Against the Current - Chapter 347

Chapter 347 - Resignation 

Now, it is said that Lin Jinlou did not return home until the early hours of the next morning. Madam Qin had been beside herself with worry, rising at the hour of Shen to offer prayers and chant Buddhist scriptures. Hearing from a maid that Lin Jinlou had finally returned, she hurried over to the Changchun Hall. Forgoing the usual formal announcement, she slipped quietly behind a screen to peer inside. She saw that Lin Jinlou had not even changed his clothes; covered in dust and grime from his travels, with a fresh layer of dark stubble lining his jaw, he was sitting rigidly on the edge of the bed, staring blankly ahead with a hollow, unseeing gaze. He looked entirely like a man who had lost his wits, clutching a piece of fabric tightly in his hand. Madam Qin looked closer and saw that it appeared to be a pair of men's socks.

Madam Qin stood at the threshold for a long while, but Lin Jinlou remained completely motionless, not even blinking his eyelids once. "Oh no," Madam Qin thought to herself with a sinking heart, "he has completely lost his mind." She hurried into the room, stepped cautiously to his side, and gave him a gentle nudge. "Lou'er? Lou'er?"

Lin Jinlou seemed startled out of a trance. Looking at Madam Qin with a dazed expression, he asked, "Mother, why are you here?"

"I came to check on you," Madam Qin replied. Reaching out to touch his face, she said with a heart-wrenching ache, "Where on earth did you go last night? And your second uncle..." She glanced at Lin Jinlou's grim complexion and didn't dare press further, much less bring up the matter of Xianglan. Instead, she simply said, "Let the maids bring in some water so you can wash your face and get some sleep." Seeing that Lin Jinlou remained silent, she took it upon herself to order the washing basins prepared.

Before long, the maids brought in a silver basin. Madam Qin wrung out the hand towel herself and went to wipe Lin Jinlou's face. He neither spoke nor made a sound, letting her tend to him as she pleased. Just as she finished wiping his face and moved to wipe his hands, she caught sight of the pair of socks clutched tightly in his fist. She asked curiously, "Why are you gripping these so tightly? My word, these socks aren't even finished yet. What on earth are you holding onto them for?"

At that, Lin Jinlou finally snapped back to his senses. "Xianglan made these for me," he said, a sudden smile breaking across his face. "Mother, you have no idea. Back then, getting her to make something for me was the hardest thing in the world. I had to swallow my pride, alternate between scaring her and pleading with her, and even then, she would just hem and haw and give me the cold shoulder. When she finally made me a pouch, she just slapped it together perfunctorily, making me so mad I could die. But after a while, she slowly got better. Whatever I asked for, she would make. Look at these socks now—I hadn't even said a word, but when she saw the season changing, she sat down and made them for me herself. Isn't she just the most considerate person in the world?"

Madam Qin was struck dumb. She stood there with her mouth agape for a long moment before finally managing, "Ah... well, yes, she certainly is considerate..." In her heart, she thought: Isn't my eldest son just a glutton for punishment? Countless women practically threw themselves at him just to make clothes and shoes for him, yet he wouldn't even deign to glance their way. And here he was, shameless enough to beg just this one person, acting like a giddy puppy over a mere pair of half-made socks.

"Of course she is! Her heart is pure; she isn't the type to use sweet words or deceitful flattery to fool people. When she cares about someone, she means it from the bottom of her heart." Lin Jinlou lowered his gaze back to the socks, slowly smoothing out the wrinkles with his fingers. He murmured softly, "I wonder where that silly girl went. Why can't I find her anywhere? The socks are still waiting for her to finish..."

Hearing this, a stinging ache hit the root of Madam Qin's nose. Not daring to shed tears in front of Lin Jinlou for fear of worsening his grief, she quickly placed the hand towel down on the table, took a deep breath, and said, "You must be hungry, aren't you? The kitchen has been keeping your favorite dishes simmering on low heat. Would you like to eat something first?"

Before she could finish, Shuran announced from outside, "The Grandfather and the Master request the Eldest Young Master to come to the study."

Hearing this, Lin Jinlou immediately stood up to leave.

Madam Qin rushed to block his path. "You've been run off your feet all night. At least eat a little something to line your stomach and get some sleep. The matter of the study can wait."

Lin Jinlou shook his head. "Second Uncle lost half his life last night and had to be carried back. Someone needs to give Grandfather and Father an explanation." With that, he strode out anyway.

