Love in Red Dust - Chapter 86

Chapter 86

Since becoming pregnant, her body seemed to be far worse than before. In the past, she could do anything from climbing trees to wading across rivers, but now, it was out of the question; even walking two steps left her heart palpitating. Then there was the drowsiness—every day, she felt as if sleep demons were hanging off her nose, and she could not keep her eyelids open even when sitting under the bright sun.

Xiazhi was always teasing her. "Why are you like a drunken cat? You do nothing but sleep all day and never have a smile on your face. It was better before. Back then, you were busy looking for a way to fill your belly, and knowing you couldn't exact your revenge, you simply chose not to think about it. But now? You've gotten yourself into this uncomfortable limbo. You're miserable, and you've exhausted everyone around you."

She let out a soft sound. "When a person grows up, they can't always live without knowing the bitterness of life. If you were to find a biological brother, only to have him become close to you for a year and then die right before your eyes, you tell me how you would feel."

Xiazhi had a blade of withered grass hanging from his mouth, leaning against a pillar, contemplating her words. He nodded and said, "That is true. To have something and then lose it... let alone a real brother, even losing a cat or a dog would break one's heart." After he finished, he received a glare, to which he sheepishly smiled. "If you ask me, you shouldn't have met the Twelfth Master. Look at how all your misfortunes began the moment you got together with him; otherwise, how could you have gotten into so much trouble? People should only swallow a piece of cake that fits their appetite. Look at you now—choked, haven't you? Indigestion, isn't it?"

In truth, he was being selfish. Having missed out on such a childhood sweetheart, he always felt a sense of emptiness. Then, thinking better of it, he realized he was wrong; the Twelfth Master had invited him here to be a lobbyist, so was his advice heading in the wrong direction? Poaching someone’s lover wasn't a good look. He hid his intent by coughing. "The day you asked me to find you a house, I couldn't find one. Nowadays, there are too many people in Beijing. Poor folk, having finished their work for the day, have nothing else to do but ponder how to make more babies to pass the time. You've seen it—two adults followed by a whole group, like a cluster of tadpoles, all needing a place to live. Besides, if the Twelfth Master knew I was tearing you two apart, he’d surely have me executed. Do stop making things difficult for me. A biological brother is a brother, but a senior martial brother is a brother, too. Furthermore, living here is quite good; you have food and drink, so just make do. You’re already with child, so if you keep tossing and turning like this, what about the baby? You cannot be a little Prince wandering the ends of the earth—this is someone else's child."

Dingyi glared at him again. "What do you mean, someone else's child? Isn't he in my belly?"

"You, you really have learned too little of the 'Three Obediences and Four Virtues.' Your man loves you..." He gestured with his thumb, "You are the one. If your man doesn't value you, you must understand the concept of rising in status because of your child, don't you? Take the imperial family, for example. The son becomes a Prince or a Beile, while the biological mother remains a minor consort—that happens all the time. Don't think that just because the son came out of your belly, you have the right to decide his life and death. He is a treasure entrusted to you by another; they will come to collect him later. If you lose him or hide him away, you won't be able to answer for it. Women, why do you have so many ideas? You’ve been given a courtyard, so just stay put and wait for the birth. You still want to go out? Still want to live alone? You are capable, aren't you? Have you read too many storybooks?"

Dingyi was infuriated. "Why are you so long-winded? Did I ask you here just to badger me?"

"This is because we are family, so I speak without beating around the bush. If it were anyone else, I wouldn't waste my breath!" Xiazhi squinted at her. "You are pregnant now; you must quickly let the Twelfth Master report this up the chain. The palace should have issued a decree by now. If you wait until the child is born, what will that make you? You'll be the target of everyone's scorn."

She turned her head away, frowning. "Do not meddle. I know what I am doing."

Xiazhi sighed. "That is enough; everything must have a limit. The Twelfth Master has a good temper and complies with your every whim. If it were me, I would have tied you up in a flower sedan, tossed you into the bridal chamber, and you would have to accept it whether you liked it or not."

