The Early Spring - Chapter 119

Chapter 119 - Missing You

The two of them stood outside the tavern, staring at each other with wide eyes.

"Stay where?" Luan Nian asked her. "Where are you asking me to stay?"

"So you're inviting me to sleep with you, is that it?" The corner of Luan Nian's mouth twitched slightly. "Don't drink today. When you drink, you can't sleep peacefully."

Removing Shang Zhitao's hand from the door handle, he added, "Oh right, that was years ago. Do you still bite when you drink nowadays?"

Their coats brushed against each other, yet Shang Zhitao could sense the heat radiating from his skin. She took a step backward.

"Now that you're so formidable, do you bite people even without drinking?"

Luan Nian exhaled the old blood he had been spitting out from being raked by Shang Zhitao's machine-gun-like tongue these past few times, feeling remarkably refreshed. He opened the door and stepped inside.

Da Zhai froze for a moment upon seeing him, but he merely gave a soft smile. "Hello. May I trouble you for another complimentary serving of the peanuts from last time?"

One does not strike a smiling face.

Da Zhai turned around, served a dish of peanuts, and handed it to him.

Because Shang Zhitao was taking Chinese herbal medicine, she couldn't drink alcohol, so she had Fu Dong keep them company.

Chen Kuannian asked her, "Not drinking a bit?"

"I'm currently taking traditional Chinese medicine, so I won't be able to drink with you today."

Da Zhai brought over the dishes, and Luan Nian stood up to take them from her. She turned her hand slightly, cast a glance at Luan Nian, and then set them in his hands after all.

Chen Kuannian glanced at Luan Nian; taking the initiative to handle dish-serving duties showed his skin had certainly grown thicker. He then asked him, "You're not having a drink?"

"I'm not drinking. I have something to do tonight," Luan Nian answered him, his eyes falling on Shang Zhitao's cheeks, which had flushed bright red after transitioning from the cold outdoors to the warmth inside. She looked like a New Year picture doll, quite amusing.

"What do you have to do?" Chen Kuannian asked him.

"Something important."

Let's see who is going to be the coward tonight.

Shang Zhitao, however, didn't look at him. Observing their antics, Chen Kuannian found it particularly captivating, asking Luan Nian with an air of enjoying a good show, "When do you plan to arrange for us to meet that girlfriend you mentioned bringing over last time?"

"Anytime."

Shang Zhitao took a sip of warm water and cast a faint glance at him.

Having finally endured until the end of the drinking session, Shang Zhitao gave Da Zhai a brief greeting and stepped out of the tavern. Chen Kuannian asked Luan Nian, "Heading to an afterparty?"

"Not going. As I said, I have something to attend to."

"Then I'll head back to the hotel and wait for you."

"Mm."

Fu Dong tactfully departed, leaving only Shang Zhitao and Luan Nian standing together like that.

"How are we going?" Luan Nian asked her.

"Nearby." Shang Zhitao turned around and walked away.

Luan Nian followed behind her, maintaining a one-meter distance between them. Shang Zhitao heard the crunching sound of Luan Nian's footsteps on the snow behind her, a sound that seeped into her ears with a soft, ticklish sensation. She couldn't help but shiver from the cold.

Luan Nian walked up beside her and asked, "Is Luke still alive?"

"How old is he? Why wouldn't he be alive?"

"Is he with you?"

"Yes."

"Why are you taking medicine?"

"I have an endocrine imbalance."

Neither of them spoke further, walking all the way down to her residential building like that. The community Shang Zhitao had bought into was quite nice—a new development with a good location, pleasant green landscaping, water features, gardens, and a spacious parking lot. Luan Nian accompanied her all the way to her building entrance. Shang Zhitao pulled out her key fob to unlock the door, leaning her body against the door to keep it from closing. "Coming up?"

Luan Nian shook his head and said to her, "No."

"Whoever backs out is a coward."

"I just don't want to sleep with you. Bring Luke down."

"If you don't want to sleep together, what are you doing time after time—throwing around money and showing up in person?"

Luan Nian looked at her and suddenly chuckled. "Nothing much. I'm just bored. Bring Luke down."

"No." Shang Zhitao refused him. "I won't let you see Luke." Luke would be sad upon seeing you, and after you leave, he would be heartbroken for a long time.

"Then you go up. I'm heading back to the hotel."

"Luan Nian."

Shang Zhitao called out to stop him. "Stop coming here, and stop introducing business to me. I mean it. We've been entangled for so many years, and I'm truly exhausted. I just want to live my quiet life in peace, keep my small home and life in proper order, and do things I enjoy doing. I don't have any other thoughts left—really."

