Love For You - Chapter 38

Chapter 38: Don't Come Back to Be My Dead Weight

The furry head kneeling between her legs looked slightly green and inexperienced. The muscles and bones of his broad shoulders and back tapered into smooth, athletic lines. His handsome, fierce brows were earnest yet dissolute, possessing a frank, arrogant sexiness. When he looked up, the ambiguous, indulgent smile on his damp lips carried a kiss that tasted like her. He brushed aside Miao Jing's messy, wet hair, and amidst her surging, novel pleasure, he whispered things in her ear that made her face burn red.

After her pleasure slowly ebbed, they slept again, curled up without any barriers, cheeks pressed together, limbs tangled, sleeping with their necks entwined like lovers in the heat of passion or a couple who had been together for years. The golden sunset of the evening dyed the windows, and the slightly red glow draped over their skin like a layer of gorgeous, dazzling rendering. He kissed the girl in the crook of his arm, his palms kneading her sore body, asking softly if it still hurt.

She was as soft as water, yet he was as hard as stone. While at the pharmacy, Chen Yi had bought a box of contraceptives on the side. He didn't speak of wanting them; he just rubbed his cheeks against her shoulder. They had been together for too long; the mutual understanding was engraved in their bones. A single kiss was enough to ignite their bodies, and the intermingling of water and milk began from that moment.

He pried her fingers open and pressed her ten fingers against the pillow. After sufficient soothing, he entered her body. The previous gentleness transformed into something domineering and sharp. His eyes were dark and burning, his handsome face a picture of long-suppressed patience and desire. During the wild rhythm, his vigorous, honey-colored body was already covered in a thin sheen of sweat, gleaming with a sexy, alluring luster. The veins on his neck, where the sweat beads slid down, were bulging. Suppressed gasps escaped his lips as he lowered his head to kiss Miao Jing, who was already at the height of ecstasy, her clear eyes lost in a daze. He murmured her name, thrashing against her delicate body. Both his rogue-like ferocity and his considerate tenderness were on full display. Finally, both of them greeted the tide of passion simultaneously, embracing tightly amidst the spasms of their bodies, and stroking each other's lingering afterglow amidst their heavy gasps.

Erasing the unspeakable, lost sadness in his heart, the experience was, of course, joyful. Tasting desire for the first time with the most special person in his life—all his joys, angers, sorrows, and happiness were related to her. No shallow emotion could summarize their relationship, and the joy was especially rich.

That day, Miao Jing basically didn't get out of bed to walk, forced to lie in bed and space out. She heard the clattering sounds in the kitchen—it was Chen Yi cooking noodles, whistling a melodic tune. In the end, he brought out two bowls of noodles, shirtless. Watching his satisfied, lazy, and unrestrained look, she couldn't help but smile. He saw her, and she hid her smile with restraint. His chest and back were covered in her fingernail marks. He walked over, acting cool and aloof, pouting and asking what she was laughing at. She denied it. Chen Yi reached out to pinch her lips, and Miao Jing ducked and fell backward onto the bed. He caught her with quick eyes and hands, pulled the gorgeous person into his arms, gave her another lingering kiss, stroked her long hair, and held her as he went out to eat.

It was the first time Miao Jing had eaten food he had made. The bland, tasteless noodles were topped with two half-cooked, runny-yoked fried eggs, and there was a soy-braised duck leg left over from last night. She took small bites, and when Chen Yi asked if it was delicious, Miao Jing said it was too bland. He let out a cold hum, his face looking cool and swag, curling his lips as he said, "Of course it tastes bland to you; all the salt from the noodles was spilled into my bowl," taking the opportunity to slander her for the "salty" noodles she used to cook for him.

She giggled. It was rare for Miao Jing to be this happy, her brows curved, her starry eyes gleaming with a purity and beauty that couldn't be described. He watched her blankly, unable to stop himself from pulling her into his arms—if Miao Jing weren't Miao Jing, if she were a girl from an ordinary, happy family who didn't have to travel thousands of miles to another city, didn't have to cook and clean for herself, and didn't have to eat the bitterness that shouldn't belong to her age, what would she be like?