Just as he said, there must be a limit, and that applies to giving advice as well. If you obsessively repeat the same thing over and over, the listener's ears will grow calloused, and it will lose its effect. He turned his gaze to the branches; the pomegranate tree had just sprouted its tender buds, and a faint hint of spring had arrived. He squinted and said, "Yesterday, the Su family sent their daughter away. I followed them to the Red Shell Temple to inquire; Lady Hailan didn't shave her head—she is practicing Buddhism while keeping her hair. Her mother said that she should find peace in the temple and return to secular life once she has let go of her pain. If she were to shave her head, there would be no hope left, and her mother would die right before her eyes."

Dingyi listened with a look of melancholy. "No matter how I advise her, she won't listen. Perhaps it is better for her to live in the temple for a while. As for her becoming a nun, I cannot go to see her. It is all because of Rujian; I have no face to meet her family. In a couple of days, I will go to visit her again, if only to ease her heart. If she can return, then she should return; they only have this one daughter, and in the future, her parents will need someone to care for them. As for Magistrate Su, please go on my behalf and tell them that I am sorry, and that it was my siblings who delayed Hailan."

Xiazhi agreed. "Do not burden yourself with everything. Everyone has their own fate, ordained from the moment they are born." He then changed the subject and asked, "Do you remember the squirrel-eyed dog from the Seventh Master’s house? The one with the sleek coat?"

Dingyi said, "Ah, the one we stole last time?"

"That one was eaten. There were a pair originally, but only one was left. Adding the Shaanxi dog that the Twelfth Master compensated him with, he had two, and the Seventh Master gave them all to me."

"Weren't those his lifeblood? He just gave them to you?"

Xiazhi laughed and said yes. "He is about to have a grand wedding, so the Seventh Master is busy and can't take care of them. Later, the servant Jin who leads the dogs let it slip—it turns out his new bride won't let him keep them, saying that such trivial toys will surely ruin one's aspirations."

The Seventh Master could not show his face as he used to these days. It was said that Princess Xiaoman kept a tight leash on him. Even before she had crossed the threshold, she would inspect the Prince’s mansion every few days, saying this was wrong and that was not good, and everything had to be done according to her wishes. The Seventh Master had met his match this time. How arrogant he used to be! He would bow to no one, but no matter how arrogant he was, he could not escape her grasp. How could a wealthy, pampered Prince who panted after taking two steps hope to compete with a Mongolian princess skilled in archery and horsemanship? Coupled with the smiling-tiger-like Prince Bao, the Seventh Master had truly fallen this time.

Dingyi leaned against the pillar and sighed. In truth, the Seventh Master was a blessed man; he remained oblivious, and good things would come to him regardless. By comparison, the Twelfth Master was too aggrieved—without a powerful father-in-law to rely on, without a wife from a prestigious clan to speak for him. Life had not been easy before, and since being with her, every step had been a struggle. Sometimes she fantasized about how wonderful it would be if she could return to the past. He would have his life, and he wouldn't be tormented and thrown into chaos. As for herself, she would be tucked away in a bustling courtyard, taking on odd jobs, earning a few coins to buy wine and food for her master. Now, she had no worries about food or clothing, but her heart had become empty. Every morning, she opened her eyes not knowing why she was alive. She watched the sun rise in the morning and set in the evening, burying her head in sleep, and in the blink of an eye, the day was gone.

She placed her hand on her belly. Inside was a tiny being, though she couldn't feel much yet. Even though it was her first time being a mother, a sort of instinct seemed to arise, and she gradually found she could not bear to part with the child. Yet, after pondering it repeatedly, a decision had to be made in the end. People change with the times; she had been shallow in her understanding before, and in the marketplace, there was nothing to seek but survival. Ignorance is bliss—that was her back then. She knew nothing, cared for nothing, and acted on whatever she felt in her heart. Later, she understood more, and her courage, once the size of a basin, had shrunk to the size of a sesame seed and was almost impossible to find; in any case, she was afraid.

Why is marrying called "finding a husband's family"? Living in the Prince's mansion and minding her own business? That was wishful thinking! She would have to move in palace circles and offer greetings in the garden; when the Princesses and noble wives sat together, what was she?

She looked up at Xiazhi. "Senior Brother, find me a chicken."

Xiazhi readily agreed. "Do you want to eat beggar's chicken or sliced boiled chicken? There’s a new restaurant outside Qianmen that makes excellent spicy chicken..."

"I want a live one," she said. "It doesn't need to be big, just something I can bring in without anyone noticing."

