Wish You All the Best - Chapter 87

Chapter 87

"My beloved wife, Jiafu. Whenever I take up the brush to write a letter, I always begin with the hope that seeing these words will be like seeing me in person. Yet, I truly wish that this letter never had to be shown to you. It is not that I do not miss you or do not wish to see you; it is that if you are reading this, it means I have been incompetent. I have failed the vows I made to you, and I have failed the promises I once gave you.

"I remember our parting in midsummer. You were despondent, and I could not bear to see it, so I whispered to you that I would surely bring you home soon. At that time, I still held onto some sliver of hope, praying that fate would grant us our wish. Tonight, it is already autumn. I am alone in a remote corner of the Southwest. The candle in this humble room is burning low, and as I listen to the water clock drip through the night, each sound urging the dawn, I know I can no longer deceive myself. And so, I take up my brush.

"Whenever I write, thousands of words usually flow from my brush at once. But tonight, at this very moment, my ink feels frozen and my thoughts sluggish. Even though there are ten thousand things I wish to say, I do not know how to commit them to paper.

"I still remember two years ago in Chengjiang Prefecture. That night was like tonight; I was staying alone in a post station, unable to sleep in the deep of night. I rose to read by the lamp when I suddenly heard you calling my name. I thought I was dreaming. When I opened the door, there you were—disheveled, barefoot, hair messy, looking like a startled rabbit. You threw yourself at me, into my arms, and refused to let go for a long time. At that moment, I was shocked and thought it absurd. Yet, looking back now, that night must have been the beginning of my life's true joy. It is all still fresh in my memory, and your scent still lingers in my nostrils.

"Since I was young, I have studied the works of the various philosophers and mastered the teachings of the sages. I have shown nothing but reverence, and my thoughts have been without deviation. Yet, even though I have broadened my knowledge with literature and constrained myself with ritual, the one who has thrown my heart into chaos is you alone.

"Recalling our months in Wuding, sharing the same roof, you were clever and mischievous in a hundred ways. I did not like it and often scolded you. But how dare I say that I was not secretly enjoying it without even realizing it myself? When our marriage was finally consummated, with the fragrant warmth behind the screens and the whispers beneath the brocade curtains, upon closer inspection, everything was perfect.

"The History of the Han records that every time Liang Hong returned home, his wife would prepare his meal, not daring to look up before him, always holding the tray at eyebrow level. This has been passed down as a classic tale through the ages. Yet, I do not envy Liang Hong. I only loved your wanton, adorable, and naive nature. Even if I was displeased at the time, thinking back on it now, it is something I can no longer attain. To think that I will likely never see your charming appearance again in this life, and even less likely to hear you call me 'Big Cousin'—only now do I realize that the regret cuts deep into my marrow.

"My father once taught me and my brothers when we were young that it is not easy to be a gentleman—that one must walk the path of righteousness and follow ritual and duty. I once deeply believed this to be true. But today, I finally realize that the hardest thing in the world is not how to perform the deeds of a gentleman; it is how I should choose between you and the path of righteousness and ritual.

"In the end, I have broken my word. I have not fulfilled the promise I made that day to return to the South and take you home. I have failed your waiting eyes. Tomorrow, I must set out to do what must be done. This matter will likely cost me my life, and as I walk into danger, it is not to seek fame, nor is it because I love you less than others. It is simply that a man standing between heaven and earth has things he must do.

"Today’s task is what I must do; it cannot be avoided. Yet, in the end, I have let you down.

"My dear, when you ran to me in the past, you were seeking my protection. Today, there is no way to have the best of both worlds. I have failed you thusly. If, one day, you hear news of my doom, you must not harm yourself, and you certainly need not waste effort running about for me. My crime against the monarch is unforgivable.

"In this life, although I have resided in the high halls of government, I am but a broken vessel holding a lowly, despised lineage. My mother was disgraced, and in my youth, I bore a tarnished reputation—a man of ill omen. Yet, having been fortunate enough to have you not abandon me, and to have spent two years by your side—if I live, the remaining years are enough to savor the joy; if I die, it is simply destiny. My only regret is that I can no longer protect your peace and happiness in the future. Fortunately, I have made arrangements. Although I cannot personally protect you for the rest of your life, I trust you will be able to live securely, without having to tremble in fear of being preyed upon. This is the last thing I can do for you.