But that kind of ordinary, happy life was something he couldn't give her.

They didn't finish the meal; they moved back to the bed. Youth always had an endless supply of energy and emotion to vent. His curiosity about her body was explosive, and she was always obsessed with his physique and strength. Since their relationship had progressed to this point, some restraint was thrown to the back of their minds. A wonderful relationship always made people addicted; they wanted to be reckless, to use their green, smooth bodies to feel each other, to embed the other into their own bodies.

The two lay side-by-side on the bed resting. Chen Yi received a call, got up to shower, changed his clothes, and went out. He gave Miao Jing a few parting words, telling her to rest early and to call him if anything happened, before leaving in a hurry. She watched his figure disappear outside the door from the foot of the bed. She got up, dragging her tired body, pulled on one of his T-shirts, and threw the soiled sheets and clothes into the washing machine. Listening to the rumbling sound, she stared blankly at her admission letter.

She spent the whole day alone at home. Chen Yi didn't return until late the next night, his body covered in the heavy scent of alcohol, his lips and cheeks bruised and bloodied. He didn't take it to heart, heading straight to the bathroom to treat his wounds. Miao Jing heard the commotion outside and got up, bumping into Chen Yi as he wiped medicine onto his face in front of the mirror. He wasn't the type to settle down; over the years, he had more or less always had some wounds, and she had never seen him take them seriously. She took the cotton swab to help him treat his wounds, listening as Chen Yi said flatly that it was no big deal—someone had just caused trouble, and he had blocked a beer bottle thrown at his boss for him.

He asked what she had eaten that day, what she had been doing at home, and said if she felt bored, he would buy her more food and things to play with to kill time.

Miao Jing’s face was flat. She chatted with him calmly for a few moments, then turned and went back to her room to sleep. Chen Yi came out of the bathroom and found her bedroom door already closed, the lights inside also extinguished. Originally, he had planned to go to his own room, but his steps paused halfway. He reached out to test the door to Miao Jing’s room. With a light push, the door opened; it hadn't even been shut, only left ajar.

Regardless of the reason, a sweetness that he couldn't suppress flooded his heart—she was waiting for him to come back, and she was waiting for his approach.

The two of them naturally slept together just like that. Beneath the moonlight, their bodies—whether tender and graceful or robust and smooth—possessed a vibrant, youthful beauty. The kisses roaming over their bodies or the grinding of their skin against skin made the moonlight three times more decadent. They explored each other's bodies with curious indulgence, like a carnival that knew the marrow of desire. Under the cover of night, there was always a joy that they never tired of. This joy traveled through their entire bodies, deep into their bones, and the afterglow lasted until they drifted into dreams.

Miao Jing, flushed and drenched in sweat, lay lazily on the bed, not yet recovered. Even when she smelled the tobacco, she didn't have the strength to glare or frown. Chen Yi always liked to lean against the head of the bed to smoke after the deed was done, habitually stroking her sweaty, sticky body while chatting with her in a disjointed way.

He talked about things from when they were little. He had been a wild, short-tempered child, leading a group of neighborhood kids to run rampant in society. It had been his most wild and playful time. He had experienced all kinds of people and things, and he always had amazing stories to tell—like playing a game of wits against adults, pretending to be ghosts at school, going to graveyards in the middle of the night to test his guts, or having wild picnics in the deep mountains...

He told his stories vividly, and she was enthralled, the expression on her beautiful, small face moving. She was even more attentive than she had been at eight or nine years old, when she used to lie at the neighbor's house listening to bizarre gossip. She marveled at how he could have so many outrageous experiences, but also felt a bit jealous. She had been so obedient from childhood that it was almost numbing; her life from a young age could be considered barren, and the only stimulation she had ever known was when she was with him. Her life was so pale it was boring.

What she felt even more jealous about were his experiences during puberty. Talking about the crazy and childish boys and girls, Miao Jing, with her aloof and cold temperament, had only ever had suitors who were restless but didn't dare to step forward. Since middle school, Chen Yi had been followed by a group of girls who admired him, not to mention the women who had been flirting with him later on. The contrast was obvious, the comparison stark.