Xiazhi was startled. "What are you doing? Are you plotting something wicked? This won't do. I cannot agree to this; if Master finds out later, he will surely strip the skin off my back." He hurriedly jumped down the steps. "I am leaving; I have work to do. I will come to see you tomorrow. See you then."

Dingyi called out to him, but he ignored her, tucking his hands into his sleeves and heading toward the main gate.

As soon as Xiazhi left, Sha Tong arrived and bowed. "Master, your uncle is at the gate waiting."

She lifted her eyes and saw a man in a crow-blue lined robe standing on the porch, wringing his hands and peering inside.

Zhou Fuyang was the brother of Dingyi’s mother, holding a fifth-rank official position. One could not say he was honest, nor could one say he was sharp. The Zhou family had a tradition of women running the household. Back when Dingyi was in trouble and wanted to rely on them, both the uncle and aunt were home, yet they refused to open the door. She and her wet nurse had stood in the rain waiting for two hours. Looking back now, her resentment was still immense, but as they were relatives, it wouldn't do not to meet him once he had arrived. She had no choice but to have Sha Tong bring him in.

Zhou Fuyang bowed low as if meeting a superior, sweeping his sleeves and kneeling. "Greetings to the Princess."

Dingyi frowned. "Do not be like this; I am no Princess." She turned to order the maid, "Bring a seat for Magistrate Zhou."

She remained sitting on the steps without rising, addressing him as "Magistrate Zhou," which made Zhou Fuyang feel deeply embarrassed. The seat was brought over, but he did not dare sit. He only said, "Little Zao'er, it has been hard for you these past few days."

A sense of sourness flooded her heart, and she held back her tears. "Do you have business here today?"

Zhou Fuyang said in a servile tone, "Nothing important, just come to see you. Zao'er, I know you resent me in your heart. It was Uncle’s fault before, but so much time has passed—please forgive your Uncle. People say that the bond between paternal and maternal relatives is passed down through generations; it is a bond of blood that cannot be broken. Now that relatives are becoming fewer, and with Third Brother having just passed, I worry about you. Having some free time today, I came to see you." He paused, and seeing her face remained impassive, he felt a bit more secure and continued, "I came to attend Third Brother’s funeral and could see that the Prince treats you very well, but a young lady still needs a maternal home. Furthermore, you are not yet married; there will be much trouble when the time comes to leave the house, and someone will have to prepare your dowry! You see, if relatives do not visit, the ties grow cold. You are all alone now—how can you be left out here? Your uncles are not in the capital, so it is inconvenient to look after you. You had better come home with Uncle. Your Aunt has prepared a courtyard for you, everything is replaced with new items, and she has picked several clever maids to serve you specifically. We were confused before, but as we grow older, we value family affection even more. Your mother and I were siblings of the same parents; coming to your Uncle’s place is like returning to your own home..."

As the nephew and uncle spoke, Sha Tong went outside to wait for books to be delivered. The doorman looked toward the gate and asked, "What kind of deity is this? How does he still have the face to come?"

Sha Tong laughed coldly. "He just sees that she is about to rise in status, so he’s come to sponge off a bit of good luck. In the past, he would have bypassed her by eighty yards, to say nothing of anything else. People—they fawn over the high and trample on the low, it’s just that wretched."

Nobody knew what was said, but Zhou Fuyang left after staying for two cups of tea. Later, the Princess strolled through the courtyard and notified the gatekeeper, "Next time he comes, there is no need to report it; just lead him in."

The gatekeeper agreed, thinking to himself that relatives are relatives after all; when one has no one by one's side, past grudges are disregarded. It was a case of panic leading to poor judgment.

The news reached Hongce, who was in the study writing a memorial. Upon learning of it, he felt a sense of daze and only said, "That is good. She is too lonely. With her own kin by her side, her spirits might be lifted."

"Will the Master not go to the alley to take a look? She has been left there since she returned yesterday, and the sun is about to set."

The tip of his brush paused, remaining suspended for a long time without falling. The study was filled with the faint scent of sandalwood, and the ticking of the desk clock seemed to freeze time itself. Only after a long while did he say, "Let her calm down. If I stand in her sight and she becomes impatient and does something drastic, it will be too late to regret it."

