She stole a glance at Luan Nian, but he wasn't looking at her; instead, he was talking with the people from Santian. In the middle of their conversation, he cast a glance toward Santian's lead dancer.

Shang Zhitao pulled her gaze back and stopped looking at him. When the event finally dragged to a close, she heard Kitty mention while changing clothes, "Luke just told me that Grace and I are joining the dinner party tonight, so we won't be heading back with you guys."

"Oh, oh, oh." Everyone seemed entirely unsurprised by this, exchanged a few more remarks, and dispersed.

Shang Zhitao changed her clothes and stepped out of the locker room to see that Luan Nian had already changed as well. He was talking with the Santian representatives, and that lead dancer was standing right beside him. The two of them looked rather well-matched.

A man like Luan Nian truly possessed an effortless charm with women, no matter where he went.

Stepping out of the stadium, Shang Zhitao felt a twinge of regret that she had canceled her meeting with Long Zhentian that morning. She felt she had been overthinking things, and resolved that from now on, she must never let her wild imagination disrupt her professional progress.

She returned home, found Sun Yu absent, fired up her computer to watch some American TV shows for a while, and then headed downstairs to grab dinner. Her mind was somewhat unfocused, and those familiar thoughts kept bubbling up: Would Luan Nian take her home? Would he ask her: Do you have a boyfriend? Do you accept one-night stands? Just like he had approached her before.

She forced down a casual bowl of noodles and went back upstairs to sleep. The weekend passed by in a hazy, restless blur.

Monday morning, she bumped into Luan Nian in the elevator lobby once more. They stood on opposite sides of the elevator car; Shang Zhitao offered him a polite "good morning," and after that, they remained silent just like before. Luan Nian didn't speak either.

Stepping out of the elevator, they walked one after the other—Shang Zhitao heading to her workstation, and Luan Nian to his office.

Shang Zhitao found the days rather agonizing to get through. Over the weekend, she had come to realize one thing: Sun Yu was right. She wasn't the kind of person who could casually engage in one-night stands with just anyone. The reason she had slept with Luan Nian was simply because she liked him. That affection had been so well-hidden that she hadn't even realized it herself. It wasn't until the end of the basketball match when Luan Nian and the others went off to dinner with those gorgeous women, and Luan Nian lingered his gaze on Santian's lead dancer for those few moments, that a sharp pang of sorrow had blossomed in her chest. Only then did she realize her fondness for him ran far deeper than she had ever imagined.

She felt somewhat helpless, unsure of how to handle these feelings. Still caught in her daze, distraction inevitably led to mistakes. The project brief she sent out contained errors, and she hadn't even noticed them.

This week was exceptionally busy. By Thursday, Shang Zhitao felt a discomfort in her lower abdomen, and flipping through her calendar, she realized her period had arrived. Unlike others who suffered from severe menstrual cramps, her symptom during her period was diarrhea. She made several panicked trips to the restroom that day, and by evening, she felt utterly exhausted, heart and soul. Sitting at her workstation, she waged an internal battle for a long time before finally deciding to head home and rest.

This was the first time she had ever left work on time since starting her job. During the past few months, the first day of her cycle had conveniently coincided with weekends.

Upon arriving home, she discovered to her surprise that Sun Yuanzhu was actually there.

They hadn't seen each other in ages, and Shang Zhitao was thrilled, sitting down on the living room sofa to chat with him.

Noticing her pressing a hand against her abdomen, Sun Yuanzhu asked, "What's wrong?"

"Nothing." Shang Zhitao felt too embarrassed to spell it out.

Yet Sun Yuanzhu understood. He told Shang Zhitao, "I'm heading downstairs to grab some food. Have you eaten?"

"Not yet."

"Then wait for me, and we'll eat together when I get back."

"I'll give you the money."

"No need."

Sun Yuanzhu went out to buy food, returning quite a while later carrying several takeaway containers. He told Shang Zhitao, "Must be starving, right? Come eat."

Deeply grateful, Shang Zhitao thanked him, "Thank you so much."

"Don't be so polite."

Neither Zhang Lei nor Sun Yu had returned yet. The two of them sat face to face eating and chatting about work-related matters. When Shang Zhitao mentioned that she had recently taken on an independent project, Sun Yuanzhu was genuinely thrilled for her, praising her: "I knew you were going to do great."

He was happy for Shang Zhitao straight from the bottom of his heart.

After finishing their meal, he stood up and headed into the kitchen. After a flurry of clattering noises with pots and pans—who knew what he was up to—he emerged a moment later bearing a bowl of brown sugar ginger tea. "Drink some of this. I'm not sure if it helps, but I heard female classmates talking about it back in school."

Shang Zhitao's eyes grew slightly warm. She took a sip; it tasted wonderful.

"It's really good."

"Good."

Sun Yuanzhu sat down beside her, and the two of them sat in silence for a long while. Shang Zhitao felt that Sun Yuanzhu seemed a bit melancholy, though she couldn't pinpoint why. Perhaps it was because she had grown up ordinary herself that she was exceptionally attuned to other people's emotional states.

"Are you in a bad mood?" she asked him softly.

"Why do you ask?" Sun Yuanzhu looked slightly surprised. No one had ever asked him if he was happy; everyone simply assumed he was always cheerful. Yet Shang Zhitao had asked, warming his heart through and through.

"I can't explain it, I just got the feeling you might not be happy."

"I am happy." Sun Yuanzhu smiled at her. Shang Zhitao loved seeing Sun Yuanzhu smile; his smile was always clean and bright.

"That's good then."

Shang Zhitao sipped the sweet tea Sun Yuanzhu had made while chatting with him. He told her stories from his school days, about his colleagues, and the books he had read, ranging from north to south with no topic off-limits. The faint panic and helplessness in her heart seemed to be healed by his company.

"Are you traveling for work tomorrow? If you aren't traveling, could I treat you guys to dinner this weekend? I always end up freeloading meals off you."

"No travel scheduled."

"Then shall we go have hot pot?"

"Sure. But can we make it at home?" Eating out would cost more, and Sun Yuanzhu felt protective of Shang Zhitao's wallet. She had just started working, her daily work was grueling, and making money wasn't easy.

"But I don't know how to cook," Shang Zhitao looked somewhat crestfallen.

"How about we do indoor grilled meat at home? Our company handed out electric griddles a while back; we can use that for barbecue."

"Deal!"

Shang Zhitao chatted with Sun Yuanzhu for a little longer, but Zhang Lei and Sun Yu still hadn't returned. They exchanged goodnights and retreated to their respective rooms.

Shang Zhitao's mood lifted just a fraction. Even though she kept waiting for Luan Nian to send her a message—about anything at all, work, life, or even telling her to call off whatever was between them—Luan Nian sent absolutely nothing. It seemed as though, in his mind, she wasn't even worth a single text message.