Chen Yi puffed on his cigarette, his lips curling into a smile he couldn't hold back. The smile was cryptic. Honestly, if it weren't for her being at home, he didn't know how unbridled he might have become. He didn't know when it started, but she had become a different kind of existence, becoming the transparent string on a kite, tethering his heart.

With smoke lingering in his mouth, he leaned down in a lazy, languid way to kiss her. He thought of the worry he had spent on her over the past few years, how he had cursed her as a heartless little brat, passing all the smoke into her mouth. He let her hold it, then sucked the smoke mixed with sweetness from her mouth. Miao Jing knitted her elegant brows and pouted in complaint, saying that he would eventually be poisoned to death by cigarettes. He said "Fine," and said dissolutely that he wanted to die in the nicotine in her mouth. Miao Jing pressed her lips together tightly, choked by the smoke, coughing into the pillow, until he pinched her and made her sit on him. He had a wicked smile on his face, bullying her with great spirit.

The atmosphere turned amorous immediately. He lay half-prostrate on the bed, using the pillow behind him to prop up his head and neck. One hand held the cigarette, lazily taking two puffs, while the other pinched Miao Jing's waist. His handsome eyes were half-closed, looking at the charming, seductive scene swaying before him with a lazy, addicted, and burning gaze, lazily and comfortably exhaling a puff of smoke.

In the pale white smoke, Miao Jing brushed the long hair at her ear, her slender fingers pressing against his flat, firm abdomen. After a few ups and downs, she stopped, her eyes dazed. He gave a cold, mocking laugh, teasing her for being truly useless. With a thrust of his powerful waist, he immediately flipped over and pressed her beneath him, still dissolutely holding the half-finished cigarette in his mouth.

Afraid that ash would fall on her flawless skin, he held the cigarette between his slender fingertips. His wrist, with its prominent veins, rested on the edge of the bed. He supported his weight on her with only one hand, kneeling between her legs and thrusting rapidly. His temperament was wild, indulgent, and cynical. That wrist swayed along with his movements on the edge of the bed; the ash from the cigarette fell, and the glowing red spark of the tip rose and fell. From time to time, he would take a drag of the intoxicating nicotine in the gaps of their lovemaking, then suck and kiss her sweet lips. It was too absurd, and too indulgent.

Finally, the extinguished cigarette dropped straight to the floor. The wisp of curling smoke was like a beautiful dream. His handsome face was lost in it; he reached out, scooped her up, and sat her in his lap, penetrating her from bottom to top. At the moment of climax, he lowered his head to capture her flapping cherry lips, swallowing the tobacco-scented breath in their mouths.

She liked his domineering, powerful, or rogue-like tenderness. It wasn't the kind of gentle, soothing feeling that would drown a person. They always couldn't help but want to grumble, bicker, or argue; their emotions wouldn't be overly depressed or indulgent, yet there was still the thrill of a racing heart.

The sweet time passed quickly. Their life had switched to a different mode. Because they slept late, Miao Jing always had to sleep in the morning, and she wasn't too willing to leave the house because the marks on her body were too obvious. She spent her days sleeping, reading, binge-watching shows, and doing chores, waiting for Chen Yi to return at night. During this time, he went out early and came back late, seeming very busy, but no matter how late it was, he would definitely come home. They shared the same bed, sleeping curled up together.

The situation was indeed tense. Chen Yi wanted to send Miao Jing away sooner; the police's net was already closing. Several incidents had already broken out in Tengcheng. First, in the pork supply market, because of Zhai Fengmao’s monopoly, dissatisfaction had been stirred up among the competitors. The two sides, holding their respective networks of connections, had already had several clashes at the slaughterhouse and major supply markets. Then there was the demolition of the territory in the real estate sector—that had been solid, fist-to-fist, weapon-wielding brawling. All the fingers were secretly pointing toward Zhang Shi and Zhai Fengmao. Perhaps in the near future, there would be a major conflict, and the police would take advantage of this breakthrough to round them all up in one go, arresting everyone they could.

With the best of luck, they would be able to catch Zhai Fengmao’s tail completely, digging out all the forces and relationships behind him, and perhaps at that time, Chen Yi would be able to retreat unscathed. With the worst of luck, before the police even took action, he would have already exposed himself and become a sacrifice.