"Finished speaking?" Luan Nian asked her.

"Finished."

"Mm. Is it my turn to say a few words then?"

"Go ahead."

"Back then, I told you we needed to talk, and you agreed. When I returned from America, you had vanished. None of that matters, but on that snowy day, when you left my place, you made Luke choose whether to go with you or stay with me." Luan Nian choked up for a moment before speaking, "That feeling was fucking just like getting a divorce!"

"Even with a divorce, you have to negotiate the divorce terms! What about you? You just patted your butt and left!"

Luan Nian turned his body away, his eyes growing hot. Every sleepless night after Shang Zhitao left, he had felt that he didn't deserve to be loved. He recalled the events between them over and over; clearly everything was heading in a good direction, yet everything had just come to a screeching halt like that!

"You think you were the only one who gave your genuine heart during those six years, don't you?! What about my genuine heart then?! Did I fucking not try?!"

"Now I just want to see Luke! Ever since he was brought home, he spent half his time with me! I made food for him! Walked him! Took him hiking! Why can't I see him now?!"

"Because Luke is my dog!"

"But your dog is named Luke! It was translated from my English name! Your dog was trained by me! He's closest to me!"

Neither of them spoke, simply staring at one another like that. Just like a contest, there ultimately had to be a victor and a loser.

It wasn't only Luan Nian who held a grudge over those bags; Shang Zhitao did as well. Having sold those bags, she felt she hadn't departed gracefully by doing so. She didn't dare to touch a single cent of that money, nor did she want to, terrified that using it would make her conscience ache. She also felt heartache for Luke. Dogs couldn't speak, but their sadness was entirely real.

"You want to see Luke, right?"

Luan Nian pressed his lips together without speaking. That meant he truly wanted to see him—Shang Zhitao understood.

Shang Zhitao turned around and went upstairs to bring Luke down. It was late at night, and as soon as Luke stepped into the hallway, he caught a familiar scent. He let out eager squeals and bounced up, nudging Shang Zhitao to open the door. Shang Zhitao stood there contemplating for a long time before saying to Luke, "You can see him, but he won't stay by your side forever. If you feel sad, just be sad for one day, alright?"

"Woof!" It sounded like an agreement, yet also as if he hadn't understood a thing.

Shang Zhitao opened the door.

Luan Nian saw a large white fur ball rushing toward him, immediately pouncing onto his body. Unable to keep his balance, he fell backward onto the snow. Luke barked and licked his face, jumping back and forth on top of him. Stepped on by the dog, Luan Nian let out a cough, blocked his eyes with one arm, tightly wrapped his other arm around Luke, and smiled.

Shang Zhitao stood to the side, recalling that night Luan Nian had mentioned, when she had asked Luke if he wanted to leave with her and Luke had been caught in a dilemma. Dogs understood human nature; if you treated it with genuine kindness, it knew everything.

Luan Nian finally stood up, his coat and trousers covered in snow. As Luke continued jumping up, he caught him and pulled him into a hug.

"How did you lose weight? Is she not letting you eat meat?"

Luke let out a low whine, looking as though he had been wronged.

"He's very healthy right now," Shang Zhitao stated. "Put him down. He needs to pee."

Hearing this, Luan Nian set Luke down. Shang Zhitao squatted down to clip on his leash and walked him in the late-night air. Luan Nian walked beside her, remaining silent.

They walked for nearly half an hour. The weather was far too cold, and Shang Zhitao couldn't take it any longer. Even though she was a native Harbin girl, she had grown particularly afraid of the cold now. Whenever the weather turned slightly chilly, she had to pile on numerous layers of clothing. Staying up late over these past few years had worn her body down into a frail state.

With her teeth chattering from the freezing cold, she said to him, "I'm heading back. You were right; I have no right to forbid you from seeing Luke. Luke was indeed raised by you as well. If you want to see him in the future, just come by, and I'll bring Luke downstairs to play with you."

"Go on up."

"Okay."

Shang Zhitao brought Luke upstairs, washed his paws, wiped the melted snow from his body, and walked to the window, only to see Luan Nian still standing there, lost in thought. She removed Luan Nian from her blacklist and dialed his number.

Luan Nian answered.

"It's cold out. Go back," Shang Zhitao said.

"Mm."

"Also, Luan Nian, I have a few more words to say."

"Speak."

"Don't transfer money to me for no reason anymore, don't deliberately go see my parents, and there's no need to introduce business to me. I'm being serious—I don't like your money. The feeling of you transferring money to me is just like when you gave me those bags back then; it makes me extremely, extremely uncomfortable. I truly don't like it. If fate brings us together, perhaps we'll cross paths again sometime. If fate isn't on our side, stopping right here is quite fine too. Of course, you're still welcome to visit Luke anytime."

