The Early Spring - Chapter 111

Chapter 111 - Resolution 

Luan Nian only saw that message several hours later. Every Chinese New Year, Shang Zhitao would send him a text like this: Wishing you everything.

He froze for a moment, almost believing it was Lunar New Year's Eve. He asked Dr. Liang, "Is it New Year's?"

"What?"

"Is today New Year's Eve?"

Luan Nian pulled out his calendar and confirmed it was not New Year's Eve. He sent Shang Zhitao a question mark, but the message failed to go through. His fingers hesitated over the keyboard.

Dr. Liang set down what she was holding and looked at Luan Nian. "What's wrong with you?"

"Nothing."

"When your father gives his speech later, don't cause trouble. And tell those friends of yours not to start a commotion, got it?" Dr. Liang instructed Luan Nian. This was her and Father Luan's fortieth wedding anniversary, and she had repeatedly ordered Luan Nian to return and attend. Otherwise, others might think they had lost a son in their old age.

"Alright."

Dr. Liang sensed that Luan Nian's mood was off, but since he didn't say anything, it was hard for her to press further. She could only pat his shoulder. "If you're upset about something, you can tell your mother. Even if I might not be able to help, I can at least laugh at you."

A true mother indeed.

Dr. Liang and Luan Mingrui's wedding anniversary was held in a very warm atmosphere. Watching his parents standing there in formal attire, with his normally stern father visibly moved several times today, Luan Nian suddenly felt that perhaps he, too, could have a life like this. Marrying the woman he loved, having children, and celebrating ten, twenty, fifty, sixty-year anniversaries. It would surely be a life full of adventure, yet deeply fulfilling.

He desperately wanted to return home to see Shang Zhitao. While Dr. Liang was exchanging teary glances with Luan Mingrui, Luan Nian pulled out his phone and booked a flight ticket.

Dr. Liang asked him why he was in such a hurry to leave. Wouldn't it be nice to stay a few more days?

"Going to see the Shang Zhitao you like so much."

"When can I meet her?"

"Maybe during New Year's, you and Dad can return to China. She doesn't have a visa, and it's too late to apply for one now."

Dr. Liang actually gave it serious thought, then said, "I think that's fine. Should we fly to Harbin to meet her parents too? I remember she's from Harbin. Since we're going back anyway, we might as well handle everything that needs to be done."

"You probably won't be able to meet her."

"Why?"

"Because we're currently broken up."

He really ruined it, Dr. Liang thought to herself. Every time she mentioned to Father Luan that she felt their son was about to achieve a happy ending, Father Luan would curl his lip and say, I think your son will mess it up.

She knew the son she bore; it was too difficult for him to feel love, and too difficult for him to love someone else.

"If you make up, treat the girl better. If I remember correctly, you've been together for several years now, haven't you? It hasn't been easy."

"Alright."

Luan Nian wanted to say something—anything—to Shang Zhitao. Before boarding the plane, he placed a call to her, but was met only with a busy tone. This was the first time Shang Zhitao had ever blocked his number. In the past, no matter what happened between them, she had never done this.

He went straight to the company after stepping off the plane. It was a workday, and employees were supposed to be on duty. The office was quiet. His gaze fell upon Shang Zhitao's empty workstation, and an unexplainable wave of panic washed over him.

Sitting in front of his computer, he pulled up the list of employee resignations and saw Shang Zhitao's name. She had resigned on the fourth day after the annual gala. He had known nothing about it.

Luan Nian recalled how, behind the scenes at the annual gala that day, Shang Zhitao had looked at him with words left unsaid. Back then, he had thought they would still have the chance to sit down and properly discuss these six years. He never expected that it was her farewell. Shang Zhitao had bidden him goodbye in such a manner.

Luan Nian knew she was not bluffing. She never bluffed.

He called Tracy. "I want to ask you why no one reported a core employee's departure to me."

"I'll come to your office."

Tracy walked into Luan Nian's office, locked the door, and sat down opposite him. Pointing to the handbag beside her, she asked Luan Nian, "How's my bag?"

