The Early Spring - Chapter 98

Chapter 98 - Miss You

Shang Zhitao's hand was still grasping his wrist, her palm slick with sweat. Hearing Luan Nian say those words, she froze for a few seconds before letting go.

She felt humiliated.

Shang Zhitao couldn't understand why—it felt as though they could never truly get close. The atmosphere just moments ago had been so sweet; her heart had been warm, and she had wanted to embrace him, to tell him so many things. Yet with a single sentence, he had ruined everything.

Luan Nian pulled out a tissue to wipe his hands, then stepped out of the car and walked far away. Stopping in front of a patch of grass, he unscrewed the water bottle cap and poured it out to wash his hands. Shang Zhitao watched him, suddenly feeling that this adventurous trip was truly nothing special after all.

Luan Nian had never doubted that Shang Zhitao loved him, but he cared that she was wavering. He had never been a perfect man, and in this relationship, he possessed a fiercely possessive nature.

He sat back down in the car. An eerie quiet filled the vehicle, so quiet that both of them could hear each other's heartbeats.

Shang Zhitao didn't want to pick a fight. She sat there for a few minutes, allowing herself to dispel that heavy wave of sadness, before clearing her throat and saying to him: "Shall we go?"

Luan Nian let out an "mm," his eyes remaining glued outside the window the entire time.

Shang Zhitao picked up speed, the car speeding along the highway, and she didn't say another word. They arrived only fifteen minutes later than the other car. As she parked, Luan Nian remarked: "The Northwest really trains one's driving skills."

"It's alright," Shang Zhitao replied casually, quickly stepping out of the car to escape the agonizing sense of suffocation when the two of them were alone together.

The location they chose was a local specialty restaurant. All the colleagues stationed locally had arrived, making a total of eight or nine people inside and out. As the project manager, Shang Zhitao was their temporary team lead.

Everyone sat around the table. Looking at the group, Luan Nian could barely name a single person.

Feeling that this was a rare opportunity, Shang Zhitao suggested: "It wasn't easy for Luke and Yilia to come all the way here. Why doesn't everyone introduce themselves? Share a bit of basic background and the projects you've worked on?" She was creating an opportunity for everyone.

Shang Zhitao possessed an approachable personality, and during her time here, she had already bonded very well with everyone: "Shall we start with Shelly?"

Most of the colleagues stationed in the Northwest were locals—and people from the Northwest were straightforward and spirited. Their self-introductions were quite entertaining: the female colleagues were spunky, while the male colleagues were hearty and generous. Luan Nian could tell that they all genuinely respected and followed Shang Zhitao.

Luan Nian listened attentively to everyone speaking the whole time, occasionally asking a few questions about operational bottlenecks they had encountered, as well as inquiring whether company benefits were properly implemented locally. These were all matters everyone cared about, leading them to feel that Luke was worthy of their trust.

After everyone finished their introductions, Shang Zhitao said to Luan Nian: "The government leaders here don't really like calling people by their English names."

"Alright, I've memorized their Chinese names. My memory is quite good. Zhitao." He called her Zhitao, sounding entirely natural, then asked her: "Is this form of address alright with you, Flora?"

"Sure thing, Luke."

Both maintained their composure, as if they had both forgotten what happened in the car. In fact, Luan Nian hadn't said much in the car; a single sentence from him was enough to ruin the entire mood. But Shang Zhitao was used to it.

It seemed she would never have an opportunity like that—dressing up beautifully, sitting with Luan Nian in a Western restaurant, chatting with a smile while he looked at her attentively. No matter the scenario, she had never enjoyed a moment like that. When she was with him, it was always a chaotic scramble.

Once the meal concluded, Shang Zhitao brought Luan Nian and Song Ying to the local office. Shang Zhitao had an independent office—it wasn't large, but it enjoyed plenty of sunlight. She had bought a few potted plants to avoid monotony, and the solid wood desk and chairs were kept spotless.

Song Ying looked around the room and offered praise: "Flora's office is truly minimalist."

"Thank you. With a limited budget, it could only be kept simple."

After settling the two into their seats, Shang Zhitao pulled out her laptop to review tomorrow's meeting itinerary with them. Government leaders placed great emphasis on pace and procedure during meetings, rarely disrupting the set structure, while every meeting was held with utmost formality. Since Yilia had no prior experience dealing with the government, these explanations were actually tailored specifically for her.

