Love in Red Dust - Chapter 59

Chapter 59

The scene at the "Guest Arriving with Clouds" inn was in total chaos. Upon returning from his fruitless search, the Seventh Prince discovered that Xiaoshu had gone missing, and he nearly devoured Hongce alive. He paced around him, cursing as he went: "Well? You monopolized her, and now look! The person is gone! Go on, search! Have you found her? Where are your people? You claim to walk on the edge of a blade, yet when things get tough, you turn out to be nothing but spineless cowards? You criticize me for not managing my household strictly, but look at you—what are you any better? Send everyone out! If you don't find her, I’ll have all your hides!" He sat down, slapping his knees, his face twisted in grief as he lamented, "Our tree is so beautiful now; what could befall her in the hands of slave traders? Most likely, she’s been sold to be someone’s concubine. A perfectly good girl, trampled by those filthy swine and dogs—my heart hurts as if I were being sliced by a knife... Child, who told you to be so blind? You would have been better off following me; I would have protected you..."

Hongce grew impatient. His own heart was in such a state of chaos that he couldn't find his bearings, and Old Seven kept buzzing around him. He turned his head, let out a long breath, and ordered Hagang: "Send out more men. Monitor all the slave markets—not just in Suifen, but explore the surrounding Yingo camps as well. Also, pass the word to the garrison forces: search every entry and exit strictly. No one is allowed to leave the borders of Great Ying."

The Seventh Prince slammed the table. "You're anxious now, but where was your head earlier? You were the one leading her. Now that she's missing, I only care to ask you for the person. Give me back my Xiaoshu."

Hongce glared at him. "We went out together; where was Seventh Brother then? Didn't you say 'an extra person means an extra pair of hands'? You went off to compete in ice skating, and now that something has happened, you're suddenly talking a big game?"

The Seventh Prince was so choked by this reply that he couldn't refute it for a moment. Only then did he say, "Who told her to be willing to be with you? If she had placed bets with me, she might not have been snatched away." Full of resentment, he turned his face away and muttered, "It's fate, I suppose. I blame her for being blind—of all the whole people in the world, she had to find a deaf one! A slight mishap, and she couldn't even scream for help so people could hear her... You're a cripple; you should have stayed a bachelor. Trying to find a wife like this—isn't this just harming others?"

Everyone has a weak spot that cannot be touched. Hongce was already burning with anxiety over her disappearance, and for the other to keep using his disability to needle him caused his anger to surge out of control. He raised his voice: "Shut your mouth! I'm more anxious than you are! She and I are in love; what kind of thing are you? You went off to play your own foolish games, and now you blame her for not going crazy along with you? I'm deaf—yes, I am deaf! But who is it for? Do I want to be this way? I’ve been harmed into this state; who can I go to for justice?" He was furious, his body taut like a bowstring, his face full of ruthlessness. "If I cannot find her, I will spend the rest of my life in Ningguta. Tell Seventh Brother to take a message back: consider me dead, as if a person like me never existed!"

He flicked his sleeves and left, the curtain behind him swinging high. He never wanted to see Hongtao again. Besides complaining, what else could this man do? With Dingyi lost, no one in the world felt worse than he did. Searching his heart, he truly wished he could find a place to break down and cry. He had always hoped to meet someone and spend his whole life quietly with her. Since childhood, he had lacked familial love. After growing up, he had tried every means to disguise himself, not to appear downcast, not to let people think him pitiful or pathetic—but heaven only knew how lonely he truly was.

His world was silent, and he hoped for someone who understood him to accompany him. Dingyi had suffered, and he had suffered too; two souls sharing the same misfortune could warm each other. Her appearance made him feel grateful. Just when he thought he had finally found peace, why did he have to experience so many twists and turns? He hated himself for letting her be taken right under his nose. Could she ever forgive him? He was an unreliable person. He had status and power only because he could issue commands; without the slaves at his beck and call, he was nothing. Just as Old Seven said, he was a useless person. He had failed her.

He wandered, lost, to Dingyi’s bedroom, his feet stumbling weakly. Entering the room, he closed the door behind him, his back sliding against the wooden lattice until he collapsed into a sitting position. He hugged his knees, burying his face in his arms, feeling a massive, overwhelming pain in his chest that he could neither grasp nor soothe. Where was she? Lu Yuan’s men had surrounded the Yangge troupe to interrogate them, but they found nothing after half the night. He grew impatient and had everyone detained, which inevitably led to harsh interrogation. But most of the people were utterly confused, and some couldn't even remember what they had been doing earlier, as if they had been drugged. So, was this another headless case? Had this place become this chaotic? He punched the blue brick floor, but it wasn't enough to soothe his hate. He struck it repeatedly, smashing a whole brick into smithereens. He didn't feel the pain of the brick dust embedding into his flesh—no pain could hurt more than losing her.