"Attached is a Letter of Divorce. Since I have abandoned you today, from this day forward, you need not worry about me anymore. You are brilliant and moving; if you meet a good man, you may continue your life’s journey. When I hear of it, I will surely smile in relief and send my blessings from afar. My ink runs dry here. Take care of yourself, my dear.

"Written by hand by You'an at the fourth watch on the night of the twenty-seventh day of the eighth month."

Pei You'an’s letter consisted of two parts. One was this content, and the other was the Letter of Divorce, which Jiafu had already torn to pieces and discarded on that day.

She did not need to look at these pages anymore; every word and every phrase had long since been carved into her mind.

It was only after receiving this letter that Jiafu understood: that night, when he was about to leave, he had already prepared for his final farewell to her. It was just that, at the time, she was so immersed in the sadness of their impending separation, and later comforted so thoroughly by him, that she was completely intoxicated and failed to notice his unusual behavior. Later, when she heard from her brother about the arrangements he had made before leaving, and then when Yuzhu arrived, everything piled up together, and she finally caught the scent of impending disaster.

However, all her anxieties and suspicions had remained merely premonitions, and she could still harbor a glimmer of hope so long as she had not seen the letter.

But the moment the letter arrived, the depth of Jiafu’s worry and anxiety was matched only by the intensity of the fury and heartbreak that followed.

She would keep this document safely. When she saw him in person, she would slap his own words right back onto his face and make him eat every single word he had written!

Carrying this anxiety, worry, and a now-unventable rage and sorrow, Jiafu traveled through the stars and the moon, arriving finally at the capital and the Pei residence on this day.

The Pei residence was still the same, yet in just over half a year, returning here, it felt as though it had become a completely different place. In the gatehouse and main hall, servants were sparse. As she walked in, she saw people shirking their duties and gossiping. Suddenly, noticing Jiafu’s party, they rushed to welcome her, but their expressions were filled with an underlying strangeness, quite different from before. Jiafu went straight to her own courtyard, sent word to Madame Xin that she would visit after changing clothes, and immediately called Nanny Liu to inquire about the news.

Before long, Nanny Liu returned, her face full of terror. She said she did not know how it happened, but after the Eldest Master left Quanzhou, he did not seem to go to the Southwest. He seemed to have been in the capital, yet never showed his face. Then, half a month ago, it was rumored that because he had angered the Emperor, he had been stripped of his office and rank. Someone had seen him at dawn, escorted by two old veterans out of the city gates, sent away to the North.

Jiafu’s heart beat wildly.

Although Pei You'an had not mentioned what that "task that must be done" which "could cost him his life" was in his letter, she had a feeling it must have been related to Xiao Yu.

Only by getting entangled in such matters could his crime "against the monarch" be deemed "unforgivable."

Her legs went weak, but she quickly steadied her mind.

His letter made it clear in every line that Pei You'an had gone to do that deed having already prepared for the worst. And now, the Emperor had not killed him.

Perhaps this was beyond his own expectations, but Jiafu knew exactly why.

Being stripped of his title? She couldn't care less. Being sent North? She had no fear of following him. Her only worry was his health.

In her past life, he had gone to the frontier, his old illness flared up, and he was highly likely to have been secretly murdered by Xiao Yintang, ultimately dying in Suoye City. In this life, even if Xiao Yintang could no longer harm him, the frontier was bitterly cold, and he was all alone—how could she set her mind at ease?

She had finally rushed back, yet he had already been sent North!

Jiafu suppressed the intense urge to depart immediately and chase after him.

He had been gone for more than half a month. With the North being so vast, where exactly had he been sent? What route had he taken? How had the whole affair transpired? She knew none of it.

She wrote a calling card and had someone rush it to Liu Jiushao’s mansion to be delivered to Madame Liu. For her part, although she was filled with reluctance, she had to pull herself together, change her clothes, have the servants bring the gifts she had brought from Quanzhou, and head to Madame Xin’s residence.

Zhou Jiao'e had given birth last month to a daughter and had only just finished her confinement a few days ago. Madame Xin was currently very cold toward her. Pei Xiuzhi, however, had restored the Duke's title thanks to that iron certificate of merit and rarely looked at her.