Ever since the report to the police, Miao Jing didn't bother much with what Chen Yi was doing. That time, both Zhou Kang’an and Chen Yi had found excuses to gloss over the matter in front of Miao Jing. Now, there was nothing she could do, but she saw him coming and going in a hurry every day, heard the endless string of strange phone calls that came in, and saw the unthinkable things that sent him rushing off. Miao Jing still felt a faint, restless anxiety in her heart.

Chen Yi told her to pack her bags as soon as possible and told her to leave early. He had no trace of reluctance to let her go, and he had never said she should come back—come back for winter or summer break, come back to see him. No matter how lingering and intense the nights were, he had never mentioned a single word of warmth. She was the first to speak, saying she thanked him, and he accepted the thanks of her body as a natural course, using it as a channel to vent his desires and emotions—she would definitely leave, she would at least be gone for four years. Who could say what the situation would be like four years later? It was better to enjoy the pleasures of the body for now. As for the complexity of their mutual feelings, they tacitly agreed never to go deep into understanding or analyzing it.

After they were done, they would rest curled up together and chat about very strange topics. He would say a lot, telling her tips on how to make friends and go through life, how to study well and work well, but what he talked about most was men.

"When you look for a boyfriend later, you must use protection when you go to bed. Some men look like humans, but they are actually dirty to the bone. Don't believe the ghost-talk/lies that men tell you about not wanting to use protection. How many women in nightlife get pregnant? It’s always themselves who suffer.

"If a man smokes, pay attention to his cigarettes and lighter. A man with a lot of lighters is definitely not clean. Don't look for garbage. Men are all dogs; you have to be more cold-hearted than men, and only then will men wag their tails behind your butt. Distinguish the good men clearly, too. Those with money, you have to look at their character even more; otherwise, they have no bottom line when they get low. Those without money, you have to keep them under your thumb, and only then will they never fly out of your palm."

His earnest words were like the heartfelt advice of an older brother, yet he scooped up her waist and buried himself back into her wet, soft, and sweet body, slowly thrusting and pulling. Amidst the sticky sound of water, he leaned down to kiss her cheek: "I... fck... am like a beast."

Who would teach someone the tips for picking men while they were frantically having sex?

Her chest felt tight, her eye sockets grew hot. As she rested on his arm, she also spitefully told him to stop messing around, to stop looking for women, that getting AIDS and STDs made people loathed and disgusted. Chen Yi directly sealed her mouth—he didn't have other women; he only had her, only her alone.

Who the f*ck cared about the future? He wanted now.

"Don't be a bad person." She gave him a lesson in law, telling him not to do illegal things—vice, gambling, drugs, robbery, theft, murder, arson, intentional injury. She told him how many years each charge carried, how serious the harm was, and how miserable it was in prison.

Chen Yi lay on top of her, laughing dully, causing his chest and her body to shake: "I see your university major isn't law, so why do you want to be a lawyer so much? How do you know all this so clearly? Did you think I only specialize in doing these bad things?"

Miao Jing’s face froze. She lowered her eyelids, her eyeballs rolling around, and didn't speak.

He flipped her body over and hung her on himself. Face to face, she hugged his shoulders, he wrapped his arms around her waist, and their bodies were wound together until they were one. They kissed with deep affection and made love to their heart's content, carving each other's breath and feeling into their bones.

"Live well, Miao Jing, live a good life." He instructed her in a way that was domineering yet gentle, "This crappy place called Tengcheng has nothing to do with you anymore, and I have nothing to do with you anymore. I’m off to do my own big things, so don't come back to be my dead weight."

She couldn't help but shed tears, sobbing and choking on his shoulder, spitefully saying she knew.

They said many things, talking about the changes in the year of her third year of middle school, and agreeing on their separation after the college entrance exam. He had told her to leave many times, told her not to come back, and now she had finally waited for the day of her success. She also said "Fine," saying she didn't care for it, that she liked Tengcheng less and less, that she didn't like this hot, boring city.