"Good taste."

"Bought it from Flora at a fifty percent discount."

Luan Nian's eyes landed on the bag. It was one he had bought for Shang Zhitao on a business trip to Singapore years ago; he remembered it. She had never carried it. Luan Nian didn't know how to give gifts, so he thought giving bags was a good option. Many bags would appreciate in value after a few years. Shang Zhitao never used it; he had bought an expensive one so that if she ever ran into financial trouble and refused to reach out to him, she could sell it.

But not at a fifty percent discount.

Not selling it off as if swatting away a fly.

"No one could have guessed that plain, simple Flora would sell off fourteen brand-new luxury bags at a discount all at once during the company flea market. The generosity was staggering. Who knows, maybe she has a background worth 250 million too, and we just failed to notice."

Among the bags Shang Zhitao sold, only Tracy's and Lumi's were discounted. For the rest, Lumi had marked up the prices when writing the price tags. They were all hard-to-buy styles, so even with a markup, they sold easily. Shang Zhitao and Tracy didn't know this. There were so many girls in the company who loved high luxury; Lumi couldn't bear to let Shang Zhitao suffer another loss this last time.

Luan Nian remained silent throughout. He had known before that Shang Zhitao was stubborn, but today he finally witnessed her utter resolution. His chest felt smothered beyond belief, yet it also felt as though pierced by a needle—stinging and aching all at once.

"Alright, gossip time is over. Which core employee's departure did you want to ask me about?" Tracy asked him. "Based on performance and job grade, the only core employee departure should be Flora, Shang Zhitao."

"I just want to know why the resignation approval for a core employee didn't come to me."

"You set the rules: anyone below specialist level only needs the department head's approval."

"You should have informed me."

"Inform you about someone below specialist level too? From what standing?" Tracy asked him.

"Speak your mind directly."

"Fine, then I'll speak." Tracy's expression suddenly turned stern. "The first time Shang Zhitao applied for weekend overtime, the notified person was you. The first time she went on a business trip, her traveling companion was you. Every Friday, she always left the company right after you. The day she reported sexual harassment, you nearly killed that scumbag."

"Luke, whatever relationship you had with Shang Zhitao, I knew from the very beginning. I didn't remind you because I knew your bottom line, and I believed she wouldn't break the rules." Tracy was such a smart person; HR professionals were the best at reading people. She had played dumb all these years while knowing the truth full well.

"Please don't ask me why I didn't inform you about Shang Zhitao's resignation. Instead, ask yourself why she resigned. You ruined my talent management experiment!" Having finished, Tracy stood up and asked Luan Nian, "Let me ask you, are you going to investigate those two anomalous performance ratings or not?"

Luan Nian looked up at her, his expression extremely cold.

"You're already looking into it, aren't you? If you are, can you inform me? Are we still comrades-in-arms?" Tracy threw Luan Nian's own words back at him, turned, and walked out of his office.

Luan Nian had remained silent the entire time.

He had been like this since childhood, rarely experiencing extreme joy or sorrow. If he felt sorrowful, he would become silent, just like this.

"Wait for me to come back so we can talk, okay?"

"Okay." But when she said okay, her expression clearly communicated: I won't talk to you anymore. Let's just end it here. Yet he hadn't understood it then.

Perhaps he had never truly understood her.

Luan Nian made a call to a friend. "Can you help me find someone? Yes, I'll give you the information. I won't use it for anything illegal."

He sat in the office for a long time. Winter in Beijing was truly desolate; he didn't know if she would like the winter in Harbin. Luan Nian pulled out his phone and dialed a number. That year when she fell ill, he had memorized her emergency contact's number from the system, using it to threaten her into staying at his home to recover.

The phone number was out of service.

Shang Zhitao had changed her family's phone numbers.

Luan Nian saw Shang Zhitao's absolute firmness. Nothing and no one in this city was worth her attachment. The people she cared about and missed would surely know where she was. Luan Nian thought that Shang Zhitao had never truly depended on him; every single day she spent with him, she was brewing her departure from him.