 

When Jiafu entered, she saw Quan'er standing in the courtyard, throwing a handful of stones toward the window of Zhou Jiao'e’s room. Accompanied by a pattering sound like frying beans, several stones landed inside, followed by the sound of an infant crying, mixed with Zhou Jiao'e’s shrill screams and scolding. A servant woman poked her head out of the window, and Quan'er turned to run, but not being careful, he bumped right into Nanny Liu, who was just arriving. Nanny Liu let out an "Ouch," nearly falling backward. Fortunately, Tanxiang was quick-witted and supported her. Quan'er, being small, was knocked backward, landing on his bottom, and immediately burst into loud, wailing tears.

His wet nurse and maids hurried out. Seeing Jiafu, they paused, called out a greeting to the Eldest Grandmother, and went to soothe Quan'er. Madame Xin, hearing the crying, soon came out, scolding, "I told you to watch the Young Master carefully! Why is he crying again!"

The wet nurse and maid looked at Jiafu, opened their mouths, but dared not respond. Quan'er, however, pointed at Nanny Liu and yelled, "It was this stinking old woman! She bumped into me on purpose!"

Madame Xin looked up and saw Jiafu, paused, and wore a smile that was not quite a smile.

Jiafu suppressed the disgust she felt toward that child and said, "Mother-in-law, I just arrived home and came to pay my respects. The Nanny was with me; as we just entered, we saw Quan throwing stones into that window. He ran away after throwing them and bumped into the Nanny. She is elderly and couldn't handle the impact, nearly falling. Fortunately, she was caught, but Quan fell himself. It is a sin!"

Madame Xin did not respond. A beautiful woman of about seventeen or eighteen followed her out. She did not look like a servant by her attire and stared at Jiafu and her party.

"It was this stinking old woman who bumped me! She bumped me on purpose! Grandmother, you must avenge me!" Quan'er lay on the ground, throwing a tantrum.

"Get up!"

A roar came from behind. Jiafu turned and saw Pei Xiuzhi rushing over. Upon reaching them, he sternly scolded Quan'er on the ground.

"It is clear you were the one who bumped into people first, yet you are still throwing a tantrum! Get up and go kneel in the ancestral hall to face the wall and reflect on your mistakes!"

Quan'er immediately stopped crying and scurried behind Madame Xin.

Madame Xin frowned and said, "Fine, fine. I will go into the room and teach him properly." As she said this, she told someone to take Quan'er back to his room. Just then, Zhou Jiao'e ran out from the room holding her crying baby, weeping, "You think my family is empty, so everyone bullies me, throwing stones into my room! If you push me too far, I am capable of anything! Oh, my poor daughter..."

"...The grandmother’s mourning period isn’t even over yet!" Zhou Jiao'e continued to scream toward them, "Think I don’t know? You are already putting people into the rooms—"

Months ago, Madame Xin, under the pretext that Zhou Jiao'e was pregnant and could not serve her son, had Pei Xiuzhi take a new concubine named Yunniang. Naturally, since the Old Mistress’s one-year mourning period was not over, this concubine had not yet been officially presented.

Hearing Zhou Jiao'e’s yelling, Madame Xin’s expression darkened, and she shouted sternly, "What are you all still staring at? Why aren't you taking the Second Grandmother back to her room!"

As her voice fell, the crowd rushed over. The maids and old women behind, some persuading and some pulling, pushed Zhou Jiao'e inside, falling into chaos.

Jiafu suppressed her disgust, bowed to Madame Xin, had her gifts put down, and took her leave. Madame Xin’s attitude was cold; she only nodded. Just as Jiafu stepped out of the courtyard, she faintly heard the low mutterings of servant women behind her: "...A plucked phoenix is not as good as a chicken. Look at her, still thinking she’s something..."

Nanny Liu heard it too, her face showing anger. She stopped her steps, turned around, and was about to go argue when Jiafu stopped her. They continued forward. As they were about to reach her own courtyard gate, a rush of footsteps sounded behind them, and Pei Xiuzhi chased after them. "Sister-in-law, don't be sad about Elder Brother's matter. From now on, just rest assured and stay at home. If you need anything, just let me know."

Jiafu smiled faintly. "Your concern is appreciated." After saying this, she turned and entered inside. She sent someone to deliver gifts to the second branch of the family, but did not go there herself, only waiting for Madame Liu's reply.