He leaped to his feet and shouted for Daiqin: "We can't wait until the second day of the New Year. Tell Lu Yuan to close the net. Capture Solontu and Yue Kundu one by one, and once captured, bring them to see me. Take my command token and order the coordination of the garrison. Search every inch within a hundred miles. Even if you have to dig three feet into the earth, you must find her for me. Notify the Meile Zhanjing of Jilin Ula to assist in the investigation. Check everyone moving through the area, and detain anyone suspicious... Do not let her leave this place. If even a finger slips through the cracks, she might be sold to the foreign lands."

Daiqin saw that his master’s state was wrong, but he dared not say more. He responded with a "Yes" and retreated to fulfill the order.

He returned to the table and stared blankly at the oil lamp, his mind a tangle of countless threads with no way to organize them. Why kidnap her? Was it simple trafficking, or was some hidden opponent planning to use her to blackmail him? He covered his forehead with one hand; it was burning hot, and he could find no relief. Without news of her, he could do nothing. If he lost her now, he didn't know how much longer he could hold on.

The lamp light danced, and he squinted at it. After staring for too long, the world began to spin, and his vision was filled only with her shadow. In a daze, he had a dream—he dreamed she returned, soaked to the bone, her lips purple from the cold, saying piteously, "I am cold." His heart tightened, and he rushed over to hug her, but as soon as he touched the hem of her clothes, she vanished again. He stood there with his arms hanging, and the scene on the Suifen River played out once more. Looking back on it now, it was still heart-wrenching.

He woke with a start; it was nearly dawn. He pushed open the window to look outside; the horizon was tinted with a faint, pale blue light. He didn't know how he had managed to endure this night. Fidgeting in his impatience for news, he paced back and forth in the room. Sha Tong lifted the curtain to bring in tea and snacks, approaching with quick steps: "Master, you have waited all night; I fear your body cannot withstand it. On such a cold day, you cannot go on an empty stomach. This servant found some cakes; please have a little. Only when your body is warm can you attend to business."

He shook his head, covering his face with a long sigh. "It is my fault. The Seventh Prince is right; I am useless. I cannot handle things, and I have no good fortune. I despise myself—why did this mishap occur? A living, breathing person, gone in the blink of an eye..."

Sha Tong said, "Master, don't force yourself so hard. Lord Ha and the others have all gone out. Suifen is such a tiny place, and the garrison is searching everywhere. Sooner or later, there will be news. Master, please calm your heart. It pains this servant to see you like this. Look at your eyes; they are all red. Have some snacks and nap on the kang for a while; there are servants outside watching for you. At least take care of yourself; if Eldest Miss Wen comes back and sees you so haggard, she will feel pain."

Mentioning her was like a needle prick to his heart. He closed his eyes. Standing there, he no longer had his usual upright posture; he was slightly hunched, his hands pressed against the windowsill.

"Go and prepare a troop for me." He pointed outward. "I recall that she once told me Yue Kundu’s words and actions were bizarre. Perhaps if I find him, I will have news of her."

Sha Tong hurriedly blocked him. "Commander Dai has already led men out—on your own orders, Master, to capture Solontu and the one surnamed Yue. Have you forgotten, Master?"

He let out an "Oh" and took two steps back. "My head is spinning so badly; I had forgotten." Having nothing else to do, he began pacing in circles again. Sha Tong could do nothing but follow along, hunching his back and taking small, matching steps: "Master, won't you get dizzy walking like this? Just stop and rest a while. Being anxious won't bring Miss Wen back; let’s take it slow. Ah, sit for a while, lie down for a while. When that Yue person is caught, you will still need to interrogate him yourself."

He hesitated for a long time. It wasn't that he wouldn't listen to advice; he slowly moved to the kang, fell backward, and didn't even bend his knees. Thud. Sha Tong felt a pain in the back of his own head just listening.

With his master in this state, the word "love" truly caused such deep harm. He went forward to open the kang cabinet and pull out a quilt. Seeing that although he wasn't sleeping soundly, he had at least closed his eyes, he retreated silently, tiptoeing out of the room.

Half-dreaming and half-awake, his spirit strained, he felt at any moment that she would return—he could even see clearly how she lifted the curtain. He struggled to wake up, but looking around the empty room, his heart was filled only with desolation. He covered his eyes with the back of his hand, clutching the mattress with the other, tossing and turning, unable to fall asleep again. He didn't know how much time had passed, but the window paper gradually turned white—darkening then brightening again. A figure moved faintly. He assumed it was another hallucination and didn't dare open his eyes, fearing that opening them would just be another dream. But the shadow stopped in front of his kang, and cold fingertips reached out to touch his cheek.

He bolted awake, rolled over and sat up, looking at the person before him and gasping in surprise: "Dingyi? Is it a dream?"

She pressed her fingers against his lips, turned, and sat down on the edge of the kang, leaning forward: "It's not a dream. I’m back. I was mixed in with the Yangge troupe earlier to look for you, but I didn't expect to walk farther and farther away. There were twists and turns when I tried to come back." She pointed to the water stains on her knees, pouting: "Look, even my skirt and shoes are wet. I’m freezing." She pushed him. "Move inward a bit, and warm me."