"Alright."

Starting a business had not been easy over these past few years, but Shang Zhitao felt immensely happy that every single cent she spent was earned through her own hard work. She felt that by spending money earned this way, her character remained independent and noble.

She hung up the phone and watched as Luan Nian stood there for a few more seconds before turning and walking away. Standing upstairs, she could see a string of footprints trailing behind him until they vanished beneath her building. She thought to herself: let go of what should be let go, let the past remain in the past, and let new beginnings begin. Luke sat beside her, gazing along with her as they watched Luan Nian depart.

Luke was considered a middle-aged to senior dog now. Large dogs had short lifespans, and in another five or six years, Luke would pass away as well. Shang Zhitao had regretted raising Luke before. When she hadn't raised a dog, she thought dogs were adorable and could keep a person company; once she raised one, she realized it was just like having a child. Every day was spent worrying about him, taking care of him, fearing his illnesses, and dreading his death.

Luan Nian left on an early morning flight the next day.

He agreed with Shang Zhitao. They should both make peace with the past, as well as with themselves.

Shang Zhitao spent two days showing Chen Kuannian around potential event venues, while Chen Kuannian spent those two days cursing Luan Nian for leaving without saying goodbye. Chen Kuannian had a loose tongue and a somewhat mischievous streak. While stuck in traffic, he asked Shang Zhitao, "What do you think of Luan Nian as a person?"

"Tell me the truth! Don't just give polite surface talk," Chen Kuannian said to her.

"You all know about the matter between the two of us, right?" Shang Zhitao asked him.

"We've known for a long time."

"Then how do you view me? May I ask? A female student who just graduated, seducing her male boss to gain workspace and financial compensation."

"As for us..." Chen Kuannian chuckled softly. "All of us feel that Luan Nian got what he deserved. We know our own friend. If a guy like him looked down on you, he definitely wouldn't have stayed with you for so long. He has strong work capabilities, but his mouth is truly terrible. Stubborn-mouthed, foul-mouthed, and possessing a bad personality—he's suited to remaining a solitary bachelor for the rest of his life."

Shang Zhitao burst out laughing. "Actually, he isn't like that. He's a good person at heart; it's just his mouth that isn't good. Back when I worked at Lingmei, he taught me a whole, whole lot."

"What about other aspects?"

"Other aspects are all matters of the past."

Chen Kuannian secretly whispered to Tan Mian, "Luan Nian is done for. The girl said those are all matters of the past."

"Playing hard to get?"

"Doesn't seem like it. Based on my understanding of women, it's genuine. If Lord Luan still doesn't lower his posture, this wife of his is definitely going to fly away."

"We'll talk after returning."

Once the venue was finalized, Chen Kuannian readily signed the contract. Then he called Luan Nian: "Bro, all my life I've valued loyalty above all else. I've done everything I ought to do, and I don't know what else I can help you with. Your wife—no, wait, your ex-girlfriend—is really great." Having said that, he hung up the phone.

He didn't even give Luan Nian time to speak.

Whether she was great or not, Luan Nian knew best.

After returning to Beijing, he went shopping once, buying two down jackets suitable for extreme cold weather—one mid-length and one long-style—totaling over twenty thousand yuan. Then he asked Fu Dong for her address. Fu Dong didn't pry further, directly giving him Shang Zhitao's address, and Luan Nian shipped them to Shang Zhitao. He didn't even leave a signature.

Shang Zhitao knew it was sent by him and wanted to return them.

She received a message from him: Just a small token of care. Wear them to walk Luke a bit longer.

A few days later, she received dog treats and dog toys that Luan Nian had bought for Luke.

Shang Zhitao went home for dinner, and Da Zhai brought up the topic of blind dates again. Shang Zhitao set down her chopsticks and looked at Da Zhai with utter seriousness: "Mom, is it true that only if I get married will you feel I'm living well?"

"No." Da Zhai shook her head. "I just feel that when you grow old, someone will be there to take care of you."

"But I don't like any of these blind date candidates." Shang Zhitao held Da Zhai's hand. "Mom, I don't want to go on blind dates anymore. Every time I sit there on a blind date, marked with a clear price tag, it feels like I'm a commodity waiting to be sold. Today this one says an unmarried girl in her early thirties in Harbin is an old maid; tomorrow that one says my work constantly involves entering and leaving hotels with social entertaining, which he dislikes; there are also those who say nothing at all, only to ask in the end if I accept living with my mother-in-law after marriage, and if not, we can only live at my place."