In the final period of their time together, Miao Jing basically didn't go out, staying at home every day, recalling the bits and pieces of the past few years, preparing her luggage for college, keeping the house spotlessly clean, or staying with Chen Yi, exhausting all their energy in lovemaking. After their passion, they would curl up together to chat, talking from late night until the small hours of the morning, nesting in his arms to smoke a cigarette together, kissing lingeringly in the scent of tobacco, then opening their eyes to find the light of day bright outside the window, the bed beside her empty, leaving behind traces of their lovemaking and a special scent that heralded the madness of the night before.

She also had to clean out the room she had lived in for ten years. Miao Jing didn't have much—some books and test papers from high school, a few old clothes and miscellaneous items. She couldn't take them, and Chen Yi said he didn't want them either; he would clean it out after she left. What was packed was only one small suitcase. Her life was impoverished; it seemed there were no precious items that she had to take. Chen Yi suddenly remembered Wei Mingzhen and asked Miao Jing if she had any news about her mother, and if she wanted to take advantage of this summer break to return to her hometown for a look, or to look for her. After all, she was her birth mother, and now that she had been accepted into college, it could be considered a success. If mother and daughter could be reunited, it would be a good result.

Miao Jing shook her head. She didn't plan to go look for her now, and she hadn't thought about how to look for her. She was already an adult, having grown out of the age where she needed family the most. Now, she only hoped her mother was still alive, living as well as she was—it wouldn't matter if they never saw each other again in this life.

University only started in early September. Chen Yi had told her to leave in mid-August, but in the end, he was reluctant to let her go. Day dragged into day, and finally, he bought her a train ticket for the end of August. It was only one ticket; she would have to travel far on her own. He had things to do, so he wouldn't see her off. Seeing her eyes lowered in silence, he thought for a moment and asked if she had any classmates going to the same city so they could go together—Chen Yi knew she had been used to being independent from a young age, so he felt reassured about letting her go alone.

He still missed the very important occasion. Miao Jing couldn't say she was disappointed in her heart, but on the night she bought the ticket, she bit his shoulder hard. He felt the pain but smiled and kissed her lips. She retaliated by biting through his lip. The scarlet blood stained her beautiful lips, and in that instant, Chen Yi lost control, pressing her down on the bed to mess with her, saying filthy, vulgar things. His sharp brows and eyes were filled with annoyance toward her. He slapped her shapely buttocks hard, and finally collapsed on top of her, gasping for breath. His long arms and legs spread out, pressing the breath out of her, and the two fell asleep, exhausted, stacked together.

A few days before she left, at noon that day, Chen Yi suddenly returned to see if she was up. He even brought her something to eat. Watching her hold her chopsticks listlessly as she ate, he pushed a bank card across the tabletop. His slender fingers tapped twice on the surface of the card, saying the password was her birthday, and telling Miao Jing to keep the bank card safe and take it to school.

He chewed on his cigarette butt: "There’s a little money, not too much. Take it to pay your tuition."

"How much money?" Miao Jing asked him.

"A little over eighty thousand." He thought for a moment, "For four years of college. If the money in the card isn't enough, earn it yourself. Nowadays, there are plenty of part-time jobs for college students, and there are plenty of work opportunities in big cities. If you earn for a few months during your winter and summer breaks, you’ll have the tuition and living expenses for the next year."

He told her to stay at school and work during her winter and summer breaks.

"Are you afraid I’ll come back?" Miao Jing stared straight at him, "Are you afraid I’ll disturb your life?"

"I’ve finally found some ease and comfort. If you come back to boss me around, annoy me, and poke and irritate me every day, who would want to live a life like that?" He revealed a cynical smile, "Besides, if I’m hitting on other chicks by then and bring them home, and you’re standing to the side staring at me, that would be too creepy."

Miao Jing’s face was cold: "Don't worry, I won't come back."

She pushed the chair away with a blank face, turned, and went back to her room. Chen Yi called out to her, telling her to take the card.

"I don't want it."

"Why don't you want it? Without money, how will you go to school, how will you live, how will you make friends?" Chen Yi knitted his sword-like brows, "Take it. This way we’ll be even. We’ve even slept in the same bed... When it comes down to it, neither of us owes the other anything."

