Spring of the Blade - Chapter 53
Chapter 53
The room was dim, like a drowsy dream.
A bolt of lightning streaked across the sky outside. The blue-white electric glow filtered in through the partially open lattice window, washing over his face and leaving his complexion looking pale and slightly eerie.
Qingyuan could not digest his words. Her brows furrowed slightly, as if she were straining to contemplate something.
The heat that had built up inside her clothes while hiding in the cabinet had now turned into a cold, clammy dampness, clinging to her skin. The rain was heavy, accompanied by a wind that blew the strands of hair by her cheeks. She turned her head and brushed them against her shoulder. The raindrops pattered relentlessly against the wooden window shutters, quickly soaking the thin silk screens. She stood up and said with a smile, "How did I forget to close the window? Look at how the room has gotten all wet."
She moved to the window and raised her hands to remove the wooden prop holding it up. As she lifted her arms, her wide sleeves drifted downward, revealing half of her fair, delicate arm. She hurriedly covered it up, betraying no emotion. When in an awkward situation, one must find something to do, but once the window was closed, she felt at a loss. Her gaze wandered, not daring to look at him. She smoothed out her hem and adjusted her hair, finally sitting down defeatedly under his calm, steady gaze. "Is the Commander proposing to me?"
Shen Run watched as her face flushed a deep red. So, this was how a girl looked when she was embarrassed. He propped his chin on his hand and smiled slightly, saying that he was.
Qingyuan stared at him blankly, watching him smile in a way that seemed to snatch away her soul, and also gave her goosebumps. She sat on pins and needles across from him. After a moment of thought, she said, "Why was I hiding from you, Commander? It’s precisely because I feared you would say such things."
Shen Run gave an 'un-huh' sound, "Are my honest words unpleasant to hear? Or does the Fourth Young Mistress prefer to hear sweet nothings?"
Qingyuan shook her head helplessly, "I don't mean anything else; it’s just that I can't quite understand... although the Xie family's status is not low, I am, after all, only a child of a concubine. Furthermore, I carry the sin left behind by my mother. Why not reconsider, Commander? To form such a union would make you the laughingstock of the entire capital region."
"A laughingstock?" He lowered his eyes, ruminating on the word, and a look of disdain appeared on his face. "When the Shen family fell into ruin back then, there were many who laughed at us behind our backs. I am least afraid of being someone else's laughingstock, because the louder they laugh today, the more miserably I will make them cry tomorrow. I have told you before, I do not care about family status. You are a clever girl; how could you not know the reason behind why I have repeatedly sought to involve myself with you?" He paused slowly, his eyes fixed upon her, piercing into her soul. "Actually, you understand everything in your heart, but you dare not think about it. You cannot fathom why a powerful minister like me would have taken the wrong medicine to set my sights on a humble daughter of a concubine. There is another point: you do this for self-preservation. You have the foresight to see that today's flourishing success—like oil on a hot fire—cannot last long. Perhaps in a few years, this splendor will burn out, grow cold, and turn to ash. Am I right?"
Qingyuan was stunned. She suddenly realized that in her few contacts with him, she had completely failed to see through this man. He possessed a delicate, refined mind, forged through years of hardship. He was proud, yet constantly self-reflecting. Such a person was terrifying; even a slight shift in your thoughts, which you hadn't even noticed yourself, he would have already seen clearly. He understood what you were thinking better than you did yourself. Facing him every day made you feel like a criminal under interrogation. Qingyuan recalled the moment she had opened the cabinet door and immediately seen him squatting before her; a chill snaked up her spine. One such fright was more than enough.
She smiled and struggled to respond, "You are overthinking, Commander. I have no such..."
"Do you not?" He continued to eye her languidly. "If it is truly so, then I do not care about being linked to the Xie family. I shall go and explain it to your Old Madam right now. We will exchange betrothal gifts today and marry next month. How about that?"
Qingyuan was horrified. She dared not judge whether his words were true or false, but she knew she could not be vague for fear of offending him; he was truly the type of man who would do exactly what he said.