Shang Zhitao had no intention of withholding guidance just because Yilia was more talented. She hoped Yilia could quickly grasp the situation, avoid becoming an obstacle to the project, and grow rapidly.

Yilia took it all in and even asked questions: "Then what about the timing to speak up? Or taking the initiative to express our views?"

"The timing to speak actually depends on the situation, but tomorrow I want to focus on listening to the client's perspective first. During the project initiation phase, I want to ensure our direction is correct. If the direction is wrong, everything goes to waste." Shang Zhitao shared her strategy and approach.

Yilia nodded: "Understood. My main objective tomorrow is to learn; in fact, I also want to understand the client's true demands."

"Alright, thanks for your hard work, Yilia." Shang Zhitao then began detailing the background, preferences, and habits of the government leaders participating tomorrow—primarily introducing them to Luan Nian. Luan Nian hardly spoke, merely listening quietly as Shang Zhitao explained.

It was also on this day that Luan Nian discovered Shang Zhitao's knack for management. She possessed an open mind, was willing to share, and never intentionally let her guard up against others; she actively welcomed feedback and suggestions, sought collaboration on her own initiative, and maintained a clear sense of purpose. Approachable by nature, she easily integrated with the team, and because of her constant humbleness, she could better empathize with her subordinates' inner thoughts. Having been in the Northwest for only a short while, she had already earned the complete trust of her project team—no easy feat. Some team members who had dealt with the local government over the long term were more than a decade older than her, yet they were entirely willing to listen to her.

Shang Zhitao might just turn out to be an outstanding manager.

On the way to the hotel, Song Ying said to Luan Nian: "We didn't interact much back at the company, but after spending nearly a full day together today, I realized Flora is truly impressive."

"Impressive in what way?"

"Recognizing talent, utilizing people, management, and handling interpersonal interactions flawlessly in every aspect. She makes me feel comfortable." Song Ying's praise for Shang Zhitao was 80% genuine and 20% born out of her vigilance in a new environment. You never knew who had what kind of background with whom, so Song Ying was extremely cautious.

Song Ying was not as confident as everyone perceived her to be either. She enjoyed competition yet feared failure; she craved recognition from authority while also desiring to be liked by everyone. Everyone had their weaknesses.

When getting out of the car, Luan Nian said to Shelly: "Would it be convenient to leave the car with me? I'd like to take a drive around tonight."

"Sure thing."

The county town was small. Luan Nian didn't want to cause trouble for Shang Zhitao, so he set out around ten at night and headed to her home in this county town. This time, Sun Yuanzhu shouldn't be there.

Shang Zhitao was slightly surprised when she opened the door, standing in the doorway and simply staring at him with her eyes.

"What? Someone here? Inconvenient for me to come in?" Luan Nian had his hands shoved in his pants pockets. He hadn't done anything at all, yet he naturally exuded an overbearing aura.

Shang Zhitao turned her body aside to let him in, closing the door behind him. Luan Nian stood at the entryway, watching as Shang Zhitao pulled out a brand-new pair of slippers and placed them before him: "I bought the material you like."

"Mm, thanks."

Regarding Shang Zhitao's home in the Northwest, it hadn't seemed like much over video calls, but only by being physically present here could one sense its small size. Luan Nian was tall, and sitting on the sofa made him feel as though he took up a vast amount of space.

Shang Zhitao was boiling water for him in the kitchen, poking her head out to say: "I only have goji berries here. Is it okay if I steep some goji berry tea for you?"

"Plain water."

Shang Zhitao wrinkled her nose: "Goji berry tea tastes really good."

"I don't like the taste of goji berries."

"Oh." Shang Zhitao took a sip of her goji berry water, then used another cup to pour hot water for Luan Nian. Luan Nian took a sip and set the cup aside. Seeing him staring down at his phone without speaking, Shang Zhitao asked him: "Are you unhappy?"

"Can you tell?"

"...Mm." Shang Zhitao sought reconciliation. When he said in the car that he didn't miss her, she felt it was false. A man like Luan Nian was stubbornly tight-lipped. Shang Zhitao's innate ability to dissolve bad moods came into play once again as she asked him with a smile: "Then why is that?"

"Probably because the place my girlfriend lives in is too small. How about I transfer you back? We can send someone else over." Luan Nian didn't like Shang Zhitao being here.