It was on a day after that when he ran into Lumi in the elevator, who was late for work. Lumi talked to him with a cheeky smile. "I didn't mean to be late today, the traffic was just terrible. This place where our company is located is really the most congested spot in all of Beijing..."

"Where is your apprentice?" Luan Nian suddenly asked.

Lumi paused for a moment, then lifted her bag for Luan Nian to see. "Does it look good? My apprentice insisted on giving it to me, but how could I have the nerve to just take it? So I bought it at a fifty percent discount." Then she smiled at Luan Nian. "But as for where my apprentice went, I really don't know."

Lumi was just idling her days away, but she wasn't stupid. Being so close to Shang Zhitao, she had naturally guessed that things between them were not simple. But she never spoke of it; there was no need, no meaning—it was better to be a cleverly confused person.

Luan Nian hummed a brief response, his eyes sweeping across the bag, and stepped out of the elevator.

On another day, he bumped into Sun Yu at an event.

"Where is Shang Zhitao?" Luan Nian asked her.

Sun Yu thought for a moment and said to him, "Taotao left. She changed her phone number and didn't give it to me either. She said she would contact me."

"So, Luke, why are you asking me where Taotao is? From what standing are you asking?"

Luan Nian did not speak.

Sun Yu was right; he had no standing whatsoever. Holding no attachment or longing to revisit anything from the past, her firm departure meant nothing other than her desire never to see him again.

Luan Nian stepped out of the venue and called that friend once more. "You don't need to help me find that person anymore. It's not important."

Just a passing stranger, after all.

Since she wanted to let go completely, he would respect her decision. That day, he drove up the mountain; the bar was lively. Chinese New Year was approaching, and he was scheduled to fly to the United States again.

When Dr. Liang asked him on the phone when he would arrange a meeting with Shang Zhitao, he said there was no need—they were completely over.

Luan Nian found a spot to sit in the bar. Someone had brought a small dog, which ran around the bar happily. Luan Nian recalled the dog named Luke, and a sudden wave of sorrow rushed over him.

That day when Shang Zhitao left, Luke sat by the door whimpering, looking now at the door, now at Luan Nian. Luan Nian's heart felt as if it had been shredded to pieces. He said to Luke, "I didn't treat you well for nothing, but go with her."

He opened the door. Luke rubbed its head against his trouser leg and ran out.

He saw Luke looking back at him from time to time; everything was vivid on that snowy night. Luan Nian felt he could accept everything—he just disliked those few words:

Dirty, ugly, disgusting.

He knew he didn't know how to love people, how to speak properly, or how to read people's expressions. He lacked the capacity to love; he had never been a perfect person. Shang Zhitao had given him an illusion—that even if he was such a person, he could still be genuinely accepted by someone else. That was precisely the most unbearable part.

He gave all the dog treats stored in the storage room to that dog's owner.

That person asked him, "Last time I came, I seemed to have seen a Samoyed, extremely cute."

"A friend's dog, fostered at my place."

"Next time if we run into each other, they can play together."

"We won't run into each other again."

When that year came to an end, Luan Nian sent a message to Shang Zhitao: The new year has arrived. Wishing you all the best. He knew she would never see his New Year blessing.

Later on, Luan Nian remained just like before—working like crazy, playing like crazy, still difficult to get along with. Everyone both loved and hated him, and he still didn't care.

It was during that year, while watching the aurora in Finland, that he suddenly remembered the New Year text from that year, where he had told Shang Zhitao: Let's watch the aurora together next year.

Their group had chased the aurora for five days. On the fifth night, when the aurora stretched between heaven and earth like vast, rolling mist, a drunk Luan Nian suddenly felt overcome with profound grief. He said, "The aurora is truly beautiful. I want to tell the person I love about the aurora."

In his entire life, he had never lost his composure like that. A drunk man babbling endlessly to a number out of service, choking up several times in between. His friends recorded his embarrassing state and often mocked him afterward, but they never brought up the sentence he slurred out:

I know I don't deserve to be loved.