She stammered, "I promised the Third Young Master the day before yesterday that I would give him the opportunity to go back and inform his parents. If you were to go and speak to the Old Madam now, wouldn't that make me appear unprincipled and treacherous? I do not know why you single me out for favor, Commander, but I know that 'low virtue but high favor' and 'low talent but high position' are two of the three greatest dangers in the world. I do not have such status or virtue; even if I followed you, I fear it would not last."
He clicked his tongue. The little girl was clearly riding a tiger now, unable to dismount. If she were allowed to speak her mind, she would certainly believe from the bottom of her heart that Li Congxin was a better match than him. Although the Li family was a chaotic mess, the Marquis of Danyang held no critical position in the court, and royal relatives would never face major disasters in their lifetime. Even the crime of exterminating one's clan would be bypassed, as the Saint could hardly execute himself. If she could endure it, she might still have a day of success years later; it would just take longer, require more忍耐, and perhaps they would live out their lives with a dull, watery plainness... yet she didn't care! Why didn't she care? One only had to look at her mother's end to see why; in her eyes, marriage was nothing more than that.
Therefore, he could not rush, nor could he force her to be treacherous. Shen Run switched tactics and circled back, "Since the Fourth Young Mistress has said so, everything will be decided after the Marquis of Danyang’s son returns to Youzhou. I will not force the Fourth Young Mistress to make a decision immediately. You need not act like a mouse seeing a cat when you see Shen Run, and there is no need to hide in a cabinet."
When cursing someone, one should not expose their flaws, yet he pointedly brought up the cabinet. Qingyuan was both annoyed and helpless; she could only smile awkwardly, "That incident... it was quite shameful. Let us not speak of it again!"
Rain in the dog days of summer comes and goes quickly. The rain gradually subsided, and the world was cloaked in a thin layer of moisture. Looking out from the room, the leaves of the ginkgo tree in the courtyard looked as if they had been touched with a hazy verdant color, waiting only for the sun to shine to show their full brilliance.
The two sat opposite each other. The room was quiet, with only the distant, intermittent sound of chanting drifting in... The air was filled with the lingering scent of sandalwood, which permeated the tip of her nose and made her head feel dizzy and heavy.
"Fourth Young Mistress..."
The silence had lasted too long and was too chilling; he tried to break it. She lifted her eyes slightly to glance at him, a flush of shyness in her gaze.
However, after calling her name, he had nothing further to say, as if he only wished to let those three words linger on the tip of his tongue.
The weather outside suddenly cleared, and the previously hazy world brightened in an instant. Faint echoes of horse whinnies drifted over. Alert to all things as he was these past few years, he rose and went to the doorway to look. His jade belt accentuated his slim waist, and seen from behind, his figure was well-proportioned and tall, like a slender bamboo.
Only after he walked away did Qingyuan calm her heart and ask softly, "Commander, is the palace preparing to select imperial concubines?"
He gave an 'un-huh' sound, "That matter is handled by the Imperial Household Department; it has nothing to do with the Hall of Supreme Command..." Having said this, he realized her intent, turned back, and asked, "You haven't set your heart on entering the palace for the selection, have you, Fourth Young Mistress?"
Qingyuan smiled and said, "How could I?" "It's just that I saw a eunuch visiting the Old Madam in the mansion yesterday. I wasn't there at the time, so I didn't know what the eunuch had come for."
What had he come for? Naturally, to issue an imperial verbal decree. He knew a little about the selection of concubines, but did not concern himself much with it. The Hall of Supreme Command only accepted imperial orders to be responsible for the honor guard and such matters when an Empress was officially installed; all selections of various consorts were handled by the Imperial Household Department. To mobilize the Hall of Supreme Command would be a waste of talent.
"There is a grand selection this year. Any female relative of suitable age from the families of officials of all ranks may enter the palace to participate. But I will say this in advance: if you wish to enter the palace, I will certainly find a way to ensure you are not selected. So, if you are planning to walk that path, you need not even consider it."
See? Dignified on the surface, but tyrannical and overbearing to the bone. Qingyuan said, "Although I seek revenge, I have no desire to sacrifice my entire life. I am a person who cherishes myself; I would never do something that hurts the enemy by eight hundred while damaging myself by a thousand."