Even. When it comes to money, don't talk about feelings. She had given herself, and he had given a response. Neither owed the other anything. Each would go their own way cleanly; neither should look back.

He chased after her and stuffed the card into her hand. She clutched the thin card, gritting her teeth as she said, "Thank you." Thank you for his final care.

Chen Yi smiled and stroked her soft hair, then went out again, swaying.

He didn't come home for two days in a row. Miao Jing called him. They chatted for a few sentences, and he said he was busy with something and told her to stay obediently at home and not run around. His voice was impatient when he hung up the phone. When he returned at three or four in the morning, there were bloodstains on his clothes, and he was highly excited, his eyes completely scarlet, like he was in heat. After showering, he began to torment her for his life, from the bathroom to the sofa, and then to the bed in the room. Miao Jing was both tired and in pain. He propped her slender legs on his shoulders, lay down, and licked her swelling; his tongue was like a wave, causing her to cry and scream, beating his shoulders and chest.

She was still young and couldn't withstand his ferocity, but because their time together was too short, he wanted to exhaust himself to the fullest. He coerced her with domineering yet gentle words, calling her his "good sister" and "good baby." In ten years of knowing him, she had never seen him have such a tender moment, and he poured it all out on the bed.

On the day she left, he specifically stayed at home. Her room had been tidied up very cleanly; there wasn't much left, just leftovers for him to clean up. The two went out. He drove her to the train station, accompanied her into the station to wait for the train, and had a relaxed expression. He even answered a few phone calls, seemingly showing no sadness over their parting.

The train slowly pulled into the platform. He stood carelessly in front of her, his body tall, his appearance youthful and handsome, his hands on his hips, yet possessing a bit of a dissolute temperament.

"The train is here. Go on."

"Chen..."

"Call me Brother." He let out a sigh of relief, "Miao Jing, we’ve known each other for ten years. It hasn't been easy."

She stared at him in silence: "Brother."

He draped his arm around her thin shoulders and kissed her lightly on her hair, whispering her name in a voice only she could hear, just like their lingering time in bed.

The train slowly started. She looked at his figure through the train window. In the instant their eyes met, he raised his brows and gave a brilliant, shallow smile. The smile was captivating, yet his black eyes seemed to be veiled with a layer of mist, floating with a faint emotion she couldn't understand, like thin ice floating on the surface of the water in winter, steam rising from the mist.

Miao Jing’s eyes fluttered, and tears streamed down. The train accelerated and sped by; the person before her had already disappeared. That smile was like a phantasm, fleeting and vanishing.

On the train, she shed the most tears she had in eighteen years. The passengers nearby looked at each other, seeing she was young and traveling alone, not knowing what had happened to make her cry so much. They handed her tissues. She bit her lip and shook her head, wiped away her tears, and stared blankly out the window.

The train reached its destination, and she successfully boarded the school's welcome bus. She called Chen Yi and said she had arrived safely. His side was loud as death—likely at a KTV—and he covered his ears and said he knew, telling her to live her life well. He hung up the phone without saying much more. Afterward, he never took the initiative to contact her or ask a single word.

Miao Jing clutched that bank card and went to the ATM to withdraw money. Seeing the number on the screen, her pupils dilated violently—he had given her eighty thousand. The school tuition was only six thousand a year. With her habits, this money was enough for her to live a peaceful and abundant life for four years of college.

It was just that Chen Yi’s phone became very hard to get through. Later, he had also explained that the money wasn't too much or too little—just enough for her to live like an ordinary college student. If it wasn't enough, she would still have to work to earn money herself. There was no problem with the source of the money; he had started saving money since he was eighteen. He told her to feel free to use it, considering it compensation for the last two months he had spent sleeping with her.

Miao Jing was so angry she clenched her fists, her face pale. She didn't want to thank him at all.

The two stayed in touch intermittently for a period of time, but both of their emotions seemed to be somewhat detached. His return calls were always very late and very casual. The last phone call was also very short. He said, "Miao Jing, let’s leave it at this. Don't call me again. I have another woman by my side, and I’m busy, so I don't have the time to chat much with you."

Later, Chen Yi changed his number and never contacted her again.