When he entered the Youshi Hall, both Lin Zhaoxiang and Lin Changzheng were present. After Lin Jinlou finished paying his respects, he recounted how Lin Changzheng had been injured the previous night, omitting any mention of Lin Changzheng conspiring with water bandits in an attempt to take his life. Instead, he casually brushed it off, claiming that his second uncle had accompanied him to suppress the bandits and had accidentally sustained a slash to the neck. Lin Zhaoxiang could not help but fret and grieve, worrying over the incident for a good while. Once they stepped out of the Youshi Hall, however, Lin Jinlou revealed the unvarnished truth to Lin Changzheng. Lin Changzheng's jaw dropped in shock, and a moment later, a furious rage overtook him. "That ungrateful, traitorous wretch! How dare he..." He hurriedly looked Lin Jinlou up and down, asking, "You weren't hurt, were you?"

With a face carved of pure exhaustion, Lin Jinlou gave an impatient wave of his hand. "Father, I still have to go out and look for someone. I'm leaving first." He turned and walked away.

Seeing his son's icy demeanor, Lin Changzheng knew the rift between them remained firmly tied. His expression darkened considerably, and he opened his mouth to call out to him. But seeing the haggard, worn-out look on his son's face, his lips parted slightly, and in the end, he said nothing at all.

Lin Jinlou went straight to the front study, where he marshaled his forces, dispatching every single able-bodied man under his command to search for Xianglan. He also ordered the word spread through the streets, offering a hefty bounty so that every walk of life—from high to low—would keep their eyes peeled. Just as Shuran stepped in carrying a cup of strong tea, Lin Jinlou furiously rubbed his face, grabbed his riding crop off the table, and made to leave once more. Suddenly, Jixiang came hurtling into the room, shouting, "Eldest Young Master, Bao'er is back!"

Lin Jinlou jerked to a halt, his entire body stiffening. "Where is she?" he demanded. Without waiting for an answer, he shoved past Jixiang toward the doorway. There, he saw Bao'er standing with his hands respectfully at his sides right outside the study threshold. The moment Bao'er saw Lin Jinlou emerge, he dropped instantly to his knees. Lin Jinlou glanced sharply to the left and right. "Where is Xianglan?" he barked.

Bao'er stammered, "Mistress Xianglan, she... she... didn't come."

"Where is she?!"

...

"This... this subordinate doesn't know..."

"What?!"

Bao'er stole a furtive glance at Lin Jinlou, then quickly lowered his head again.

As it turned out, this Bao'er was none of other than Yingge's younger brother, originally named Zhao'er, but renamed because his old name violated a taboo of Lin Zhaoxiang's. Quick-witted and adaptable, he had caught Lin Changzheng's eye and was usually assigned to lead horses and drive carriages.

On the day Lin Changzheng ordered Lai Xing and Lai An to abduct Xianglan, Lai Xing had been a bundle of nervous energy, glaring suspiciously at everyone in sight. He ordered Bao'er to prepare the carriage, barking curses, "You good-for-nothing bag of bones, dragging your feet as if you can't understand human speech! The Master has a major task to handle today, and nothing must go wrong. We are taking the apple of someone's eye from this household. If you mess this up, none of us will survive the consequences." The moment Lai An heard him running his mouth like that, he quickly yanked him away. But Bao'er had heard every word crystal clear. "The apple of the household's eye?" he thought to himself. "Could he be talking about Xianglan?" Under the pretext of moving some flowerpots, he trailed far behind the pair, keeping hidden behind a building. Sure enough, he watched as the two men tied Xianglan up. Struck dumb with shock, he scrambled around to sound the alarm, but it was already too late. In his desperation, he spotted Guiyuan and, knowing he was a trusted aide of Xianglan's, pretended to bend down and retrieve a riding crop to quietly pass the message along.

Once they loaded her into the carriage and cleared the city gates, Bao'er deliberately drove at a snail's pace. When Lai Xing cursed him out for it, Bao'er purposely argued back with a string of grumblings. Furious, Lai Xing crawled out of the carriage box to sit on the driver's bench and chew him out face-to-face. Seeing his window of opportunity at a sharp turn, Bao'er suddenly shoved him with all his might. Caught completely off guard, Lai Xing let out a cry of "Ah!" as he was pitched straight off the vehicle, tumbling down the roadside and slamming his head against a boulder, knocking him cold with his fate unknown. Yelling loudly to cover himself, Bao'er whipped the horses into a frenzy, racing wildly for an unknown distance before finally hauling the carriage to a stop. He rushed inside and untied Xianglan, rescuing her.

Bao'er recounted the entire chain of events, then added, "The Mistress was terribly frightened. There was a Guanyin nunnery not far away, so I took her inside to get some water to drink. The Mistress said she wasn't feeling well, so I hurried out to find a doctor. But by the time I came back, the Mistress was already gone. She... she only left this letter behind..." Shaking with terror himself, Bao'er added, "I searched all over that place for a day and a night, but truly couldn't find her anywhere. That's why I just got back..." With trembling hands, he drew a letter from his tunic and held it up above his head.