Shen Run, however, found it curious, "Is entering the palace to become a consort not what many young girls hope for? To leap over the dragon gate in one bound, and bring glory to the entire family?"
"You are a close subject of the Emperor, Commander. Is the life of a consort in the palace truly better than that of someone outside?" She rose and slowly walked over. Outside, the rain had cleared and the world had been washed anew; even the rolling mountain ranges outside the temple appeared darker and more vigorous. She gazed deeply into the distance, her tone soft, "I like it as it is now. Although I carry a heavy burden, my heart is not heavy. If there is business to attend to, I can report it to my grandmother at home and come out for a walk. How could a consort in the palace be that free? Once you enter the palace, you may gain a glorious reputation, but you have to trade a lifetime for that name. Besides, there are so many consorts, and each one tries every way to please the Saint... I want my future husband to try to please me; once I enter the palace, that would be impossible."
Was she setting a condition? She spoke so clearly—was she trying to make him try to please her? The Commander pondered this. In all his life, he had never tried to please a woman, especially a young girl like her. However, since he intended to start a family and find a mistress of the house to his liking, he would naturally have to spend some effort. Thus, he asked Qingyuan, "Does the Fourth Young Mistress have any wishes at the moment? I can find a way to vent your anger for you. Once the anger is vented, you can marry me."
Qingyuan’s pleasant mood for admiring the mountains and water was completely destroyed by his few words. She was still smiling, but the smile looked somewhat miserable.
"You are very sincere, Commander, but why do you not ask me if I like it?"
Shen Run tilted his head slightly, his expression bewildered, "Does the Fourth Young Mistress not like me?"
Qingyuan choked, "Must I like you, Commander?"
That poked the hornet's nest. He turned his entire body to face her, looking down at her, "Say it again—that you do not like Shen Run."
Qingyuan's ears began to buzz; she retreated step by step, finally softening, "I... I... I didn't say I didn't like you..."
"Then that means you like me." His look of satisfaction was his most charming smile, complemented by two captivating ripples in his eyes that washed over her face. He then feigned a bow, cupping his hands in a formal salute, "Shen Run thanks the Fourth Young Mistress for her deep affection."
Qingyuan flushed, her movement of bowing in return filled with reluctance.
What was this? She had just said to wait until Li Congxin returned to Youzhou before deciding, so why was he being so relentless now?
"Commander, you must keep your word," she said, bracing her courage. "I just promised the Third Young Master the other day that I would give him a chance. For you to act like this—how can you expect me to face him?"
He, however, was magnanimous, "Before Li Congxin returns, I permit you to sit on two boats."
Qingyuan was left speechless once again. She was rarely unable to gain the upper hand in words, but now she truly could not best him. How could there be such a thick-skinned, eloquent man in the world? She drooped her head and muttered, "I want to go back."
He asked why, "I traveled dozens of miles, all to accompany you in completing your mother's memorial service."
Upon hearing this, Qingyuan was suddenly startled.
The Commander often abused his official power, frequently using his duties as an excuse to come and trouble her. She had thought this trip was because he had heard of Li Congxin's proposal and had come to reprimand her. But listening to his words, she suddenly felt that this man had some redeeming qualities. Before, she had feared him, thinking him a man who wielded power over the court, relied on his influence to amass wealth, and was insidious and cunning. And now? Amidst those dark traits, a flash of red suddenly appeared—his open, reckless, yet genuine sincerity. Whether his words were true or false, she found it hard not to be moved.
To be honest, on her mother's death anniversary in previous years, her maternal grandparents from the Chen family would accompany her in the service. This year, having returned to the Xie family, for seven whole days, not a single master of the Xie family had inquired about it. She had knelt and offered incense all alone; aside from some maids and servants, there was not a single close relative by her side. She hadn't expected them to, knowing she couldn't rely on them, but his statement brought a surge of sorrow welling up from within.
She lowered her eyes and gave a soft, "Mn." "Accompanying me to finish the memorial service... if this spreads, I don't know how others will gossip behind our backs."
He knew her concerns and only said, "I will wait for you to finish your work, Young Mistress. I have more words to ask you. The Hall of Supreme Command is currently handling official cases; who would dare to spread rumors of indecency?"