By evening, Madame Liu herself arrived in a carriage. Jiafu welcomed her in. After the servants served tea and snacks, Jiafu’s eyes filled with tears as she said, "I just returned to the capital today and heard those things. It was like a bolt from the blue; I am completely helpless. Since Lord Liu has always been on good terms with my husband, I thought of you. I originally only wanted to ask for some news, hoping to know if the person sent North was indeed my husband. I did not expect you to disregard taboos and come in person. Please accept my bow."

Madame Liu hurriedly supported her and said, "Sister, why be so formal with me? If it weren't for Lord Pei, where would my Liu family be today? I will tell you the truth: that person was indeed Lord Pei. However, neither my husband nor I know why he incurred the Emperor’s wrath. A few days ago, he went to see the Emperor with the Marquis of Anyuan, specifically to ask about this. Not only did they get no answer, but they were instead reprimanded by the Emperor."

Madame Liu sighed. "My husband truly cannot understand it. Later, when they inquired further, they said the Emperor had specifically issued an order forbidding anyone from accompanying Lord Pei—not even allowing his servants to follow—otherwise, the crime would be doubled. Sister, what do you plan to do now?"

Jiafu wiped away her tears and said, "There must be reason in all things. Even if my husband has truly committed a grave crime and deserves his punishment, it should be made public so that people can understand. To be sent North in such a vague and unclear way—how can I be at peace? I want to request an audience with the Emperor. Would you be willing to trouble Lord Liu to plead my case to the Emperor tomorrow?"

Madame Liu agreed immediately and comforted Jiafu further. After sitting for a little while, she left in a hurry. Jiafu was sleepless all night. The next afternoon, Madame Liu visited again, saying that Liu Jiushao had already relayed the message, but the Emperor had remained silent, so he dared not press the matter. He told her to wait a little longer.

This "waiting" dragged on for seven or eight days with still no news. Jiafu was anxious. She went to find Madame Liu again, asking Lord Liu to help pass word to Li Yuangui, as she wanted to see Li Yuangui instead. In the blink of an eye, several more days passed, and still, there was no movement.

Just as Jiafu was burning with anxiety, Cui Yinshui, who was by Li Yuangui’s side, came that day and relayed, "Godfather told me to tell you that the Emperor is still in a fit of rage and is not ready for an audience yet. He asks you to wait patiently for a few days. After some time, when the Emperor’s anger has gradually subsided, Godfather will surely plead your case on your behalf."

It was now the end of October. She had been back in the capital for half a month. With these half-a-month delays, who knew where Pei You'an had reached? The weather here had already turned cold, let alone the North, where heavy snow in November was a common occurrence. Thinking of him alone, wondering if he had even brought cold-weather clothing—and he was never a person who knew how to take care of himself to begin with—she didn't know what state he might be in now. Tears gushed forth.

Seeing her cry, Cui Yinshui hurriedly bowed. "Madam, please don't cry..."

Jiafu turned her face and wiped her tears in silence. Cui Yinshui stared at her, feeling a pang of sympathy. Gritting his teeth, he turned to make sure no one was near, leaned in, and whispered, "Madam, you don't need to be too worried. Godfather was also afraid Lord Pei couldn't handle the Northern weather, so he kept it from the Emperor and secretly instructed the old veterans beforehand to take extra care of him. It’s just that the Lord made the Emperor too angry this time; otherwise, the Emperor wouldn't have been like this. Madam, just keep waiting."

Only then did Jiafu feel slightly relieved. But who knew how long she would have to wait for the Emperor’s anger to subside?

She was lost in thought when, suddenly, something came to mind. She hurriedly stood up, asked Cui Yinshui to wait, went to fetch the jade pendant that Pei You'an had once given her as a token of their marriage, and handed it over, saying, "Please, Eunuch Cui, thank Eunuch Li on my behalf when you return, and pass this object to Eunuch Li. Please ask Eunuch Li to convey it to the Emperor for me."

Cui Yinshui peered into the pouch and saw a jade pendant. Not knowing its origin, he hesitated.

Jiafu said, "Eunuch Cui, please be assured, there will be no trouble. I ask for your help." As she spoke, she bowed to him. Cui Yinshui let out an "Ouch" and hurriedly dodged to the side. He took the object and said, "Fine, I will pass it to Godfather for you first. As for whether Godfather will pass it to the Emperor, I don't know. Just wait for news."

Jiafu saw him out, passed another restless night, and the next evening, an imperial carriage stopped before the Pei residence. Cui Yinshui returned, saying that the Emperor had issued an order summoning Jiafu to enter the palace for an audience.