Guan Zhaojing hung his head, his hands tucked away. "In this servant's humble opinion, you must go. A woman's mind is narrow; you are a man—a great husband—you must understand her. Think back to before—what a wonderful young woman she was. She was truly like a tree, standing straight with a sturdy spirit. But now, she has encountered a ditch she cannot cross because her legs are short—that is not a major issue. If you help her—just a little lift—she will be over it. If you also become stubborn, that will not do. You will be uncomfortable, and she will be distressed; why go to such lengths?" He smiled. "Although this servant has not been a man for many days, my brain is still a man's brain. A man's face is thick; if you are spat upon or scolded a few times, you should still smile. Your status is noble, but truth be told, that is only in the eyes of outsiders. In your own home, with whom are you arguing? That person is your wife."

Hongce relaxed his tension. Guan Zhaojing was right; no matter how tired or aggrieved he felt, it could not be compared to her suffering. She had just lost her brother and had new wounds added to old ones; even if she said something extreme, he could only guide her, not lose his temper.

He put down his brush, stood up, and stepped over the threshold to look. The afterglow of the sun dyed the entire courtyard a deep red. Having neglected her for a day, he felt deep remorse. He hurriedly ordered his horse to be brought, and with a lash of his whip, he galloped toward the Wine and Vinegar Alley.

Yet, he was plagued by a bad premonition that kept surging within him; the closer he got, the more intense it became. He rushed through the door, only to collide with someone coming out, both of them sent reeling. He stood his ground and looked inside. He could not hear, but he saw the people hurrying about, their faces filled with panic.

"What happened?" He grabbed the collar of the person nearest him. "What has happened?"

The young eunuch was shaken until his feet left the ground, but he struggled to point back. "Master, it is terrible! This servant was just about to report to you! The Princess just said her stomach hurt, and Bao'er helped her to the latrine, but... the chamber pot is full of blood; it has dyed the incense wood shavings red..."

His brain felt as if it had exploded. He cast the man aside and strode down the corridor to her room. Upon entering, he saw she had already been placed on the kang, but she was lying on her side, hiding her face.

Sha Tong came forward, knelt before him, and slapped his own face a dozen times, crying, "This servant has failed the Master; this servant did not take good care of the Princess, causing her to miscarry. This servant deserves to die."

Guan Zhaojing kicked him, shouting in a fury, "You do deserve to die! Ten lives would not be enough to compensate!"

Hongce stood there, his legs devoid of any strength, and he was forced to lean against the moon-shaped table to sit down. He simply could not believe this was real. After catching his breath, he asked in a hoarse voice, "Where is it?"

The servants understood and brought in the chamber pot that had been carried out for him to inspect. He took one look and waved his hand weakly.

With such a thing having occurred, everyone was in a state of panic, not knowing what to do. The imperial physician who had been summoned was chased out, standing blindly against the wall and observing the rules. Guan Zhaojing looked around and scolded in a low voice, "Still stunned? Quickly, go and investigate what the Princess ate today and who handled it!"

Hongce stopped them. "There is no need to investigate. All of you, get out."

It took a great deal of effort for him to reach the edge of her kang. He tucked the blanket in for her and asked softly, "Does it still hurt? Is it because I did not come today that you became so sorrowful, and that is why you suffered the miscarriage... I have made another mistake." He choked up, caressing the light-green silk of the bedding, patting her back gently as if soothing a child. "Do not blame yourself; it is not your fault. It does not matter that we lost this one; we can conceive again. Give me your hand and let me check your pulse so I can set my mind at ease."

She had been motionless at first, but upon hearing this, she turned around. Her eyes were red from crying, and she stared at him for a long time. "No. It is not because you did not come."

He was stunned and nodded to himself. "Then it was an accident—you stumbled or tripped and had a mishap."

She did not answer him. She closed her eyes and turned her face to the other side.

His brows grew cold, and his heart turned to ice. His throat was dry and thin as a blade, cutting through the silence beside her ear. "Have you truly made up your mind?"

Still, he received no answer. He let out a long sigh; he understood, and he saw it all clearly—he could not even maintain the final lie he had been telling himself. He turned and walked out, lifting the hanging curtain high. The world outside the room was truly like blood in the setting sun. He looked at Guan Zhaojing and said in a cold voice, "Bring my tablet. I am going to the palace.”