It turned out to be true; the memorial service proceeded step by step, and he watched from the side. When the abbess brought over the merit scrolls for her to burn, he surreptitiously reached out to hand her some as they passed before him. Those restrained, private, little actions were unexpectedly and strangely heartwarming.
On the way back, Bao Xian couldn't stop smiling at her. Qingyuan knew what she was smiling about, and while she feigned composure, she could not avoid feeling secretly embarrassed.
"The Commander doesn't have a good face for anyone, only for you, Young Mistress." Bao Xian opened a handkerchief and handed her the Buddha-fruits wrapped inside, smiling, "This is face given to you alone, Young Mistress; you should appreciate it. Honestly, when I heard you talk about him those first few times, I only felt this man was reckless and had no sincerity for you. But watching these few days, such a noble person making long journeys between Youzhou and the capital, all for you... just think, if he wanted to see you, he could have just sent a guard to the mansion to pass a message, ordering you to testify at the Hall of Supreme Command. Do you think you could have refused? He was just being considerate of the heat, unwilling to trouble you, so he preferred to walk a few more miles himself."
Qingyuan understood everything in her heart, yet such a calm personality would not allow her to plunge herself into hot water. She only instructed Bao Xian, "Let us just speak of this between ourselves. When we return, do not mention it to Chuntai. The courtyard is full of gossiping mouths; I fear those who speak without intent will be heard by those who do. Since I have promised the Third Young Master, I cannot be double-minded. Dignity is not given by others; it is earned by oneself. If people truly say I am 'looking at Long and wishing for Shu,' what would I become!"
Bao Xian heaved a long sigh, feeling troubled for her young mistress, "These two men are both from good families and represent good matches."
Qingyuan smiled, "Every household has its own difficulties. The future harmony between mother-in-law and daughter-in-law in the Marquis’s mansion, the uncertain future of the Commander's mansion... do you think there is truly anything in this world that goes exactly as one wishes?" She shook her head, "There is not."
The greatest difference, perhaps, was the affection between them. If that affection truly grew deep, those minor bumps and hardships could not be called hardships. At present, the most important thing was that she did not love anyone. Since she did not love, she must carefully deliberate, and in the end, who she was with was not actually that important.
Qingyuan lowered her head and bit into the fruit; the sweet taste lingered between her lips and teeth. After a slight silence, she asked, "Do you think... the Commander will return to the capital tonight?"
Bao Xian said he probably would, "If the Chief Commander is not on leave, the Commander will not return to the mansion. Besides, there is no logic for a brother-in-law and his sister-in-law to spend the night in the same residence."
Qingyuan nodded very slowly, her heart filled with melancholy. In doing this, she was harming others. Both Li Congxin and Shen Run were traveling on the road because of her. She felt a great deal of reluctance; the more she owed, the harder it would be to repay in the future.
The seven-day memorial service was finally completed smoothly, and the sun had not yet set when they arrived home. Qingyuan went to the Huifang Garden to report to the Old Madam. Upon entering the garden, she saw Yuequan busily arranging the meal in the flower hall. Seeing her, she smiled, "The Old Madam was just saying that the Fourth Young Mistress should be back."
Qingyuan nodded and looked toward the main quarters, "Is Grandmother serving the meal now?"
Yuequan said, "The Old Madam has ordered that everyone will eat in the garden today. Do not return, Young Mistress; the banquet will begin in a moment." She then signaled her with a glance and whispered, "The Mistress and the other young mistresses are all inside; go in once you have returned."
Qingyuan knew that the matter of the palace selection of concubines was unavoidable. Regardless, given her status, as long as she was not registered under the Mistress, she would never have to worry about entering the palace. As for the Mistress, how could she allow her to climb such a high branch only to come back and discipline her? Thus, among the four sisters, she was the least qualified and also the most capable of staying out of it.
But one could always join in the fun. She lifted her skirt and stepped onto the stairs. The wooden corridors and walls did not have very good soundproofing. Having walked only a few steps, she heard the thin, pale voice of Lady Hu inside, asking the Old Madam straight out, "Mother, in your view, which of the girls should we send to participate in the selection?”