Lin Jinlou snatched the letter from his hands, pulled out the folded paper, and unfolded it. Scrawled across the page were the following words:

"To the esteemed Lord Lin:

As the years have passed, we have watched the moon wax and wane three times. I remember when I first entered your illustrious household, you did not disdain my humble origins, and I was permitted to serve at your side. Yet the ways of the world are ever fickle, and after enduring numerous trials and tribulations, I was blessed with your undeserved affection. In the quiet hours of the night, when I reflect upon it all, my heart is filled with an unbearable weight of guilt and remorse. However, my body is perhaps broken; in the days to come, I cannot bear the heavy duty of continuing your family line. Furthermore, a grand courtyard is nothing more than a prison, where right is turned to wrong and people are twisted. By tangling myself in the webs of this mortal world, caught in the chaos of dusty disputes, I have never once found true joy while dwelling here. In the quiet of night, I often think upon it: wealth and glory are nothing more than a fleeting dream. I desire only a pure, tranquil, and ordinary life, fading away quietly amidst the mist and the sea. After weighing it time and again, I bid you farewell. I hope you will regularly eat your meals and take good care of yourself, treasuring your health. May you remain well.

Respectfully prayed for your peace.

Your concubine, Chen Xianglan, bows and writes."

It was a stroke of beautiful, delicate hairpin script that could not possibly be mistaken—it was unmistakably Xianglan's handwriting.

Lin Jinlou stood holding the letter in absolute silence. Jixiang didn't even dare to draw a full breath. After a long moment, his master's hand holding the letter began to tremble. His complexion turned deathly pale, and he took several deep, shuddering breaths as if refusing to believe his own eyes. Suddenly, he reached out, grabbed Bao'er by the collar, and pulled him close. With a chillingly calm expression, he said, "Bullshit. Where is Xianglan? Where is she? Where?!"

Terrified out of his wits, Bao'er waved his hands frantically. "This subordinate truly... truly doesn't know! I really don't!"

With a blank stare, Lin Jinlou loosened his grip, and Bao'er collapsed limply onto the floor. Lin Jinlou's face was a bruised, ashen hue. Of course—Xianglan had been forced into this household by him in the first place. She hadn't wanted to stay here for even a single second; this place had caused her endless suffering, and she was desperate to leave. But what about him? Hadn't she said she no longer hated him? Living under the same roof day in and day out, could she truly have felt not even a shred of genuine affection for him? Could she really be this cold-blooded and ruthless, leaving without a second thought just like that?

He had gone to such painstaking lengths, mobilizing troops and mapping out elaborate plots that reached all the way to the imperial court. He had racked his brain to win over his grandfather, begged his grandmother and mother, and stood up to his own father with his neck bared and fists clenched. And what was it all for, huh? What was it all for?! He staggered backward two steps, nearly tripping over the threshold. Retreating into the room, he looked around dazedly at his surroundings, his eyes falling upon the set of The Biography of the Orchid Hermit resting on the side table. At that moment, the theater script looked agonizingly sharp and mocking. Chen Xianglan had never intended to stay with him for the long haul. Deep down, he had dimly suspected it all along, yet he had chosen to turn a blind eye, foolishly believing she still held feelings for him. So it turned out—from beginning to end, it had all been nothing more than his own one-sided infatuation!

He felt a stabbing pain in his chest as though he were being sliced by knives. The wound on his chest that had finally healed seemed to tear open and fester all over again. His temples throbbed violently, and his mind went completely blank. He couldn't think of anything, couldn't process a single thought, entirely shattered as if a single touch would crumble him to dust. Walking like a sleepwalker over to the side table, he swept his arm across it. With a loud crash, the theater script, along with the teacups and porcelain tea sets, smashed to pieces on the floor. Turning his back to the doors with his shoulders slumped in utter defeat, he forced a sentence out through clenched teeth: "Since she's gone, she can stay away forever! Never, ever come back!"

Like a wandering ghost, he walked dazedly toward the inner rooms.

Shuran's eyes grew hot with unshed tears as he choked out a raspy call: "Eldest Young Master..."

Lin Jinlou muttered dazedly, "This lord is just dreaming. No one call out, let me sleep for a while."

Outside, dead silence hung in the air. The crowd stood stunned for a long time before Jixiang finally stepped forward to help Bao'er to his feet, forcing a miserable smile. "You should stay here for now. Go rest in the servants' quarters."

Shuran, still deeply worried about Lin Jinlou, waited a good long while longer before tiptoeing quietly into the inner study. Peering inside, he saw Lin Jinlou lying facedown on the brick kang with his back turned, his shoulders trembling slightly as if he were silently weeping.