"Why?"

"What's so good about the Northwest? You're a complete stranger in a strange land here."

"I'm not going back." Shang Zhitao rejected him directly—a rare display of firmness and insistence in front of Luan Nian.

Shang Zhitao thought to herself that everyone should have their own place and value. She didn't possess dazzling talent, but she had project management skills honed through acquired effort. She wanted to execute this project because it could prove her capability.

Shang Zhitao knew that in this cruel society, there were certain gaps between people that might never be bridged. However, she was willing to become her own scenery and shine with her own light. She didn't want to compare Luan Nian to anyone else's boyfriend, nor did she want to compare herself to anyone else. Where in this world was there a perfect lover? It was merely a matter of everyone undergoing a long process of self-cultivation.

Despite the adventurous journey, she still met it with passion. Even if she knew the end of this journey might not yield a happy ending, she wouldn't regret it when looking back in the future.

She sat opposite Luan Nian, showing an unprecedented firmness. Or perhaps she had always been this stubborn, only she herself hadn't realized it.

"I don't know why you always tell me to go back. I want to know whether you're telling me to go back as my boyfriend or as my boss?"

"If it's as a boyfriend, I want to tell you that I won't go back. I hope you can respect my choice. I like this project, and I like it here."

"If it's as a boss, I will go back. But I don't know when I'll encounter an opportunity like this next time—maybe I'll remain mediocre forever from now on. As you've seen, I no longer hold the advantage of age, while the newcomers..." Shang Zhitao paused: "The newcomers are getting more and more impressive."

"My golden years are coming to an end, Luan Nian. After passing thirty or forty, I might live even better, but we must admit that when I was younger, the price I paid was smaller."

"This is my best chance at changing my current situation, and I don't want to give it up."

Shang Zhitao had almost never poured her heart out to Luan Nian like this. She had been unwilling to expose her thoughts before because she knew Luan Nian could hardly empathize with her. He might better understand the frustration of a genius, yet remain unable to grasp her struggles.

Luan Nian hadn't spoken the entire time. That cup of hot water had gone from boiling hot to room temperature, taking quite some time. He asked Shang Zhitao: "What are you afraid of?"

"You said so much—tell me, what are you afraid of?"

"I'm not afraid of anything."

Luan Nian suddenly chuckled: "Shang Zhitao, even though you won't admit it, you suffer from an inferiority complex. You're seeking another track with fewer people, hoping you can achieve success through it. If that isn't an inferiority complex, what is it? A confident person would run on a crowded track and firmly believe they won't lose."

"Someone has to walk every path, don't they?"

"Is that so? But there are some paths that certain people just don't care to walk." Luan Nian looked at Shang Zhitao; he knew her stubbornness all too clearly: "You have the success and life practice you want to define, and I won't interfere with your choices. If you like it here, then stay here. I won't force you to go back. After all, it's not like I have nothing to do every day. We are two independent individuals, and both of us have the right to choose the life we want." Luan Nian stood up: "Did I talk too much today? Actually, what I wanted to say can be summarized in three words: 'Up to you.' Up to you, Shang Zhitao."

Luan Nian thought to himself that Shang Zhitao insisted on staying in the Northwest because, as she said, this project allowed her to see her own worth. Yet the reason the Northwest could give her a sense of security was that the person who could bring her that security was also here.

Luan Nian saw through people and matters with absolute clarity. He had recognized Shang Zhitao's wavering long ago. But he disdained arguing with her; it was meaningless.

He stood up and walked toward the door. Shang Zhitao pulled his hand, saying to him: "Luan Nian, don't be like this. Can you listen to me finish what I have to say?" Shang Zhitao wanted to talk to Luan Nian about her own problems and her anxieties; her eyes turned slightly red with urgency.

"Say what? Say how you were weeping in a tight embrace with a man downstairs late at night?" Luan Nian looked at Shang Zhitao: "You're really something. I opened my home to you, yet you spend late nights alone with another man. You're quite hilarious as a woman, do you know that? On one hand, you claim you want to love me, while on the other, you constantly seek out the next one. Do you feel your charm has reached the point where you can play around with multiple men?"

"What do you mean?" Shang Zhitao asked him: "What do you mean by 'weeping in a tight embrace'?"