"I feel my life shouldn't be like this. I might not get married. Or I might get married, but that all depends on fate. I want to meet someone in an ordinary way, get along slowly, stay together if compatible, and part ways if not. Do you think that's alright?"

These words made Da Zhai feel quite heartbroken, and she nodded her head: "Alright. Not getting married is fine too; if you don't get married, just save more money."

"Okay."

The Spring Festival of 2020 did not pass easily. Everyone was locked inside their homes, staring at one another with wide eyes. On New Year's Eve, it was dead silent outside, as though everyone had forgotten about the New Year. Luan Nian did not go to America that year. Dr. Liang and Luan's father had returned, and the family of three spent the New Year together at Luan Nian's home.

Dr. Liang was preparing the New Year's Eve dinner in the kitchen, with Luan Nian helping out at her side.

Dr. Liang took the washed scallions he handed over, chopping them into segments while saying, "We won't be living here. Many years ago, your father, Song Qiuhan's father, and a few others bought houses together in the city. We'll live over there; it's more convenient. We don't want to live with you—there's a big age gap, and our living habits are entirely different. Besides, if we live here, it wouldn't be convenient for you to bring people home, would it?"

"Bring whom?"

"Bring anyone." Dr. Liang raised her head to look at Luan Nian. Her son was currently peeling garlic with his eyes slightly lowered, looking far from happy. So she asked him, "Are you still in contact with Shang Zhitao?"

"Mm. Not much."

Dr. Liang felt a bit sad for Luan Nian. Back then, when Luan's father said Luan Nian would definitely mess things up, Dr. Liang hadn't believed it. She had always felt that girl could wait for him a bit longer, wait until he learned how to express love. Many matters weren't suitable for elders to interfere with; things should ultimately follow the child's own wishes.

They sat together, and Dr. Liang raised her glass: "It feels like it's been a long time since the family of three spent the New Year alone like this. Let's clink glasses to this peaceful year."

Luan's father snorted: "So you know quietness is good too. Calling friends over every day—there's never a quiet moment in the house."

Luan Nian sat to the side watching them bicker playfully while eating his food in silence. Ever since he could remember, he had never experienced such a desolate New Year. When the New Year bell chimed, Luan Nian sent Shang Zhitao a text message: Happy New Year. Has your endocrine imbalance recovered?

Much better.

What does 'much better' mean?

It means... showing improvement.

Give me your prescription and previous test results.

?

I'll find someone to look over them for you.

No need. Thank you.

Shang Zhitao politely declined Luan Nian. Continuing to regulate her body would be enough; it wasn't a major issue, and she didn't want further entanglements.

A few days later, she received a full box of supplies containing disinfectant and face masks. She proactively sent Luan Nian a message: Thank you.

You're welcome, Luan Nian replied to her. What do you plan to do about your event company?

Seeking other ways out.

Otherwise, what else could she do? It was likely facing bankruptcy.

The experts all said this was a protracted battle. Companies were tightening their budgets and reducing employee team-building events, leaving much of their previous business impossible to conduct. The company's salaries were still being paid as usual, but if things continued like this, Shang Zhitao wouldn't be able to hold out for very long.

She asked Zhang Lei, "Can I act as an agent now?"

"Is the startup capital resolved?" Zhang Lei asked her.

"Mm, very soon."

Shang Zhitao didn't know if she would ever have such courage again in her life. The decision was made late one night. Fu Dong, having drunk too much alcohol, sent her a message saying: Boss, don't be afraid. No matter what happens to the company, none of us are leaving. Even without pay, it's fine; just don't get worked up.

Shang Zhitao cried her eyes out that night. Watching several years of painstaking effort about to be wasted like this was far too heartbreaking.

Shang Zhitao sold her car and mortgaged her house, which, combined with her savings over the past few years, gathered over one million yuan. There were also outstanding debts from clients that needed to be collected. On the day the bank mortgage loan was approved, summer was approaching. Her company had struggled to hold on for several months, surviving on only a few scattered orders. An event company on the brink of bankruptcy, along with her precarious career.

She comforted herself: at least you still have the courage to burn your bridges, having not been crushed by harsh reality.

The bank card she carried on her person held a massive sum of over 1.5 million yuan, representing her entire fortune. Shang Zhitao felt both tragic and absurd at the same time.

She walked toward her building entrance, the face mask stifling her so much she could barely breathe. Seeing no one around, she conveniently took off the mask and placed it into an antibacterial bag. When she raised her head again, she saw Luan Nian standing right there.

Without any clear reason why, all her grievances surged up in a single instant, and she suddenly burst into tears.