He had spent such great effort searching and found nothing, and yet she had returned just like that, without alarming anyone outside? Hongce was stunned, but he couldn't care about such things anymore. As long as she was back, his heart could finally be put to rest. Yet, suspecting he was still in a dream, he dazededly scooted inward, leaving half the bed empty. Watching her remove her outer garments, her delicate shoulders appearing and disappearing under her undergarments, he was at a loss, yet he still reached out his hands to welcome her.

Without any coy posturing, she glided into his embrace like a dragon, as if she had already been familiar with it. She tightly wrapped her arms around his waist, took a deep breath, and smiled: "So warm. I like the scent of you... Hongce, look at me—do I look like a mountain spirit or a wild monster?"

Her behavior was a bit strange, but she wasn't quite at the level of a spirit monster. Regardless, since she was already in his arms, and not knowing how to vent the overflowing emotions in his heart, he rolled over and pinned her down, pressing his forehead against hers, on the verge of tears: "Where did you run off to? I nearly turned Suifen upside down. Do you know how I spent this night? You weren't here, and I was going mad... I was going mad..." He kissed her randomly: "Never leave me again. Stay by my side—you aren't allowed to go anywhere."

She let one hand fall onto his shoulder, gently pushing him away. Without answering his words, she turned to the side to undo the gilded buttons on his mandarin jacket: "Since you’ve laid down to sleep, why didn't you take off your jacket? If you sleep with your clothes on, you'll catch a cold when you wake up." She added in a soft voice: "I didn't have it easy either; I missed you too. I was scared when I couldn't find you. It was so dark outside and the land was so vast; I lost my sense of direction alone, and so I walked for a long time... But I’m back. I’m sorry; it’s my own fault. I was muddled."

She kissed his earlobes—her body was warm, but due to her nervousness, she was trembling beneath her two layers of clothing. The first ray of New Year's sun refracted through the Korean paper on the window and landed right between her bright eyebrows. She looked at him with more focus than at any other time: "When shall we marry? I can’t wait."

His heart thumped wildly, a thin layer of sweat forming on his face. He struggled to maintain his composure: "When we return to the capital, I will submit a petition, and I will marry you with a formal proposal and wedding rites."

She pursed her lips and smiled: "Truly a formal proposal?"

He nodded: "Certainly."

She let out a long, wistful sigh: "With that promise, I am satisfied. After drifting for over a decade, I can finally have a home. My heart is happy." She extended a finger to trace his eyebrows and eyes, memorizing every detail in her heart. As she traced, tears welled up, and she hurriedly turned her face away, burying the tears into the pillow.

He pulled her waist toward him, feeling terrified because he couldn't see her face. Everything felt like a dream—dazed, yet incomparably real. He found her hand and interlaced his fingers with hers, squeezing hard: "What is wrong with you? What happened last night? We are going to spend a lifetime together; don't hide things from me if something is on your heart. I disappointed you last night, didn't I? From now on, I will be extremely careful and never let you be alone again."

She shook her head, her hair brushing against his face, tickling him. After a slight pause, she said: "It was just an accident; how could there be a next time? You don't know—the moment I was separated from you, I felt like I would never be well again in this life. I wonder if you will marry someone else in the future. If I were lost, and returned one day to see ten miles of red silk entering your house... Actually, you should find someone better. As long as she respects you and loves you, I will not be jealous."

"What nonsense are you spouting?" he whispered harshly: "If you are lost, I will still submit my petition; the position of Fujin (wife) will always be reserved for you. I will wait for you to return. I know you will surely return, because you cannot bear to leave me."

She laughed at his words, though it was impossible to distinguish whether the taste of the laughter was joy or sorrow: "I don't think so. If I cannot return, I hope you forget me. A lifetime is so long; you must find a companion to take care of you. There are many bright, clever girls in this world; with your precious character, you should be matched with someone of equal social standing. A high-ranking maternal family will be a boost to you... Someday, when you are sitting under a big tree enjoying the cool air, you might suddenly remember that a girl disguised as a boy once crossed paths with you. That will be enough for me, having loved you once."

He grew increasingly panicked, trying to find the answer on her face: "What on earth is wrong with you? Why do you keep saying strange things?"

She fell silent. She couldn't break the promise she made to Third Brother. She trusted the Twelfth Prince, but she couldn't trust Rujian. She couldn't risk the life of her last brother.

"I was just too scared, and I thought too much. I'm just rambling; don't take it to heart." She combed through his hair, over and over, tirelessly: "Aside from you, the person dearest to me is my master. After we marry, will you take care of my master on my behalf?"

He promised readily: "That is only natural. The old gentleman has worked hard; I will slowly repay his kindness over the years and ensure he has no worries about food or clothing in his old age."

She smiled and nodded. Since that was the case, there was nothing left to worry about. She herself was not important; as long as everyone was well, there was nothing she could not sacrifice.

Close as they were, the woman’s body and the man’s body were like two semicircles, only becoming whole when joined together. The beauty and tremor of that first time could be remembered for a lifetime, but she hadn't expected it to happen here. This inn in the small frontier town carried all of her joy, hesitation, and sorrow.

The morning sun crept over, dancing on his shoulder. She wept, pressing her lips against his neck, sobbing: "Hongce, do not be sad..."