Luan Nian pressed his lips tightly together and stopped speaking, merely looking at Shang Zhitao faintly, a look of disgust in his eyes that he himself hadn't even noticed.

Shang Zhitao didn't want to expose Sun Yuanzhu's wound to Luan Nian. The photo of Luan Nian and Song Ying that Grace had sent her, as well as the things Lumi had told her about Song Ying—she had never asked about any of it. Because she felt that even though they were in a relationship, they still needed to maintain independent personalities.

She pulled out her phone, retrieved that photo of him having dinner with Song Ying, and asked him softly: "Luan Nian, have I ever asked you why you were eating dinner with another woman? No. Have I ever asked you why rumors about you two are all over the company? No. Do you know why I didn't ask you? Because I trusted you! Because I felt that even if we're in a relationship, we should both maintain an independent social circle and comfort zone—isn't that what you taught me in the past?! How did it come to this today, where comforting my friend gets such a massive label slapped onto me by you?! Must we cut off all interactions with any member of the opposite sex just because we're together?"

Luan Nian looked at that photo, then looked at Shang Zhitao: "It's good that you didn't ask. Do you know what the answer would have been if you had?"

"You can tell me the answer now."

"The truth might be very hurtful. The answer is that I admire her, and I'm willing to work with her. Even having dinner together after work, I don't feel like it's a waste of time."

Shang Zhitao remained quiet for a long time. This answer was something she had known all along. She understood Luan Nian too well; over the past five years, she had watched him, observed him, and tried to read his heart and emotions every single moment.

"I know. Your admiration for her is blatantly obvious. That's just the kind of person you are. I've never been jealous, truly. I also ask you to view my relationship with Sun Yuanzhu rationally. After all, at many agonizing nodes in my life, the people by my side helping me were mostly him, Sun Yu, and Lumi. I hope you understand that no matter how much I love you, I won't give up my friends for you. Nor will I demand that you stop working with Song Ying."

"That equivalent exchange condition was well raised. I hope you remember to keep to it." Luan Nian turned around and walked out the door.

Shang Zhitao didn't try to keep him. The two of them had clearly only spoken the truth, yet the truth was often the hardest to accept. It made her feel utterly foolish.

Still, she walked Luan Nian downstairs, earnestly reminding him: "The meeting starts tomorrow morning at 8:30. Government leaders start work early."

"Alright."

Shang Zhitao grabbed his wrist and said to him softly: "Luan Nian, I know you're angry. So am I. I also know we both need to cool down; after all, neither of us did anything wrong. Drive slowly, and let me know when you reach the hotel, okay?"

Luan Nian walked straight downstairs without turning back. Driving back to the hotel, he spotted Song Ying standing in the lobby: "What's wrong, Yilia?"

"I'm looking at the map hanging here in the hotel." Song Ying studied the map: "Look at these stretching ravines—what do they look like to you?"

"Like a dragon's spine." Without waiting for Luan Nian to reply, she answered herself: "Positioned on this dragon's spine, what kind of article can we craft here? What is the cultural tourism heritage the client truly wants? I think I have the answer."

"I look forward to your answer tomorrow. Good luck."

Luan Nian returned to his room and saw that Shang Zhitao's profile picture remained quiet; she hadn't said anything. This was not the reunion he had anticipated. In three days, he had come to this place twice, covering nearly ten thousand kilometers in total. They should have talked about other things—such as what was delicious here, what scenery was beautiful, or simply snuggling together in her small dwelling for a little while. Instead, what had they talked about? They had talked about how you should feel free to interact with the opposite sex, and so will I; we're both open and honest, and we should trust each other.

This was so fucking ridiculous!

"Luan Nian, how did you know Sun Yuanzhu cried? You came over, didn't you?" It was nearly two in the morning when Shang Zhitao sent him a message.

Luan Nian didn't reply to her. Watching Shang Zhitao's status show she was typing for a long time, only a few words were finally sent: "I want to know why you came?"

"I want to know why you cried that day?"

"Sun Yuanzhu seems to be sick. A family member passed away, his own emotions are off, and he can't eat anything either. I feel very sad. He's a very, very good friend of mine, Luan Nian. I don't want you to misunderstand him, or misunderstand us."

"Mm. Got it."

"So you came that day, didn't you? Why did you come?"

"Because I suddenly missed you very much."